Posts

I Am a Convert and Ready to Marry

 

Question: I am converted and recently found a person I want to complete my deen with. We both agree to marry and I am very sure. What I fear is my parents because they are non-Muslim and in this case, I wonder… how much of their wishes should I obey as I have a duty towards them as a Muslim? 

Answer: I want to congratulate you on finding a Muslim spouse that is suitable for you and someone that you can complete your religion with.

There is naturally going to be discomfort and fear that arises between parents and a child when that child is choosing a new path and way of life. This however, is not a reason to not move forward.

Istikhara

You should first pray Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance and make sure that you have asked Allah to guide you in this decision. If you still feel positive, you can gently explain to your parents what is happening. They may not agree, but you can respectfully tell them that you have made your decision (assuming you are over 18 years old) and will go ahead with it. It is not your duty to obey them in this matter, because they are not Muslim. Your duty is to be kind and respectful to them. If marrying this man hurts them, it would not be sinful.

Respect and kindness

You can involve them in the wedding process, tell them how well he treats you, visit them when you can, and call them regularly. It is these little things that make a person feel loved, included, and involved. When you treat your parents like this, they will get on your side very quickly. When they see how you live as a Muslim, it may even change their own hearts towards Islam.

Guardian

If you have no Muslim guardian, you may authorize a male Muslim who is legally upright to act as your guardian in marrying you to the groom. [Mughni al-muhtaj ila ma’rifa ma’ani alfaz al-Minhaj]

May Allah bless you both in this union.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Can Father Arrange Prepubescent Daughter’s Marriage without Consent?

Ustadh Farid Dingle answers a question about a father forcing his prepubescent daughter to marry.

From what I have read on another website, a father can forcefully arrange his daughter’s marriage without her consent if she is prepubescent. Why is this allowed?

Even if this marriage is supposed to have a clear interest for her, this does not mean she is ready to be married. If she is forced to be married when she doesn’t want to, then she will be trapped in an extremely miserable, depressing, and ungrateful life.

Is there any way she can get out of a marriage she does not want to be in so soon? Please answer.

Dear questioner

While it may be true in principle that the father has the right to marry his prepubescent daughter to a suitable match even without her consent, it is not the Islamic teaching, and is not what is applied by most Sharia-influenced laws applied in many Muslim countries.

The Islamic teaching here is to have the daughter’s full, un-coerced approval. “The Prophetic example is that the guardian asks her permission before marrying her off.” (al-Ikhtiyar)

Many Islamic family law codes stipulate that the daughter be 18 years old and that she give her explicit approval. I would suggest you have a scholar discuss this issue with your guardian and family.

Please also see: My Father Is Emotionally Blackmailing Me to Get Married. What Do I Do?

N.B. I wouldn’t agree wholeheartedly with the statement in the answer above that “Your marriage contract is invalid if you are forced into it,” as we have mentioned.

I pray this helps

Farid

Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.