How Did the Prophet Deal with His Wives?

Question:

How it is possible that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) was intimate with Aisha, a girl that too young to have sexual relations?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) never acted upon selfish motives and never did anything to physically or psychologically damage his wives. He was a source of comfort and security for all those around him. The Qur’an describes him as a “mercy to all realms of being.” [Qur’an 21: 7]

If we fully understand this, what age Aisha (Allah be well pleased with her) was when she was first intimate with her husband, being sexual intercourse itself or anything else, is irrelevant.

 

For a detailed answer, please see:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CxuLW8wN-Q
https://yaqeeninstitute.org/faraz-malik/the-age-of-aisha-ra-rejecting-historical-revisionism-and-modernist-presumptions
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gDTh-6X9vo

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language.

Why Do People Encourage the Marriage of Young People When They Are Not Mature Enough?

Question:

Why is marrying off a child halal just after they hit puberty?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I believe that there is no right answer to this question, and I know for a fact that many a young person is ready for marriage while many an older person is not.

 

Halal To Marry Young

It is permissible for a pubescent person to marry because it would not be fair to tell a teenager that he is not allowed to marry when sexual desires come with puberty. Allah has decreed an outlet for the way that He created us; this is the very core of justice and wisdom. A young person is certainly not forced to marry, but if a young girl’s father was to do so, it is because Allah gave him the right for a good reason. I am sure you can fathom many good reasons for a man to want his daughter taken care of, reasons that span all times and places.

 

Science

Islam does not reject science for the advances and explanations that it gives us, but it certainly does not base its rulings on it. Rulings are based on primary texts; Qur’an and Hadith. The job of the mujtahid imams was to take these into consideration, along with ‘urf, the customs of the land, to best summarize how our Creator and His messenger, Allah bless him and grant him peace, wanted us to live. We know from the Qu’ran that our religion is complete and perfect, and we must trust in this and believe it even if we don’t fully understand it.

Allah, Most High, says, “Today I have perfected your religion for you, completed My blessing upon you, and chosen as your religion Islam: [total devotion to God]“ [Qu’ran, 5:3]

Please see this link as well:
https://seekersguidance.org/show/80-how-do-we-view-science-in-light-of-the-quran-islam-faq-shaykh-faraz-rabbani/

 

Customs

As for deciding what is the right age for marriage, it is not possible. Everyone is created differently, each one of us from a different era, culture, family, and upbringing. I have seen ten-year-olds in the East that know how to fully run a home and work in their parent’s shop all day, while I have seen other ten-year-olds who know nothing but how to rot in front of a screen.

The permissibility of marriage at a young age is a mercy, not a mistake. However, I encourage all people, old and young, to learn their religion, get a good education or skill set that will help them in the world, fulfill their obligations towards others, purify their hearts, and refine their character, with which they can serve the Ummah of Muhammad, Allah bless him and grant him peace. May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

What Can I Do If My Parents Will Not Let Me Marry My Brother-in-Law’s Brother?

Question: 

What should I do if my parents will not let me marry my brother-in-law’s brother?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you are going through this frustration with your parents. It is heartbreaking, but I assure you that you will get through this, by the grace of Allah, Most High.

 

Appeal

Appeal to your parents’ wishes for you to be happy and communicate with them gently and politely. Give them time if they need it. Get your sister involved to help convince them, and if they listen to no one, get an elder or imam to talk to them. Also, perhaps the young man can come over and officially propose. This will force them to reconsider and finalize how they feel. You will need to procure their permission in order to marry him, so do not try to rush it or be rude in the process. Your father is essentially trying to protect you and wishes for the best for you.

 

Istikhara

Pray istikhara, and see if this man is really the best for you. Have you picked him based on his religion, or is it simply lust? Six years is a long time to plan to marry someone without telling your parents. If there was an illicit relationship, you will need to repent for it and then submit to what Allah has planned for you. Tell your suitor to pray istikhara as well, and if it is positive, you will both have to convince your parents. Please remember that you can only push them so far, and if you cannot, you must part ways.

 

Ease After Difficulty

Remember that after every difficulty there is ease, as Allah, Most High, has told us in His book, and that no matter what pain and hardship you go through now, it will just make you stronger and better. Always beware of your emotions because the Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “Your love for a thing causes blindness and deafness.“ [Abu Dawud] May Allah give you the best of this world and the next bless your union with whomever it may be.

 

Please See:

https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/obeying-parents-in-matters-of-marriage/

https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/marriage-dealing-with-parents/

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Is It Sinful To Avoid Marrying a Westerner Because I Do Not Want To Live in the West?

Question:

I have received marriage proposals from men in the US and Canada, but I am not keen on moving to these countries as I have been brought up in a Muslim country and practice shar’i hijab. The common things in these countries such as open LGBTQ make me feel depressed to think of moving there. My iman remains at its best when I am in an Islamic environment. Am I sinful for omitting these countries in my search for a pious spouse? Should I not limit myself?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for wanting, first, what is best for your religion and making that your priority. If everyone did this before they marry, there would be much fewer problems in the world.

It is absolutely not sinful for you to only consider suitors who want to stay in the East. Having lived in the East myself I can agree that it is wonderful for one’s faith and that you will find certain aspects of the Islamic lifestyle that just cannot be found in the West. That being said, I also respect and understand those Muslims who say that their faith and identity is stronger in the West because of da’wah (calling others to Islam), etc.

You should get in the habit to pray istikhara about any serious suitor and if Allah really wants you to live in the West, he will make it plain to you, through whichever means He chooses. The most important thing is that you submit to what comes your way and accept what is written for you. May Allah give you the best of this world and the next and bless your union with whomever it may be.

https://islamqa.org/hanafi/askimam/29360

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Will I Go to Hell for Not Marrying?

Question:
Will I go to Hell for not marrying?
Answer:
Dear questioner,
May Allah bless you and increase you in good.
Going to Hell or Heaven is not merely in one action. It can be, but this is not how we should look at matters.
The Ruling of Marriage 
In general, Marriage is a sunna. Meaning it is our Prophet’s practice (Allah bless him and give him peace); if one intends to follow him in it, this is good and rewarded.

The Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Marriage is part of my sunna, and whoever does not follow my sunna has nothing to do with me. Get married, for I will boast of your great numbers before the nations. Whoever has the means, let him get married, and whoever does not, then he should fast for it will diminish his desire.”

 

Sin and Repentance 
Any sin you commit, you must make ask for forgiveness for that wrong. Afterwards, believe that Allah has accepted your repentance. Never look at any sin as being the sole reason you are going to Hell.
“The one who repents from sin is like the one who never committed it.” [Ibn Majah]
Remember that it doesn’t mean you are going to Hell; it means you need to repent and then move on with life.
See this answer on staying single for some more details;
[Imam] Yama Niazi
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Is It Permissible To Call Off a Wedding (Nikah) After Having Set the Date?

Question:

Is calling off a nikah permissible after choosing a date due to discontentment and lack of love?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question.

 

Istikhara

It is permissible to call off a nikah, anytime before the wedding, but feelings are very delicate at this time. Pray istikhara always before committing to this big decision, and use the Prophetic standards for choosing a spouse. If you are still unsure, pray istikhara again before finalizing your decision. See the following links to help you take the right steps:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/marriage-and-divorce/look-marrying-somone-deen/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/important-traits-to-look-for-in-a-prospective-spouse/

 

Lack of Love

Not feeling love is not really a reason for walking away from a wedding because Allah puts love in the hearts of the couple after a wedding takes place. Before the wedding, you simply base your decision on her beauty, family, wealth, and most importantly, her religion. You should sit and talk with her some in order to learn about her personality, and if you still have a bad feeling, especially after your istikhara, you should leave now before you break her heart any further. May Allah give you the best of this world and the next and bless your union with whomever it may be.

Please See:

https://dev.seekersguidance.org/answers/marriage-and-divorce/can-stop-engagement-unsure/

[Ustadh] Shazia Ahmad

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Is It a Sin for Not Being Able To Afford a Proper Hospital Birth for My Wife and Deliver the Child Myself?

Question:

If one cannot afford to give his wife a birth in the hospital and neither a midwife to help her, and all he is able to do with his means is to learn himself how to be the so-called “midwife”, would this man be forgiven for not being able to pay for medical bills for his wife?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I commend you for doing your best with your family and for being concerned with your wife’s rights over you. Allah provides in whichever way He wills, and I admire your submission to His will.

 

Options

It is obligatory to pay for the medical expenditures connected to childbirth for your wife, although other medical fees are not obligatory to pay. [Reliance of the Traveller, m11.4]  If I were in your position, I would consider getting medical insurance, taking a loan, or speaking to someone at your local mosque to discuss acquiring a charitable donation for the cause. There are many routes to take before trying to deliver the baby yourself, which can be risky. I might even approach a doctor or midwife from the community and ask them to deliver your wife’s baby in exchange for a skill or service that you might provide.

As long as you are trying your best for your wife and exhausting every resource, you will not be sinning. By His grace, you will be rewarded eternally for your intention and sincerity; may Allah bless you all with the best of this world and the next.

Please see the details here:
https://islamqa.org/shafii/qibla-shafii/33410

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Is It Permissible To Meet a Potential Suitor in a Public Place Without a Chaperone?

Question:

Would it be permissible to meet a potential spouse in a public place to find out compatibility, of course without any touching, flirting, or inappropriate behavior?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for being concerned about your religion and for fearing Allah in this important matter.

It is permissible for a couple to meet in a public place to discuss marriage, and the most important criteria here is ‘urf, the custom of the land.  It may be seen as inappropriate for a young man and woman to meet outside if they come from a conservative family that is very traditional, while it would be seen as perfectly fine for, say, two working professionals who are in their thirties or even divorced, to meet and talk in a public place.

I recommend that any young suitor or maiden in this position use their discretion and good judgment and get the permission of the girl’s father in any case. Keep in mind that if a couple wants to discuss things alone, there are many ways to do it. A couple may sit in the living room, while the parents converse in the kitchen, or the couple may sit in the backyard, while the family remains inside. Please see the following link and may Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

https://seekersguidance.org/answers/marriage/meeting-with-a-potential-suitor-in-public/

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

How Do I Clear Things Up With a Previous Prospective Spouse?

Question:

How do I clear things up with a previous prospective spouse?

Answer:

Wa ‘alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.

I pray you are well.

You can simply send a short, clear message apologizing for any actions or words on your part you feel was inappropriate. After that, you can leave the matter.

People disagree all the time, and it takes a lot to admit when you have been wrong. Hopefully, this person will see this and be inspired to forgive you if you did anything wrong.

Ask Allah to grant you and him spouses who are good for your deen, dunya, and akhira, and then move one. Dwelling on the matter will not help.

May Allah facilitate all matters for you.

[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim Reasat

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic. He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Quranic recital and he was able to study an extensive curriculum of Quranic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence.

Do Women Have To Wear New Clothes After Marriage?

Question:

Women are encouraged to wear new clothes after marriage and to have a new wardrobe for after marriage. Is that a cultural practice, or is there something similar advised in Islam?

Answer:

Wa ‘alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.

I pray you are well.

I do not know of any basis behind this. It seems like a cultural practice. There is not a religious ruling behind this.

Perhaps it is a means to encourage the newly-weds to make an effort for each other in order to promote a good, healthy marriage. Spouses are the people you have the most intimate relationship with, and therefore, they are deserving of good treatment.

Every good action is rewarded. Even “a good comment” is charity. [Bukhari]

May Allah grant you the best of both worlds.

[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic. He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Quranic recital and he was able to study an extensive curriculum of Quranic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence.