How Can I Be Close to My Adopted Father Since I Was Not Breastfed?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
As a convert who was adopted and not breastfed, how can I maintain a close relationship with my adopted father in a way that is permissible in Islam?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I commend you for seeking to uphold both your Islam and your relationship with your adopted father.
Orphan
Sahl bin Sa‘d (Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“I will be like this in Paradise with the person who takes care of an orphan.” The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) raised his forefinger and middle finger by way of illustration. [Bukhari]
Encourage your father first by telling him that he has done a great thing according to our religion and according to humanity. However, once a person reaches puberty, and even a bit before that, non-mahram rules apply between unrelated men and women. Since your adopted father is not your biological father and you were not breastfed by his wife (which would have established a mahram relationship), he is not a mahram to you. Rules of not being alone with him, covering in front of him, and not touching his skin would apply. It would be useful to have an open conversation about these laws so he doesn’t get hurt or surprised by your behaviour.
Honour Him
That being said, you can honour him and treat him with kindness. Serve him, be generous with him and care for him when he is sick or in need. Call him or message him to check up on him. Run errands for him. Keep in mind that you cannot inherit from him unless it is from his bequest (wasiyya of one-third of his wealth). Pray to Allah to guide him to Islam as that is the greatest gift he can be given in this world.
Please see more details here:
- I Am a Convert and Live With My Adopted Parents. What Are My Obligations to Them?
- Can I Perform ‘Umra With My Foster Father?
- Can I Treat My Adopted Parents As My Real Parents?
- Is It Permissible To Treat an Adopted Daughter Like a Real Daughter?
- When Is Adoption Allowed, and What Are the Conditions?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
