Is It Permissible To Say One Has No One To Help Them?

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Question:

Assalamu ‘Alaykum.

If someone is depressed and desperate, is it permissible to say, “No one can help me“?

Answer:

Wa ‘alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.

I pray you are well.

Yes, such a statement is permissible as it is an expression of what one feels. All things are in the hands of Allah, and sometimes, the end of a trial is not immediate. It is normal to feel like no one can remove the trial for one in such situations.

This is not a denial of Allah’s care and concern. Believers know that Allah looks after His servants – even when trials persist. In fact, people are usually at their most sincere in the middle of tests. They realize they are weak individuals, and from there, they learn to turn to Allah and hope in His favor.

https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/chronic-depression-treatment-not-helping/

https://seekersguidance.org/answers/islamic-belief/are-there-prohibited-duas/

Please seek some professional help for your depression. It might be not easy, but it could be the means to healing.

May Allah grant you complete wellbeing in this life and the next.
[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History, he moved to Damascus in 2007, where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic. He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Quranic recital. He was able to study an extensive curriculum of Quranic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence.

How Can I Improve My Prayer when I Suffer from PTSD and Depression?

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Question:

I do not always make my prayers on time, and I suffer from PTSD and Major Depression. What can help me overcome these issues?

Answer:

I hope you are doing well, insha’Allah. May Allah grant you relief and healing.

Know that your Lord is Merciful and Caring. Do your best to do your prayers on time and to be in remembrance of Allah Most High. Do so out of gratitude, love, and certitude in the Mercy, Gentleness, and Caring of your Loving Lord.

Allah Most High tells us, “Remember Me, and I will remember you.” [Qur’an] He also tells us, “Truly, it is by the remembrance of Allah that hearts find rest.” [Qur’an]

However, given the considerations in cases like what you describe, we urge you to please consult reliable local trained scholars or professional counsel about the specifics of the situation.

Seeking help is not a sign of weakness. Rather, it is from strong resolve and from embracing the means of mercy and healing that your Generous Lord has facilitated for you.

Jazakum Allah khayr. May Allah facilitate all ways of good for you.

Wassalam,

[Shaykh] Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Faraz Rabbani spent ten years studying with some of the leading scholars of recent times, first in Damascus, and then in Amman, Jordan. His teachers include the foremost theologian of recent times in Damascus, the late Shaykh Adib al-Kallas (may Allah have mercy on him), as well as his student Shaykh Hassan al-Hindi, one of the leading Hanafi fuqaha of the present age. He returned to Canada in 2007, where he founded SeekersGuidance in order to meet the urgent need to spread Islamic knowledge–both online and on the ground–in a reliable, relevant, inspiring, and accessible manner. He is the author of: Absolute Essentials of Islam: Faith, Prayer, and the Path of Salvation According to the Hanafi School (White Thread Press, 2004.) Since 2011, Shaykh Faraz has been named one of the 500 most influential Muslims by the Royal Islamic Strategic Studies Center.

 

I Made Promises to God That I Can’t Keep

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Question: I made promises to Allah to stop doing some negative things, like not watching TV, not reading newspapers, and not reading novels. It has become somewhat difficult for me to keep up with these. So should I keep them? Or what should I do?

Answer: Assalamu alaykum,

Dear questioner, thank you for your question.

Please read the following article in order to differentiate between a promise, oath, or vow. It seems to me that your situation falls under a promise to Allah and nothing else.

What is the Difference Between a Promise, an Oath, and a Vow?

I commend your zeal for wanting to stop these actions, but I caution you to do so gradually. It is the Devil’s (Shaytan) number one trick to make one pile up many acts of worship, or totally abstain from all pleasures, that the person eventually comes crashing down, only to find that he didn’t change anything at all.

Limit your TV watching by an hour every few weeks gradually until you stop. Reduce your novels per month until you cut them out. There is no need to stop reading the news unless you feel that it is a genuine waste of time for you and doesn’t benefit you or your family. Pick your news carefully, perhaps, by reading only the Health section or Discovery section until you only read as much as you feel you need. You probably don’t need to read more than five minutes of politics.

Instead of making promises to Allah, get a handle on how you want to improve your religion and keep the company of religious people. Read the Qur`an every day, and read the inspiring works of Imam al-Haddad and others. Pray tahajjud and ask Allah to guide you every day. Don’t miss a single obligation and remove the haram from your life one at a time. You will soon find that your bad deeds drop from you like flies and that your interests will be changed forever. And Allah knows best.

Is There a Difference Between Breaking an Oath and Breaking a Promise?

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

 

My Mother Emotionally Abuses Us and Her Husband

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Question: My mother is making us suffer. She thinks she is always right. She brainwashed my sister and I from a young age to hate our father. Now as adults, we know it’s the opposite. She is toxic and has emotionally abused us and broken my father’s spirit many times. I can no longer bear this.

Answer: Assalamu alaykum brother,

I deeply empathize with your situation. It is terrible to live in a troublesome and restless home. I pray that Allah removes you from this situation soon.

I know someone who had a very similar experience. This person had a difficult mother who played the victim and blamed her husband, and she practically drove him mad. He responded by cheating on her, and all the children considered their home a “sad” home. However, when the children grew up, married, and moved out, things got better.

Everything in this world is a test and it won’t last forever. Allah will judge you according to your intentions and choices. Try to handle the situation for yourself first, before trying to help anyone else.

1) Mitigate the daily harms, by waking up each morning with an open and forgiving heart. Remember that most parents are far from perfect. Be cheerful, give your mom a hug, smile, and do something nice for her. It will be harder for her to always be negative when you are being positive. Encourage her to go out with you more, join religious circles, and be around positive, pious people.

2) Do not engage her when she argues, keep silent to her provocations, busy yourself with something or as a last resort, leave the room. She will soon figure out that her words fall on deaf ears. If being at home is unbearable, take up a new beneficial hobby, find a religious class to join or spend more time outside with pious friends.

3) Defend your dad, if it helps. If it doesn’t, you don’t need to involve yourself in their fight. Never get angry. Only involve yourself if you can help to resolve it peacefully or prevent a fight.

4) Fulfill all of your obligations to Allah. He is the one who sent you the problem and He can send you the solution. Pray five times a day on time, fast Ramadan and make up what you have missed, pay zakat on time, give charity regularly, read some Qur`an every day with the meaning, eat only from the halal, lower your gaze, and study hard. Once you fulfill all of your responsibilities to your Lord, trust in Him to take care of the rest. Hand all your problems over to Him.

As for your sister’s health, consider taking her to a naturopath, homeopath or conventional doctor. She should not allow her health to worsen through negligence. This ulcer can heal in sha Allah.

Also, try your best not to imitate this behavior when you have children. It seems obvious, now, that you would not, but people easily slip into what they saw growing up. Make an active intention now to be different. May Allah help you accomplish that.

Allah, Most High, says, “They grieve at any good that befalls you [believers] and rejoice at your misfortunes. But if you are patient and conscious of God, their scheming will not harm you in the least: God encircles everything they do” [Qur`an, 3:120].

Dealing With a Dysfunctional Relationship With Parents
How Do I Stop Arguing with My Mother?
How Can I Deal With My Difficult Mother in a Respectful Way?

May Allah give you and your family well-being, good health and tawfiq.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

 

I Still Love a Man Who Left Me

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Question: I was in a relationship four years ago but one day he betrayed me. He is with another girl now. I still love him so much and I constantly ask Allah to give him to me in a halal way. I prayed istikhara a year back about it. My friend tells me not to pray for him but I can’t stop. Am I wrong?

Answer: Assalamu alaykum sister,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through so much pain. Verily, a broken heart takes much time and effort to heal. May Allah help you through this.

Is this guy worth it?

I believe, deep down, that your friend is right. Generally speaking, if you want to see whether you should continue to do what you are doing in life, look at how that thing started. Did this relationship start in a permissible way? What was your intention and his intention? Did he just want to use you for his pleasure? Did you just want to satisfy some immediate urges or get attention from a man? Why would you trust a man who betrayed you?

Tawbah

I believe you are truly sincere and want to follow your religion. The best recourse for you is first, tawbah. Turn to Allah in repentance for this relationship that you had with him and promise to never return to another one like it again. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “You will never leave something for the sake of Allah, but Allah will give you something better in return” [Ahmad].  Trust that.

Move on

Second, you should ask Allah to remove this person from your heart. You were with him four years ago, in an illicit fashion, and he is with someone else now, after betraying you. I don’t think he pines for you, as you do for him;  your effort is wrongly placed.

Instead of making du`a that he comes back to you, ask Allah to send someone better, perfectly suited for you in a permissible way. Instead of thinking about him, think about how you can become a better Muslim and busy yourself with that. It is truly a blessing that you are not with him now, and be grateful that you didn’t end up pregnant. Leave the past where it belongs.

Delete him from your contacts, and your social media. Learn your personal obligatory knowledge and apply it. Read some Qur`an every day with the meaning. Take up a healthy hobby or sport, exercise, get fresh air every day. Acquire skills that can help you with your future. Anytime he pops into your head, seeks refuge from the Devil, and bless the Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace. And of course, keep the company of pious, righteous family and friends.

I pray that Allah sends you someone that can be a garment for you and you a garment for him.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Are Kefir and Kombucha Licit?

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Question: Are Kefir and Kombucha halal?

Answer: Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

Kefir and Kombucha and similar drinks are halal because the alcohol is naturally occurring and the percentage is extremely low.

Please see:

Alcoholic Content in Soft Drinks

Kombucha tea and kefir

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

Can We Pray After Seeing a Pornographic Video?

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Question: After seeing a porn video, can we pray namaz like a normal day?

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate

It is impermissible for a woman to look at a man with desire and for a man to look at a woman with desire.

It is not permissible for anyone to look at the nakedness of another, even if there is no desire.

Also, it is not permissible to look at the garment of another which is revealing the shape of the body. That applies even if the garment is thick and the skin cannot be seen and even if it is without desire.

[Ref: [Ala’ al-Din Abidin, al-Hadiyya al-`Ala’iyya]

With that being said, it is impermissible  to watch  unclothed people engaging in sexual acts, this is understood as a fortiori.

Deadly Sin of Pornography

Pornography is a major sin and has horrendous consequences on one’s heart, mind, body, and social relations.

With that being said, one is in more need of praying in order to seek forgiveness and turn back to Allah Most High.
Allah Most High says, “Establish the prayer at the two ends of the day and some part of the night. Good deeds will repel bad deeds. That is a reminder for the mindful” [Qur’an; 11:114].

Repentance 

One should immediately hasten to repentance, with deep regret and a determination to never return to that sin.

Pornography is known to be very addictive. Refer to the following links for further clarity and advice:

I Am a Young Woman Addicted to Pornography. What Should I Do?
How Can I Wake up for Fajr and Overcome Pornography Addiction?
I Am Addicted to Pornography. What Do I Do?

Hope this helps
And Allah knows best

[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a graduate from Tarim; a student of Habib Umar and other luminaries; and authorized teachers of Qur’an and the Islamic sciences.

Sudden Fear of Dying

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Question: Suddenly I got thinking that I will die tomorrow and I can’t stop crying. I prayed two Rakats, but I only fell asleep after hearing a dua and a surah. Today I feel the same and I’m confused whether it is from Allah or the Shaytan.

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum Sister,

Thank you for your honest question. You sound like you are in much pain. May Allah guide you through this and relieve your heart.

I want to let you know that no one can tell you when you are going to die. This has been written in the Tablets, from the time that you were in the womb, and you must not preoccupy your mind with it. Every soul will taste death, as it says in the Qur’an, but we must focus on preparing for it.

If I were in your shoes, I would do the following:

1) Pray on time, five times a day
2) Read some Qur`an with the meaning every day
3) Give charity or do service every day
4) Exercise in the fresh air and eat healthy every day, especially drop the sugar
5) Keep the company of good, religious friends and family
6) Learn your personally obligatory Islamic Knowledge; it is your best weapon against anxiety and worry.

Allah, Most High, says, “those who believe and whose hearts find comfort in the remembrance of Allah. Surely in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find comfort.“ [Qur`an, 13:28]

Please regularly invoke the Du`as in the links below, may Allah give you every success and relief!

Abu Zayd Balkhi on Depression – Shaykh Dr. Asim Yusuf
Depression and Sadness
Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Is It Permissible to Carry Out Surgical Procedures to Make Myself Look Younger?

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Question: Can I dress up for my husband outside of the house? Is it permissible to carry out surgical and/or non-surgical procedures to make myself look younger?

Answer:

Dear Questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

May Allah make you and all believing women beautiful in His eyes and in the eyes of their husbands.

Beautification is sunna for women, and in the house, you can do whatever you like to be as attractive and beautiful in his eyes. In public, it is forbidden to wear tight or revealing clothes, but you can use Kuhl or elegant clothes even if they are colorful.

As for surgical procedures, that would only be permissible as corrective surgery. Any non-surgical procedures would be halal as long as they do not have any short- or long-term harm.

Covering Properly

It is of the God-consciousness [taqwa] of the wife and her husband to wear a proper hijab outside of the house, or in front of non-immediate relatives [non-mahrams].

Please see:

What Are the Requirements of Hijab?
Am I a ‘Dayyuth’ If I Let My Wife Go out Without Hijab and How Do I Maintain Protective Jealousy (Ghayrah)?

Cosmetic Surgery

Surgical procedures entail changing the way Allah created you, and this is forbidden unless it is done as corrective surgery.

Please see:

Is Cosmetic Surgery Allowed?
Is Cosmetic Surgery Allowed?Is It Permissible to Get Botox Injections?
Ruling on Cosmetic Surgeries
Are Breast Implants Permissible?

You should also read:
Complications and management of breast enhancement using hyaluronic acid

Keeping up with Barbie

It is, unfortunately, the case that many men think that women are or can become human Barbie dolls. This neurosis is exacerbated by the sex industry and the media in general.

The reality is that women are not walking talking Barbies (and men are not usually as handsome as Ken or as heroic as any Box Office action hero). We live in the real world, with real men and women, who all have pros and cons, both physically, emotionally, and religiously.

It is utterly imperative that we all acknowledge this, and live our marital and sexual lives in a mature and realistic way. If we don’t, we will never be satisfied with ourselves, our spouses, and the blessings that Allah has granted us.

Not doing so and continually looking for what else we imagine exists out there leads to being ungrateful for the blessings that Allah has bestowed us. Allah Most High has said, ‘And were you to count the blessings of Allah, you would not be able to: Indeed, man really is a gross wrong-doer and an inveterate ingrate.’ (Qur’an, 14: 34)

And the opposite — to be content with what one has, and not keep looking at the greener “other side” — is the means to happiness and gratitude. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, ‘Look at those who are below you and don’t look at those who are above you, for that way you are less likely to discount what Allah has blessed you with.’ (Bukhari and Muslim)

So one should look at the countless blessings one has, and look at the good points in one’s spouse. ‘Live with them in accordance with what is fair and kind: if you dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something in which God has put much good.’ (Qur’an, 4:19)

It is normal as a wife, or husband, to feel at times that one is not quite the woman or man that one’s spouse is looking for. This is unavoidable. We do not live in Paradise, and expecting our lives and relationships to be paradisiacal is not realistic.

Rather we should try our best to be that which we can be — emotionally, physically, and spiritually — and be accepting of our spouses as long as they are trying their best too.

Talking things out, and setting realistic and halal measures to better the relationship is very important. Some things can change naturally, and sometimes we can guess what we need to change, but nothing beats having a proper one to one conversation.

Practical Measures

Tell your husband that you really want to look nicer for him, so that he doesn’t feel that you are turning down his wishes, but at the same time don’t do any surgical procedures (since by default they are forbidden), and don’t do any non-surgical procedures that may affect your health or that of the baby.

Try and act like you are more interested in him physically (even if you are not), and make him feel that you appreciate him being around. He may well just be saying these things because he can’t express his dissatisfaction with other aspects of your life. Try to get to the core of the problem.

Talk to him in a kind and receptive way, while being very frank about the reality of your body, your pregnancy, and your staunch adherence to what is halal. Make it clear that you are on his side, but that you are not willing to do something forbidden or unrealistic to keep him happy.

Be ready for some level of immaturity: if he is as you explained, he may not take any of what say seriously, and still want you to be aesthetically perfect despite the fact that you are human, and on top of that, pregnant. You just have to make sure that you have expressed yourself clearly, and wait for him to absorb the ideas.

Unfortunately, you also have to be ready to have your emotions hurt now and then. There isn’t really any way out of it. Even the wives of the best of creation, the Prophet (upon whom be blessings and peace) sometimes felt that other women were more attractive in his eyes: he did have multiple wives after all.

The pain of jealousy is not always avoidable. But there is a difference between consistent and intentional affronts to your looks and the very occasional sense of not being the apple of his eye. The first has to be weeded out through frank conversations and/or counseling. The second is just part of life. And remember that men get jealous too.

It is narrated that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, ‘Indeed, Allah has prescribed that women should bear the weight of jealousy and that men should bear the weight of jihad. Whosoever of them [women] is patient, believing in Allah, and seeking reward from Him, will have the reward of a martyr. (Bazzar and Tabarani)

Conclusion

Try your best, be as affable and hopeful as possible, and don’t get too sad. Marriages can change 180 degrees.

There is also a good book to read which is Yasmin Mogahed’s Reclaim your Heart. You cannot, and should not, detach your heart from your husband, but he also shouldn’t be the Kaaba of your existence.

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

How Can I Help My Old Mother That Suffers a Mental Disorder?

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Answered by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Question: My old mother is bed-bound, disabled, demented, and now deaf. I have to look after her without much help from my siblings. She is very difficult to deal with, and I lost my cool with her a lot, but then repent. Please advise. 

Answer: Wa ‘alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh

Dear sister, I pray you are well, and that Allah makes a way of these difficulties for you. You have a very difficult test, and I pray Allah Almighty makes it easier for you and rewards you tremendously for it.

Good News

A woman who had epileptic fits came to the Messenger of Allah, Allah blesses him and give him peace. She wanted him to pray for the affliction to be removed. He told her that if she remained patient she would get Paradise. (Bukhari)

From the details you described in your question it seems that you have an incredibly difficult test. Perhaps this is the means that will gain you a place in Paradise without any judgment. And perhaps your mother’s illness will gain her the same. Have a good opinion of Allah.

Do What You Can

Try your best to remain calm with your mother. If you do happen to lose your patience,  ask Allah for forgiveness and try to apologize to her. It’s clear that your test is an intense one, and as humans, there is only so much we can handle, especially when there is no rest from the trials. Don’t let the guilt burden you. With every repentance, assume your mistakes are all wiped away.

Practically, however, I don’t think this situation is something you can manage on your own long term. If you carry on like this you are going to end up getting ill yourself. Speak to your siblings, and if they cannot physically come to help, then maybe they can all make a monthly contribution towards hiring a carer to come to your home and assist you.

This is the least they can do, and it will give you some much-needed rest as well.

Please have a daily dose of reminders on patience and fortitude as they will provide you with invaluable support. May Allah grant you ease in all your affairs. Amin.

[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic. He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Qur’anic recital and he was able to study an extensive curriculum of Qur’anic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence.