Telling My Parents About My Boyfriend

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Prophetic Parenting

Question: I’m in a true relationship with a person for the past 8 years since our student days. We both are honest and true for each other. We want to make our relationship halal and for that, we need more time because he is not settled financially yet. I am getting many marriage proposals and my parents are telling me to get married but I want to marry him only. My parents don’t know that I’m in a relationship and I want to tell them about it but I’m afraid.

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. The first thing that I need to tell you is that your relationship is not honest or true, as you describe. You have lied to your parents, done the impermissible in the eyes of Allah, and your relationship is based on lust, not love.

Repentance

The first step to getting what you desire is to turn to Allah and repent for your sins. You have had a secret boyfriend, been in a secret relationship, and have become close to a man and emotionally attached instead of following the rules of gender interaction in Islam. Stay away from him from now on and only proceed with a serious engagement or nikah. Please see this link on sincere repentance:
https://seekersguidance.org/articles/featured-articles/what-are-the-conditions-of-making-tawba-transcript-ustadh-abdullah-misra/

Istikhara

After your repentance and resolving to stay away from him, pray istikhara to see if this man is the right one for you. Do not think to make such a big decision just based on feelings, please consider the Prophetic advice first. It seems to me that man who agreed to be in a relationship with you for 8 years without a nikah doesn’t honor you.

Please see this link:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/marriage/istikhara-prayer-for-marriage/

A proposal: Engagement or nikah

He must come to your family with his parents and offer a formal proposal. There is no reason to tell your parents of your past with him, as it will only break their hearts. Tell them that you are attracted to this proposal and that you feel that it is right for you. If they give their permission, then you are all set and you can have your nikah. If they don’t, you will have to walk away from him.

If your boyfriend can’t come with his family to propose yet, then you must wait for him to find the right time. If you can find a way to hold off your parents, do so, but if you can’t you might have to tell them the truth which will cause them pain and disappointment. Otherwise, you will have to leave him. You certainly can’t be expected to wait for him very long. At least, he should have the decency to propose to you so that you can get engaged, if not married.

Put Allah first

I pray that your situation works out for you, but I recommend that no matter what happens, you put Allah first in your life and strive to live your life by His rules. Learn the halal and the haram of daily life, worship, and the rights and obligations in a Muslim marriage. May Allah reward you and give you the best of both worlds.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

 

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

A Recurrent Vow

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Question: I made a vow to Allah that whenever I overate, I would fast the next day. What do I do if I end up overeating? What do I if this happens again and again?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

When someone says something like ‘Every time I smoke/swear/drink, I have to fast/pray/give in charity for the sake of Allah.’, then this is a deterring vow (nadhr lajaj).

If they end up doing the thing that they were trying not to do, then they have to either do the act of worship that they made incumbent upon themselves, or expiate (kaffarah) (Minhaj al Talibin, Nawawi).

If they end up doing it again, then they have to do an act of worship or expiate again. This is because they used the word ‘each time’/’every time’ etc.

If you merely make a promise to yourself without mentioning Allah in the vow, then it is not binding.

Please also see:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/islamic-belief/promises-vs-vows-and-oaths/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/expiate-broken-oath/

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

 A Moment of Silence

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Is Religion Relevant in the 21st Century

Question: Is it permissible to observe a moment of silence to remember an event or the death of certain individuals?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

Observing a moment of silence has no basis in the Sunna of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). That said, it is also not a religious ritual, but rather a convention (adah) so it does not count as an accretion to the religion (bida) and would be permissible to do.

It would however be better to avoid unless there is overwhelming pressure to do it.

So, if you are part of a large organization in which your own actions are less noticeable, it would be better not to do observe the moment of silence.

However, if you are part of a smaller unit, such as a family or small business, in which one’s own individual actions would make or break one’s relationship with the others, one should observe the moment of silence. This is especially the case when the event has great emotional or political weight.

Now, this is obviously on the proviso that one is not showing this respect to a person of sin out of reverence for his sin, or a disbeliever out of reverence for his disbelief.

For example, having a moment of silence for Abu Jahl out of respect for his practicing his freedom of religion, or having a moment of silence to remember some famous brewer’s contribution to the science of brewing beer. These of course would be sinful.

In such a case, you would have to either take a very clear and calculated stance and convey to others why exactly you feel it is morally wrong to observe a moment of silence for such a person or avoid the situation completely in an allusive manner.

In general, we as Muslims need to be more clear and communicative, not loud and angry. We need to be sensitive and have hearts, but at the same time have our own identities and moral values.

Please also see:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/clarifying-innovations-in-islam/
https://seekersguidance.org/courses/evaluating-innovations-debunking-ten-bidah-myths/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/the-concept-and-classification-of-bida-in-islam/

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

Right to Property

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On Fences and Our Neighbours

Question: If one builds on a property, does one have the right to use the property?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

Promising to give/transfer property to someone else is not legally binding, but one will be responsible for breaking one’s promise on the Day of Judgment (Hashiyat Qalyubi; Iltimas al Sad, Sakhawi).

Furthermore, a promise to transfer ownership is a gift contract (hiba), and a gift contract is only binding once physical or legal possession (qabd) has taken place (Minhaj al Talibin, Nawawi). As such, you do not own the land by the mere fact that your brother promised to give it to you or your father.

As for building on the property, your use and your father’s use of the land was a loan of usufruct (ariyya) and your older brother can revoke that right whenever he chooses. That said, he must either buy your houses from you that you built or demolish them and pay you compensation (Rawda al Talibin, Nawawi).

If you cannot agree to a settlement, you have to take the issue to court.

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

Spreading Filth While Asleep

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Purification

Question: I often bleed from my gums at night, and it is quite likely that I unknowingly spread filth about while I am asleep. What should I do about this?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, ‘Leave that which gives you doubt for that which does not give you doubt’ (Tirmidhi).

The default assumption is that filth is not spread, and that is only changed by being 100% certain that filth has been spread. As long as you do not see any blood, you can safely ignore the possibility that there is any blood on you or on your bedding.

Please see:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/key-principles-relating-to-certainty-doubt-and-baseless-misgivings-waswasa/

The story goes that in the old streets of Damascus, a young man of purpose and overt religiosity once walked by a house, and just as he was passing by, an old lady threw some filthy water into the gutter not too far off from where he was. A tiny, insignificant splash of the water landed on his handsome robe, but he just ignored it and went on his merry way. Reminding himself of his piety, he thought that it would be prudent to go back and ask the old lady whether or not the water that she had just thrown out was pure (tahir/pak) or not.

Plucking up the courage, he walked back a few hundred yards and knocked on the old woman’s wooden fence. ‘I’m awfully sorry, ma’am,’ he asked the perturbed old woman, ‘but could I trouble you to tell me whether or not that water you just threw out was pure or not?’

The old lady smiled with a kind of mischievous yet motherly look on her face. ‘My child,’ replied the old woman, ‘it is your asking that made the water filthy.’

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

Stunning Chickens and Halal Certification

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Question: There is a certain halal food auditing company that has certified as halal chicken that is stunned before slaughter? Can I rely on this certification?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

When stunning does not kill the animal, then the process is still haram, but the meat will be halal to eat. This is probably why they gave the certification.

In the UK, it is better to rely on HMC than other organizations. You can find out which shops/restaurants they have given a certificate to here: https://halalhmc.org/outlets/

Please also read:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/a-guide-for-consuming-various-meats-foods-alcohol-animal-by-product-ingredients-and-cosmetics/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/can-we-eat-machine-slaughtered-meat/

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

Student Loans in the UK

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Sunna Prayers after Jumu‘a
Question: What is the ruling on student loans especially the British student loan system? What are the alternatives/practical ways to afford university?

Answer:

Wa ‘alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.

I pray you are well.

Interest Is Forbidden

Thank you for your important question. It is a matter which has been discussed by many scholars in our time. The problem with the loan system – as it currently is – is the interest element. I am aware of the clause of the debt being wiped away if one does not earn over a particular threshold. It doesn’t affect the ruling.

The issue is that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) cursed the one who takes interest, the one who gives it, the one who documents the contract, and the one who is a witness to it. He said they are all the same, in sin, that is (Muslim). Entering into the contract is a problem, so the loans are not permissible.

Alternative Solutions

As it is, there are not many practical financing solutions. You could try borrowing from friends and family. Taking a year or two out to pay for a couple of years, and working during that period part-time to pay for the final year is also an option.

It might not sound easy, but if you try with the aim of pleasing Allah you’ll get a lot more coming back to you from Allah in the long term. This is something the Muslim community needs to work towards having a workable solution for.

Failing this, you could enroll in a program that is subsidized or paid for, such as various NHS funded courses. Or maybe the University will accommodate a payment plan.

Banu Isra’il and the Sabbath Test

“Ask them about the city by the sea, when they transgressed the Sabbath at a time when the fish would come openly on the Sabbath, but not on other days…” (Qur’an, 7:163) This is verse a dear friend of mine referenced when I asked him what he would do about his son’s higher education.

He saw this situation as being similar to what Banu Isra’il faced – except that they were tested like this due to their constant rebellion. The similarity is that a haram option exists and it is easy to take, but it leads to problems. I know a number of people who were afflicted with problems in their life after taking out such loans.

In the end, he and his son decided that it would be better for him to apply for an apprenticeship. This is a viable option. It can lead to a good career, and you get paid whilst learning. It might not be the same as studying in a university, but it will, at least, lead to a guaranteed job.

See it as the test it is, and pray an istikhara. Ask Allah for the best course in your life – one that will enrich you in this life and the next. May Allah facilitate the matter for you.

[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic. He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Quranic recital and he was able to study an extensive curriculum of Quranic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence.

Praying Against Oppressors

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Question: Should Muslims pray against those who wrong them?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

No, one should not pray against those who wrong one. Rather one should take the means to avoid their harm, pray to be protected from them, and pray for their guidance.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, ‘Verily, I was not sent to curse people, rather I was only sent as a mercy’ (Muslim).

The worst one may do is to make a prayer against wrongdoers in general. For example, ‘O Allah, punish oppressors.’

One should not say, ‘O Allah, punish So-and-so.’ because that person may well repent and be much better than the one who made the prayer (Hashiyat al Bajuri ala Ibn Qasim).

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

Prayer and Menstruation

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the one who complained

Question: If the prayer time enters and then one starts menstruating, does one have to make up the prayer? 

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

If the prayer time enters, and then one’s menstruation starts, one must make up that prayer if enough time elapsed for one to have prayed it.

For example, one knows one is not menstruating, and one is shopping and intends to delay the prayer until half an hour before the next prayer. But when one comes to pray, one finds that the menstruation has already started, in this case, one must make up that prayer.

However, if one’s menstruation starts just a few minutes after the prayer time began, one is not obliged to pray that prayer at all (Bushra al Karim, Ba Ishn).

If one notices that one’s menstruation started a short time after one prayed, then one assumes that it started after finishing praying.

If a person is not sure of how many prayers one has to makeup, a reasonable estimation should be made. One does not simply repeat all the prayers of the days of the onset and cessation of the menstruation cycle.

I pray this helps.

[Shaykh] Farid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

Following the Imam when he errs

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Question: If one believes the imam is adding an extra cycle of prayer (raka) to the prayer, is it permissible to follow him in that?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

If one believes the imam is adding an extra cycle of prayer (raka) to the prayer, it is not permissible to follow him in that, and would in fact invalidate one’s prayer.

For example, if you were praying dhuhr and the imam got up for what he thought was the fourth cycle of prayer (raka), but you thought that it was an extra fifth cycle of prayer, then one would simply sit an wait for him to finish, or leave the group prayer. If you followed him in what you thought was wrong, then your prayer would be nullified (batila), and you would have to pray again. (Bushra al Karim, Ba Ishn)

The exception here would be when a large number of other followers (hadd al tawatur) agree with the imam, such that it is clear that one’s belief is wrong. (Bushra al Karim, Ba Ishn)

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language