Will Certain Etiquettes During Intercourse Shape One’s Future Children?

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Question: 1. Is it true that if a couple talks during intimacy, their child will be born deaf or dumb? 2. Is it true that if a man looks at the private part of his wife during intercourse,  it will weaken the eyesight and memory of the husband? Or will the child have a vision problem? Or will the child be born to be immodest? 3. Can you help me understand this hadith: “When one of you goes in unto his wife, let him be covered, for if he is not covered, the angels feel shy and depart, then if they have a child, the Shayţān will have a share of him.” [al-Tabarānī in al-Mu’jam al-Awsaţ] 4. it is permissible for a male (married or unmarried) to do exercises where he touches his private part to increase its size? Is there any leniency regarding this provided he takes measures to avoid falling into sin?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. First, I want to commend you for openly asking about these bedroom issues. One should not be too shy to ask such things for this is the only way to attain correct knowledge in order to practice it and keep away from sin.

Speaking and looking at the wife during intercourse

1-2. The answer to your first two questions is no, these are simply myths or old wive’s tales.

Hadith about covering oneself

3. The hadith that you mention is weak, so one cannot derive a ruling of lawful or unlawful from this. Please see Shaykh Faraz’s advice on modesty during intercourse at this link:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/allowed-completely-naked-intercourse/

Exercises to increase the size

4. It is not permissible for a man to touch his private part if it will cause an ejaculation. A man should not waste his time doing this nor be preoccupied with thinking about the size of his private part. A man’s private part has nothing to do with how much he can please his wife.

Skills first, not the size

Rather, he should focus on being attentive and learning skills (in having her reach the climax) more than his size. Foreplay is key and the precursor to this is having a loving, kind marriage with mutual friendship and understanding.

May Allah bless your marriage and progeny and give you success and happiness in this world and the next.

Please see this link as well:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/sexual-practices-permissible-islam/

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

My Husband Impregnated Another Woman

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Question: I have been married for three and a half years and have no children. My husband has committed zina behind my back for over 2 years. Now the woman has said that she is pregnant with his child. He is slightly doubtful as we don’t have children and are not using contraception. He has asked for DNA testing and is getting himself tested too to ensure everything is OK with his fertility. What is the ruling in Islam? Should he marry the woman?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. Your husband is not fit to be a husband or father because he committed adultery and has done it for so long.

His marriage to her will make the child legitimate

There is no obligation on your husband to marry this girl. However, if he decides to, the child will be called his and will grow up with a father and not as an illegitimate child. It says in the Reliance of the Traveller, “The husband of a woman who bears a child (0: no matter whether his marriage to her is valid or invalid) is considered to be the child’s father whenever it is (N: legally) possible that the child could be his, meaning that:
(a) the woman gave birth to the child six months plus a moment after the marriage agreement;…“[n10.2].

This means that your husband should marry her immediately, so that they are married for at least 6 months of her pregnancy, in order to be called the father of the child. Your husband would have been wise to do a nikah with this woman before he slept with her.

If he doesn’t marry her

If he does not marry her, then he should provide financial support for the illegitimate child, just out of moral principle. Regardless, you must decide whether to stay with a non-Godfearing man or leave him for his unfaithfulness which is valid grounds for divorce.

I pray that this situation is resolved and that you grow closer to Allah through this painful experience. It may be a blessing that you did not have a child with him, perhaps you are destined to have a family with someone else. Please pray istikhara and talk to your husband about the future of your relationship. I pray for success for both of you.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

 

What is the Ruling of Giving One’s Child Two Last Names?

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Question: Assalam Alaykum, Is it permissible for a Muslim mom to give also her last name to her children so that the children have double last name: the last name of the father and the last name of the mother. Is it permissible in Islam to carry both your father’s and mother’s last name?

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate

It is not impermissible to give your child a double last name. This is because the only prohibition in this matter is that the lineage of the child not be altered. If the child’s name were (for example) ‘Abdullah Siraj the son of Zayd Siraj and was changed to ‘Abdullah son of Zubayr. This would be impermissible as this is deception in the lineage.

This is not the case with the modern concept of last names which are frequently family names and not the specific name of the child’s father as was the case in the past.

Hope this helps
Allahu A’alam

[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a graduate from Tarim; a student of Habib Umar and other luminaries; and authorized teachers of the Qur’an and the Islamic sciences.

What Obligations Does a Person Have Towards His Illegitimate Child?

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Question: An individual I know has asked for advice regarding the following situation he is in and has accepted gaining advice from the knowledgable scholars at SeekersGuidance.

Two years ago he made the mistake of having a child outside of wedlock. Please could you outline, if any, obligations that he has to the child outside of wedlock?

Answer:

Assalamu Alaykum

If he had this child with a woman who was not married, he may assert his paternity according to the view of some scholars. The child would then be seen as legitimately the child of the individual in question and would be entitled to all the rights a child is due by his father.

Even if the child is not considered legitimate and has no established lineage to the man in question because he/she was born out of wedlock, if the man knows that this child came into this world as a result of his actions, he should take responsibility for the well-being and proper care of the child as he would a child born in wedlock. This is the moral imperative. The sin of the man does not absolve him of this, and the child in question deserves to have the support of this individual.

[Ustadh] Salman

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Salman Younas was born and raised in New York and graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Political Science and Religious Studies. After studying the Islamic sciences online and with local scholars in New York, Ustadh Salman moved to Amman. There he studies Islamic law, legal methodology, belief, hadith methodology, logic, Arabic, and tafsir. Ustadh Salman’s personal interests include research into the fields of law/legal methodology, hadith, theology, as well as political theory, government, media, and ethics. He is also an avid traveler and book collector. He currently resides in Amman with his wife.

Rights and rulings of an illegitimate child

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Question: In the case of an illegitimate child, who is mahram to him/her, who has to support him, and what rights and obligations does the biological father have?

Short Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

Although a child born out of wedlock is technically not the child of the biological father, as a point of human and Islamic decency he should step up and help both financially and emotionally, where possible.

Fuller Answer:

The bed and the stone

The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, ‘The child will be attributed to the “bed” and the adulterer will receive the stone.’ (Muslim)

The “bed” here means the marital bond, such that the child will be ascribed to the husband of the wife unless he undertakes a public imprecation of her (lian). (Sharh Muslim, Nawawi)

Mahrams

In the case of a married woman committing adultery, the child would be the mahram of the husband of the child’s mother, and the mahram of his relatives. (Again, unless her husband legally disowns the child (lian wa nafy).)

Now if the woman was not married, she and her relatives, children, and future husband would all be mahrams to the child.

Finances

In the case of adultery when the husband does not legally disown the child (lian wa nafy), the husband of the child’s mother would be obliged to support him/her, and he/she will inherit from him. This would apply even after divorce.

Now if the woman was not married, then the child will only be ascribed to her and will have no legal father, so she, or whoever is obliged to support her, would be obliged to support the child. So, for example, if she got married in the future, her husband would then have to support the child.

The child would only inherit from her mother, and not her biological father or new stepfather.

The biological father would in principle have no rights or responsibilities whatsoever. Hence, the stone analogy in the hadith.

Taking some responsibility

When one is old enough to have sex, then one is old enough to take responsibility for one’s actions. Someone who gets a woman pregnant and walks away literally leaving her carrying the baby is extremely inconsiderate.

Being a single mum, no matter what government support this is no easy task. It is emotionally, physically, organisationally, mentally draining, and, for many, financially taxing.

Although it is true that a Sharia court would not oblige the biological father to take any emotional or financial role in the child’s life, there is nothing to say one should not step up and help out someone else in need. This is especially the case when one was the cause of the difficulty placed upon them.

Please also see:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/can-i-claim-a-child-from-an-illicit-relationship/

I pray this helps.

[Shaykh] Farid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle  has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

How Do I Repent From Petty Theft When I Was Young?

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Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question: When my grandma was at home, I used to transfer credit from her phone to mine without telling her. Also, I used my sisters’ stuff, like her creams without asking her and never told her about it. How should I absolve myself?

Answer: Assalamu alaykum,

“The Messenger of Allah said, ‘The pen has been lifted from [documenting and acts of] three particular types of people: someone who is sleeping until he wakes up, a child until he reaches puberty, and an insane person until he regains his sanity’ [Ahmad]. Based on this hadith you are not sinful for having taken the property of others, however, the Shari’ah still demands that their property and financial rights be returned.

To return someone’s property, you would need to return (in order of preference): the same item, an item similar to the stolen item, or its monetary equivalent. In your case you could, for example, give your grandmother a gift of 50$, intending to pay her back, without telling her that. Buying her something that she needs instead, would not suffice. You could give your relatives a new pack of erasers (or stationery set) and a new set of creams or lotions to your sister.

Another option is that you tell your relatives and your sister what you did and ask if they want to be paid back. They might overlook it since they are minor losses or they might not. You should be prepared to pay them back.

As for anything which you cannot recall, Shaykh Abdul-Wahhab al-Sha’rani mentioned in one of his works that one should regularly perform an act of worship and then donate its reward to anyone who he may have wronged in any way; this way he will have something to compensate them with on the Day of Judgement.

[What Should I Do About Thefts Committed During Childhood?]

Repentance is the most important thing here. Be sure to feel remorse, repent for the petty theft and the lying, resolve never to do it again, and return to people their rights.

Say, (O Prophet, that Allah says), “O My servants who have exceeded the limits against their souls! Do not lose hope in Allah’s mercy, for Allah certainly forgives all sins. He is indeed the All-Forgiving, Most Merciful. [Qur`an, 39:53]

What Should I Do About Thefts Committed During Childhood?
How Do I Repent From the Theft I Committed Many Years Ago When I Was a Teenager?
Am I Responsible for Childhood and Adolescent Errors?

May Allah reward you for taking the higher road and changing your ways.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

It Is Permissible to Name a Child Jalal?

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Answered by Ustadh Farid Dingle

Question: It is permissible to name a child Jalal?

Answer: Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner, Thank you for your valued question.

Jalal is not one of Allah’s names such that one would ever say Abd al-Jalal [Slave of the Majesty]. Therefore such a name would not be forbidden.

It would be nicer to say Jalal al-Din [Majesty of the religion of Islam].

Names that discouraged [makruh tanzihan] are names that are ugly (like Dog, War, Ugly), names that are specific to Allah (like King of Kings), names that are too religiously presumptuous or things whose absence is not the sort of (like Good-one). (al-Majmu’ and Sharh Muslim, Nawawi)

These details are all borne out in hadiths in which the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) changed people’s names, such as a woman who was called Asiya (with an Ayn) [Disobedient], and other women who were called Barrah [the Good-one]. (Muslim)

Similarly, the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, ‘The vilest name in Allah’s eyes is King of Kings: there is no kinghood save Allah’s Mighty and Majestic.’ (Muslim)

Given that Jalal [Majesty] is not one of Allah’s names, it does not count as giving someone a name specific to Allah. That said, is it too religiously presumptuous? Or is it something whose absence is not the sort of. I’m not sure. But it doesn’t seem so.

Regardless, this name at worst would be discouraged [makruh tanzihan] and not forbidden.

There are many scholars who had the name Jalal al-Din [The Majesty of the Religion]: Jalal al-Din al-Rumi, Jalal al-Din al-Bulqini, Jalal al-Din al-Mahalli, Jalal al-Din al-Suyuti, to name but a few.

This name would be far superior. And Allah knows best.

For more information, please see:

Is it Permissible to Name Children with Names of Angels?
Can I Name My Baby Girl Inara Mayameen or Inara Al Mayameen?
Naming Children with the Names of Allah

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language.

The Importance of Education in Life

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Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question: My sister has stopped going to school for the last three years. She is too scared to go to school. We tried to contact many scholars but no one could help us. I request you to please help us and tell us what to do.

Answer: Assalamu alaykum,

May Allah reward you for being concerned for your sister. This is a serious matter indeed. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “Seek knowledge from your cradle until your grave.“ Getting an education is something that is necessary for a girl, no matter the age, in order for her to raise a generation of intelligent, devoted believers.

The first thing I would do is take a step back and look at your family’s life as a whole. You must do your best to eliminate the strictly prohibited (haram) and the offensive (makruh) from everything in your family’s life. Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “Verily, this world is cursed and everything in it is cursed. Except for the remembrance of Allah and what is conducive to it, the scholar and the student.” [Tirmidhi] Here are a few examples to follow for your sister and the family:

1) Only eat of the permissible (halal); do not go near unslaughtered meat or any doubtful ingredients in the food you buy.

2) Remove any statues from the home, or pictures of animate beings from the walls and decor, such as birds, butterflies, etc)

3) Be sure that she and everyone else is praying five times a day. No men should be missing the Friday prayer. Everyone should learn or review their personally obligatory knowledge to make sure that their worship is valid. Check to see if you owe any zakat and pay it in full. Also, pay off any debts.

4) She and everyone in the home must read some Qur’an every day, preferably understanding the meaning of a translation.

5) She should be covering herself with hijab when she leaves the home or comes in the company of marriageable (non-mahram) men.

6) She and the rest of the family should reconcile with any enemies or with anyone against whom they are holding grudges.

7) Check for any contraventions of the shari`ah that might be going on.

Once you have begun to apply at least these guidelines above, you can hope that Allah will solve this issue for you. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “Take care of Allah, and He will take care of you.“

Get up in the last third of the night to pray The Prayer Of Need. Ask Allah to forgive you all, ask Him to rectify this problem.

During this period, make sure that she is learning at home, and keeping up to date with her English, Maths, and Islamic Knowledge and Qur’an. https://www.khanacademy.org/ is an excellent website to use.

She should recite all of her sunna du’as when leaving the house, or returning to it when eating, entering or exiting the bathroom, when getting dressed, waking or sleeping, etc. Especially recite the Verse of the Throne (ayah al-kursi) before bed and the last three chapters (surahs) of the Qur’an.

A teacher once told me, “Nothing gets rid of a problem better than charity does“. Give in charity when you can, you can even slaughter an animal to feed the poor. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “Verily, the most beloved of deeds to Allah are the consistent ones, even if only a little.“

I ask that Allah solves this situation for you all and that she return to sound mind and body, capable of helping herself and others.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Is It Permissible for a Woman to Travel Accompanied by Her Young Son?

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Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch

Question: Is it permissible for a woman to travel accompanied by her young son?

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate

Conditions of a Chaperone

It is permissible for you to travel with your 12-year-old son. A woman must travel either with her spouse or non-marriageable kin (mahram) who is trustworthy, mature (i.e. reached puberty), and of sound intellect. The pre-pubescent child is allowed as well, like the mature. [al-Hadiyah al-Alaiyah]

The Age of a Pre-Pubescent Child

A male child is considered pre-pubescent (murahiq) when he reaches 12 years of age. This is because 12 is the earliest age that a boy can reach puberty. [al-Hadiyah al-Alaiyah]

Hope this helps
Allahu A’alam

[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a graduate from Tarim; student of Habib Umar and other luminaries; and authorized teachers of Qur’an and the Islamic sciences.

Waiting Period After A Miscarriage

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Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam

Question: Salams, I was 24weeks pregnant and had a sudden delivery and my baby died. I want to ask how many days should I wait for praying to make my Prayer?

Answer: Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

I’m deeply sorry to hear that your baby passed away shortly after birth. May Allah Most High increase you in steadfastness and facilitate your healing and recovery. Insha’Allah, you shall be reunited with your baby in the next life where you will find an infinite reward for your sincere faith and submission. It’s moving to see somebody so concerned about their relationship with their Lord after such a tragic event.

The blood which exits from the uterus after the birth of a child is legally considered to be lochia (nifas). The maximum period of such bleeding is forty days, but keep an eye on it to see if it stops before then. If it does, you should perform the full, ritual bath (ghusl) and then begin praying your prayers as usual. Similarly, you may fast, recite the Qur’an and engage in other acts of devotion after your bath.

Marital Relations After Childbirth

If you have a lochial habit, that is to say, you have had a child before and the lochia lasted a certain length of time, then it would not be permitted to engage in sexual relations with your spouse until the completion of this period. For example, if your bleeding lasted thirty days last time, and this time it stopped after twenty-five, you would need to avoid such relations until you reach thirty days.

Note that you can still be intimate with your spouse at any point during your lochia, yet without any direct, skin-to-skin contact between your navel and knee.

However, if the bleeding continues and reaches forty complete days, you may not engage in any sexual relations during this time and up to this point, even if your lochial habit finished much earlier. Further, you would consider all blood after your lochial habit to be irregular (istihada). Accordingly, you would need to perform a ritual bath and then make up the prayers from the end of your habit and until day forty, and then continue to consider yourself ritually pure thereafter.

If there are issues in calculation or any other problem arises, it’s worth reaching out to a reliable scholar to ask for assistance.

(Birgivi, Dhukhr al-Muta’ahhilin wa al-Nisa’; Shurunbulali, Maraqi al-Falah, with Tahtawi’s Gloss)

Please also see: How Can I Know the End of My Menstrual Period? and: When to Resume Prayers After Having a Child

And Allah Most High knows best.

Wassalam,

[Ustadh] Tabraze Azam

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Tabraze Azam holds a BSc in Computer Science from the University of Leicester, where he also served as the President of the Islamic Society. He memorized the entire Qur’an in his hometown of Ipswich at the tender age of sixteen and has since studied the Islamic Sciences in traditional settings in the UK, Jordan, and Turkey. He is currently pursuing advanced studies in Jordan, where he is presently based on his family.