Acquitting a Debt

Imam Haddad’s Poem at His Wife’s Death

Question: My husband is in debt to me, and I want to divorce him? Can I agree that I acquit him of his debt to me in exchange for divorcing me?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

What you are describing is called khul’. It is a divorce that is initiated by the wife whereby she pays him a sum of money (usually the dowry that he paid her) for her right to be divorced.

The answer to your question is that it would be valid, however, given that the amount you are going to forgo is more than the dowry, it would be blameworthy for him to accept it. He should rather agree to repay the debt less than the original dowry.

Please also see:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/can-wife-divorce-without-agreement/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/should-i-stay-married-even-though-i-hate-my-husband-because-of-his-bad-character-and-irreligiousness/

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

Meeting With a Prospective Bride

Question: If there is someone who I seriously consider as a prospective bride, can I meet her in a cafe or something like that?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

When one finds someone who generally seems like a suitable match, one should reach out to the family first. If they are willing, one could meet the prospective bride in a cafe or walk with her in a park providing there is a religious chaperone who would notice if there was hand-holding or anything like that.

As for meeting her alone, or among the bad company, that would not be permissible because for most people it leads to sin.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, ‘It really is the case that no man and woman alone save that the third person with them is the Devil’ (Ahmad and Tirmidhi).

Please see:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/a-reader-on-gender-interaction/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/can-remove-face-veil-front-prospective-spouse/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/is-one-allowed-to-chat-with-a-potential-spouse-for-the-purpose-of-getting-to-know-each-other/

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

Marrying My Boyfriend

Prophetic Parenting

Question: I was born and raised in UAE and lived there for 14 years with my family and then we shifted back to Pakistan. Now that I am 18, my family is planning to shift back to the UAE. I have been in a relationship for 3 years here and when I told him about us shifting, he proposed a nikah so that our relationship would be accepted and halal. I want this, too, but how do I talk to my parents as they won’t let me marry at 18 years old.

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I commend you for willing to make your relationship halal and for wanting to step out of the sin that you are currently committing. May Allah reward you for your intention and open a way for what is best for you.

Talking to parents

There really is no way around it. You will have to speak to your parents and tell them that you have found someone that you believe suits you and your family. You don’t need to reveal your illicit relationship to them, as that would break their hearts, and Muslims may not reveal their sins to others.

You may even consider asking a third party to sit down with your parents and recommend this boy to them so that it’s not only coming from you. Another option is for the boy to come directly to your parents with his father, and they officially propose. Or, his mother could call your mother and tell her that she would like to propose marriage. Involving the parents would be the most honorable way. Of course, his parents would have to be convinced, first.

Then if your parents were to accept, both parties could agree on a timeline for a nikah and wedding reception. An immediate nikah would be optimal so that the relationship becomes halal, but you would have to wait for your parents’ permission. A delayed nikah is better than nothing and you should consider yourself blessed if they agree, even if they make you wait.

If they refuse

If your parents refuse this official proposal, first discuss the reasons with them. If they want you to complete university, promise them that you will. Perhaps you can meet halfway. Complete half of your degree, and then marry, and then complete the other half. If they feel they don’t know the boy, perhaps you can have them sit down and get to know each other. If they have some other concerns, try to address it and use politeness and good character to convince them.

If they refuse, even after many discussions, then you are left with no choice. You will have to move on and allow your heart to heal and find someone else at the right time and in the right way. If this happens, don’t ever tell your future spouse about him.

For now

For now, you should repent and cease all physical contact with him. You both have to make a major decision and there is no sense in dragging this on if it will not lead to fruition. Get serious, stop seeing him, make a good intention, and start working on convincing your parents. If it doesn’t work, make the painful break and start the healing process. Don’t ever allow yourself to be used and disrespected in this manner again. May Allah make it easy for you and guide you to the best decision.

The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Almighty but that Allah will replace it with something better” [Musnad of Ahmad].

Please see the link below:

https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/i-am-in-an-impermissible-but-healthy-relationship-what-should-i-do/

[Ustadh] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Choosing Phone Over Family

Reconnecting With Family

Question: My husband neglects me & the kids. He chats on social media all day long, even in the toilet, at the dinner table, and ignores us. He lies and says it’s work but it’s not. Often, all I get from him is a greeting. I constantly tell him to stop. I applied for a fasakh but he lied to the counselor. I feel lonely. When I discuss it with him, he ignores me. He doesn’t want a divorce but he doesn’t want to make time for me either. I don’t have any other adults to talk to but him.

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

I am so sorry that you are going through this hardship and I empathize with your pain. Some people don’t handle the use of the internet well and it destroys their time and relationships. I pray that your husband comes to understand your needs and learns how to balance his obligations with his personal entertainment.

Faskh or khul`

My understanding is that a Faskh can only be accomplished by an Islamic Court of Law after proving that your husband hasn’t supported you financially. Rather, in your case, a woman can apply for khul`, which is a release for payment. One would pay the husband a mutually agreed upon sum for him to release her from the marriage with his consent.
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/can-women-stipulate-marriage-contract-right-initiate-divorce/

Communicating the problem

I recommend that you try fixing this marriage before walking away. There are many things that you can do, but I am afraid that telling him to stop isn’t one of them. You will have to take steps of having an honest, non-confrontational discussion about it, making technology-free zones in the house, turning up the intimacy, and making sure that you spend less time on the phone yourself.

I know a woman who had the same problem with her husband at the dinner table, so one evening, she overdid the salt in his dinner. He was shocked and asked her what happened to the food, and she said that she did it so he would speak to her at the table. After that day, he always spoke to her at dinnertime. Here are some ideas for you:

-Try inviting others for dinner, anybody, just so that he turns away from his phone and is forced to socialize.
-Try bringing up an interesting topic to him, such as sports, politics, or something else he likes.
-Try asking him to take you all out for dinner because you are tired and don’t want to cook.
-Try having him read stories to your children or take them to the park, appealing to him that they need to spend more time with him.
-Try getting him to help with their homework, or to buy certain things for them that they need for school.
-Try communicating with him through text message yourself, for this can often get a man’s attention.
-Last but not least, explain to him that the children need his love and attention and a male role model, or they will just grow up and ignore their families too. This is contrary to any decent way of living, let alone the Prophetic way.

Resources

Please read these books and article and see which one strikes a chord with you, that you can act upon:
https://www.amazon.ca/Fascinating-Womanhood-Bestseller-Strengthen-Marriage/dp/055329220X
https://www.5lovelanguages.com/
https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0743204441/ref=rdr_ext_tmb
https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/8063/phone-addiction-ruining-relationship/

Please see these articles for excellent advice about internet addictions:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/how-can-i-reconnect-to-my-husband-who-is-addicted-to-his-phone/
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/log-off-live-life_b_1220542?fbclid=IwAR1p1-ItMHGFNwo6_7eZxAIGT9mXqL9Kxm4gdVXmKSveYlUhKIX4RvEo7xU

Please see this article for advice on addiction in general:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/advice-to-a-young-man-with-ocd-and-struggling-with-pornography-and-other-major-sins/

May Allah make it easy for you to move forward in a positive and loving marriage and help your husband realize that he is wronging himself and others. May Allah make it easy for all of you to change and grow together.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Words of Divorce

Question: Which phrases count as explicit or equivocal terms of divorce?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

Words of divorce in the Shafi’i school are either explicit, equivocal, or neither-nor.

Explicit expressions of divorce

In English, the only explicit word would be to use ‘divorce’. If a man says, ‘I divorce my wife.’, then as long as he is sane, awake, and intentionally says the words, then his wife is divorced. It would be irrelevant what he intended by saying those words.

Equivocal expressions of divorce

Equivocal words are words that could well be construed as meaning divorce, but also accept other interpretations. For example, ‘Our marriage is over’ or ‘Get out of my life!’ or ‘Consider yourself no longer my wife’ and other similar phrases could all be understood as divorce, but they could have other meanings too.

Here, we would ask the husband what he intended by those words. If he said that he intended divorce, then it would be a divorce. If he said that he intended something else, then it would not be a divorce. If he refused to say, the Islamic magistrate would force him to state his intention.

It is worth noting that writing ‘I divorce you.’ which when said is explicit and does not require any intention, is only considered equivocal. For example, if a man wrote an email to his wife telling her that she was divorced, we would ask him what he intended by sending it. If he replied that it was just a draft and he only sent it accidentally, we would accept his claim (Sharh Ba Sudan ala Daw al Misbah, Ba Sudan).

Neither-nor expressions

If a man who could speak used a phrase that does not indicate divorce at all, this would not count, even if he did intend divorce. For example, he got in a fight with his wife and expressed the futility of the argument and the end of their marriage by saying something like, ‘Words. Words. Words.’ This would not count as a divorce even if he intended divorce thereby (Sharh Ba Sudan ala Daw al Misbah, Ba Sudan).

Specific situations

I remember I once called up my teacher asking about a specific scenario. He said that we muftis do not give answers on the phone. He explained that in theory, the case I was asking about was a divorce, but that to get a real answer the questioner had to go to the Sharia court.

What I would advise is to go to an Islamic court in a Muslim country, or a fiqh organization that deals with divorces in a non-Muslim country. If none of this is possible, to agree with your spouse to have one scholar give an answer that both of you will follow (tahkim).

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

 

Wife’s Right To Intimacy

Question: What is a wife’s right to intimacy?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

The husband must try his best to fulfill his wife’s emotional and physical needs within reason. This is her right.

Ibn Taymiyya says, “The husband must render his wife her conjugal rights in a goodly manner (bill maruf). This is one of her most crucial rights. It is more important than even feeding her. Regarding how often it is obligatory, some have said once every four months, and others have said that it depends on her need and his ability, and this is the more correct position” (Majmu al Fatawa, Ibn Taymiyya).

As stated above, the husband must try his best to sleep with her and satisfy her needs.

If he is not meeting her needs, they should try to take other means. If they still cannot come up with a solution, they should go to a sex therapist.

If the situation is still dire and the woman genuinely fears that she will fall into sin, they should consider a wife-initiated divorce (khul).

Islam is fair and has solutions for all problems.

Please also see: https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/islam-say-neglect-wifes-sexual-rights/

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

My Husband Impregnated Another Woman

Question: I have been married for three and a half years and have no children. My husband has committed zina behind my back for over 2 years. Now the woman has said that she is pregnant with his child. He is slightly doubtful as we don’t have children and are not using contraception. He has asked for DNA testing and is getting himself tested too to ensure everything is OK with his fertility. What is the ruling in Islam? Should he marry the woman?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. Your husband is not fit to be a husband or father because he committed adultery and has done it for so long.

His marriage to her will make the child legitimate

There is no obligation on your husband to marry this girl. However, if he decides to, the child will be called his and will grow up with a father and not as an illegitimate child. It says in the Reliance of the Traveller, “The husband of a woman who bears a child (0: no matter whether his marriage to her is valid or invalid) is considered to be the child’s father whenever it is (N: legally) possible that the child could be his, meaning that:
(a) the woman gave birth to the child six months plus a moment after the marriage agreement;…“[n10.2].

This means that your husband should marry her immediately, so that they are married for at least 6 months of her pregnancy, in order to be called the father of the child. Your husband would have been wise to do a nikah with this woman before he slept with her.

If he doesn’t marry her

If he does not marry her, then he should provide financial support for the illegitimate child, just out of moral principle. Regardless, you must decide whether to stay with a non-Godfearing man or leave him for his unfaithfulness which is valid grounds for divorce.

I pray that this situation is resolved and that you grow closer to Allah through this painful experience. It may be a blessing that you did not have a child with him, perhaps you are destined to have a family with someone else. Please pray istikhara and talk to your husband about the future of your relationship. I pray for success for both of you.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

 

Should My Mother Leave My Abusive Father?

Question: My parents have always fought. My dad can be very religious, but he has always treated my mother badly. He gets really mad at my mom that he ends up insulting her, swearing at her, insulting her in public, and more. He gives her the silent treatment, while she cooks fresh meals for him three times a day. My mom has cut ties with her friends, limited interaction with her own family, and is treated like a maid by my dad and his family. Every dispute leaves my mom crying and he hardly tries to understand or talk it out. There is no communication. A few days back, my mom found my dad growing more invested in a group chat and she noticed changes in his behavior. She checked his phone and found that he had talked to a few women outside the group chat. She asked him and he made it a huge issue and said that it was disgusting for her to grow suspicious of him. She finally broke down and blames herself for even checking it. We are all dependent on my dad and she asks me if she should move out because she only stays because of the kids.
 
Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration and helplessness at watching your mother suffer abuse from your father. Islam does not permit this kind of behaviour and it is far from the Prophetic Sunnah.

The absolute best advice that I can give you is in this link:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/can-help-mother-despite-abusive-father/

Abuse

One should try to stop abuse to the extent that one is able to. You could try speaking to him calmly and asking him not to yell at her so much because it affects and harms the whole family. You could explain to him that you hope to get a spouse that does not yell at you that way he does at his wife. This might get him thinking. When you get older, you may even tell him that you are encouraging your mother to move out so that you can live peacefully apart.

Offer loving support

Finding ways to spend time alone with your mother – like doing an activity at home together, going to lunch, or learning a skill or taking a class together – can give you the opportunity to talk safely and let her know you love her. You can remind her that you are concerned about her and that she doesn’t deserve to be treated badly. This can go a long way for boosting her self-confidence and renewing her strength.

Self-care

People who experience abuse often don’t do self-care because they are made to feel like they don’t deserve love or care. It’s normal to lose sight of ourselves when we’re dealing with high stress. But self-care is one healthy way to cope. Remind your mother that self-care is important for everyone – and try to practice it yourself for your own well-being so you can enable yourself to continue being a source of support for her. Being able to create a safe mental space to help you stay grounded when things get tough not only helps you but also the people around you.

Turn to Allah

This is a tremendous opportunity for both you and your mother to get closer to your Lord through du`a, ultimate submission to His will, and contentment with His decree. Channel all of your pain into discourse with your Lord in the depths of the night and wait patiently for Allah to send your family what is best in the timing and manner which He deems fit, without rushing or being impatient. Be the best Muslim that you can be and strive to fulfill Allah’s commands. Remind your mother of the value of her dua.

The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “There are three whose supplication is not rejected: The fasting person when he breaks his fast, the just leader, and the supplication of the oppressed person; Allah raises it up above the clouds and opens the gates of heaven to it. And the Lord says: ‘By My might, I shall surely aid you, even if it should be after a while”[Tirmidhi].

May Allah bless you and give you and your family the very best in this world and the next and send you the best solution.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Is My Divorce Valid?

Question:
Assalamu ‘alaykum

On the 6th of this Islamic month, I divorced my wife, then after a few days I took her back, on the 10th I think, then again on the 11th I divorced her. Is she still my wife?

I asked another shaykh, and, upon hearing that I pronounced divorce once he told me to withdraw the divorce. I had already done this because I took her back, and my wife says that the second divorce I pronounced was invalid.

Answer:

Wa ‘alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.

I pray you are well.

Refraining From Sinful Divorces

Yes, she is divorced. The second divorce is valid, and you have taken her back does not affect the validity of the second divorce.

Unfortunately, however, you have committed a sin by divorcing her twice in the same ‘tuhr’ (the time between two menstrual cycles). Divorcing a lady during her menstrual cycle, or more than once in a tuhr is sinful. It is considered to be an innovative divorce, which is an enormity (Maydani, al Lubab).

You should repent and refrain from doing so again in the future. Serious matters such as divorce – should the need arise – should only be issued with active consultation with a scholar. There are variables that one may not be aware of.

Allah has commanded us to consult scholars on matters we don’t have knowledge on: “Ask those of the remembrance if you do not know” (Qur’an, 16:43).

May Allah grant us well-being in all matters.

Given the considerations in such cases, please consult reliable local scholars about the specifics of the situation. Jazakum Allah khayr.

[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic. He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Quranic recital and he was able to study an extensive curriculum of Quranic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence.

How Do I Revoke a Divorce I Gave When My Wife Was Menstruating?

Question: How Do I Revoke a Divorce I Gave When My Wife Was Menstruating?

Assalamu ‘alaykum.

I said the word divorce once to my wife. She was having her period that day when I said that word. Later the same day we cleared the misunderstanding between us but we had no sexual relation because I was left for work out of the city. Now it has been 40 days and she already had her 2nd female period.
I have 3 questions in this regard.

1. Since she was having her periods so will that period be counted or not?

2. I am still physically away so is it required to have sexual activity between us to ruju? I did not new about intercourse being required otherwise I would have done that before leaving for work.

3. In case if she has her 3rd period (including the period when I used that word) before my return then what will be the right way to save the marriage?

Answer:

Wa ‘alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.

I pray you are well.

Divorces During Periods Are Valid – But Sinful

The divorce during a woman’s menstrual cycle is valid, but a sinful act for which one must repent from.  One of the Companions did this and the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) was angered by it (Bukhari). Words have consequences – beware! Ask Allah for forgiveness and don’t repeat it. The ‘idda does not start until her next menstrual cycle.

Revoking a Divorce

To revoke a divorce you just need to say “I take you back” or to engage in any act which displays intimacy, such as a kiss or a hug. If you did anything like that the divorce was revoked.

If the ‘idda ends without the husband having revoked a revocable divorce, as in this case, the couple simply need to conduct a new marriage contract (nikah) with a new mahr payment for her. This is only the case if he has not given her three divorces.
(Maydani, al Lubab)

See also: What Are the Rulings of ʿIdda (Waiting Period)?-https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/rulings-ʿidda-waiting-period/

What Are the Rulings of the Waiting Period (‘Idda)? [Video]- https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/rulings-waiting-period-idda/

May Allah forgive all our sins.
[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic. He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Quranic recital and he was able to study an extensive curriculum of Quranic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence.