10 Ways to Avoid Marrying the Wrong Person! – MentalHealth4Muslims Blog

10 Ways to Avoid Marrying the Wrong Person!


There is a right way and a wrong way to get to know someone for marriage.  The wrong way is to get caught up in the excitement and nuance of a budding relationship and in the process completely forget to ask the critical questions that help determine compatibility.  One of the biggest mistakes that many young Muslims make is rushing into marriage without properly and thoroughly getting to know someone.  A common myth is that the duration of a courtship is an accurate enough measure of how compatible two people are.  The logic follows that the longer you speak with someone, the better you will know them.  The problem with that premise is that no consideration is given to howthat time is spent. Increasingly, young Muslim couples are engaging in “halal dating,” which is basically socializing with each other in the company of friends and/or family. This includes going out to dinner, watching a movie, playing some sport or other leisure activity, etc.  Depending on the family or culture, conversations are either minimal & chaperoned or worse, unrestricted and unsupervised. When you consider these  limitations it makes one wonder when exactly, if ever at all, would the critical conversations take place?  Unfortunately, for many, the answer is never and they live to suffer the consequences.  If you or someone you know is in the “getting to know someone” phase,  the following guide offers advice on exactly what to look for and avoid:

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Al-Habib `Abd al-Qadir al-Saqqaf – The Passing of a Great Scholar, Caller, and Saint

Posted with permission of Ustadh Amin Buxton

Al-Habib `Abd al-Qadir bin Ahmad bin `Abd al-Rahman al-Saqqaf was born in Seiyun, Hadramawt in 1331. The great Imam, al-Habib `Ali bin Muhammad al-Habshi, in the final years of his life, named him and gave good tidings of the future that was awaiting this child. He was given the best of upbringings by his father, the great scholar and caller to Allah, al-Habib Ahmad. He memorized the Qur’an in his early years and began the pursuit of knowledge at the hands of his father and the Mufti of Hadramawt, al-Habib `Abd al-Rahman bin `Ubaydullah al-Saqqaf, as well as al-Habib Muhammad bin Hadi al-Saqqaf. Amongst his teachers were the Imams of his time, al-Habib `Alawi bin `Abdullah Bin Shihab, al-Habib Ja`far bin Ahmad al-`Aydarus and al-Habib `Abdullah bin `Umar al-Shatiri.

He began teaching publicly in Seiyun at a young age and students of knowledge flocked to benefit from him. However, when the Socialist regime in South Yemen began persecuting scholars he left Yemen in 1393, going first to Singapore and then Indonesia. He then headed to the Hijaz, where he was to settle in Jeddah. He established gatherings of knowledge and remembrance in his house in Jeddah attended by numerous scholars and visitors.

He made trips to various countries calling to Allah and visiting the scholars and Muslims in those places. Amongst the places he visited were Syria, Lebanon, Egypt, Iraq, the United Arab Emirates, Oman, the Comoros Islands (where he visited al-Habib `Umar bin Ahmad bin Sumayt in the company of al-Habib Ahmad Mashur al-Haddad) and East Africa. He visited North Yemen and returned to visit Hadramawt after the unification of North and South Yemen but did not resettle there.

He was loved by all those that came into contact with him. He had immense concern for every member of this Umma, regardless of their race or rank and he would stop at nothing to attend to people’s needs and deal with their requests. Countless people benefitted from his knowledge and from his gatherings, which were gatherings of connection to Allah, His Messenger and the Imams of this deen.

When al-Sayyid Salim bin Abdullah al-Hamid requested counsel from Habib `Abd al-Qadir he wrote the following:

After praising Allah and sending blessings upon the Messenger of Allah he advised him to hold fast to taqwa of Allah. He said that the people of taqwa are of varying levels and taqwa itself has no end, since it is in reality a divine outpouring which people receive according to the readiness of their hearts. Those who have attained these stations are with the people with their physical bodies but with Allah with their hearts and souls.
So be avid, my brother, to reach these realms in which you witness the greatness of Allah’s signs. This is to be achieved through inward and outward purity and protecting one’s limbs from committing acts of disobedience. If the slave uses his limbs in the service of his Lord, Allah will protect him from Shaytan: truly you (Iblis) have no power over My slaves.
Fulfil the rights of your parents, your relatives, your spouse, your children, your neighbours and all the people of la ilaha ill’Allah. Observe the prayer, for in the prayer you give greetings to all the pious slaves of Allah. Thus whoever neglects the prayer neglects the rights of all the people of la ilaha ill’Allah. Perform the sunnas and the adhkar pertaining to the prayer, because every pious action entails a specific reward and a specific divine gift and connection. Whoever pleases his lord through serving Him, seeks to draw close to Him by obeying His commands and realises that he is a slave whose role it is to stand at the door, Allah will enshroud him with the cloak of His love and bring him close until “I become the hearing with which he hears, the vision with which he sees…”

Seek constantly the descent of Allah’s mercy through calling upon Him in a state of brokenness and lowliness, as nothing is more conducive to bringing forth His mercy than the slave’s recognition of His own weakness, and Allah is more merciful to His slaves than a mother is to her child.

You are required to fulfil the rights of Allah and the rights of His slaves and this is only possible firstly by seeking the assistance of Allah and secondly by organising your time so that you give every individual his or her right. Fulfil the rights of the people of la ilaha ill’Allah by attending funerals, visiting the sick and assisting the helpless. Treat them in the best possible way, as you would love to be treated, because mercy entails mercy and “those who show mercy are shown mercy by the All-Merciful.”

Al-Habib `Abd al-Qadir continued his da’wa in the Hijaz, travelling between Jeddah and the Sacred Sanctuaries, spreading the knowledge and mercy that he had inherited from his grandfather, the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him. Towards the end of his die illness confined him to his house but did not prevent him from receiving numerous visitors.

He finally responded to the call of His Lord before Fajr on 19th Rabi’ Thani 1431/4th April 2010. The funeral prayer was the same night in the Masjid al-Haram in Mecca. May Allah shower him in mercy and raise him to the highest of ranks in Paradise. May we continue to benefit by this great Imam.

See also: Shaykh Yahya Rhodus – On the Passing of Habib Abd al-Qadir al-Saqqaf (video)

Imam Khalid Latif, the Muslim Chaplain at NYU, is runner up for the FaithTrust Insti

2009 National Sermon Contest Winners — FaithTrust Institute

FaithTrust Institute is pleased to announce the winners of the 2009 National Sermon Contest.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com:8080/images/photos/2008/01/25/expansion_007627-small.jpgFirst Place: Rev. MarQuita Carmichael Burton
Runners Up: Imam Khalid Latif, Rev. Glencie S. Rhedrick

Real Men Don’t Hit Women (Video)
Imam Khalid Latif

Imam Khalid LatifFor an audience of Muslim college students, Imam Latif made this presentation in which he carefully lays out the teachings of Islam regarding relationships between men and women. He does not hesitate to challenge the cultural practices that can contribute to the abuse of women in relationships.

Video Part 1
Video Part 2


Real Men Don’t Hit Women Pt1 – w/Khalid Latif from Khalid Latif on Vimeo.

Marriage: A Beginner’s Guide – Fahad Faruqi has in-depth discussion with Imam Zaid Shakir on critical contemporary issues and the true spirit of marriage in Islam

ILLUME :: Marriage: A Beginner’s Guide

Many men and women spend years looking for a suitable spouse without knowing what to look for. Perhaps, it would have been easier if the options were laid out on a sheet of paper, like an order form of a luxury car that allows you to pick leather interior, wooden dashboard, automatic transmission and the color.

Everyone has sketched an image of an ideal spouse, which is usually no less perfect than the Platonic Forms. Though there is nothing wrong in desiring a beautiful wife or a financially well-off bloke, you probably want to go beyond the superficial before you commit yourself to that person.

Marriage is a social contract. But, as Imam Zaid said, it is also a “spiritual covenant.”

ILLUME’s Fahad Faruqui had an in depth discussion with Imam Zaid Shakir about marriage in Islam, polygamy, and temporary marriage, like misyar and mu’tah, in attempt to tease out the true spirit of marriage in Islam….

Marriage: A social contract – but also a “spiritual covenant.” :: Download mp3

ILLUME :: Marriage: A Beginner’s Guide
ILLUME is an award-winning, independent media organization that captures and articulates the Muslim-American experience. Using various media, our team of reporters and editors uncover important and timely issues through enterprise reporting, investigative journalism and critical analysis, while upholding the highest level of journalism ethics and standards. 


Fahad Faruqui
Fahad Faruqui is a writer and broadcaster, based out of New York City. Follow him

Guidance of the Prophet Muhammad on the Virtues of Patience (and Thankfulness) in Tribulation and Hardship

muhammed_arabicThese are a few hadiths of the Beloved Messenger of Allah (peace & blessings be upon him & his folk) on the great honor that trials, hardships, and tribulations can represent for a true believer, and how these are opportunities to exhibit one’s patience, trust, reliance, contentment, and thankfulness to Allah Most High.

34. Anas said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, ‘Allah the Mighty and Exalted says, ‘When I test My slave regarding the two things he loves and he shows fortitude, I repay him for them with the Garden.'” He meant his eyes. [al-Bukhari]

35. ‘Ata’ ibn Abi Rabah said, “Ibn ‘Abbas said to me, ‘Shall I show you a woman who is one of the people of the Garden?’ I replied, ‘Please do.’ He said, ‘This black woman came to the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and said, “I have fits during which I expose myself. Pray to Allah Almighty for me.” He said, “If you wish, you can show fortitude and you will receive the Garden, and if you wish, I will pray to Allah Almighty to heal you.” She said, “I will show fortitude.” She said, “I expose myself so pray to Allah that I do not expose myself.” So he prayed for her.'” [Agreed upon]

36. Abu ‘Abdu’r-Rahman ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ud said, “It is as if I could still see the Messenger of Allah talking about one of the Prophets, may the blessings and peace of Allah be upon them, whose people beat him, making his blood flow. While he was wiping the blood from his face, he said, ‘O Allah, forgive my people. They do not know.'” [Agreed upon]

37. Abu Sa’id and Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “No fatigue, illness, anxiety, sorrow, harm or sadness afflicts any Muslim, even to the extent of a thorn pricking him, without Allah wiping out his mistakes by it.” [Agreed upon]

38. Ibn Mas’ud said, “I visited the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, when he had a fever. I said, “Messenger of Allah, you have a very high fever!’ He replied, ‘Yes. I have the fever of two of you.’ I asked, ‘Is that because you will have two rewards?’ He said, ‘Yes, it is like that. No Muslim is afflicted by harm, whether it is a thorn or something worse, without Allah expiating his evil deeds on that account and his sins fall away from him like leaves from a tree.'” [Agreed upon]

39. Abu Hurayra reported that the Messenger of Allah may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “When Allah desires good for someone, He afflicts him.” [Al-Bukhari]

Source: Chapter on Steadfastness (sabr) from Imam Nawawi’s Gardens of the Righteous (tr. Ayesha Bewley)

My Lord’s knowledge has sufficed me – Shaykh Abdal Hakim Murad Sings a Powerful Qasida of Imam al-Haddad (Qad Kafani `Ilmu Rabbi)

YouTube – Qad Kafani Ilmu Rabbi

Shaikh Abdal-Hakim Murad singing Imam Al-Haddad’s poem (Allah have mercy upon him), Qad Kafani Ilmu Rabbi:

My Lords knowledge has sufficed me
from asking or choosing
For my dua and my agonizing supplication
is a witness to my poverty.
For this secret I make supplication
in times of ease and times of difficulty
I am a slave whose pride
is in his poverty and obligation
O my Lord and my King
You know my state
And what has settled in my heart
of agonies and preoccupations
Save me with a gentleness
from You, O Lord of Lords
Oh save me, Most Generous
before I run out of patience Read more

Islam and the Other Religions – Dr. Ahmad Mohamed El Tayeb (the new Shaykh al-Azhar)

The following is the transcript of a speech given by Dr. El-Tayeb, the new Shaykh al-Azhar, at an interfaith program at the Washington National Cathedral.

Washington National Cathedral : Summit : About the Four Principals and Participants

Islam and the Other Religions

Professor Dr. Ahmad Mohamed El Tayeb
President of Al-Azhar University

Islam is the last link in the chain of “divine religion” revealed to all the prophets and messengers, beginning with Adam and ending with Muhammad—may God’s peace and blessing be upon them all.

Pondering the verses of the noble Qur’an, would immediately realize how the appellation Islam (lit. submission) is not meant to refer just to the particular message revealed to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), but it is in fact a generic name, covering the revealed messages of all the prophets, regardless of time or place. It is thus quite normative to describe the prophets preceded Muhammad as having been Muslim (muslimun: lit. submitted to God) and that Noah, Abraham, Moses, and Jesus, like Muhammad, should be equally called Muslim. It is thus sufficient to read the verses of the Qur’an: 128, 132, 133 of the second chapter of “The Cow” (al-Baqara); verse 52 of the third chapter “The Family of ‘Imran” (Al ‘Imran); verses 84 of the chapter “Jonah” (Yunus) and verse 91 of the chapter “The Ants” (An-Naml); to become convinced that these luminous names in the tablet of prophethood are all called “Muslims” by the Qur’an.

This shared religion between Islam—the final revelation—and the revelations that came before it, is not simply a common name or title, but it goes much deeper to indicate a commonality of what constitutes the very content of “Islam,” its substance, and its reality. Thus inquiry into what Muhammad has brought, in terms of essential doctrines, fundamental morals, and exhortation to worship only go to show that it is of one nature with the religion of Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Jesus, and all the prophets and messengers, which proves that the Muslim position does not conceive of God as having vouchsafed it a new religion, but that the religion revealed to their prophet is only the one universal religion revealed to all the earlier prophets:

“The same religion has He established for you as that which He enjoined on Noah—the which We have sent by inspiration to thee—and that which We enjoined on Abraham, Moses, and Jesus: Namely, that ye should remain steadfast in religion, and make no divisions therein: to those who worship other things than Allah, hard is the (way) to which thou callest them. Allah chooses to Himself those whom He pleases, and guides to Himself those who turn (to Him).” (41:13)

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Habib Muhammad al-Saqqaf: Mobile Phone Goes Off in the Mosque – A Beautiful Reminder on How to Respond with Gentleness and Mercy

YouTube – “Mobile’s Ringtone” Alhabib Mohammad Alsaqqaf “Rob3yat”

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Mufti Taqi Usmani: Key Islamic Principles for Reforming the Global Financial System in a Manner that Promotes the Greater Good

Post-Crisis Reforms: Some Points to Ponder by Mufti Muhammad Taqi Usmani « at-Tahawi

Mufti Taqi Usmani writes: In modern economics, we are used to a purely materialistic and secular approach that does not allow religious concepts to interfere with its theories and concepts, on the premise that economy is outside the domain of religion. It is, however, an interesting irony that every dollar note has the admission: “In God we trust”, but when it comes to develop theories to earn dollars or to distribute or spend them, trust is placed only on human ideas based on personal assessments; God is held totally out of picture, as being irrelevant to economic activities!

It is perhaps for the first time that, as an aftermath of the present financial crisis, when different quarters are coming up with different suggestions to solve the problem, the ‘World Economic Forum’ has invited representatives of religion to give their input to the initiative of reshaping the economic set-up on the basis of values, principles and fresh thoughts. This commendable initiative deserves full support from religious circles. As a humble student of Islamic disciplines, and particularly of Islamic economic principles, I would like to highlight some basic points, derived from Islamic economic precepts, that I believe, are essential for independent and fresh consideration while seeking solutions to our economic problems….

Read entire paper… Mufti Taqi Usmani: Post-Crisis Reforms

Originally posted on: at-Tahawi

The Salat al-Mashishiyya – Ibn Mashish’s Powerful Litany of Praise, Blessing, and Sending of Peace on the Beloved Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him and his folk)

YouTube – La prière de Ibn Mashish

Ibn Mashish (Allah be pleased with him), d. 622 AH, was one of the great masters of the spiritual path of sufism, and was the teacher and guide of Imam Abu’l Hasan al-Shadhili.

Arabic text of the Salat al-Mashishiyya: here.

From Ibn Mashish’s Advice to Imam Shadhili:

Abu’l Hasan al-Shadhili said, “My dearly beloved [namely, Ibn Mashish] counseled me: Abu’l Hasan, take not a single step unless you are hopeful of Allah’s reward therein; sit not except where you’re safe from disobeying Allah; keep only the company of one who assists you in obeying Allah Most High; and choose only those who increase you in certitude–and these are few indeed.”

And Allah alone gives success.
See: Moulay Abd as-Salam ibn Mashish