Is It Permissible to Disown an Actively Homosexual Family Member?

Question: Is it permissible to disown an actively homosexual family member?
Answer: Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,Dear questioner,

May Allah guide me, you, and all of our family members.

It is impermissible to cut family ties with any family member unless they are actively harming someone.

Asma the daughter of Abu Bakr asked the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) if she should keep ties with her mother who was at the time an idol worshipper, and he said that she should. (Bukhari) Idol worship is much, much worse than being in a physically homosexual relationship.

This tells us that one cannot disown someone just because they are engaged in gross sin. Rather, one can only avoid them, or cut off ties, if there is harm in being around them.

Please see:

How Should I Go About Having Meetings With My Homosexual Brother?

Cutting Ties to In-laws

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

With Regards to Seclusion, Is It Right to Ride With the Opposite Gender in a Car?

Question: With regards to khalwa, is it okay to ride with the opposite gender in a car? Not as in chauffeuring but riding with them in the front seat because you know them and you are going to a common destination?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum

The definition of seclusion (khalwa) that jurists provided was for a man being alone with one woman who is not of unmarriageable kin (mahram) within an enclosed area in such a way that a third party is unable to see or enter upon them.

Such seclusion with the opposite gender has been prohibited in sound prophetic traditions. Ibn `Abbas stated, “I heard the Prophet (God bless him and grant him peace) give a sermon. He said, ‘A man should not seclude himself with a woman except that there be with her someone who is of unmarriageable kin (mahram).'” (Bukhari, Muslim)

Situations not deemed as impermissible seclusion

The following scenarios would not be considered impermissible seclusion:

(a) a man and a woman being outside in public, such as a street or sidewalk.

(b) a man and a woman being in an enclosed area that people can and do routinely enter and exit without requiring permission, such as a mosque.

(c) a man and a woman being in an enclosed area that people cannot easily and routinely enter without permission but where they are visible to outsiders, such as a glass office whose door is closed.

(d) a man and a woman being in an enclosed area that people cannot easily and routinely enter without permission but where there is a barrier separating the two.

(e) a man and a woman being in an enclosed area that people cannot easily and routinely enter without permission but with another person present who is either (i) a mahram or spouse, (ii) an upright non-mahram man, (iii) an upright non-mahram woman, or (iv) a group of non-mahram woman.

(Ibn Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar (6:368) but interpreting category (e(iii)) as relating to a very elderly woman; Nawawi, al-Majmu` (4:173-74); Mawsu`a al-Fiqhiya (19:267-68))

Sharing a car ride with the opposite gender

In regards to sharing a ride with a member of the opposite gender who is not a mahram with no other party inside the car and no clear barrier between the occupants, this would not constitute seclusion when it is in a place (such as a town, city) where there are people around who would able to see them. Otherwise, it would constitute seclusion, such as during the night in an isolated place.

Even in cases where it would not technically constitute seclusion, it may be disliked and superior to avoid unless there is some need.

[Ustadh] Salman Younas

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Salman Younas was born and raised in New York and graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Political Science and Religious Studies. After studying the Islamic sciences online and with local scholars in New York, Ustadh Salman moved to Amman. There he studies Islamic law, legal methodology, belief, hadith methodology, logic, Arabic, and tafsir. Ustadh Salman’s personal interests include research into the fields of law/legal methodology, hadith, theology, as well as political theory, government, media, and ethics. He is also an avid traveler and book collector. He currently resides in Amman with his wife.

Female inheritance rights

Question: If one has just one daughter, why can’t one just give her all of one’s estate?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

Allah Most High sent us the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) to show us how to be happy in this life and the next. ‘And We have not sent you, [O Muhammad], except as a mercy to the worlds.’ (Qur’an, 21: 107)

By keeping to what Allah has told us to do we will be successful. If we follow our own whims or our own logic, we will be unsuccessful and unhappy.

Allah Most High has made inheritance very, very clear in the Qur’an. ‘But if there are [only] daughters, two or more, for them is two-thirds of one’s estate. And if there is only one, for her is half.’ (Qur’an, 4: 11) If there is only one daughter, she only gets a half, and the remaining goes to male universal heirs (asaba).

Given that women do not have to pay dowries, or support their husbands or children, Allah has given them less inheritance. This is how Allah in His wisdom Has apportioned rights and responsibilities among mankind. He knows best what is in our interests.

Depending on which of them are left from either your father’s or mother’s side, it could be the parent’s grandson, the parent’s brothers, or other male heirs.

https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/inheritance-laws-can-i-stipulate-other-than-the-determined-amounts-mentioned-in-the-quran/

I pray this helps.

[Shaykh] Farid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

My Mother Is Making Me Lose My Mind

Question: My mom has an illogical and weird approach toward things, and often uses bad abusive language with me. I’m trying my best to hold on with her but I don’t know how long I can. I’m having mental breakdowns, now. It would be great if you could quote any dua about this matter.

Answer: Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your honest question. I understand that you are suffering from your mother’s mistreatment of you. Her behavior has harmed you and it isn’t permissible for her to abuse you, call you names or react badly to you. That being said, everyone will be responsible in the hereafter for how they behaved only, not how their mother behaved.

Allah says, “No burdened soul will bear the burden of another: even if a heavily laden soul should cry for help, none of its load will be carried, not even by a close relative. But you [Prophet] can only warn those who fear their Lord, though they cannot see Him, and keep up the prayer- whoever purifies himself does so for his own benefit–– everything returns to God.“ [Qur`an, 35:18]

Talk to your mother with a renewed intention

I urge you to talk to your mother first and apologize for any mistreatment of her from the past. Tell her that you want to turn over a new leaf, and start your relationship with her anew. Tell her that you will be patient and ask her to do the same. Tell that it hurts your confidence when she calls you names and tells her that you will never force her to do anything in Islam that she doesn’t want to. Try to help her with cooking, cleaning, and errands and make her feel that you are involved. Make her a drink, take her out.

Realize her rank in Islam

Allah, Most High, says, “We have enjoined on man, kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth“. [Qur`an, 46:15].

And He, Most High, says, “Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: ‘My Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood’ “[Qur`an, 17:23-24].

Paradise is beneath your mother’s feet. Mu’awiyah ibn Jahima reported: Jahima came to the Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, and he said, “O Messenger of Allah, I intend to join the expedition and I seek your advice.” The Prophet said, “Do you have a mother?” He said yes. The Prophet said, “Stay with her, for Paradise is beneath her feet.” [Al-Nasa’i]

Although it may be difficult, try to recall her rank at all times and know that Allah is watching you and pleased with you for dealing with her. You may only come to fully realize your mother’s status when you have children of your own. It’s a real eye-opener.

Mental breakdowns

It is dangerous and unhealthy to be abused, especially if you are abused to the point of having breakdowns. Please see a therapist that can help you cope when issues arise and teach you conflict resolution. A therapist can also teach you how to respectfully disengage your mother when things get difficult.

Keep busy

If things don’t improve much with your mother, keep yourself busy with good things. Pray on time, take a course for personally obligatory knowledge, and on respecting parents right here on Seekers. Do not hesitate to follow your Islam correctly, she will eventually get used to it. Exercise, get fresh air, travel, develop a skill set that you can help you earn a living, or get a healthy beneficial hobby, maybe pay one of the household bills. May Allah give you all the best and make you and your mother’s best friends. Please see the following link for more excellent information.

How Can I Deal With My Difficult Mother in a Respectful Way?

I also recommend these du`as from the Qur`an.

“My Lord, I am in dire need of whatever good thing You may send me.“ [28:24]

“Moses said, ‘My Lord, forgive me and my brother; accept us into Your mercy: You are the Most Merciful of all who show mercy.“ [7:151]

“Our Lord, give us good in this world and in the Hereafter, and protect us from the torment of the Fire.“ [2:201]

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Naming a son Uzayr or Ezra

Question: Is there anything wrong with naming my son Uzayr or Ezra?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

Uzayr was either a prophet or a righteous man of the Children of Israel. (Tafsir Ibn Kathir; Zad al Masir, Ibn Qayyim) Hence, his name is a good name to name one’s child.

Whether or not Ezra is actually Uzayr is somewhat unclear. Nevertheless, Ezra of the Old testament is also a righteous man who enforced the Torah.

I don’t see any need to change your son’s name.

Given the child’s age, if I were in your shoes I’d leave the legal name as is, and just start calling him Uzayr among family members. This is just a personal opinion.

I pray this helps.

[Shaykh] Farid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

Considering beauty in a prospective bride

Question: I have come across a girl who has an Islamic and simple mindset, who does not thrive off materialism. Marrying her would be for her Imaan and to follow the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet. My dilemma is that I am perceived by others as a fairly good looking man, and I get noticed wherever I go from women. I am trying not to put much emphasis on looks (and I’m willing to marry a girl with less) but I am really struggling to find attraction in her. Lowering the gaze is important, but I am worried about the fitnah of women similar in attractiveness to myself after marriage. Do you advise marrying her and hoping for attraction to form later or would it be better for me to find another suitor?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. The issue that you bring up is an important one. It cannot be overlooked nor over-emphasized. I have copied Shaykh Farid Dingle’s detailed and excellent answer on the subject here. I pray that you benefit from it and are guided to make the right decision. Always pray istikhara in situations like this and follow it, may Allah give you every happiness and success and bless your union with whomever you choose.

Shaykh Farid wrote:

Short Answer:

Although the religious practice is indeed the most important trait to look for in a prospective spouse, one should not completely ignore looks. It is also recommended to marry someone that is good looking. However, one should not give it so much importance that one accepts marrying someone who is not religious.

The key is to have a pure intention, and strike an intelligent and godly balance.

Fuller Answer

Religiousness as a Priority

The Messenger of Allah to me and you, and to all those who wish to get married, told us, ‘Women are married for four reasons: for their wealth, their status [lineage], their beauty, and for their religiousness. Make sure you get a really religious woman. Otherwise, may you come to misfortune!’ (Bukhari and Muslim)

This hadith clearly tells us that marrying a woman who is a practicing Muslim is more important than marrying a woman who is not “really religious” for any other reason.

Allah Most High also tells us in the Quran not to prioritize looks, status and wealth, and look rather to the religiousness of our prospective spouses:

‘And a bondswoman [a slave] who believes is better than a [free] pagan woman, even if you really like her looks … And a bondsman who believes is better than a [free] pagan man, even if you really like him. Those invite to the Hell-Fire, while Allah invites to Paradise and forgiveness with His permission.’ (Qur’an, 2: 221)

This the end of this verse is very, very powerful. Notice how Allah mentions that the pagan spouse calls us to the Hell-Fire, while He does not mention that the believing spouse calls to Paradise; rather, He puts His name [Allah] in place of the believing spouse. This is as if to say that the righteous believing spouse is almost Allah’s agent and spokesman, calling those He permits to Paradise on His behalf. This is a very important point indeed.

So it is clear from the hadith and Qur’anic verse above that marrying someone (the bride or the groom) who is Muslim and religious is a priority.

Autumn Leaves

Because the believer lives for the Next Life, he is always forward-thinking. While he invests his actions at the moment, he is not blind to the long-term.

Marriage is a long-term plan: it is not a just halal fling. Someone who looks at marriage thus will naturally think about how their prospective spouse will be in ten, twenty, fifty years and beyond.

In this light, marrying someone who is religious and actively working to become more so, is quite likely to be a better long-term partner in whom one will find more beauty, and indeed attraction, than someone who is a Helen of Troy on the outside, but a Medusa within.

‘Marriage,’ as an old German Sufi once told me as he watered some plants, ‘cannot work on sex alone.’

And the beauty and attraction of religiousness is often something far more satisfying than mere appearance. Imam al Shafi’i said, ‘See well to abstinence [zuhd] because the abstinence in the abstinent one is more beautiful than jewelry on a buxom maid.’ (Siyar Alam al Nubala, Dhahabi)

Sexual Pragmatism

Notwithstanding the foregoing, prioritizing religiousness over looks does not mean that looks are ignored. Indeed it is recommended [sunna] to marry someone who is good-looking. (Mishkat al Misbah, Ba Fadl)

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, ‘When you [wish] to propose to a woman, then if you are able to look at her to see if you want to marry her, then do so.’ (Abu Dawud)

The encouragement to look tells us quite clearly that looks are important. Indeed it is quite clear from the Prophet’s actions (Allah bless him and give him peace) and teachings that although looks are not a priority, they are not irrelevant at all.

If we reflect on the Prophet’s multiple marriages (Allah bless him and give him peace), we see that beauty, although by no means a priority, is given consideration.

Our Mother Aisha (Allah be well-pleased with her) tells us that when Our Mother Juwayriyya came knocking on the Prophet’s (Allah bless him and give him peace), ‘She was a very beautiful woman.’ She added, ‘I knew the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) would see in her what I had seen.’ (Tahdhib Sirat Ibn Hisham, Abd al-Salam Harun)

Now we know Our Mother Juwayriyya was very religious, and explicitly chose Allah and His Messenger (Allah bless him and grant him peace) over her previous husband, and spent hours in worship. (Tahdhib al Kamal, Mizzi; Muslim and others) But to say that her looks had nothing to do with it at all would be far-fetched, just as it would be far-fetched, or rather downright wrong, to say that her looks were all that he saw!

So too, when he (Allah bless him and grant him peace) married a woman from the Ghifar tribe, on the wedding night he saw a white mark on near her hip and distanced himself from her. He then told her to go back to her family, letting her take the entire dowry. (Ahmad, Hakim, and others; Subul al Huda wa al Rashad, Salihi) Now it is of course possible that he did this for fear that it was leprosy, but it is also quite possible that he felt that as a mortal man, the purely aesthetic defect was too much for him.

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) also asked one of his companions if he had seen his prospective bride. Upon responding in the negative, he advised him to do so, explaining that some of the Medinan Helpers (from whom the bride was amongst) had something odd about their eyes. (Muslim) Clearly, he was advising his followers to be wise and not marry someone whom they had never seen before because, from a purely aesthetic point of view, they might be disappointed.

This of course also applies to women. Sayyidna Ali said, ‘Women should not marry men that are not like them [in age and looks]. After all, they like in you [men] what you like in them [women]. Similarly, Sayyidna Umar said, ‘Does one of you really go out and find an old, ugly man for his daughter?! They love for themselves what you [men] love for yourselves!’ (Adab al Nisa, Ibn Habib)

Good Looks

As mentioned before, scholars tell us that it is recommended to marry someone who is good looking. What does that actually mean?

The late Shafi’i scholars actually debated this. Ibn Hajar al Haytami was of the opinion that it meant marrying someone whom you personally found good looking. Others opined that what was relevant was that the person was generally considered good looking. (al Manhal al Naddakh, Qarahdaghi)

This is a very interesting debate and applies to other things one might look for in a spouse. Do you marry someone you personally feel attracted to or someone your peers would otherwise be interested in? Do you marry a doctor because you like doctors, or because your extended family values doctors? From an individualistic point of view, it might seem like a silly question, but we cannot ignore the fact that our values, and therefore what we value in other people, are clearly affected by our surroundings. One would do well to think hard about this.

Conclusion

One should definitely prioritize religiousness overlooks, but one should also follow the advice of the Sacred Law and find someone one can live with and keep one chaste. Allah Most High says,

‘The believers have already succeeded–those who humble themselves in awe in prayer, who turn away from nonsense, who give in alms, and who protect their private parts.’ (Qur’an, 23: 1-5)

I pray this helps.

Farid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

 

 

How Can I Help My Old Mother That Suffers a Mental Disorder?

Answered by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Question: My old mother is bed-bound, disabled, demented, and now deaf. I have to look after her without much help from my siblings. She is very difficult to deal with, and I lost my cool with her a lot, but then repent. Please advise. 

Answer: Wa ‘alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh

Dear sister, I pray you are well, and that Allah makes a way of these difficulties for you. You have a very difficult test, and I pray Allah Almighty makes it easier for you and rewards you tremendously for it.

Good News

A woman who had epileptic fits came to the Messenger of Allah, Allah blesses him and give him peace. She wanted him to pray for the affliction to be removed. He told her that if she remained patient she would get Paradise. (Bukhari)

From the details you described in your question it seems that you have an incredibly difficult test. Perhaps this is the means that will gain you a place in Paradise without any judgment. And perhaps your mother’s illness will gain her the same. Have a good opinion of Allah.

Do What You Can

Try your best to remain calm with your mother. If you do happen to lose your patience,  ask Allah for forgiveness and try to apologize to her. It’s clear that your test is an intense one, and as humans, there is only so much we can handle, especially when there is no rest from the trials. Don’t let the guilt burden you. With every repentance, assume your mistakes are all wiped away.

Practically, however, I don’t think this situation is something you can manage on your own long term. If you carry on like this you are going to end up getting ill yourself. Speak to your siblings, and if they cannot physically come to help, then maybe they can all make a monthly contribution towards hiring a carer to come to your home and assist you.

This is the least they can do, and it will give you some much-needed rest as well.

Please have a daily dose of reminders on patience and fortitude as they will provide you with invaluable support. May Allah grant you ease in all your affairs. Amin.

[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic. He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Qur’anic recital and he was able to study an extensive curriculum of Qur’anic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence.

Can I Eat Supermarket Meat With My Christian Family to Make Them Happy?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question: My family members are non-religious Christians. They do not buy halal meat. I live with them and eat with them. Of course, I never consume pork. While I am living here, is it permissible to eat chicken and beef that are not halal to avoid conflict? How can I begin to deal with this issue?

Answer: I empathize with your situation, it is very difficult indeed when the family does not eat the same food together.

You are correct

Always remember that you are correct in eating only halal meat. You will see at the links below about the impermissibility of eating chicken and beef from supermarkets. May Allah reward you and guide you for your strength, conviction, and determination to follow this ruling.

Talk to your parents

Tell your parents that you love them very much and that eating halal is your new way of life. Take them to a halal butcher shop with you so you can shop together, cook together and eat together. Buy some new cuts of meat to try out. Cook halal meat for them too so they can have a treat. Be kind and patient, and don’t get upset. Then have them talk to your grandmother, or approach her directly if you think that’s better. Perhaps when they get used to the idea, you can all go to a halal restaurant together!

Prayers not being accepted

Abu Hurayra reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “O people, Allah is Good and He, therefore, accepts only that which is good. And Allah commanded the believers as He commanded the Messengers by saying: ‘O Messengers, eat of the good things, and do good deeds; verily I am aware of what you do‘ (xxiii. 51). And He said, “O those who believe, eat of the good things that We gave you“ (ii. 172). He then made a mention of a person who travels widely, his hair disheveled and covered with dust. He lifts his hand towards the sky (and thus makes the supplication): “O Lord, O Lord,” whereas his food is unlawful, his drink is unlawful, and his clothes are unlawful and he was nourished with the unlawful. How can then his supplication be accepted? [Muslim]

If My Parents Prepare Meat That is Not Halal, Should I Avoid Eating It?
The Issue of Halal Meat (A Detailed Article)
A Reader on Halal Meat
Can We Eat Machine Slaughtered Meat?

May Allah give you ease and well-being always.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Is It Permissible to Celebrate Holidays That Have Not Been Established by Islam?

Answered by Ustadh Farid Dingle

Question: Is it permissible to celebrate holidays that have not been established by Islam?

Answer: Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

I really appreciate this worthy and important question.

In short, as Muslims, we cannot celebrate any religious occasions of other religions. So if the holiday is a purely religious holiday, we cannot celebrate it. (Not going to work because it is a public holiday does not constitute celebrating that day.)

If however, it is just a cultural or national event, such as Thanksgiving or Independence Day, then there is no harm in celebrating it. This is obvious on the proviso that you don’t believe it has any particular blessings or sanctity.

For more detail, please see: Context for the Hadith: Whoever Imitates a People Is of Them

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

Abusive Relationship

Answered by Ustadh Farid Dingle

Question: After over a decade of incessant emotional abuse from my mother-in-law, and physical abuse from my husband, I want to know what my rights are as a wife?

Answer: Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for reaching out and seeking to know your rights as a wife, Muslim, and human being. May Allah give you a way out of the suffering that you are experiencing.

As a wife, you have a right to have your own place where no one can interfere with your life and in which you are safe, both emotionally and physically.

Given the scenario you have described, you have the right to ask your husband to divorce you. If he does not, you can seek Islamic arbitration with a local imam/mufti. If that does not go ahead, you can seek a legal divorce through a secular court.

Right to be Physically Safe

Every human being and owned animal has a right to be safe. Whenever anyone is being physically abused, the abuse must be stopped. This is keeping with the legal principle ‘Harm shall be removed.’ (al-Ashbah wa al-Nadhair, Suyuti)

This applies a fortiori to the wife and children. If a woman is physically abused, she has the right to be unilaterally divorced. That is to say, she is divorced by a Sharia court/Islamic arbitration whether or not he agrees to it. (al Sharh al Kabir, Dardir)

Right to be Emotionally Safe

The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, ‘Everything about a Muslim to inviolable with regards to other Muslims: his blood, his wealth, and his good name.’ (Muslim)

This hadith tells us that we have a right not to be called names.

Emotional harm is recognized by the Sacred Law as a state of duress [darura]. The scholars tell us that a woman who is in her post-marital waiting period [idda] must stay at home except under duress, such as ‘fear for her person, property — such as the house falling down, there being a fire or thieves about — or being harmed by neighbors or in-laws.’ (al-Anwar, Ardabili)

It is clear from this text that being harm emotionally and socially is equivalent to being harmed physically and financially. And this applies to a better right to wife in her home.

So a wife has a right to have a place to stay in which she is not under constant attack from her in-laws.

‘Sometimes your mother is your door to Hell.’

Your mother-in-law is not your husband’s wife. If he thinks she is, he should think again. If after over a decade he still hasn’t picked up on this, it is probably time to move on.

Try to have him listen to this video of Mufti Menk: Stand By Your Wife, RIP Mother-In-Law | Mufti Menk

If your marriage is to continue, he needs to leave her out of the picture and work on things between you and him and none besides.

Too much “loyalty” to one’s mother (or anything except Allah and His Sacred Law for that matter) can lead one to do great wrong. And as Mufti Menk mentions in the video, ‘Sometimes your mother is your door to Hell.’

Please also see: Doubts About Marriage

Conclusion

Try your best to have your husband see how he has to steer things in the right direction. If it doesn’t work, try to get a divorce.

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language.