How Can I Help My Old Mother That Suffers a Mental Disorder?

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Answered by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Question: My old mother is bed-bound, disabled, demented, and now deaf. I have to look after her without much help from my siblings. She is very difficult to deal with, and I lost my cool with her a lot, but then repent. Please advise. 

Answer: Wa ‘alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh

Dear sister, I pray you are well, and that Allah makes a way of these difficulties for you. You have a very difficult test, and I pray Allah Almighty makes it easier for you and rewards you tremendously for it.

Good News

A woman who had epileptic fits came to the Messenger of Allah, Allah blesses him and give him peace. She wanted him to pray for the affliction to be removed. He told her that if she remained patient she would get Paradise. (Bukhari)

From the details you described in your question it seems that you have an incredibly difficult test. Perhaps this is the means that will gain you a place in Paradise without any judgment. And perhaps your mother’s illness will gain her the same. Have a good opinion of Allah.

Do What You Can

Try your best to remain calm with your mother. If you do happen to lose your patience,  ask Allah for forgiveness and try to apologize to her. It’s clear that your test is an intense one, and as humans, there is only so much we can handle, especially when there is no rest from the trials. Don’t let the guilt burden you. With every repentance, assume your mistakes are all wiped away.

Practically, however, I don’t think this situation is something you can manage on your own long term. If you carry on like this you are going to end up getting ill yourself. Speak to your siblings, and if they cannot physically come to help, then maybe they can all make a monthly contribution towards hiring a carer to come to your home and assist you.

This is the least they can do, and it will give you some much-needed rest as well.

Please have a daily dose of reminders on patience and fortitude as they will provide you with invaluable support. May Allah grant you ease in all your affairs. Amin.

[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic. He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Qur’anic recital and he was able to study an extensive curriculum of Qur’anic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence.

How Can I Deal With Fears and Suicidal Thoughts?

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Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question: I had a baby five months ago. I had this outburst of fear because someone recently committed suicide and that had stayed with me. I am having thoughts of doing something similar. This overthinking leads me to doubt my faith and trust in Allah. I don’t understand my problem.

Answer: Assalamu alaykum sister,

I am sorry that you are going through so much pain. Knowing someone that has committed suicide is very difficult, especially when she has stayed with you and you knew her well. The short answer to your question is that you must ignore all doubts and whisperings concerning your religion and your Lord. Cut off the thought immediately as it comes to you, and recite a blessing on the Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace.

Links

I want to recommend that you read this link to give you a better idea of strengthening your faith and fighting these thoughts: Doubts, Difficulties, and Suicidal Thoughts. In addition, read this excellent article on baseless misgivings (waswasa): Satanic Whisperings (Waswasa) as a Trial from Allah: Punishment or Blessing?

Steps

I also recommend that you step back and re-establish your priorities. Here are some ideas.

1) Establish your daily prayers five times a day, and pray to Allah after each prayer to help you follow the path of Allah and His Messenger.

2) Learn your personally obligatory knowledge in all aspects of your life and apply it.

3) Ask Allah to send you a good company. Religious friends who are a good influence can console, comfort, and remind you when you are having these doubts.

4) Make a daily invocation of the Qur`an, dhikr, and du’a in the amount that you can handle. This collection of du’as is fantastic for your situation: Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long

5) Take care of your health. A woman who isn’t taking care of herself will eventually collapse when she tries to take care of others. Spend time in nature, even if it’s just a walk. Exercise, eat healthily, take enough vitamin D, etc.

6) Focus on your child’s religion. Read du`as to your child when he wakes, sleeps, before he eats, drinks when you change his diaper. Recite Qur`an to your child. As your child grows up, tell him the stories of the Prophets, the stories of excellence from his Companions. Teach him Qur`anic chapters (surahs) and their meanings. Teaching your son is a great act of worship that will renew your faith and strengthen you as well.

7) Devote at least on the religious family activity a week. Talk to your husband about going to the Friday prayer with him, or a weekly halaqa (lesson). You could also sign up for a class online, attend it together and discuss what you learned. Worshipping Allah together is more conducive to keeping your faith intact as a family.

8) Make du’a that Allah help you through this trial. Ask Him to remove your doubts. Be sure to see all the links above. They are key.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

How Do I Know If My Repentance Has Been Accepted?

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Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch

Question: How do I know if Allah has accepted my repentance because I fear my repentance will not be accepted and I also struggle to feel emotions of regret because I feel like my regret is not that strong kindly clarify?

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate

All Sound Repentance is Accepted

Know that if one makes sincere repentance there remains no doubt of its acceptance. Just as no thirst remains after taking a drink of water. [Ghazzali, Ihya ‘Ulum al-Din]

The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The one who repents (sincerely) from a sin is like one with no sin.” [Ibn Majah, Tabarani in al-M’ujam al-Kabir, and Bayhaqi in Sh’ib al-Iman]

Conditions of a Sound Repentance

However, in order for the repentance to be sincere and sound one must fulfill the following conditions:

(1) Sincere remorse for the sin
(2) Immediately leaving the sin
(3) Firm resolve never to repeat the sin

True Remorse and its Signs

True remorse is explained to be the pain experienced by the heart when the loss of something beloved is perceived.

One must understand the reality of sin. Sins are obstacles and impediments in our relationship with Allah Most High.

[Ghazzali, Ihya ‘Ulum al-Din]

For this, the one with a stronger understanding of the greatness of Allah Most High and how desperate we are for His mercy and nearness will have a stronger aversion for sins, remorse for committing them, and realization of what is at stake.

Its signs are:

(1) extended regret
(2) grief
(3) flowing tears
(4) deep reflection

Also:

(5) Softness of heart
(6) Establishment of the bitterness of sins in the heart and an aversion to them.

This version is like the aversion one would have from poison. Even if said poison was placed in something desirable like honey, one would detest the honey. Likewise, although human nature inclines toward certain sinful desires, the knowledge of the harms of those desires has on one’s relationship with Allah will prevent them from committing the sin.

[Ghazzali, Ihya ‘Ulum al-Din]

Cultivating Remorse

In order to cultivate sincere remorse, which is a condition of valid repentance, take the following steps:

(1) Reflect on the greatness of Allah Most High. Ponder over the fact that Allah does not need anything from us, rather we are desperately in need of Allah. Think deeply of the consequences of losing or harming one’s relationship with Allah, the one whose mercy we depend on for salvation in this life and the next.

(2) Make a methodical ablution and prayer two voluntary units of prayer for repentance. Afterword..

(3) Recite Istighfar. For example:

“I seek forgiveness of Allah and I repent to Him”

While reciting this reflect on the fact that Allah Most High has blessed you innumerably throughout your life and you respond with sheer ingratitude by using His blessings in His disobedience.

(4) Try to bring yourself to tears during the above.

This should assist you in bringing your heart to a state of real remorse.

Having A Good Opinion of Allah Most High

With all that said, know that Allah Most High intends to forgive you and accept your repentance.

Allah Most High says, “And Allah intends to accept your repentance…” [Qur’an; 4:27]

And know that Allah Most High has prohibited His slaves from losing hope in His mercy.

He says, “O My slaves who have wronged themselves! Do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Verily Allah forgives all sins. Verily He is the All-Forgiving and Merciful.” [Qur’an; 39:53]

Hope this helps
And Allah knows best

[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a graduate from Tarim; a student of Habib Umar and other luminaries; and authorized teacher of the Qur’an and the Islamic sciences.

Can I Make Supplications Silently While in the Bathroom?

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Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch

Question: Can I make supplication after ghusl and wudu silently (in my heart) as I am in a bathroom?

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate

Yes, it is permissible to make supplication in your heart even if you are in the bathroom.

If you are not in the specific area of the toilet, using the toilet, or your nakedness is not exposed you can even make supplications aloud as the prohibition is only for the specific area of the toilet or while your nakedness is uncovered. [Ala’ al-Din Abidin, al-Hadiyya al-`Ala’iyya]

If, however, you have uncovered or are in the specific area of the toilet then you can say the supplications in your heart. It will not be permissible in those cases to say the supplications aloud. [Ala’ al-Din Abidin, al-Hadiyya al-`Ala’iyya]

May Allah bless you
Allah A’alam

[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a graduate from Tarim; a student of Habib Umar and other luminaries; and authorized teachers of Qur’an and the Islamic sciences.

Are My Supplications Insincere?

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Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question: Every time I make dua for something I feel like I am not sincere enough. Would this be considered waswasa? Also, is there a specific dua you should make when you ask Allah (SWT) for something?

Answer: Assalamu alaykum sister,

Thank you for this excellent question.

Allah, Most High, says, “[O Prophet], if My servants ask you about Me, I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me.
So let them respond to Me in obedience, and believe in Me, so that they may be rightly guided.“ [Qur`an, 2:186]
The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “Supplication is worship.” [Abu Dawud]

Supplication (du`a) is the door to your relationship with Allah. Thinking that you are not sincere is surely from the Devil (Shaytan) and you must ignore it. Allah is the only judge of your sincerity, and customarily a person who doesn’t think he is sincere, is in fact sincere. Beware of letting the Shaytan dissuade you from du`a. Your Lord, Most High, has proclaimed, “Call upon Me, I will respond to you. Surely those who are too proud to worship Me will enter Hell, fully humbled.” [Qur`an, 40:60]

I have heard from a scholar once that the whole point of performing the prayer is to make du’a at the end. When one raises up one’s hands, one’s inner secrets, feelings, thoughts, doubts, and aspirations come to the lips. Who better to tell them to then the Creator? He knows them all anyway! But, we ask Him because we are the ones who need it. Our love, trust, devotion, submission, gratitude, and contentment will flourish when we turn to Him in du`a. This direct and intimate discourse that we have with Allah can be disturbed or influenced by no one. It’s just you and your Lord, especially if it is in the depth of the night.

When you ask Allah for something, some basic etiquettes come to mind.

1) Have ritual purity (ablution)
2) Face the Qibla, cover your head
3) Begin by blessing the Prophet, and end with it
4) Thank Allah for his blessing and mention his favors on you
5) Ask him to forgive you for your sins, and proceed to ask what you wish
6) Pray for others because of the following hadith: The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “There is no believing servant who supplicates for his brother behind his back (in his absence) that the Angels do not say: The same be for you too.“ [Muslim]

One of my teacher’s teachers had taught her not to bother making du’a for oneself, but instead, only for the ummah of Islam, because it would come back to one, in any case. One of the best du`as that was often recited by the Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace is, “O our Lord, grant us the best in this life and the best in the next life, and protect us from the punishment of the Fire. [Bukhari and Muslim]

Please see the following lecture on the subject. I have also linked a number of du’as and manners (adab) associated with du`a. Be sure to see them all.

Supplication is the Essence of Worship: The Reality and Proper Manners of Asking Allah (Dua)

Invocations and Supplications: A Comprehensive SeekersGuidance Reader
VIDEO: Three Manners of Supplication
Adab of Dua: Leave All Rhyme and Ask the Divine
Adab of Dua: The States That Can Change Fate
Adab of Dua: Are My Duas Being Answered?
Adab of Dua: Why Is My Dua Not Answered
Adab of Dua: Impermissible Duas
Adab of Dua: When Praying Is Haram

I pray that you take advantage of the very moment and supplicate. JazakAllah khayran.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Nearness To Allah

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Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch

Question: What should one do if they desire to excel in their Deen but find distractions holding them back?

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate

May Allah bless you for your sincerity in seeking guidance.

The feeling or desire to gain nearness to Allah, Most High is one of the greatest blessings anyone can attain. These impulses toward good and to fulfill life’s purpose are from Allah, Most High. Once they come, Imam Abdullah bin Alawi al-Haddad mentions, in his book, The Etiquettes of the Seeker, that one (1st) should protect that impulse, (2nd) strengthen that impulse, and (3rd) respond to that impulse.

Protecting the Urge to Gain Nearness to Allah

One should seek to protect the urge to come closer to Allah, Most High by trying to keep in a constant state of remembrance of Allah. This should be with both tongue and heart. Included in this is a recitation of the Qur’an, seeking Sacred Islamic Knowledge, learning more about the Beloved Messenger of Allah (may Allah be pleased with him), etc…

Strengthening the Urge to Gain Nearness to Allah

One should make an effort to strengthen this drive by keeping the company of righteous believers. Good companionship is a great way to keep one’s focus and determination to become better servants of Allah. Allah, Most High says, “O’ you who believe, be mindful of Allah, and be with the truthful ones.” [Qur’an; 9:119] At the same time one should try to distance themselves from sinful and/or heedless people, for this will certainly endanger one’s relationship with Allah, Most High.

Responding to the Urge to Gain Nearness to Allah

Allah, Most High says, “O’ you who believe. Respond to the call of Allah and His Messenger, when He calls you to that which will give you life.” [َQur’an; 8:24]

Responding to this urge can be done by taking any opportunity to do good deeds and to abandon procrastination. Our lives are short and we must take advantage of the time that we have been allotted.

Practical Steps

The ways to Allah, Most High are many. So much that one may become bewildered trying to figure out how to gain the good pleasure of Allah. I would advise seeking Islamic Knowledge from a qualified scholar, who is a person of mindfulness of Allah (taqwa) and Prophetic Character.

The above-mentioned author, Imam Abdullah bin Alawi al-Haddad (may Allah shower him is mercy) has a book called, The Book of Assistance. This is a good book to strive to implement. One should take one chapter at a time and strive to implement its teachings before moving on to the next chapter.

May Allah bless you and assist you in attaining His good pleasure

Allahu A’alam

[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a graduate from Tarim; a student of Habib Umar and other luminaries; and authorized teachers of Qur’an and the Islamic sciences.

The Conditions Of Repentance

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Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam

Question: How many are the conditions of repentance?

Answer: Assalamu alaikum wa Rahmatullah,

Repentance is immediately obligatory from every sin, major or minor. Allah Most High says, “Turn to Allah in repentance all together, O believers, so that you may be successful.” (Sura al-Nur 24:31)

Imam Nawawi mentions three central conditions for valid repentance (tawba):

(1) leaving the sin altogether,

(2) having remorse over having committed the sin, and

(3) firmly resolving never to return to the sin.

If the sin relates to the right of another human being, then, additionally, (4) that right must be returned. But some note that this point is actually a separate duty (wajib) outside of the act of repentance for the initial wrongdoing — the correcting of which, may or may not affect the acceptability of your repentance. If distinct, what this means is that withholding the right would become another, separate sin.

Moreover, the scholars explain that there are also a few other conditions which apply to repentance, including doing so:

(5) before the sun rises from the west,

(6) before one’s soul begins exiting the body, and

(7) sincerely, such as out of fear of His wrath and punishment, and not for any worldly reason.

Repentance from one sin is valid even if a person is engaged in other sins, and it is valid even if a person has returned to the same sin time and again, on condition that each time he met the conditions of valid repentance. Lastly, the most optimal manner of repenting is by praying the Prayer of Repentance (salat al-tawba).

The Accepted Hajj, Becoming Muslim and Rights

Although there are a number of traditions (ahadith) which speak of the slate of the person who performs an accepted hajj or becomes Muslim being wiped clean from sin, such narrations do not relate to actual rights which need to be fulfilled and lifted from one’s dues. Accordingly, debts owed to others, for example, need to be repaid and prayers and fasts that were omitted (by the Muslim) need to be made up. What is wiped away is the original sin and not the duty to subsequently correct the wrong?

In a beautiful tradition (hadith) of the Beloved Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), he informed us that, “The one who repents from sin is like the one who has no sin.” (Ibn Majah) And in one of the Aphorisms (al-Hikam) of Ibn ‘Ata Illah al-Sakandari (may Allah sanctify his secret), he says, “There is no grave sin when you faced by His Eternal Grace.” But the basis is to be balanced, between fearing for the acceptance of one’s repentance and hopeful in the mercy of the Ever-Merciful.

(Nawawi, Riyad al-Salihin/Sharh Sahih Muslim; Birgivi, al-Tariqa al-Muhammadiyya, with Nabulsi and Khadimi’s respective commentaries; Bajuri, Tuhfat al-Murid ‘ala Jawharat al-Tawhid)

Please also see: A Reader on Tawba (Repentance) and: Major vs Minor Sins, and Haram vs. Makruh Tahriman and: Prayer of Repentance: Salat al-Tawba

And Allah Most High knows best.

Wassalam,

[Ustadh] Tabraze Azam

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Tabraze Azam holds a BSc in Computer Science from the University of Leicester, where he also served as the President of the Islamic Society. He memorized the entire Qur’an in his hometown of Ipswich at the tender age of sixteen and has since studied the Islamic Sciences in traditional settings in the UK, Jordan, and Turkey. He is currently pursuing advanced studies in Jordan, where he is presently based on his family.

Suplication In Prostration

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Answered by Ustadh Salman Younas

Question: What is the ruling of making supplication [dua] after prayer in prostration [sajdah]? So the prayer has ended and a person goes into prostration and makes dua. What do the Hanafi scholars say regarding this?

Answer: assalamu alaykum

Performing a prostration for no reason is neither deemed disliked nor an act of drawing closer to God.

However, when coupled with a du’a, this can be seen as prostration for a purpose, namely to humble oneself in front of God and supplicate to Him for one’s needs. As such, it would be permitted and rewarding in so far as it constitutes a form of submission to God.

The only time it would be disliked is if performing such a prostration will lead to people believing that it is an action that is a specific prophetic sunna or necessary. In most cases, this confusion is not expected. Nonetheless, it is an important consideration to keep in mind.

Sources: Ibn Abidin, Hashiya.

[Ustadh] Salman Younas

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Salman Younas was born and raised in New York and graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Political Science and Religious Studies. After studying the Islamic sciences online and with local scholars in New York, Ustadh Salman moved to Amman. There he studies Islamic law, legal methodology, belief, hadith methodology, logic, Arabic, and tafsir. Ustadh Salman’s personal interests include research into the fields of law/legal methodology, hadith, theology, as well as political theory, government, media, and ethics. He is also an avid traveler and book collector. He currently resides in Amman with his wife.

Grave Visits

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Answered by Ustadh Salman Younas

Question: My husband offers only Friday prayers and their family belongs to a sect. They visit shrines. Is my marriage valid?

Answer: assalamu alaykum

Yes, your marriage is certainly valid.

Missing prayer is sinful but a person does not become a non-Muslim due to it. You should gently encourage your family to perform their obligatory prayers when the right moment presents itself for presenting such advice.

Similarly, visiting shrines is permissible. It is no different from visiting any other grave.

Marriage is only invalidated through divorce, annulment, a khul’, or the apostasy of one of the spouses. The latter case has a very high threshold. We do not rule Muslims as disbelievers unless there is decisive and clear evidence in that regard. The issues you mention do not relate to belief/disbelief.

[Ustadh] Salman Younas

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Salman Younas was born and raised in New York and graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Political Science and Religious Studies. After studying the Islamic sciences online and with local scholars in New York, Ustadh Salman moved to Amman. There he studies Islamic law, legal methodology, belief, hadith methodology, logic, Arabic, and tafsir. Ustadh Salman’s personal interests include research into the fields of law/legal methodology, hadith, theology, as well as political theory, government, media, and ethics. He is also an avid traveler and book collector. He currently resides in Amman with his wife.

What Should I Do If I Hear The Prayer Call After Finishing My Current Prayer?

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Answered by Ustadh Farid Dingle

Question: As-salam Alaykum, What should I do if I hear the azan after finishing the current obligatory prayer?

Answer: Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Thank you for your important and valued question.

The prayer is valid as long as the prayer time has actually entered. You can work out when the prayer enters by following accurate timetables like those found on Islamicfinder.com. As long as you pray after that time, the prayer is find.

Whether or not there is an azan, or when exactly someone calls the azan is another issue: sometimes people call the azan late, especially in non-Muslim countries where people are far from the mosque. In fact, even in Muslim countries, the azan is often called for a whole region/city 5 mins or so late so as to account for the difference of the position of the sun in respect to the different parts of the region/city.

I would just check the app’s settings with Islamicfinder.com. If it seems complete off, then I would repeat the prayer.

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to crafts lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language.