My Best Friend Is Non-Muslim and Respects My Islam, but She Is Openly Lesbian. What Do I Do?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: My best friend is non-Muslim and respects my Islam, but she is openly lesbian. What do I do?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.

Honest Conversation

Dear sister, you are in a very challenging situation.

It sounds like your best friend values your friendship, and respects your Islam. As you would with any other sensitive topic, I recommend that you speak honestly with her. Talk to her about how stressed you feel, and how you do not want to lose her as a friend.

I pray that you can both brainstorm solutions together. This will be an excellent opportunity for you to show her the kindness and mercy so in-built in our deen.

Concern for children

It is natural and healthy for you to want to protect your children’s innocence. However, it is impossible to completely shield our children from the outside world. The best protection you can offer your children is a deep, trusting, and loving connection with you, Allah, and His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him).

As your children grow older, they will probably come across same-sex couples and same-sex families with children. It is important for you to lead that conversation about how that displeases Allah, instead of avoiding it, and letting their peers/popular media/social media dictate their beliefs.

LGBTI

“And whoever submits himself to Allah and is good in deeds, he in fact holds on to the strongest ring. Towards Allah is the ultimate end of all matters.” [Qur’an, 31:22]

Whether we like it or not, in the West, your best friend’s life choices are accepted and even aggressively encouraged – this is the flood of our time. Please keep in mind that your friend’s disbelief is a much greater sin than her relationship with a transgender woman.

The reality is that in West and elsewhere, there are many Muslim men and women who are tested with this tribulation. That struggle is their road to Jannah.

Possible outcomes

I see a few options.

1) Explain to your friend that you are struggling, apologize, and grow distant from her.
2) Slowly distance yourself from your friend with no explanation. I do not recommend this, because it would hurt both of you.
3) Continue to be part of her life, hate her sins, but continue to treat her, her partner, and her future children with kindness and respect. Every step of the way, talk to your children about this topic. Use this as a teaching opportunity. This would take tremendous courage, patience, and perseverance on your part. Perhaps your good character with your best friend is what will soften her heart towards Islam. There is no greater good you can offer her.

Protection and prayer

I recommend that you perform the Prayer of Guidance about how to move forward with your friendship.

Please see: A Reader on Patience and Reliance on Allah

I pray this helps.

[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers through Qibla Academy and SeekersHub Global. She also graduated with a Psychology and English degree from the University of New South Wales.

How to Repent From an Homosexual Relation

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam

Question: I am a Muslim male who had sexual intercourse with the same gender and I decide to repent and ask God for forgiveness because really I would like to change. What should I do?

Answer: Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah,

There is no prescribed expiation (kaffara) for engaging in sexual intercourse with the same gender, nor for any type of fornication whatsoever, which occurs outside the month of Ramadan.

Nevertheless, engaging in any form of sexual activity outside of a valid marriage is deemed to be a grave sin which requires deep and sincere repentance. True repentance has three conditions: (1) to leave the sin immediately, (2) to remorse over having committed the sin, and (3) to resolve never to return to it. You need to be honest with yourself and take all reasonable means to ensure that you don’t slip up again.

The Sunna Way of Repentance

The Blessed Prophet of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “There is no servant who commits a sin, performs the ritual ablution (wudu) well, and then prays two cycles (rak‘as) after which he seeks Allah’s forgiveness, save that He is forgiven.” (Abu Dawud) This is a description of the Prayer of Repentance (salat al-tawba), and one may even perform the ritual bath (ghusl) in place of the wudu to indicate one’s complete washing away of the sin from one’s life.

On another occasion, the Noble Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “The one who repents from sin is like the one who has no sin.” (Ibn Majah) He (Allah bless him and give him peace) also told us to “follow up a bad deed with a good deed and it will wipe it out.” (Tirmidhi) Though the repentance alone is a good deed, consider also giving some charity (sadaqa) and performing a number of good deeds as a manner of beautifying your repentance and voluntarily expiating for the wrongs committed.

Seeking Professional Help

Further, given the number of times that this major sin has occurred, I’d recommend that you also reach out to a sensitive professional who can help counsel you so you can break free of such behaviour altogether. I’d encourage avoiding living or being alone as much as possible, drastically reducing your accessibility to the internet and to also travel for a period of time, if you’re able.

Finally, Ibn ‘Ata Illah al-Sakandari (may Allah sanctify his secret) said, “How often a sin that bequeaths humiliation and neediness is better than worship that bequeaths exultation and haughtiness.” This is a trial from Allah Most High, and by turning back to Him to sincerely change, you’ve opened all kinds of doors of eternal good for yourself. Do everything you can to keep up the impetus in the right direction. “Watch out for Allah, and you will find Him before you.”

(Nawawi, Riyad al-Salihin (33-34))

Please also see: Intercourse During the Month of Ramadan and: A Reader on Tawba (Repentance)

And Allah Most High knows best.

Wassalam,

[Ustadh] Tabraze Azam

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Tabraze Azam holds a BSc in Computer Science from the University of Leicester, where he also served as the President of the Islamic Society. He memorised the entire Qur’an in his hometown of Ipswich at the tender age of sixteen, and has since studied the Islamic Sciences in traditional settings in the UK, Jordan and Turkey. He is currently pursuing advanced studies in Jordan, where he is presently based with his family.

Does the Exiting of a Praying Time Invalidate the Ablution?

Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch

Question: Does the exiting of a praying time invalidate the ablution (wudu)?

Answer: The exiting of the prayer time does not invalidate the ablution. However, if one is considered ‘excused’ by the Sacred Law the ablution terminates at the exiting of every prayer time.

One is only considered excused if, for example, they have a nose bleed and it never ceases for them to be able to make an ablution and prayer. [Maraqi al-Falah]

How To Deal With Waswasa

For the one who is constantly in doubt abandoning caution is often the best cure.

“As for the one who is often inflicted with waswasa, it is necessary for them to sever the cause of the waswasa and not to give it any consideration. This is because it is the doing of Shaytan and we have been commanded to oppose him.” [Hashiyah Ibn Abidin]

Knowledge

The long-term cure for these constant doubts is to seek a deeper understanding of Islamic Knowledge. With knowledge, Shaytan can not deceive you with his whispers and plots. I would advise that you find authentic scholars in your area and study with them a basic text in Islamic Jurisprudence.

Please note that SeekersGuidance.org has free classes available in Islamic Jurisprudence and many other subjects.

May Allah ease your difficulty
Allahu A’alam

[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a graduate from Tarim; a student of Habib Umar and other luminaries; and authorized teachers of the Qur’an and the Islamic sciences.

Cleaning Impurity

Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch

Question: How do I properly clean urine? If I step on a rug that is damp with impurity does the impurity transfer to my foot?

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate

Important Note in Cleaning Impurity

With regards to cleaning impurities, such as urine, first, minimize the amount of impurity. Pouring water on urine will only spread the urine further. You should dry as much of it as possible then wash the area, being careful to minimize any spreading.

You may want to mop the floor once again to be cautious.

Regarding the rug that became damp during the process which you mentioned. If the water poured onto the urine spread to the rug, the rug would be impure as well. Your stepping on that damp rug would only cause your foot to be impure if there was a transference of wetness to the foot. [Hashiyah Ibn ‘Abidin]

In this case, it was correct for you to have washed your foot. [Hashiyah al-Tahtawi ‘ala Maraqi al-Falah}

In short, when dealing with impurities, the impurity should first be minimized, as best as possible. Secondly, it should be cleaned, carefully, such that the impurity doesn’t spread.

May Allah bless you

Allahu A’alam

[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a graduate from Tarim; a student of Habib Umar and other luminaries; and authorized teachers of the Qur’an and the Islamic sciences.

Dog´s Saliva

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam

Question: Assalamu Alaykum, Is the wetness on the nose of a dog considered filthy in the Hanafi school?

Answer: Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

Yes, both the mucus which is present on a dog’s nose and its saliva is considered to be ritually filthy (najis). The reason for this is that the meat of predatory animals is impermissible to consume, and their saliva and nose mucus takes the same ruling, by extension, because of how such secretions are formed.

A dog is considered to be a predatory, carnivorous animal in its essential nature even if it has been domesticated and no longer actually hunts. This is because animals are generally dealt with on the basis of their biological taxonomy. Interestingly, a cat is a predatory animal, but it has an exceptional ruling according to the law.

Purifying the Affected Clothing

If you are affected by a dog’s mucus or saliva, you should wash the area thrice, or place it under a tap until the obvious traces of moisture disappear.

The Beloved Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “If a dog laps from the container of any one of you, let him wash it seven times, the first of them being with soil.” (Muslim) Accordingly, it’s good to use soil or the like mixed into the water for one of the washings, if reasonably able.

(Tahtawi, Hashiyat al-Tahtawi ‘ala Maraqi al-Falah)

Please also see: Dog’s Saliva [ Shafi’i ] and: Can I Get a Dog to Help My Son With Disabilities? [Video] and: Dog Saliva, Dog Hair, and How to Purify Impurities

And Allah Most High knows best.

Wassalam,

[Ustadh] Tabraze Azam

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Tabraze Azam holds a BSc in Computer Science from the University of Leicester, where he also served as the President of the Islamic Society. He memorized the entire Qur’an in his hometown of Ipswich at the tender age of sixteen and has since studied the Islamic Sciences in traditional settings in the UK, Jordan, and Turkey. He is currently pursuing advanced studies in Jordan, where he is presently based on his family.

Waiting Period After A Miscarriage

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam

Question: Salams, I was 24weeks pregnant and had a sudden delivery and my baby died. I want to ask how many days should I wait for praying to make my Prayer?

Answer: Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

I’m deeply sorry to hear that your baby passed away shortly after birth. May Allah Most High increase you in steadfastness and facilitate your healing and recovery. Insha’Allah, you shall be reunited with your baby in the next life where you will find an infinite reward for your sincere faith and submission. It’s moving to see somebody so concerned about their relationship with their Lord after such a tragic event.

The blood which exits from the uterus after the birth of a child is legally considered to be lochia (nifas). The maximum period of such bleeding is forty days, but keep an eye on it to see if it stops before then. If it does, you should perform the full, ritual bath (ghusl) and then begin praying your prayers as usual. Similarly, you may fast, recite the Qur’an and engage in other acts of devotion after your bath.

Marital Relations After Childbirth

If you have a lochial habit, that is to say, you have had a child before and the lochia lasted a certain length of time, then it would not be permitted to engage in sexual relations with your spouse until the completion of this period. For example, if your bleeding lasted thirty days last time, and this time it stopped after twenty-five, you would need to avoid such relations until you reach thirty days.

Note that you can still be intimate with your spouse at any point during your lochia, yet without any direct, skin-to-skin contact between your navel and knee.

However, if the bleeding continues and reaches forty complete days, you may not engage in any sexual relations during this time and up to this point, even if your lochial habit finished much earlier. Further, you would consider all blood after your lochial habit to be irregular (istihada). Accordingly, you would need to perform a ritual bath and then make up the prayers from the end of your habit and until day forty, and then continue to consider yourself ritually pure thereafter.

If there are issues in calculation or any other problem arises, it’s worth reaching out to a reliable scholar to ask for assistance.

(Birgivi, Dhukhr al-Muta’ahhilin wa al-Nisa’; Shurunbulali, Maraqi al-Falah, with Tahtawi’s Gloss)

Please also see: How Can I Know the End of My Menstrual Period? and: When to Resume Prayers After Having a Child

And Allah Most High knows best.

Wassalam,

[Ustadh] Tabraze Azam

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Tabraze Azam holds a BSc in Computer Science from the University of Leicester, where he also served as the President of the Islamic Society. He memorized the entire Qur’an in his hometown of Ipswich at the tender age of sixteen and has since studied the Islamic Sciences in traditional settings in the UK, Jordan, and Turkey. He is currently pursuing advanced studies in Jordan, where he is presently based on his family.

Purity And Gas Issues

Answered by Ustadh Farid Dingle

Question: Gas sometimes exits my vagina and it really troubles me. Should I make wudu every time I think may have happened?

Answer: Dear questioner, Thank you for your valued and important question.

May Allah make your situation easier and give you clarity in your worship of Him.

You should only make wudu when you are absolutely certain that gas has come out of your vagina. Otherwise, you should completely ignore it.

It is normal to occasionally get a little OCD about religious practice. You should just ask a scholar about it, and ignore the thoughts.

Certainty and doubt

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) was asked about someone with uncertain sensations of passing wind in the prayer. He replied, ‘Let him not leave the prayer unless he hears something or smells something.’ (Bukhari and Muslim)

The ulema had deduced from this hadith, among countless others, a very important and useful principle: ‘Doubt shall not remove certainty.’ (al Ashbah wa al Nadhair, Suyuti) As long as you are certain about something, just ignore doubts about it.

So, if you think that you pass gas, but are not sure, you just assume that it was nothing and ignore it.

Going Overboard

In another version of the hadith above, these thoughts are actually ascribed to the Devil. (Talkhis al Habir, Ibn Hajar al Asqalani). This tells us that not only are these thoughts wrong, but they are actually sent by the very one who is trying to ruin us.

This is very useful to know because it means that just ignore them completely and go on applying Islam as we have properly learned to do so. It also tells us that our iman must be quite high because otherwise, the Devil wouldn’t occupy himself with us so much.

So we should just thank Allah for faith in Him, and for knowledge of how to apply Islam properly, and just completely ignore these thoughts.

Please also see: A Reader on Waswasa (Baseless Misgivings)

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language.

Working With Non Halal Food

Answered by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Question: Is it permissible to deliver non-halal foods? I am considering working as a food delivery driver. This may involve having to deliver food and drink such as pork and alcohol.

Answer: Wa ‘alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.

My dear brother, I pray you are well.

Assisting in Sin

This issue returns to the fiqh principle of assisting in sin. According to Imam Abu Hanifa, the actual form of employment is permissible. Whoever the food or wine got to would ingest it voluntarily, through personal choice – which you are not responsible for. (Zayla’i, Tabyin al Haqa’iq)

However, given that Imam Abu Yusuf and Muhammad – the most prominent students of Imam Abu Hanifa – and the other three schools of fiqh consider it impermissible, it would be superior for you to seek alternative forms of employment.

It is better for your source of income to be a profession that all of the righteous mujtahid imams agreed on. This would be better for your relationship with Allah if it is something that is achievable in your situation.

Please refer to our archived answers on assisting in sin.

The Virtue of Asking

May Allah reward you abundantly for making the effort to ask before accepting the job. This is one of the implications of the verse ”Ask those who know the reminder if you do not.” (Qur’an,16:43) Doing so ensures that you have a sound answer to present on the Day of Judgement, and you have the reward of others who benefit from the answer.

May Allah reward you with the best of both worlds.

[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 where, for 18 months, he studied with erudite scholars such as Shaykh Adnan Darwish, Shaykh Abdurrahman Arjan, Shaykh Hussain Darwish, and Shaykh Muhammad Darwish. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic with teachers such as Dr. Ashraf Muneeb, Dr. Salah Abu’l-Hajj, Dr. Hamza al-Bakri, Shaykh Ahmad Hasanat, Dr. Mansur Abu Zina, and others. He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Qur’anic recital by Shakh Samir Jabir and Shaykh Yahya Qandil. With Shaykh Ali, he was able to study an extensive curriculum of Qur’anic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence.

Problems With Sickness And Purification

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam

Question: Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu

I suffer from hemorrhoids that are external and possibly internal as well. If I am excused also do I check for the mucus and if it´s there clean it with a tissue and then do wudu or just ignore it and do wudu? Or can I just dab it until I can see no more even though it is Still impure? And if so, how long can I do this for? Only until they are not hurting anymore or can I do it all the time? Sometimes it happens only once a day, would I still be able to clean with toilet paper in that case or would I have to wash it?

Answer: Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

May Allah Most High grant you a complete cure by His grace.

A few points to keep in mind:

(1) Filth which remains on the point of exit is a sunna to remove. Hence, if there is difficulty in cleaning the area, you may leave it, perform the ritual ablution (wudu) and pray.

(2) External hemorrhoids may be treated like any other injured area of the body. Accordingly, if cleaning fully or in-depth will cause pain or soreness, you may do the best you can without causing harm, and nothing more.

(3) Similarly, filth on the rest of your body or clothing which is less than approximately 3-4cm in diameter would be considered excused. Hence, if you find difficulty in changing and cleaning regularly, you may leave it.

(4) Cleaning the private parts may be done with something dry, such as tissue paper, alone and without the usage of water.

Please also see: A Reader on Waswasa (Baseless Misgivings) and How to Pray and Stay Pure With Discharge From Private Parts

And Allah Most High knows best.

Wassalam,

[Ustadh] Tabraze Azam

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Tabraze Azam holds a BSc in Computer Science from the University of Leicester, where he also served as the President of the Islamic Society. He memorised the entire Qur’an in his hometown of Ipswich at the tender age of sixteen, and has since studied the Islamic Sciences in traditional settings in the UK, Jordan and Turkey. He is currently pursuing advanced studies in Jordan, where he is presently based with his family.

Bad Dreams After Fajr

Answer by Shaykh Jamir Meah

Question: Assalam’alaikum

I wanted to ask a question: I find that when I go back to sleep after praying Fajr, I get very bad dreams. Is there anything I could do to prevent this from happening?

Answer: Wa’alaykum assalam, I pray you’re well insha’Allah.

There is no harm in sleeping after fajr if one needs to. Perhaps the following will prevent the bad dreams:
Things to avoid before going to sleep (at night or after Fajr):

Looking at screens

-Watching or reading very vivid, engrossing, disturbing things

-Eating just before sleep

-Going to bed too late

-Avoid too much entertainment in general

Lifestyle changes:

-Exercise regularly, with a mix of strength, cardio, and stretching

-Limit junk food and eat wholesome foods

-Seek out lawful food only, avoid doubtful or unlawful foods

-Keep away from any sins

-If you have stresses in your life, find practical ways to alleviate this. Seek help if necessary.

Things to do when going back to sleep after Fajr:

-After Fajr, recite Quran, even if a little

-After Fajr, have a light amount of dhikr that you do

-Stay on Wudu when sleeping if possible

-When you get back into bed, spend a couple of minutes in ‘meditation’ with controlled breathing, through the nose and using your diaphragm and stomach. Close your eyes and imagine your day going exactly the way you want it to go: that you’re going to have a refreshing sleep now, that you will have pleasant, warm dreams, that you’re going to wake up refreshed and ready to get the day started, that you have a pleasant journey to work, you have a successful day of work and relationships … until the end of the day. Alternatively, or additionally, close your eyes and imagine a warm light running from the top of your head down to your spine, gently passing and enveloping each vertebrae, one by one, as it goes all the way down to the bottom of your spine.

-Seek refuge from the devil in Allah, say the Quls and Ayatul Kursi, send salutations on the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), recite the sunna supplications before sleeping, and blow on yourself three times, and lie down.

-As you’re going back to sleep, breathe through the nose as above, relaxing at each exhalation.

-If it helps, listen to the Quran with earphones on, and the sound low, as you go back to sleep.

Insha’Allah, the above steps will help you sleep better and not be disturbed by bad dreams. It may take a week or so to take effect. If however, the bad dreams continue, then I would encourage you to seek help from a natural therapist. Homeopathy is particularly adept in treating any subconscious reasons and fears that may underlie such conditions.

Warmest salams,

[Shaykh] Jamir Meah

Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.