Question: I am currently in a relationship with a girl. I have never had lust or urges for fornication towards her. I know that I am in a haram relationship, but why does Allah make it last this long? Does this mean that He is blessing this relationship or that he wants me to end it?
Answer: Assalamu alaykum brother.
Thank you for your question. I am very pleased to see that you have not fornicated with your girlfriend, so you should quit while you are ahead.
Allah’s actions or yours?
Allah has not made your impermissible relationship last this long, you have. Allah is not to be blamed for any kind of sin committed by man, rather, we say that all of our good deeds come from Him and bad deeds come from ourselves.
The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “After me, I have not left any trial more severe to men than women” [Bukhari].
I can tell you first that Allah does not bless any illegal relationship. Having a girlfriend is lust and nothing else. You must be a man and make a decision about what you want to do. True strength and good character lie in calming your rage and fighting your lust.
Pray Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance and ask Allah what you should do. Should you marry this girl or leave her? Continuing this haram relationship is not an option. I recommend that you stay away from her for a month or two while you clear your head and pray istikhara. Thereafter, you can go straight to her parents and propose. I am sure she has had plenty of time to think about it.
Before you even look at her as a prospective bride, consider this hadith. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!” [Bukhari and Muslim]. She may not be the right type of wife for you.
Or forget about her
If your istikhara comes out negative, and marriage does not work out, repent to Allah and move on. It won’t be easy, but when you get emotionally attached to one another, it’s never easy. Tell her that you respect her too much to get this close and that it’s time to think about your future and hers. Nothing good will come from having a girlfriend.
May Allah bless you both and give you the best of both worlds.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.