I Made Promises to God That I Can’t Keep

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Question: I made promises to Allah to stop doing some negative things, like not watching TV, not reading newspapers, and not reading novels. It has become somewhat difficult for me to keep up with these. So should I keep them? Or what should I do?

Answer: Assalamu alaykum,

Dear questioner, thank you for your question.

Please read the following article in order to differentiate between a promise, oath, or vow. It seems to me that your situation falls under a promise to Allah and nothing else.

What is the Difference Between a Promise, an Oath, and a Vow?

I commend your zeal for wanting to stop these actions, but I caution you to do so gradually. It is the Devil’s (Shaytan) number one trick to make one pile up many acts of worship, or totally abstain from all pleasures, that the person eventually comes crashing down, only to find that he didn’t change anything at all.

Limit your TV watching by an hour every few weeks gradually until you stop. Reduce your novels per month until you cut them out. There is no need to stop reading the news unless you feel that it is a genuine waste of time for you and doesn’t benefit you or your family. Pick your news carefully, perhaps, by reading only the Health section or Discovery section until you only read as much as you feel you need. You probably don’t need to read more than five minutes of politics.

Instead of making promises to Allah, get a handle on how you want to improve your religion and keep the company of religious people. Read the Qur`an every day, and read the inspiring works of Imam al-Haddad and others. Pray tahajjud and ask Allah to guide you every day. Don’t miss a single obligation and remove the haram from your life one at a time. You will soon find that your bad deeds drop from you like flies and that your interests will be changed forever. And Allah knows best.

Is There a Difference Between Breaking an Oath and Breaking a Promise?

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

 

My Mother Emotionally Abuses Us and Her Husband

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Question: My mother is making us suffer. She thinks she is always right. She brainwashed my sister and I from a young age to hate our father. Now as adults, we know it’s the opposite. She is toxic and has emotionally abused us and broken my father’s spirit many times. I can no longer bear this.

Answer: Assalamu alaykum brother,

I deeply empathize with your situation. It is terrible to live in a troublesome and restless home. I pray that Allah removes you from this situation soon.

I know someone who had a very similar experience. This person had a difficult mother who played the victim and blamed her husband, and she practically drove him mad. He responded by cheating on her, and all the children considered their home a “sad” home. However, when the children grew up, married, and moved out, things got better.

Everything in this world is a test and it won’t last forever. Allah will judge you according to your intentions and choices. Try to handle the situation for yourself first, before trying to help anyone else.

1) Mitigate the daily harms, by waking up each morning with an open and forgiving heart. Remember that most parents are far from perfect. Be cheerful, give your mom a hug, smile, and do something nice for her. It will be harder for her to always be negative when you are being positive. Encourage her to go out with you more, join religious circles, and be around positive, pious people.

2) Do not engage her when she argues, keep silent to her provocations, busy yourself with something or as a last resort, leave the room. She will soon figure out that her words fall on deaf ears. If being at home is unbearable, take up a new beneficial hobby, find a religious class to join or spend more time outside with pious friends.

3) Defend your dad, if it helps. If it doesn’t, you don’t need to involve yourself in their fight. Never get angry. Only involve yourself if you can help to resolve it peacefully or prevent a fight.

4) Fulfill all of your obligations to Allah. He is the one who sent you the problem and He can send you the solution. Pray five times a day on time, fast Ramadan and make up what you have missed, pay zakat on time, give charity regularly, read some Qur`an every day with the meaning, eat only from the halal, lower your gaze, and study hard. Once you fulfill all of your responsibilities to your Lord, trust in Him to take care of the rest. Hand all your problems over to Him.

As for your sister’s health, consider taking her to a naturopath, homeopath or conventional doctor. She should not allow her health to worsen through negligence. This ulcer can heal in sha Allah.

Also, try your best not to imitate this behavior when you have children. It seems obvious, now, that you would not, but people easily slip into what they saw growing up. Make an active intention now to be different. May Allah help you accomplish that.

Allah, Most High, says, “They grieve at any good that befalls you [believers] and rejoice at your misfortunes. But if you are patient and conscious of God, their scheming will not harm you in the least: God encircles everything they do” [Qur`an, 3:120].

Dealing With a Dysfunctional Relationship With Parents
How Do I Stop Arguing with My Mother?
How Can I Deal With My Difficult Mother in a Respectful Way?

May Allah give you and your family well-being, good health and tawfiq.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

 

I Still Love a Man Who Left Me

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Question: I was in a relationship four years ago but one day he betrayed me. He is with another girl now. I still love him so much and I constantly ask Allah to give him to me in a halal way. I prayed istikhara a year back about it. My friend tells me not to pray for him but I can’t stop. Am I wrong?

Answer: Assalamu alaykum sister,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through so much pain. Verily, a broken heart takes much time and effort to heal. May Allah help you through this.

Is this guy worth it?

I believe, deep down, that your friend is right. Generally speaking, if you want to see whether you should continue to do what you are doing in life, look at how that thing started. Did this relationship start in a permissible way? What was your intention and his intention? Did he just want to use you for his pleasure? Did you just want to satisfy some immediate urges or get attention from a man? Why would you trust a man who betrayed you?

Tawbah

I believe you are truly sincere and want to follow your religion. The best recourse for you is first, tawbah. Turn to Allah in repentance for this relationship that you had with him and promise to never return to another one like it again. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “You will never leave something for the sake of Allah, but Allah will give you something better in return” [Ahmad].  Trust that.

Move on

Second, you should ask Allah to remove this person from your heart. You were with him four years ago, in an illicit fashion, and he is with someone else now, after betraying you. I don’t think he pines for you, as you do for him;  your effort is wrongly placed.

Instead of making du`a that he comes back to you, ask Allah to send someone better, perfectly suited for you in a permissible way. Instead of thinking about him, think about how you can become a better Muslim and busy yourself with that. It is truly a blessing that you are not with him now, and be grateful that you didn’t end up pregnant. Leave the past where it belongs.

Delete him from your contacts, and your social media. Learn your personal obligatory knowledge and apply it. Read some Qur`an every day with the meaning. Take up a healthy hobby or sport, exercise, get fresh air every day. Acquire skills that can help you with your future. Anytime he pops into your head, seeks refuge from the Devil, and bless the Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace. And of course, keep the company of pious, righteous family and friends.

I pray that Allah sends you someone that can be a garment for you and you a garment for him.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Are Kefir and Kombucha Licit?

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Question: Are Kefir and Kombucha halal?

Answer: Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

Kefir and Kombucha and similar drinks are halal because the alcohol is naturally occurring and the percentage is extremely low.

Please see:

Alcoholic Content in Soft Drinks

Kombucha tea and kefir

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

Can We Pray After Seeing a Pornographic Video?

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Question: After seeing a porn video, can we pray namaz like a normal day?

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate

It is impermissible for a woman to look at a man with desire and for a man to look at a woman with desire.

It is not permissible for anyone to look at the nakedness of another, even if there is no desire.

Also, it is not permissible to look at the garment of another which is revealing the shape of the body. That applies even if the garment is thick and the skin cannot be seen and even if it is without desire.

[Ref: [Ala’ al-Din Abidin, al-Hadiyya al-`Ala’iyya]

With that being said, it is impermissible  to watch  unclothed people engaging in sexual acts, this is understood as a fortiori.

Deadly Sin of Pornography

Pornography is a major sin and has horrendous consequences on one’s heart, mind, body, and social relations.

With that being said, one is in more need of praying in order to seek forgiveness and turn back to Allah Most High.
Allah Most High says, “Establish the prayer at the two ends of the day and some part of the night. Good deeds will repel bad deeds. That is a reminder for the mindful” [Qur’an; 11:114].

Repentance 

One should immediately hasten to repentance, with deep regret and a determination to never return to that sin.

Pornography is known to be very addictive. Refer to the following links for further clarity and advice:

I Am a Young Woman Addicted to Pornography. What Should I Do?
How Can I Wake up for Fajr and Overcome Pornography Addiction?
I Am Addicted to Pornography. What Do I Do?

Hope this helps
And Allah knows best

[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a graduate from Tarim; a student of Habib Umar and other luminaries; and authorized teachers of Qur’an and the Islamic sciences.

Sudden Fear of Dying

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Question: Suddenly I got thinking that I will die tomorrow and I can’t stop crying. I prayed two Rakats, but I only fell asleep after hearing a dua and a surah. Today I feel the same and I’m confused whether it is from Allah or the Shaytan.

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum Sister,

Thank you for your honest question. You sound like you are in much pain. May Allah guide you through this and relieve your heart.

I want to let you know that no one can tell you when you are going to die. This has been written in the Tablets, from the time that you were in the womb, and you must not preoccupy your mind with it. Every soul will taste death, as it says in the Qur’an, but we must focus on preparing for it.

If I were in your shoes, I would do the following:

1) Pray on time, five times a day
2) Read some Qur`an with the meaning every day
3) Give charity or do service every day
4) Exercise in the fresh air and eat healthy every day, especially drop the sugar
5) Keep the company of good, religious friends and family
6) Learn your personally obligatory Islamic Knowledge; it is your best weapon against anxiety and worry.

Allah, Most High, says, “those who believe and whose hearts find comfort in the remembrance of Allah. Surely in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find comfort.“ [Qur`an, 13:28]

Please regularly invoke the Du`as in the links below, may Allah give you every success and relief!

Abu Zayd Balkhi on Depression – Shaykh Dr. Asim Yusuf
Depression and Sadness
Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Is It Permissible to Carry Out Surgical Procedures to Make Myself Look Younger?

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Question: Can I dress up for my husband outside of the house? Is it permissible to carry out surgical and/or non-surgical procedures to make myself look younger?

Answer:

Dear Questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

May Allah make you and all believing women beautiful in His eyes and in the eyes of their husbands.

Beautification is sunna for women, and in the house, you can do whatever you like to be as attractive and beautiful in his eyes. In public, it is forbidden to wear tight or revealing clothes, but you can use Kuhl or elegant clothes even if they are colorful.

As for surgical procedures, that would only be permissible as corrective surgery. Any non-surgical procedures would be halal as long as they do not have any short- or long-term harm.

Covering Properly

It is of the God-consciousness [taqwa] of the wife and her husband to wear a proper hijab outside of the house, or in front of non-immediate relatives [non-mahrams].

Please see:

What Are the Requirements of Hijab?
Am I a ‘Dayyuth’ If I Let My Wife Go out Without Hijab and How Do I Maintain Protective Jealousy (Ghayrah)?

Cosmetic Surgery

Surgical procedures entail changing the way Allah created you, and this is forbidden unless it is done as corrective surgery.

Please see:

Is Cosmetic Surgery Allowed?
Is Cosmetic Surgery Allowed?Is It Permissible to Get Botox Injections?
Ruling on Cosmetic Surgeries
Are Breast Implants Permissible?

You should also read:
Complications and management of breast enhancement using hyaluronic acid

Keeping up with Barbie

It is, unfortunately, the case that many men think that women are or can become human Barbie dolls. This neurosis is exacerbated by the sex industry and the media in general.

The reality is that women are not walking talking Barbies (and men are not usually as handsome as Ken or as heroic as any Box Office action hero). We live in the real world, with real men and women, who all have pros and cons, both physically, emotionally, and religiously.

It is utterly imperative that we all acknowledge this, and live our marital and sexual lives in a mature and realistic way. If we don’t, we will never be satisfied with ourselves, our spouses, and the blessings that Allah has granted us.

Not doing so and continually looking for what else we imagine exists out there leads to being ungrateful for the blessings that Allah has bestowed us. Allah Most High has said, ‘And were you to count the blessings of Allah, you would not be able to: Indeed, man really is a gross wrong-doer and an inveterate ingrate.’ (Qur’an, 14: 34)

And the opposite — to be content with what one has, and not keep looking at the greener “other side” — is the means to happiness and gratitude. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, ‘Look at those who are below you and don’t look at those who are above you, for that way you are less likely to discount what Allah has blessed you with.’ (Bukhari and Muslim)

So one should look at the countless blessings one has, and look at the good points in one’s spouse. ‘Live with them in accordance with what is fair and kind: if you dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something in which God has put much good.’ (Qur’an, 4:19)

It is normal as a wife, or husband, to feel at times that one is not quite the woman or man that one’s spouse is looking for. This is unavoidable. We do not live in Paradise, and expecting our lives and relationships to be paradisiacal is not realistic.

Rather we should try our best to be that which we can be — emotionally, physically, and spiritually — and be accepting of our spouses as long as they are trying their best too.

Talking things out, and setting realistic and halal measures to better the relationship is very important. Some things can change naturally, and sometimes we can guess what we need to change, but nothing beats having a proper one to one conversation.

Practical Measures

Tell your husband that you really want to look nicer for him, so that he doesn’t feel that you are turning down his wishes, but at the same time don’t do any surgical procedures (since by default they are forbidden), and don’t do any non-surgical procedures that may affect your health or that of the baby.

Try and act like you are more interested in him physically (even if you are not), and make him feel that you appreciate him being around. He may well just be saying these things because he can’t express his dissatisfaction with other aspects of your life. Try to get to the core of the problem.

Talk to him in a kind and receptive way, while being very frank about the reality of your body, your pregnancy, and your staunch adherence to what is halal. Make it clear that you are on his side, but that you are not willing to do something forbidden or unrealistic to keep him happy.

Be ready for some level of immaturity: if he is as you explained, he may not take any of what say seriously, and still want you to be aesthetically perfect despite the fact that you are human, and on top of that, pregnant. You just have to make sure that you have expressed yourself clearly, and wait for him to absorb the ideas.

Unfortunately, you also have to be ready to have your emotions hurt now and then. There isn’t really any way out of it. Even the wives of the best of creation, the Prophet (upon whom be blessings and peace) sometimes felt that other women were more attractive in his eyes: he did have multiple wives after all.

The pain of jealousy is not always avoidable. But there is a difference between consistent and intentional affronts to your looks and the very occasional sense of not being the apple of his eye. The first has to be weeded out through frank conversations and/or counseling. The second is just part of life. And remember that men get jealous too.

It is narrated that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, ‘Indeed, Allah has prescribed that women should bear the weight of jealousy and that men should bear the weight of jihad. Whosoever of them [women] is patient, believing in Allah, and seeking reward from Him, will have the reward of a martyr. (Bazzar and Tabarani)

Conclusion

Try your best, be as affable and hopeful as possible, and don’t get too sad. Marriages can change 180 degrees.

There is also a good book to read which is Yasmin Mogahed’s Reclaim your Heart. You cannot, and should not, detach your heart from your husband, but he also shouldn’t be the Kaaba of your existence.

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language

How Can I Help My Old Mother That Suffers a Mental Disorder?

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Answered by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Question: My old mother is bed-bound, disabled, demented, and now deaf. I have to look after her without much help from my siblings. She is very difficult to deal with, and I lost my cool with her a lot, but then repent. Please advise. 

Answer: Wa ‘alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh

Dear sister, I pray you are well, and that Allah makes a way of these difficulties for you. You have a very difficult test, and I pray Allah Almighty makes it easier for you and rewards you tremendously for it.

Good News

A woman who had epileptic fits came to the Messenger of Allah, Allah blesses him and give him peace. She wanted him to pray for the affliction to be removed. He told her that if she remained patient she would get Paradise. (Bukhari)

From the details you described in your question it seems that you have an incredibly difficult test. Perhaps this is the means that will gain you a place in Paradise without any judgment. And perhaps your mother’s illness will gain her the same. Have a good opinion of Allah.

Do What You Can

Try your best to remain calm with your mother. If you do happen to lose your patience,  ask Allah for forgiveness and try to apologize to her. It’s clear that your test is an intense one, and as humans, there is only so much we can handle, especially when there is no rest from the trials. Don’t let the guilt burden you. With every repentance, assume your mistakes are all wiped away.

Practically, however, I don’t think this situation is something you can manage on your own long term. If you carry on like this you are going to end up getting ill yourself. Speak to your siblings, and if they cannot physically come to help, then maybe they can all make a monthly contribution towards hiring a carer to come to your home and assist you.

This is the least they can do, and it will give you some much-needed rest as well.

Please have a daily dose of reminders on patience and fortitude as they will provide you with invaluable support. May Allah grant you ease in all your affairs. Amin.

[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic. He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Qur’anic recital and he was able to study an extensive curriculum of Qur’anic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence.

How Can I Deal With Fears and Suicidal Thoughts?

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Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question: I had a baby five months ago. I had this outburst of fear because someone recently committed suicide and that had stayed with me. I am having thoughts of doing something similar. This overthinking leads me to doubt my faith and trust in Allah. I don’t understand my problem.

Answer: Assalamu alaykum sister,

I am sorry that you are going through so much pain. Knowing someone that has committed suicide is very difficult, especially when she has stayed with you and you knew her well. The short answer to your question is that you must ignore all doubts and whisperings concerning your religion and your Lord. Cut off the thought immediately as it comes to you, and recite a blessing on the Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace.

Links

I want to recommend that you read this link to give you a better idea of strengthening your faith and fighting these thoughts: Doubts, Difficulties, and Suicidal Thoughts. In addition, read this excellent article on baseless misgivings (waswasa): Satanic Whisperings (Waswasa) as a Trial from Allah: Punishment or Blessing?

Steps

I also recommend that you step back and re-establish your priorities. Here are some ideas.

1) Establish your daily prayers five times a day, and pray to Allah after each prayer to help you follow the path of Allah and His Messenger.

2) Learn your personally obligatory knowledge in all aspects of your life and apply it.

3) Ask Allah to send you a good company. Religious friends who are a good influence can console, comfort, and remind you when you are having these doubts.

4) Make a daily invocation of the Qur`an, dhikr, and du’a in the amount that you can handle. This collection of du’as is fantastic for your situation: Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long

5) Take care of your health. A woman who isn’t taking care of herself will eventually collapse when she tries to take care of others. Spend time in nature, even if it’s just a walk. Exercise, eat healthily, take enough vitamin D, etc.

6) Focus on your child’s religion. Read du`as to your child when he wakes, sleeps, before he eats, drinks when you change his diaper. Recite Qur`an to your child. As your child grows up, tell him the stories of the Prophets, the stories of excellence from his Companions. Teach him Qur`anic chapters (surahs) and their meanings. Teaching your son is a great act of worship that will renew your faith and strengthen you as well.

7) Devote at least on the religious family activity a week. Talk to your husband about going to the Friday prayer with him, or a weekly halaqa (lesson). You could also sign up for a class online, attend it together and discuss what you learned. Worshipping Allah together is more conducive to keeping your faith intact as a family.

8) Make du’a that Allah help you through this trial. Ask Him to remove your doubts. Be sure to see all the links above. They are key.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Mental Disorders That Affect My Religious Duties

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Answered by Ustadh Farid Dingle

Question: The discharges I experience are very confusing, and I’m not sure whether or not I should make wudu. Sometimes while checking, I have ended up masturbating, which I know is wrong. The whole situation is making me suicidal. Can you advise me?

Answer: Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your really important questions. I pray that Allah gives you clarity, ease and happiness in your religious and worldly life.

Unless you are absolutely certain that the discharge is a sexual discharge, then just ignore it. There is no need to check.

If you have sexual thoughts of the opposite sex, just put the thoughts away and see protection in Allah from the Devil.

If ever you feel the desire to harm yourself or anyone else, you have to speak to someone. If you can’t speak to your parents, then speak to a friend or teacher at highschool. Don’t deal with it by yourself.

Breaking Wudu

If you experience a feeling of moisture coming out of your private parts, you do not have to assume that it is filthy. Rather you should assume the opposite, and just continue with your prayer, etc. For more detail, please see: Do I Need to Renew My Wudu at the Slightest Sexual Thought?

There is no need to check or continually touch yourself to see exactly what it looks like.

I also advise that you take this course: Absolute Essentials of Islam (Hanafi): Getting Started With Your Belief and Practice

Thoughts of the Opposite Sex

It is perfectly normal and Islamically healthy to be attracted to the opposite sex. That said, out of kindness and concern for us, Allah Most High has given us clear guidelines on how to use this attraction.

And the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, ‘O youth, whichever of you is able to get married, let him do so, because it will help him lower his gaze and protect his chastity.’ (Bukhari and Muslim)

Allah Most High has said, ‘And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and protect their private parts.’ (24: 31)

This verse means that one cannot look at the opposite sex in a lustful way and that one must not use one’s private parts in a way that is forbidden. (al-Lubab, Maydani) This also applies to look at images on TV or on one’s computer or iPhone.

If you are in your late teens, and perhaps will soon be moving to go to college/university, it might be an idea to consider talking to your parents about marriage. It can be a benefit for some young people to have a spouse and a bedmate during that time of their lives. It does however require a lot of thought, and you should never jump into it if you think you are not ready.

Please have a read of this for detail: Feeling Discouraged about Marriage

Masturbation

Masturbation is forbidden, and you should avoid checking the discharge that you see if it may lead to you doing that.

For more detail, please see: Is Masturbation Sinful? How Do I Stop?

Sometimes people who suffer from depression are tempted to masturbate as some sort of relief, like binging on chocolate, or alcohol, etc. This of course is not halal. The key is to work out other ways to escape the pain of emotional lows, as discussed below. Turning to Allah in dua [prayer] is the first port of call.

Over Concerned about Small Things

Sometimes we have a tendency to get too carried away about small things. It is normal, but we can’t let it rule our lives. At the end of the day, we are worshipping Allah, our cherishing and kind God, and we are not worshipping filth and discharges.

Please have a read of these: A Reader on Waswasa (Baseless Misgivings)

Building Relationships

Reading your questions, it sounds like you don’t have a deep relationship with your mother. Perhaps it is also true to say that you don’t have a deep relationship with many other females. This is concerning, because we all need emotional and familial support, especially in our teens.

I would advise trying to build deeper friendships with religious Muslim girls of your age. You need to have a solid network to get you through your trials.

I’m not an advocate of Stephen King — horror literature at all — but the idea of the protagonists coming together as a united front against the enemy is something noticeably repeated: in It the children agree to tackle the monster together and they have to hold hands to stay strong; similarly, in The Institution the children escape by uniting their psychic forces. Together, put very simply, we are strong. And this is just how Allah has made us.

So you really need to reach out, build strong relationships that you sacrifice time and effort for, so that you can talk about these problems through with someone close to you. Trawling through the internet for help is really no substitute for a good friend.

Suicidal Thoughts

If you are having suicidal thoughts, you must reach out to someone physically near you. It can be at school, the local police station, or your friends. Don’t try these ideas tackle by yourself.

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language.