Am I Sinful for Cutting Off My Abusive Father to Protect My Mother and Me?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

My father is cruel, unjust, abusive and a narcissist. He has abused my mother, kicking her out of the house often, swearing, screaming and insulting us daily, took everything from us and threatened us.

I didn’t want to live anymore and my mum was dying mentally. Then I moved out with her. Am I still obligated to him? I am worried about being punished for moving out.

Answer

Thank you for your question. You are not sinful for cutting off your father to protect yourself and your mother, rather, you would be rewarded for this.

Ties of Kinship

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:

“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should maintain the ties of kinship.” [Bukhari]

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:

“The one who severs ties of kinship will not enter Paradise.” [Bukhari; Muslim]

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

“The most quickly rewarded of good deeds are kindness and upholding the ties of kinship, and the most quickly punished evil deeds are injustice and severing the ties of kinship.” [Ibn Maja]

‘Aisha reported that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

“Kinship (rahim) is derived from Allah. If anyone maintains ties of kinship, Allah maintains ties with him. If anyone cuts them off, Allah cuts him off.” [Bukhari]

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

“Learn enough about your lineage to facilitate keeping your ties of kinship. For indeed keeping the ties of kinship encourages affection among the relatives, increases the wealth, and increases the lifespan.” [Tirmidhi]

Anas ibn Malik reported that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace,) said,

“Anyone who wants to have his provision expanded and his term of life prolonged should maintain ties of kinship.” [Bukhari]

And Allah Most High has told us in the Quran,

“People, be mindful of your Lord, who created you from a single soul, and from it created its mate, and from the pair of them spread countless men and women far and wide; be mindful of God, in whose name you make requests of one another. Beware of severing the ties of kinship: God is always watching over you. [Quran, 4:1]

Father

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

“May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced, whose parents, one or both, attain old age during his lifetime, and he does not enter Janna (by being dutiful to them).” [Muslim]

I would be remiss if I told you that you owe your father nothing. As a son, your connection to him will last until death. You must protect yourself and your mother from him and heal from the trauma first though. I encourage you to gain independence, healing and peace and plan to forgive him when you are ready. In the future, when you feel safe, you might start messaging him on the two Eids and keep minimal contact.

Supplication of the Oppressed

Turn to Allah with regular prayer, read and reflect on the Quran and make abundant supplication, especially at tahajjud time. Ask Allah to help you forgive him when you feel ready. Remember that the dua of the victim of abuse is very powerful.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

“There are three whose supplication is not rejected: The fasting person when he breaks his fast, the just leader, and the supplication of the oppressed person; Allah raises it above the clouds and opens the gates of heaven to it. And the Lord says: ‘By My might, I shall surely aid you, even if it should be after a while.’” [Tirmidhi]

Please see more details here:

• Is It Permissible to Cut Ties with a Violent Father?
• Will Allah Hate Me for Cutting Off My Toxic Mother in Order To Protect Myself?
• Can I Cut Ties with My Stingy, Irresponsible, and Horrible Father?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.