Is It Better to Let My Baby Cry So I Can Fulfill My Husband’s Intimacy?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

If caring for a newborn makes it difficult to fulfill my husband’s intimate needs, is it more virtuous to let the baby cry briefly to meet his needs? Would it have been better to delay having children in such a case?

Answer

Thank you for your question.

We don’t live in a perfect world, and often, people’s needs arise at the same time. Do your best.

Baby

Anas reported God’s Messenger as saying,

“When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity, and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of paradise she wishes.”

It is not a sin to let your baby cry for a bit while you briefly meet his needs. Very often, you will find that you have to let your baby cry when you are doing something brief, like taking a shower, cooking, or cleaning up.

Your husband’s needs are even more important than those. Optimally, try to initiate intimacy with your husband when your child doesn’t need you. It will give you more peace and enjoyment, and you won’t feel burnt out.

Delaying Children

It was narrated that Ma’qil bin Yasar said:

“A man came to the Messenger of Allah and said: ‘I have found a woman who is from a good family and of good status, but she does not bear children, should I marry her?’ He told him not to. Then he came to him a second time and he told him not to (marry her). Then he came to him a third time and he told him not to (marry her), then he said: ‘Marry the one who is fertile and loving, for I will boast of your great numbers.’” [Nasa’i]

Choosing between letting your baby cry or being with your husband is not a reason to delay having children, and it won’t change anything if you do. A husband’s needs are lifelong, and having children earlier or later won’t change that. This is not a perfect world. Our job is to do our best, be patient with what we cannot change, and seek reward from Allah for our sincere efforts.

Please see more details here:

• Balancing Worship and Caring For a New Child
• Intimate relations in the presence of infants
• Keep Calm and Mother On–Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
• Will Certain Etiquettes During Intercourse Shape One’s Future Children?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.