What Should I Do About Stubborn Parents Who Refuse My Potential Suitor?

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Question: I am a 23-year-old postgraduate female student, and I am in love with my classmate who is 27 years old. In sha Allah, next year we will graduate, and soon he will get a job. I told my father about him, but my father is strictly against telling him that we are poor and that we are from another state. Our cultures will not match. However, he is a good religious person, and his family is too. We have been making dua to Allah and praying tahajjud to change my father’s mind.

 

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration about your father’s rejection of this man. It is not easy to be in love and be unable to do anything about to marry.

 

Make Dua

At this point, this is all that you can do, and it is the best thing that you can do.  His consent is necessary to move forward, and remember that Allah can change the hardest of hearts. Please say this du’a for marriage in addition to your daily prayers and tahajjud. Also, pray the Prayer of Need:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/marriage/dua-make-someone-spouse/

 

Face Reality

I see that you are already emotionally attached, so I recommend that you try to keep your distance from him and accept the fact that your father may or may not agree. Be prepared either way. In the future, try not to get attached to anyone and stay within the limits of gender interaction. Please see this link:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/father-will-disown-marry-man-choose/

 

Learn

In the meanwhile, use your free time to learn about the rights and responsibilities of marriage, and prepare yourself with basic knowledge of fiqh and the halal and the haram of daily life. In sha Allah, the better you prepare, the better marriage you will have with whomever it may be.

May Allah reward you and give you the best in this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

How Do We Ignore Shaytan’s Distractions?

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Question: How do we act on the Prophetic instruction to blow thrice to the left and seek refuge in Allah during the prayer when we are distracted by Shaytan?

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate,

The narration you are referring to is as follows:

Uthman bin Abi al-‘As narrates that he came to the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) and said, “O Messenger of Allah. The devil comes between me and my prayer and my recitation and confuses me.” So the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) replied, “That is a devil called Khanzab. So if you sense him, seek refuge with Allah from him and blow to your right side thrice.” He (the narrator) said, “I did that and Allah sent him away from me.” [Muslim]

 

Acting On This Hadith

If you sense the Devil casting doubts in your heart or distracting you, you are allowed to seek refuge in Allah and blow thrice to the left. You should do this with the least amount of movement possible.

Small amounts of movement are not disliked in the prayer if they are done for a reason in the best interest of the prayer. Implementing this narration, when such a situation occurs, is in the best interest of the prayer. [Ibn ‘Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar]

I hope this helps,
Allah knows best.
[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a graduate from Tarim; a student of Habib Umar and other luminaries; and authorized teachers of the Qur’an and the Islamic sciences

How Do We Reconcile With Someone Whom We Backbit?

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Question: Do we have to tell someone if we have backbit about them? Can we just pray for them? Also, can we pray collectively about those who we backbit about without mentioning their name? Also, if we backbit about a non-muslim, and we cannot tell them, can we pray for their hidayah? If we tell them, then there is much fear of hurting them.
Answer: 
In the Name of Allah, the Merciful and Compassionate,
I hope you are doing well, insha’Allah. Thank you for the question.
Process

Tawba from backbiting is a process.  It entails:

·        desisting from backbiting
·        resolving not to backbite again
·        expressing remorse
·        seeking Allah’s forgiveness for yourself and the victim of your backbiting

Scholars differ as to whether the backbiter must seek pardon from the victim. Some opine that it is not stipulated as informing him might cause greater distress and anguish. The expiation would then be for the backbiter to praise the person in the very same gatherings in which he backbit him. In addition, the backbiter should stop others from backbiting the victim to the best of his ability. [Tafsir Ibn-Kathir]

According to the Shafi’i school of thought, if the backbiting did not reach the ears of the person, it would suffice him to be remorseful and seek forgiveness for the person as per the detail provided above.

However, if the backbiting has reached the person, then ibra (exoneration) will not be valid unless the details are disclosed to the person. This is because a person may forgive certain things to exclusion of others. [Mughni al-Muhtaj, Nihaya al-Muhtaj]

 

Backbiting a Non-Muslim

As for backbiting against a non-Muslim, Shabralmillisi has the following to say, “The more correct view is that he (the backbiter) prays a prayer of forgiveness for him other than forgiveness of shirk (associating partners unto Allah) or for an increase in his wealth, etc. whilst expressing remorse.” (Hashiya al-Shabramillisi) Moreover, as per your suggestion in the question, the best prayer for a non-Muslim is that of guidance.

Furthermore, a collective prayer for those whom we backbit would not suffice.

 

Conclusion

The expiation requirements for backbiting are telling of its severity. It should serve as a deterrent from this major sin. The devastating impacts of backbiting on the familial and social fabric of our Muslim community cannot be overstated. May Allah grant us the tawfiq (knowledge and practice) to follow through on His commandments and desist from His prohibitions.

[Shaykh] Muhammad Carr
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Why Do the Prophets Have To Be Sinless?

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Question: Why do the Prophets have to be sinless?
Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Merciful and Compassionate Walaikum assalam,

I hope you are doing well, insha’Allah. May Allah bless you for your concern for sound beliefs and understanding.

 

Allah Has Absolute Will and Absolute Power

We believe—rationally and on the basis of revelation—that Allah Most High is the necessary existent and creator of all things. Allah has the attributes of absolute Will and absolute Power.

His Will and Power relate to anything possible (mumkin). Allah Most High tells us that He is, “The One who does whatsoever He wills.” [Qur’an]

Thus, Allah Most High can do anything possible or not do it. Nothing of the possible is outside the Will of Allah Most High—and there is nothing that Allah “must” do.

And anything that Allah Most High wills, He brings into existence with His Power. [Sawi, Sharh Jawhara al-Tawhid]

In Sura Yasin, Allah Most High tells us, “All it takes, when He wills something ˹to be˺, is simply to say to it: “Be!” And it is!” [Qur’an, 36.82]

 

Why Do The Messengers “Have To Be” Sinless?

While we affirm the absoluteness of Allah’s Will—that He can do whatsoever He wills—, we also affirm with certitude that Allah Most High is Wise (hakim) and Just. This is from His Perfection (kamal). [Nasafi, Sharh al-Umda fi’l I’tiqad]

Thus, while Allah could send anyone He wished as His representative—His prophet or messenger—what is (a) entailed by Divine Wisdom and (b) affirmed by Divine Revelation in the Qur’an and Sunna, is the sinlessness (‘isma) of the Prophets from all sin, major and minor. [Bajuri, Tuhftat al-Murid `ala Jawharat al-Tawhid]

Allah Most High has commanded us to (a) take the prophets as exemplars and (b) to follow them unconditionally—and Has commanded us to (c) obey Allah’s command, and (d) stay away from His prohibitions.

If the Prophets were to disobey Allah, it would entail that we were being called at once to (a) follow them in this act; and yet (b) not follow them in order not to disobey Allah. This is absurd. Thus, it is absurd for Prophets to disobey their Lord, whose representatives and exemplars they are. [Ibid.]

May Allah Most High increase us in faith certitude, knowledge, and clarity.

And Allah is the giver of success and facilitation.

[Shaykh] Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Faraz Rabbani spent ten years studying with some of the leading scholars of recent times, first in Damascus, and then in Amman, Jordan. His teachers include the foremost theologian of recent times in Damascus, the late Shaykh Adib al-Kallas (may Allah have mercy on him), as well as his student Shaykh Hassan al-Hindi, one of the leading Hanafi fuqaha of the present age. He returned to Canada in 2007, where he founded SeekersGuidance in order to meet the urgent need to spread Islamic knowledge–both online and on the ground–in a reliable, relevant, inspiring, and accessible manner. He is the author of Absolute Essentials of Islam: Faith, Prayer, and the Path of Salvation According to the Hanafi School (White Thread Press, 2004.) Since 2011, Shaykh Faraz has been named one of the 500 most influential Muslims by the Royal Islamic Strategic Studies Center.

How Do I Understand a Hadith That Appears to Contradict the Fundamentals of Islam?

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Question: How is it that “the child-burier and the buried child are in Hell,” as mentioned in a hadith when children are not morally responsible?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

Whenever we come across a hadith that seems to be at odds with what we know about Islam, we must first ascertain the authenticity of the hadith. The next step is to see if we have understood the hadith correctly.

When we look to see if this hadith is actually authentic, we find that it is indeed sound. [Sahih Ibn Hibban; al Tamhid, Ibn Abd al Barr] The question then is what it means.

According to Munawi, the most likely understanding of the hadith is “the child-burier and the woman for whom the child was buried are in Hell.” That is to say that it is referring to a woman having another woman (possibly the midwife) bury the baby girl alive. [Fath al Qadir, Munawi] This interpretation would avoid the whole issue. There are other interpretations as well. [Al-Qada wa al-Qadar, Bayhaqi; Mirqat al Mafatih, Mulla Ali Qari]

In general, the fundamental Islamic creed, such as the fact that no soul shall bear the sin of another, does not change. If a verse of the Qur’an or a hadith seems to contradict what well known and obvious from the core teachings of Islamic, it usually means that we have misunderstood the text, to begin with.

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language.

How Do I Calibrate My Menstrual Cycle?

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Question: I am trying to figure out which dates to count as my haiz. In July, I came on 24/07 – 3/08 (10 days), and then spotted on 19/08. I had 22 days of no bleeding after that, then came on again 13/09 for more than 10 days. Even though I spotted in August, there was more than 15 days (minimum tuhr) of no bleeding after that so will my September bleeding be counted as haiz? In October, I started my period on the 15th and bled and have continued to bleed – I am unsure when to count my next haiz?
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful and Compassionate
Calibration of the Menstrual Cycle 
Assalāmu ‘alaykum Dear Sister in Faith,
There are several important matters that must be determined :
(1) duration of valid blood
(2) duration of purity
(3) instances of istihada
(3) menstrual habit
(4) purity habit
(5) place of habit
Please note that any blood flow that does not last for at least 3 days or exceeds 10 days is istihada, meaning invalid blood.  It takes the ruling of legal purity (in terms of your cycle), but it is to be treated as any other nullifier of wudu’.
Thus, if your flow exceeds 10 days, your menstrual habit will default to 10 and all excess will be istihada. [Birgivi, Dhukhr al Muta’ahilin]
Based on this and the data you have provided, the following are the durations of your last three menses.
Your first valid blood was 10 days from 7/24 to 8/3.
Your second valid blood was 10 days from 9/13 to 9/23.
Your third valid blood was 10 days from 10/15 to 10/25.
The first duration of purity was 22 days.  However, due to the incidence of istihada on 8/19, only 8 days after the end of your valid blood, this duration of purity is incomplete and will not be taken as your habit.
The second duration of purity was 40 days.
The third duration of purity was 21 days.  It is a complete duration of purity.  It becomes your purity habit.
Thus, you will count your October valid blood as being 10 days and your menstrual habit remains as such. Even if you continue bleeding, all flow after the 10 days is istihada. You will also revert to your purity habit of 21 days, counted from the end of your valid blood (not from the end of your istihada).  Thus, your next place of valid blood should be at or around that time.
The Hanafi School puts particular emphasis on the determination of the habit so that the rulings on menstruation accommodate a women’s natural biorhythm.  And Allah, Most High, knows best.
As you can see from the analysis of your dates, your cycle stabilized in September and October, occurring for about the same time, in about the same place, and with approximately the same duration of purity in between.
When in doubt, resort to your habit — both menstrual and purity— to determine which flow is valid blood and which is invalid.
Heavy or persistent irregular bleeding can also be a sign of physical or emotional stress.  Please take care of yourself.
May Allah grant us and you all forms of well-being and cause His Mercy to flow into all parts of our lives, at all times.  Amin
[Ustadha] Iman Badawi
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Do I Need to Wear Niqab?

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Question: I am a teen, and I started wearing jilbab and khimar. But some strict sisters told me that my hijab is incomplete because I do not cover my face. I believe the niqab is a recommended sunnah. Then she told me that I have to wear it because of fitnah in our times, but I am doubtful. Am I sinning by not wearing it? If I wear it, my family, school, and society will isolate me. 

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I commend you for striving to learn and to apply what is right, may Allah always keep you on this straight path.

You will find the ruling of niqab here, detailed out by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/is-it-necessary-for-women-to-wear-the-niqab-in-the-hanafi-school/

See these links as well:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/is-niqab-obligatory-in-our-religion/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/ruling-burqa-video/

 

Strict Sisters

Please be very careful where you are taking your knowledge from. Learning traditional Islam that is rooted in the four valid schools of thought is your only reliable source. SeekersGuidance provides authentic and traditional knowledge, that is correct and trustworthy, no matter what anyone else says. Please consider enrolling in a free fiqh class here or a class on the day-to-day harams and halals.

Please see these links below:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/who-or-what-is-a-salafi/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/permissible-marry-someone-different-religious-orientation/

May Allah give you the best in this life and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Are Women Punished More than Men on the Day of Judgement?

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Question: Salam Alikum, I have seen a hadith that I am really confused about. The hadith reads, “It used to be said that the people with the worst punishment [on the Day of Judgment] are two: A woman who disobeyed her husband, and a people’s Imam whom they dislike.”

What does the hadith mean? Does it mean that a woman who disobeys her husband will have a worse punishment than a husband who abuses his wife and oppressors her? Does that mean that the punishment for neglecting the rights of the husband is worse than the punishment of a husband who severely abuses his wife without justification and does not give her rights?

Answer:
Wa alaykum al-Salam

Thank you for writing to us.

The hadith you mention is classified as slightly weak, which means it cannot be relied on in matters of fiqh or aqidah. However, even if it were an authentic hadith, it does not mean that women who disobey their husbands are punished more severely than husbands who abuse their wives. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) warned of severe punishments for different categories of people, including people who behave violently to others.

 

Allah’s Law is Balanced
Know that the Law of Allah is fair and balanced. It brings about stability in the lands and aims at strengthening relationships, honing understanding, and spreading compassion between all human beings. Allah’s Law will never treat anyone unjustly. It does not give preference to one race over another nor one gender over the other. We are all equal, black and white, male and female, in the eyes of Allah and the only thing that distinguishes one from the other is taqwa (Allah-consciousness).

Once this primary and essential understanding is engraved within our hearts, it drives us to find a suitable interpretation or understanding for narrations or traditions that may, at face value, seem to be unjust towards women, or men for that matter.

 

The Hadith in Question
The hadith has been narrated by Imam Tirmidhi in his Sunan and Ibn Abi Shayba in his Musannaf. Both chains of transmission include Ziyad ibn Abi al-Jad who transmits from the companion Amr ibn al-Harith who said, “It used to be said that the people with the worst punishment on the Day of Judgment are two: A woman who disobeyed her husband, and a people’s Imam whom they dislike.”

 

Authenticity
In this instance, the narrator, Ziyad bin Abi al-Ja’d, is classified as layyin al-hadith. This means that the above hadith that he transmitted is slightly weak and should not be used to establish law or belief.

Furthermore, the companion does not attribute these words to the Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) directly, although one may understand that he is implying that it is a statement of the Messenger.

 

It’s Meaning
Nonetheless, and even assuming that the narration is authentic, the words used do not suggest that a disobedient wife is worse off than an abusive husband. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) used the same wording to refer to other categories of people. He did so to stress the seriousness of a crime, without any bias as to gender. In fact, he used the same phrase when he addressed violence, which would include an abusive husband.

In an authentic narration, he (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Indeed those who will be most intensely punished on the Day of Judgment are those who inflicted the most intense punishment on humans in this world” (Musnad al-Humaydi).

And Allah knows best

[Shaykh] Abdurragmaan Khan

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdurragmaan received ijazah ’ammah from various luminaries, including but not restricted to: Habib Umar ibn Hafiz—a personality who affected him greatly and who has changed his relationship with Allah, Maulana Yusuf Karaan—the former Mufti of Cape Town; Habib ‘Ali al-Mashhur—the current Mufti of Tarim; Habib ‘Umar al-Jaylani—the Shafi‘i Mufti of Makkah; Sayyid Ahmad bin Abi Bakr al-Hibshi; Habib Kadhim as-Saqqaf; Shaykh Mahmud Sa’id Mamduh; Maulana Abdul Hafiz al-Makki; Shaykh Ala ad-Din al-Afghani; Maulana Fazlur Rahman al-Azami and Shaykh Yahya al-Gawthani amongst others.

Prostrations of Forgetfulness

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Question: When I have doubt about no of rakat and follow my inclination do I do sujood as sahw? If I follow the inclination for the lesser amount do I do sujood sahw? What about if I follow the inclination of the bigger amount do I do the sujood? By inclination, I mean that I am more inclined to either in the first case the smaller amount or in the second the bigger. Is sujood sahw valid without durood or tasbihs if not must I repeat the salah I did the sujood?
Answer:
In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

Assalam’aleykum, I pray this finds you in the best of states.

Jazakum Allah khayr for your question!

If you are able to reach a stronger inclination towards a specific number of cycles you should stick to it and follow it.

If you have chosen to follow your strongest inclination, whether you incline towards the higher or the lower number of cycles you were indecisive about, then, after finishing your prayer, there is no forgetfulness prostration needed. This is because the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said that if one of us is in doubt during the prayer, then he should investigate the correct number of cycles he has performed and should finish his prayer according to the result of his investigation [Bukhari] [Maraqi Al-Falah].

If you are unable to reach an inclination towards a specific number of cycles and remain indecisive then you should build your prayer on the minimum number of cycles you are sure you have performed while sitting and performing the tashahud at the end of each cycle where a sitting might have been needed. Then you would need to perform the prostration of forgetfulness at the end of the prayer [Hashiyat Tahtawi; Maraqi Al-Falah].

The glorifications during the prostrations of forgetfulness and the sending of prayers and blessings on the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) should not be omitted. Nonetheless, without them, the prostrations are still deemed performed. As for the Tashahud after prostrations, it is necessary (wajib) [Hashiyat Tahtawi; Maraqi Al-Falah].

The forgetfulness prostration (which is necessary if a necessary [wajib] action was left forgetfully, and for nothing else) is performed by following the steps below:

1. In the final sitting, recite the tashahhud;
2. Give one salam, to the right;
3. Perform two prostrations, with their sunnas;
4. Sit and repeat the final sitting, in full–reciting the tashahhud, sending blessings, and making supplication (dua); and then
5. End with two salams.

And Allah knows best.

I hope that the above answers your question. If something is unclear please don’t hesitate to ask again.

May Allah Most High grant you the best of this world and the next. Please keep us in your du’as!

Wassalam

[Ustadh] Sufyan Qufi

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Combining Prayers for Medical Reasons

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Question: Can I combine prayers in order to provide emotional support to someone in a critical medical condition?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

In general, one should strive one’s hardest to pray on time.

However, the Hanbali scholars mention that one may join prayers for hardship (haja). These hardships general include everything that would allow one to skip going to Jumu’a (Kashaf al Qina, Bahuti).

Although this position does not exist in the Shafi’i school, it does resonate with the opinions of many Shafi’i who allow joining for need (haja). And the Shafi’i explicitly mention that giving emotional support to a patient is an excuse for missing Jumu’a (Bushra al Karim, Ba Ishn).

In your particular scenario, I do not see any problem with you joining prayers if it is genuinely difficult to leave the room while your loved one is in the hospital.

Please also: https://seekersguidance.org/answers/seeking-knowledge/joining-prayers-at-work/

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language