Will I Be Sinful for Not Maintaining Ties with My Mother If My Father Forbids Me from It?
Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel
Question
If I choose to live with my father to complete my medical education, but he forbids me from speaking to my mother until I visit her once every year or two, will I be sinful for not maintaining contact with her during that time? I cannot afford to stay with my mother and continue my studies.
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
I pray you are in good faith and health. Thank you for your question. You are torn between maintaining parental obedience and ties and your future.
Don’t let guilt overwhelm you — you’re not choosing between good and evil; you’re facing two difficult sacrifices. Continue your studies. Keep in contact with your mother in as discreet, safe ways as possible, especially through video calls, so that you can see each other.
At the same time, work with your father with wisdom and love to give you permission to maintain the relationship as normally as possible, and maybe even plan for frequent visits if possible. When you gain independence, restore the relationship fully with your mother, and Allah will reward your patience. Keep both parents in your duas.
Honoring Your Mother, Then Your Father
Islam emphasizes the importance of the mother. Completely cutting her off, even if pressured by your father, is not justified.
Abu Hurayra reported: A man asked the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace), “Who is most deserving of my good company?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked, “Then who?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked again, “Then who?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked again, “Then who?” The Prophet said, “Your father.” [Bukhari; Muslim]
I would like you to read through the valuable answers and links below. In sha Allah, you will receive guidance and direction.
Related
- How Can I Help My Mother Despite My Abusive Father?
- Should I Listen to My Father or Mother When They Tell Me …
Why not begin your search for knowledge by signing up for a course on SeekersAcademy (seekersguidance.org), like from the Islamic Studies Curriculum (seekersguidance.org), and build your way up, doing each course?
I pray this helps with your question.
Wassalam,
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Mawlana Ilyas Patel has received a traditional education in various countries. He started his schooling in the UK and completed his hifz of the Quran in India. After that, he joined an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied secular and Aalimiyya sciences. Later, he traveled to Karachi, Pakistan, and other Middle Eastern countries to further his education. Mawlana has served as an Imam in the Republic of Ireland for several years and taught the Quran and other Islamic sciences to both children and adults. He also worked as a teacher and librarian at a local Islamic seminary in the UK for 12 years. Presently, he lives in the UK with his wife and is interested in books and gardening.
