When Does Parental Discipline Cross The Line Into Abuse?

Answered by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Question

What are the Islamic limits on parental discipline, and when does physical harm become impermissible?

Answer

I pray you are well.

The Islamic limits on parental discipline are that it must be beneficial. If there is harm in the discipline, then it becomes impermissible.

Harmful Discipline Is Not Permissible

Constant criticism can itself lead to harm. If a parent continually berates a child with statements such as “You are worthless” or “You will never succeed,” this verbal criticism harms a person.

Children, especially when young, internalize what they are made to feel. If they are made to feel unloved, unworthy, or incapable of success, they will begin to believe it. Such beliefs can limit a person’s potential, and later in life, they may self-sabotage because of what they have internalized.

Someone harmed in this way requires healing.

Physical Harm and Marks Are Haram

Physical disciplining becomes haram if it results in bruises, marks, or any other physical effects. Even bruising, which does not take much for a child, is impermissible.

I once witnessed a child who became frightened at a teacher’s sudden movement, indicating that the child was accustomed to being struck. This is a horrible state, reflecting the harm caused by such treatment.

Beating a child until there are marks, bruises, or worse is haram.

Discipline Must Not Be Venting Anger

In many cases, when parents strike their children, it is not in the child’s best interest. Instead, it is the parent venting their own frustration and anger. This is not discipline; it teaches the child the wrong thing.

Parents who act in this way set their children up for failure.

Using sticks, belts, or anything similar is not the correct approach.

Better Ways of Discipline

There are other ways to discipline children, especially when they are young. For example:

• Limiting their freedom briefly, such as having them sit on a step
• Restricting access to screens or devices
• Setting clear limitations and following through consistently

A common mistake is that parents issue extreme punishments in the moment, then feel guilty and give in. This teaches children that they can do what they want and eventually get away with it.

Over time, children may learn to manipulate patterns that parents themselves have created.

The Goal Is Growth, Not Harm

The purpose of parental discipline is to help children grow and become the best they can be.

You do not see someone who grows bonsai trees taking a large knife and slashing at a branch because it is growing the wrong way. Instead, it is trimmed carefully and pruned. Discipline is similar: it is meant to guide and nurture, not to harm.

Parents must know their child. Some children, if pushed too hard, may rebel, which harms both them and their parents. Others may withdraw inwardly, suffering more serious internal damage.

A Balanced Environment

The best environment is one where parents show love and affection while also setting boundaries:

• This is right
• This is wrong
• You can do this
• You cannot do this

Small, consistent punishments may be used when required, such as sitting on a step or losing screen time for the day.

The point is never to scar a child emotionally or physically, but to teach acceptable bounds and that actions have consequences in life, in deen, and in everything.

At the same time, parents should not become harsh, waiting only to punish.

And Allah knows best.
[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began studying Arabic Grammar and Morphology whilst studying for a degree in English and History. After graduating, He traveled to Damascus and studied Arabic, Hanafi Fiqh, Usul al-Fiqh, Theology, and Logic with Shaykh Adnan Darwish, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahman Arjan al-Binsawi, Shaykh Husayn Darwish, Shaykh Muhammad Darwish, the late Shaykh Rashad Shams, and others. He then moved to Amman to continue his studies in those fields, as well as in Tafsir, Quranic Sciences, Hadith Methodology and Commentary, Prophetic Biography, Prophetic Perfections and Traits, Rhetoric, Arabic Literature, and Tajwid. His teachers include Shaykh Ali Hani, Dr. Hamza al-Bakri, Dr Salah Abu al-Hajj, Dr Mansur Abu Zina, Shaykh Ahmad Hasanat, Shaykh Ahmad Jammal, and others.