The Intentions of Marriage – Shaykh Ali bin Abu Bakr al-Sakran

The following are intentions one should have when entering into marriage. The intentions were composed by the great Shaykh, the ‘Arif of Allah, ‘Ali bin Abi-Bakr as-Sakran, may Allah shower them both with mercy.

I intend to enter into this marriage and take this wife (or husband) for the love of Allah ‘Azza-wa-Jall and to have children so that the human race shall continue. I also intend [to enter this marriage] for the love of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, so that he may take pride in it, as he said: “Marry and increase in numbers, as I will take pride in you before other nations on the Day of Judgement.”

I have intended in this marriage—and all the actions and words that come from it—to be blessed by the prayer of a pious child; or for his intercession if he dies young before me. I have intended by this marriage to protect myself from Satan, by breaking the desire, [and thus] breaking the temptations of Satan, to lower the gaze, and reduce the Wiswas (withdrawing whisperer). I have also intended to protect my private parts from lewdness (illegal intercourse).

I have intended in this marriage the amusement of the self and to bring joy to it through by companionship (with my spouse); looking, and playing freely and to bring comfort to the heart and strengthening it for worship.

I have intended in this marriage the relief of the nafs and cherish it through companionship, the pleasure that comes through gazing at one’s spouse, mutual foreplay, the repose that floods the heart and strengthening it for worshiping.

I have intended by it, the relieving of the heart from the worries of housekeeping, cooking, sweeping, making the bed, cleaning the dishes and taking care of lively duties.

I have intended by this marriage, to struggle with the nafs and to train it ‘through care and guardianship’, to fulfill the rights of the family and to be patient with their characters, to endure the harm that comes from them, to work towards making them good, to guide them to the religious path, to struggle to seek lawful earnings for them, to command them to discipline the children by also asking from Allah for it and success for his sake and to drop between his hands and to show the excessive need towards Him in gaining it. I have intended all the previous for Allah Almighty.

I have intended all the previous and more from whatever I control, say and do in this marriage for Allah Almighty.

I have intended in this marriage whatever Your righteous servants and Your acting scholars have intended.

Allahumma, give us success as you have given them, help us as you have helped them. Overlook our shortcomings, accept [this] from us and do not entrust us to ourselves, even for the blink of an eye. Make good for us, all of the previous, by Your Grace and Generosity in good and in good health.

Allahumma, forgive us and have mercy upon us, be content with us and accept from us. Enter us into paradise and save us from the hell fire and make good all of our affairs. Allahumma, grant me in everything—in this marriage and all of my affairs—Your Help, Blessing and Peace. Protect me from preoccupying myself with other than You and do not put obstacles between me and Your obedience and make this marriage sufficient and virtuous for me. Allahumma, I—my moments of movement and stillness—am entrusted to You, so protect me; wherever I happen to be, take my affairs as You have taken the affairs of Your pious servants.

Allahumma, help us, together with our parents, children, spouses, our Shuyukh, our brothers, all our relatives, all those who come from the same womb as us, all those who have rights over us, and those who have the minimum of rights over us. Allahumma, assist me in remembrance of You, gratitude towards You and excellence in You worship, O Lord of the Worlds. Allahumma, guide us and grant us success, O Lord of the Worlds. Allahumma, make us live this life by Your Book and the Sunnah, O the One who is Majestic and Noble. Allahumma, we ask you by that which is accepted from us and by whatever brought us closer to You. Ameen. And send blessings and salutations, by Your Majesty, to the most noble of all envoys, Muhammad the seal of all prophets, his family and companions. And all praise is to Allah Lord of the Worlds.

Allahumma Ameen.

 

With thanks to “Kitab an-niyat كتاب النيات (book of intentions)” by Al Habib Muhammad bin A’lawi al-A’idarus (Sa’d)

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Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered in this comprehensive reader.

Cover photo by Azlan DuPree.

Is Marriage Haram For Some People? by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

At a recent dinner invitation, I noticed that most of those present had business relationships with each other. I feared that if there wasn’t some radical intervention, the conversation would center on things like guerrilla marketing and such—not my cup of tea. So I decided to say something radical, hoping to shift the flow of conversation to human relationships instead. I said, “You know, I think that it is haram for many people to marry.”

Heads turned very fast. Some asked me whether I’d lost my mind. Others simply asked me what I meant.

I wasn’t joking, I said. No, I was very serious.

Many people fall into sin by marrying.

Why? Because they enter marriage without understanding the serious responsibility that marriage entails. Then they fail to fulfill their duty as husband or wife, and end up wronging their spouse. Such failure is sinful, even if one’s spouse is similarly remiss.

This returns to an important principle in the Shari‘a that hurting another is worse than hurting oneself. In fact, you have the full right to hurt yourself—in effect, you have the right to go to Hell, if you so wish. However, you have absolutely no right to hurt another—whether materially, emotionally, or in any other way. In marriages, spouses do amazing things to hurt each other, both directly and indirectly—through remissness in fulfilling their rights; and through simple inability to maintain a healthy marital relationship.

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So, what can be done about it?

The answer to this returns to individuals, parents, and society at large. As individuals, we have to develop an understanding of the keys to healthy human relationships in general and healthy marriages in particular—before and after marriage. Parents have to inculcate an understanding in their children, especially in the later teen years and after, of good character, of taking the rights of others seriously, and of how to maintain strong relationships. With that, as parents we ourselves have a duty to be examples of successful marital life for our children. In society, we have a communal responsibility to raise awareness of what is needed to make marriages work—practical manner, not just through yet more lecturing on “The Importance of Early Marriage,” because early marriage without sufficient preparedness is as likely to fail as late marriage, if not more.

We need to train our community leaders, imams, and activists in marriage counseling. Seminars and programs must be held within the community for those seeking to get married and for those married. Trained counseling and suitable literature needs should be made available in accessible ways for those married, especially for those having trouble in their marriages.

There Is Help Out There

People have to be made aware of the (often many) resources available in the wider society on marriage. Often, Muslims are wary of going outside the community for counseling (and yet fail to find capable counseling within the community). We need develop lists of reliable counseling services—services that uphold the core marital values Muslims hold dear (and which they fear for when seeking outside counseling). Likewise, there is a lot of good literature on marriage that those marrying and married should seriously consider reading.

As Dr. Ibrahim Kreps and other leading Muslim counselors concur, one of the very best books on marriage is John Gottman’s The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. This or similar books give practical guidance on improving marriage relationships in our times.

With this, as Muslims we have to look at the radiant example of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) himself. He reminded us that, “The best of you are those best to their spouses, and I am the best of you to their spouse” (Tirmidhi, on the authority of ‘A’isha, God be pleased with her)). We should look regularly and with reflection at the life and example of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), as these give us beautiful examples and clear principles on how to have a successful marriage built on the Qur’anic paradigm of love and mercy, and of striving to live together with a mutual commitment to excellence in dealings.

Originally published in Islamica Magazine

 

Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered in this comprehensive reader.