How Can I Change My Daughter’s Attitude and Convince Her To Start Praying Again?

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Question: My 12-year-old daughter refuses to offer her Salat and recite Qur’an, despite her seeing us fulfill these obligations daily in our household. How can we change her attitude and bring her in line?
Answer:Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your challenge to make your daughter understand the importance of praying and reading the Qur’an. This world has a way to rope teenagers in, with peer pressure and the desire to try new things, be different, and rebel.

I can give you the absolute best possible advice to read this article by Hina Khan-Mukhtar: Parenting: Planting the seeds of prayer in our young ones.

Bond

It is never too late for a person to change, but keep in mind that children who rebel need time. They might find their way back to guidance sooner or perhaps much later. Your job as a parent is to connect with them emotionally and start bonding with them. Spend time together every day, do her favorite things, and don’t bring up the prayer. After this bond is established, your understanding and respect for each other will increase. You need that respect and love as a stepping stone to start speaking to her about her religion. This love and respect for her parents will also enable her to want to spend time with the family.

Good company

Another thing that you should always do is to befriend good religious influential people. Keep them around you and your home. Pray together as a family (without forcing her) and avoid the haram in your home as much as possible. Pray on time, pray tahajjud, cover correctly, pay zakat, don’t consume anything unlawful, and safeguard yourself from backbiting or usury. Take a free course on Seekers to learn your personally obligatory knowledge. These things will ensure that you have barakah in your home no matter what your daughter is doing.

Never give up

Never give up on your du`as and pray the Prayer of Need. Allah hears all that you ask and He will decide what to give your daughter and when. Be patient until then and be kind to her. Also, be grateful that she is not involved in much worse things, like drugs or boys. Please see the links below for more information.

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Is it allowed to due prenatal screening for potential down syndrome? What are some supplications for the health and well-being of one’s soon-to-be-born child?

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Question Summary

Is it allowed to do prenatal screening for potential down syndrome? What are some supplications for the health and well-being of one’s soon-to-be-born child?

Question Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate

It is your choice as to whether you wish to go through with the prenatal down syndrome screening.

Regardless of the result, the scholars agree that abortion, after 120 days, is strictly prohibited unless there is clear pending harm to the mother and there remains no alternative. [Ibn ‘Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar]

Even if the pregnancy is less than 120 days, the majority of scholars still considered abortion strictly prohibited (haram), except in the above scenario. [Ibid.]

Supplications for the Health of One’s Soon to be Born Child

Try to consistently and constantly recite the following supplication. Have full certainty in Allah Most High, while reciting, that He will accept your supplication. Thereafter consign the matter to Allah Most High, in whose control is all affairs.

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍۢ وَٱجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
“Our Lord! Bless us with ˹pious˺ spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts, and make us models for the righteous.” [Qur’an; 25:74]

The Prayer of Need

Perform the prayer of need and recite the du’a of need often.

https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/how-does-one-perform-the-prayer-of-need-salat-al-haja/

Hope this helps
Allah knows best
[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a teacher of Arabic, Islamic law, and spirituality. After accepting Islam in 2008, he then completed four years at the Darul Uloom seminary in New York, where he studied Arabic and the traditional sciences. He then traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he stayed for three years studying in Dar Al-Mustafa under some of the greatest scholars of our time, including Habib Umar Bin Hafiz, Habib Kadhim al-Saqqaf, and Shaykh Umar al-Khatib. In Tarim, Shaykh Yusuf completed the memorization of the Qur’an and studied beliefs, legal methodology, hadith methodology, Quranic exegesis, Islamic history, and some texts on spirituality. He joined the SeekersGuidance faculty in the summer of 2019.

Surrogate Motherhood

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Question: Is it permissible to be or request someone to be a surrogate mother for one? Who is considered the birth mother?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

It is not permissible to have a woman be the surrogate mother of one’s child or to provide that service for someone. This would be the same whether the father impregnated the surrogate mother or the mother’s egg was fertilized by him and then transferred to the surrogate mother.

Please see:
https://islamqa.org/hanafi/daruliftaa/7822
https://www.aliftaa.jo/DecisionEn.aspx?DecisionId=288#.YFZcHZNKgy8
https://muftiwp.gov.my/en/artikel/irsyad-fatwa/irsyad-fatwa-umum-cat/1235-irsyad-al-fatwa-series-130-the-ruling-of-surrogate-mother

That said, if the fertilized egg were transferred to the surrogate mother, the actual mother whose egg was used would be the mother of the baby and not the surrogate mother. (Hashiyat al-Rashidi)

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years, he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language.

When Can a Father Stop Providing for His Children?

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Question: I want to know how long is a father responsible for providing for children. If a father is shrugging responsibility towards his children and citing that the children’s mother had done injustice to him, is it justified? What are the conditions under which the father can stop taking responsibility for his children?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question.

A father’s responsibility

A man must provide for his children the basics of food, clothing, shelter, and basic Islamic education, as evidenced in the Qur’an.  Please see the details here in full:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/rights-of-children-in-detail/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/what-are-the-financial-responsibilities-of-a-man-regarding-his-children-from-a-first-marriage/

Shrugging off responsibility

If a man claims that the mother of his children has done some injustice to him, he would have to be more specific. If she cut ties with him and ran away with the children, then yes, he would no longer be responsible for them. But if the injustice was something like the mother disrespecting the father, then his obligation of providing for them is not lifted. Doing so would be sinful.

Child support

If the parents are divorced, I recommend that the matter be taken to a local court to ensure that the father pays child support. If the parents are not divorced, I am not sure what course can be taken to make him pay his dues. Perhaps one can have a third party speak to him, or you can discuss the matter with a counselor or ask a family lawyer. It is obligatory for him to seek employment to provide child support. (Kifayat al-Akhyar 525; Mughni al-Muhtaj 5/185)

If the father is simply impoverished and unable to earn, perhaps he, or his wife, can request zakat funds or speak to a local masjid. May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

How Can I Help My Child With Homework Without Getting Angry?

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Question: I have only one child; she is eleven years old, Alhamdulillah.  When I assist her with school work, I regret that I lack patience.  I raise my voice, and at times get angry in a manner that I am immediately ashamed of thereafter. Do you have any practical tips?

Answer: Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. Being impatient with a child can lead to anxiety, frustration, depression, and worst of all, making your child into an angry person, and the cycle repeats. Make a resolve right now to aid your child in becoming an independent and confident person and learn to control yourself instead of controlling her. Did you know that a child who sees parents express a lot of anger at home performs worse in school? See the references below for more.

Resources

First, read these articles and implement the tips:
https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/calm-parenting-get-control-child-making-angry/
https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/tips/a13314/anger-management-parents/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/pride-and-joy/201209/battles-over-homework-advice-parents

Please consider taking the free courses below here at Seekers, and implement the knowledge that you learn:
https://seekersguidance.org/courses/keys-to-raising-righteous-children-eight-lessons-on-successful-parenting/
https://ar.seekersguidance.org/courses/parenting-in-islam-how-to-raise-righteous-children/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/explaining-a-hadith-on-disciplining-children/

Going forward

In short, renew your intention to embrace excellence with your child, and ask Allah to guide you to every step. Hand over your weakness to Him and ask Him to improve you as a person and your parenting. Really, we are all in this situation with you. Our imperfections make us human, but our repentance and getting up again after we fall can make us the best of servants. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, told us, “All the sons of Adam are sinners, but the best of sinners are those who repent.“ [Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, and Darimi]

Please listen to this podcast on patience:
https://seekersguidance.org/show/37-positive-potential-of-patience-shaykh-sadullah-khan/

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next and embody us all with the very noble quality of patience.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Can A Man Live Alone, Away From His Parents?

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Question:

Assalamu ‘Alaykum.

Is it permissible for a man to move out and live in an apartment rather than live with his parents? What if the parents command him to stay? Would it still be permissible?

Answer:

Wa ‘alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.

I pray you are well.

Yes, it is permissible for a man to live alone, away from his parents. However, he is obliged to treat them well and provide financial support if they need it. (Quduri, Matan al Quduri) The general Islamic guidance of good treatment of parents should be borne in mind.

He is not sinful for moving out if there is no mistreatment or neglect. For some, with strained relationships or abuse, some distance can be healthy for all parties.

May Allah grant you the best of both worlds.
[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History, he moved to Damascus in 2007, where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic. He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Quranic recital. He was able to study an extensive curriculum of Quranic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence.

What are my children’s rights upon me?

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Dear questioner,
Thank you for your important question.
May Allah, Most High, cure you of all illnesses and grant you strength.
Allah, Most High, says:
“Your Lord has commanded that you should worship none but Him and that you be kind to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, say no word that shows impatience with them, and do not be harsh with them, but speak to them respectfully” (Quran, 17:23)
We understand from this verse that it is obligatory upon children to be kind to their parents. Kindness means that they should show them mercy, patience and help them.
However, familial disputes are generally not resolved through the discussion of rights & responsibilities. They are solved through communication, respect, and acknowledgment of previous mistakes.
You mentioned that your children are upset with you due to how their mother was treated upon your taking of a second wife. You should open a dialogue with your children and explain the entire situation with them. Let them know what really happened and acknowledge any shortcomings you may have had.

If you try to use Islam as a means for them to give you financial support while they still resent you, you will not only increase their resentment for you but also their resentment of Islam.

Once you develop a good relationship with them, you can let them know that you are ill and in need of financial support.
If you are still married to your first wife, be sure to open the same dialogue with her. Don’t forget that Allah, Most High has commanded that a husband be just.
May Allah, Most High facilitate a beautiful bond of love and mercy between you and your family.
And Allah alone knows best,
[Ustadh] Omar Popal

Should A Openly-Sinful Father Get Custody Of His Children?

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Question:

Assalam alaikum. 

What is the Islamic ruling for custody of children in a divorce when the father is a Muslim who has left Islam’s practices? He does not pray, fast, drinks alcohol, and had affairs during the marriage. The children are being raised to practice Islam’s tenets by the mother, and the father has provided verbal support. At this time, the children do not know that their father drinks alcohol.

Answer:

Wa ‘alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.

Inshaa Allah, you are well.

Usually, the father has the right to take custody of his children when they reach certain ages: seven and nine lunar years, for boys and girls, respectively. However, this would be in a situation where his presence will not be actively harmful to them. (Maydani, al Lubab)

If he is indeed committing such acts openly, which is likely to harm the children on a religious level or otherwise, then his right would be forfeited until he gets to a stage where this would not be the case. It would be best to speak to a reliable, local scholar to discuss the matter with both sides. It might be necessary to appeal to the courts too.

Please do your best to facilitate a relationship between your children and their father as much as possible. If it is hindered or poisoned in any way, it is only the children who will truly be harmed.

Given the considerations in such cases, we urge you to please consult reliable local scholars or counselors about the situation’s specifics. Jazakum Allah khayr. May Allah facilitate all ease and good for you.

May Allah facilitate what is best for you all.
[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History, he moved to Damascus in 2007, where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic. He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Quranic recital. He was able to study an extensive curriculum of Quranic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence.

What Should I Do if My Husband Is Refusing To Have Children?

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Question: 
What should I do if my husband refuses to have children?

Answer:

Thank you for your question. It truly is a crime that he prevents you from having children as it is one of the primary purposes of marriage. This should have been discussed optimally before marriage.

 

Communication

Your husband obviously has a strong reason for not wanting to have children, and he should be transparent about it. Try to communicate with him openly about why this is so important to you, and try to at least come up with a plan. You may consider speaking together with a counselor, elder, or imam that you both trust and respect to advise you.

 

Exhaust All Measures

If he feels that your health does not permit it, try to involve a doctor or psychologist to assess the situation. A professional opinion always helps. Make a habit to employ istikhara to make such decisions, and give in regular charity to facilitate this matter. Also, see if your husband will agree to the adoption, as there are many couples out there who have adopted, hence multiplying their reward, by the grace of Allah.

If absolute worst comes to worst, then you have valid grounds for divorce, but there is much uncertainty in this. It might not even make your life happier, so proceed with caution. See the following link for more information:

https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/my-husband-doesnt-want-to-have-kids-what-can-i-do/

Given the considerations in such cases, please consult reliable local scholars about the specifics of the situation. Jazakum Allah khayr.

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Is Making and Watching Hand Drawn Cartoons Permissible?

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Question:

Is it permissible to make and watch cartoons that contain hand-drawn images of living? These cartoons are not really educational but just meant for fun.

Answer:

Wa ‘alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.

I pray you are well.

 

Watching and Drawing Cartoons

Drawing and watching cartoons have different rulings. Drawing cartoon-style images is permissible for children if they are not very detailed and lifelike. It is a form of education, as they can learn a number of skills through it. Children learn through play.

Watching them would also be permissible as long as the images and content, in general, are clean. This means no immoral images or themes. One should be especially careful with content that promotes indecent behavior by making it fun.

Children, in our times, need some form of wholesome entertainment. To completely shelter a child from it is a recipe for making them turn away from religion. Parents should, however, actively instill Islamic morals, and modesty especially, in children through conversations, stories, and lessons.

Balance it out, so the potential detriment is nullified. Spend time with the children, and make the activity about spending time with the parents. Do not let the T.V. be the one that raises your child.

May Allah bless you with the best of both worlds.

[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim Reasat

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic. He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Quranic recital and he was able to study an extensive curriculum of Quranic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence.