Feeling distant after sin

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Question: When I first converted, I felt really close to Allah. Now that I have sinned I feel distant, even though I have repented? What should I do?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

It is normal to go through spells of feeling distant from Allah. Sometimes when we feel close, we lower our standards, so Allah keeps us coming closer to Him but making us feel that we are far. It hurts but change always hurts.

Just repent, stick to what is permissible, work on key recommended actions like recommended prayers and reciting the Qur’an regularly, and just keep moving. Remember: we don’t worship feelings. We worship Allah.

Please also see:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/islamic-belief/how-do-i-grow-closer-to-allah/
https://seekersguidance.org/articles/hadith-articles/drawing-closer-allah-shaykh-abdal-hakim-murad/
https://seekersguidance.org/articles/prophetic-guidance/ten-steps-to-allah-step-10-supplication/

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

How Do I Deal With Being Put Down and Being Compared to My Beautiful and Fair-Skinned Relatives?

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Question: Recently I went to a family wedding. One of my father’s uncles made me feel so bad. He directly said to my mother and aunt that my cousin is so beautiful and has good character. It hurt me so much because I am not fair-skinned, and he made me feel jealous. I lost all my confidence that day, and I can never forget how he compared me in front of my mother. Those were the worst moments of my life, and my heart was broken. How to deal with this?
Answer:Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you felt bad that day, and I pray that Allah reconciles your heart toward your father’s uncle. Try not to hold a grudge against him, but rather, look inside your heart and prioritize what matters most.

Beauty

Your looks will have absolutely no bearing on you, giving your account to Allah on the Day of Judgment. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Verily Allah does not look to your faces and your wealth, but He looks to your heart and your deeds.“ [Muslim]

Understand that the modern world is obsessed with outward appearance. Still, I encourage you to rise above what does not benefit you and focus instead on your health, religion, and education. Allah doesn’t make mistakes when he creates people, and He perfectly created you. No one can claim otherwise.

Health

Take care of yourself by eating healthy, cutting out junk food, sugar, or even wheat. Take your vitamins, exercise to be strong, and get fresh air daily. Treat this goal as fulfilling your obligation to Allah by giving your body its due right.

Knowledge

Take time to increase your knowledge of religion, as this is a duty upon every Muslim. Filling your heart with love of the Divine and willingness to draw closer to Him is the best means of acquiring inner peace and tranquility. The chattering of those around you will not begin to affect you by the grace of Allah. Work hard in your schooling, develop your skills, and intend to contribute something that is needed to this ummah. You will find that your looks have nothing to do with it.

Light

Strive for light. The true beauty that a Muslim is blessed with, by Allah’s favor, is nur (light) that comes forth from the face. Obey the commands of Allah, for Allah, puts nur on the faces of those who obey and fear Him The recitation of the Qur’an and performing the prayer of tahajjud increases the glow and light on the face. Also, read this du’a for light:
https://islamqa.org/hanafi/qibla-hanafi/36273

Putting up with people

The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “The believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and does not put up with their annoyance.” [Ibn Majah]Limit your interaction with people who purposely put you down and make du’a for those that you are jealous towards. Never let the Devil cause enmity or hate between you and another believer, discard negative thoughts about others, and make dhikr instead. Eventually, the Devil will tire of your devotion and your remembrance of Allah and stop plaguing you with negative thoughts about others. See this link:
https://seekersguidance.org/podcast-feeds/family-society/avoid-envy/May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Doing deeds for Allah

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Assalam alaykum wa rahmatullah
Dear questioner,
May Allah bless you and increase you in good.
Sincerity
Sincerity is essential and a condition for deeds to be accepted by Allah.
” Though all they are ordered to do is worship God alone, sincerely devoting their religion to Him as people of true faith” [Quran 98:5]
Advice
When you begin any action, intend to do that for the sake of Allah. Afterward, if any thoughts come that this is not for Allah or that your good deed lacks proper intention and starts it again, avoid it. That is most likely from the devil attempting to tire you so you can leave good deeds altogether.
You do not need to repeat such deeds. Rather, try to keep good company and have a schedule to learn Islamic law (fiqh), which will help you determine which good deeds may need to be repeated.
One of the great West African scholars, Muhammad Mawlud recommends the following for attaining sincerity when one has thoughts of ostentation;
(1.) Recite surat al Ikhlas 3 times. (2.) recite dua sayyidi istighfar (3.) recite the following dua 3 times in the morning and evening
اللهمَّ إني أعوذُ بك أنْ أُشرِكَ بك و أنا أعلمُ ، و أستغفرُك لما لا أعلمُ
See the following links, which are also beneficial for further reading.
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

 Could I have broken my mother’s marriage by touching her?

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Question:  I read about hurmat musahara. Now I need clarification. If you touch your mother with lust, her marriage will break. But does this also count if you have a lust for someone else whilst you are touching here? Or if you get a random erection (which may happen any time without any certain reason) whilst you contact here? But it is not due to here? I never would think of my mother this way; it’s literally disgusting for me to even think about it. But since I read this, I got waswasa about it.

Answer:

In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

Assalam’aleykum, I pray this finds you in the best of states.

No, in the scenario you have described, your mother’s marriage won’t be broken, even according to the Hanafi school. [Lubab]

Hanafi jurists define the lust you have talked about as getting an erection because of the touching or, if an erection was already there, as having an increase of this erection. [Lubab]

None of this is present in your description. Lust as a feeling is not considered except for impotent or very old men. [Lubab]

More details on this ruling

Hurmat al-musahara is the non-marriageable kinship (mahramiya) created between a person and his spouse’s relatives due to marriage and valid intercourse. Thus, a man who marries a woman and consummates the marriage cannot marry her mother or any daughter from a previous marriage. Similarly, a person cannot marry the wife of his father. The Qur’anic verse affirming the basic idea of hurmat al-musahara is, “Do not marry those [women] whom your fathers married.” (Sura al-Nisa 4:22)

Outside of a marriage context, however, the scholars differ on whether hurmat al-musahara is ever established. In other words, does adultery–fornication or touching–kissing outside of a marriage relationship establish this hurma? The Hanafis say it does (adding specific conditions for touching/kissing), while the Malikis and Shafi‘is say it does not. In other words, if a father-in-law touched his daughter-in-law directly with lust, the marriage between the former’s son and the daughter-in-law would be broken according to Hanafis but not so according to the Malikis or Shafi‘is. [Ibn Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar; al-Shirbini, Mughni al-Muhtaj; al-Dasuqi, Hashiya]

Please see: https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/father-law-kissed-daughter-law/

And Allah knows best.

Wassalam

[Ustadh] Sufyan Qufi

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Is It Permissible for a Man To Give His Home to His Only Son and Ignore His Daughters?

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Question: Is it permissible for a father to give his home to his only son and not divide it among his son and daughters? Is it permissible for a father to love his only son more than his other four daughters who are helping him more than his only son?

Answer: Assalamu alaykum,

Gifts to children

Thank you for your question. A parent is obliged to give gifts equally to his children, male and female, while he is alive, while after a parent’s death, the inheritance is distributed according to the Qur’an. Someone should sit down with him and try to reason with him to give equally among the children, whether by selling the home and splitting the profits or giving the daughters the equivalent in money but not doing anything that will cause discord. Please see the details here:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/estate-division-and-the-sunna-of-equal-treatment-of-children-in-gift-giving/

Communicate

A father should be careful not to love his son more than his daughters, or if he does, then not to show it. A show of excess love can sow discord and disharmony between siblings, contrary to the aims of the shari`ah. I suggest that you find someone to speak to him respectfully and explain the matter to him. The daughters should also not be afraid to speak up because they will resent them if they don’t. As a rule, never get angry, gain knowledge about the subject and bring it up politely, leaving the results in Allah’s hands. See this link for the answer to a similar question:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/transferring-property-to-children-in-ones-lifetime/

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

How Can I Change My Daughter’s Attitude and Convince Her To Start Praying Again?

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Question: My 12-year-old daughter refuses to offer her Salat and recite Qur’an, despite her seeing us fulfill these obligations daily in our household. How can we change her attitude and bring her in line?
Answer:Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your challenge to make your daughter understand the importance of praying and reading the Qur’an. This world has a way to rope teenagers in, with peer pressure and the desire to try new things, be different, and rebel.

I can give you the absolute best possible advice to read this article by Hina Khan-Mukhtar: Parenting: Planting the seeds of prayer in our young ones.

Bond

It is never too late for a person to change, but keep in mind that children who rebel need time. They might find their way back to guidance sooner or perhaps much later. Your job as a parent is to connect with them emotionally and start bonding with them. Spend time together every day, do her favorite things, and don’t bring up the prayer. After this bond is established, your understanding and respect for each other will increase. You need that respect and love as a stepping stone to start speaking to her about her religion. This love and respect for her parents will also enable her to want to spend time with the family.

Good company

Another thing that you should always do is to befriend good religious influential people. Keep them around you and your home. Pray together as a family (without forcing her) and avoid the haram in your home as much as possible. Pray on time, pray tahajjud, cover correctly, pay zakat, don’t consume anything unlawful, and safeguard yourself from backbiting or usury. Take a free course on Seekers to learn your personally obligatory knowledge. These things will ensure that you have barakah in your home no matter what your daughter is doing.

Never give up

Never give up on your du`as and pray the Prayer of Need. Allah hears all that you ask and He will decide what to give your daughter and when. Be patient until then and be kind to her. Also, be grateful that she is not involved in much worse things, like drugs or boys. Please see the links below for more information.

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

How Can I Get Rid of Thoughts of Being With the Same Gender When the Opposite Gender Has Always Harmed Me?

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Question: I’m a teenage girl, and I keep thinking about having a sexual relationship with a woman, and I know it’s haram but are the thoughts haram? I have a fear of men since I was little; every man in my life has given me a bad experience and taken advantage of me even though they’re my family. I get PTSD when I think of men.

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question.  I am so sorry for your pain and suffering, and I pray that you can rid yourself of this great sense of hurt and confusion when it comes to the opposite gender.

Victim

Please understand that you have been a victim, and you are stronger than you think you are. You are better than the people who abused you, and they will be called to a grievous account on Doomsday. Your best step forward is to heal, turn to Allah, increase your knowledge, and have constant remembrance (dhikr) of Him. Contact
a therapist or counselor to help you spell out your emotions and grow from them.

Ask Allah what you need because a victim’s supplications are always heard and answered by Allah’s promise. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “’Beware of the supplication of the oppressed; for indeed there is no barrier between it and Allah.“ [Tirmidhi]

Same-gender

Your thoughts about the same gender are understandable as some research has shown that one’s sexual orientation is affected by being abused as a child. However, I am afraid you cannot continue with these thoughts. Continuous thoughts like this that you don’t discard immediately are usually the first steps to resolve, intention, and sinful action. Please see the details being accountable for thoughts here:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/are-we-held-accountable-for-mere-thoughts-of-sinning-if-we-dont-act-on-our-thoughts/

Ask Allah

Once again, I ask that you contact a therapist or counselor or a mental health expert where you can speak freely and discuss the problem. Although there are many virtuous and pious men out there, I can’t convince you to trust men again unless it comes from your own healed heart. Ask Allah to guide you to the right resources and help you find a way out of this confusion and pain. I am certain that He will send you help and support. May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

https://seekersguidance.org/answers/repentance/sorrow-over-sexual-misdeeds/

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Must I Obey My Father if He Wants Me To Ask Him All of My Fiqh Questions and Not Ask Elsewhere?

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Question: If my father commanded me to ask him concerning any questions I have about the deen, and my father is not a scholar but instead a layman, am I obliged to follow his command considering it will cause a lot of problems, especially as some of my questions may be complicated, or I may be ashamed of? In addition, am I obliged to answer all of my father’s questions in any conversation we have if it will cause many problems to answer those questions? For example, he might ask, why did you do this and tell the truth, knowing that it will cause many problems.

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Learning from those who know

Thank you for your question. It is a Qur’anic injunction to ask those who know, instead of a layman. Allah, Most High, said,  فَاسْأَلُوا أَهْلَ الذِّكْرِ إِن كُنتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ – Ask the people of knowledge if you do not know. [Qur’an, 16:43]

Taking one’s religion from someone other than a scholar of traditional Islam is a mistake and perpetuates falsehood, causing misjudgment and straying from the truth for generations to come. Please take your religious knowledge from reliable scholars who can have learned through a reliable chain of knowledge. You can find such knowledge here at Seekers, in our courses and answers, by the grace of Allah. Consider taking a course on the absolute essentials of fiqh, which is personally obligatory knowledge:

https://seekersguidance.org/courses/absolute-essentials-of-islam-shafii-habshis-encompassing-epistle-explained-getting-started-with-your-belief-and-practice/

Tact

Speaking to your father, you should speak with tact and sometimes withhold details without lying, not to upset him. You are certainly not obliged to tell him all of your reasons and shameful details. However, I encourage you to nurture a relationship of openness, honesty, and trust with your father. It would help if you told him that you want to communicate with him wholeheartedly and hope that he won’t get angry with you. Slowly, over time you’ll see that he’ll become your friend, in sha Allah.

And Allah knows best.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Uncertain about becoming Muslim

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Question: If one is trying to learn about Islam, is it normal to feel uncertain and feel that one could not possibly believe?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

Knowing that Islam is true is easy. Accepting it as an emotional fact can take time.

To know that Islam is true, you can ask yourself two questions very frankly. Given the existence of the universe, it possible that God doesn’t exist? Given the personal qualities of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), is it possible that he was a liar and wasn’t really the last messenger of God?

For me, these are two facts that I cannot get around. Islam is a fact, and that is it.

If you need to read more, listen more, get more exposure to really grasp the facts surrounding these two questions, do so. Get as much information as possible. At the end of the day, your answer to each question will either be a definite yes, or a definite no.

However, emotionally coming to terms with this is the challenge. This is a spiritual and moral jump that each of us has to take when accepting Islam. It is normal to waiver in this decision and to be of two hearts about it. It isn’t an easy decision, and for some of us, it can take time.

‘Has the time not come for those who have believed that their hearts should become humbly submissive at the remembrance of God and what has come down of the truth?’ (Qur’an, 57: 16)

Please also see:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/islamic-belief/how-do-i-enter-islam-i-want-to-become-muslim/
https://www.overcome.tv/

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

Not Excommunicating the Excommunicators

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Question: Are militant extremist Muslims who label other Muslims as disbelievers still themselves Muslims?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

Yes, even militant extremist Muslims who label other Muslims as disbelievers and who commit terrorist atrocities in the name of Islam are still Muslims.

A hallmark of moderate Sunni Islam is that we do not excommunicate (label as a disbeliever) those who label us as disbelievers. As long as they do not outright reject the Qur’an and Sunna, then they are believers. They may be bad, they may be ignorant, they may be great sinners, but they are still considered Muslims.

Because of this, if they die, they are still prayed over, and if their families still inherit their wealth.

For more information about how traditional Sunni Islamic views Islamic extremism, please see:
https://seekersguidance.org/articles/general-artices/defending-the-transgressed-mudafi-al-mazlum-by-shaykh-muhammad-afifi-al-akiti/
https://seekersguidance.org/articles/general-artices/modern-extremist/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/djihad-and-terrorism/can-termed-jihad/

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years, he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language.