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Praying and Cold Weather.

Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah

Question: Assalamu alaykum

I want to pray five times a day but my problem is that sometimes I feel too lazy to make ablution because of cold weather. Please suggest me ways or alternatives so that I don’t miss my prayers just because of laziness of making ablution.

Answer: Wa’alaykum assalam, I hope you’re well inshallah.

Sometimes it can be quite hard to get oneself motivated to renew ablution during cold weather, but prayers are obligations which must be fulfilled, so we must brace ourselves and make wudu regardless of the weather.

Suggestions

Perhaps the following suggestions will be of benefit to you:

1. Remember that sins are washed away with each wash of the limbs in wudu, and that we are preparing to meet Allah each time we stand in prayer, so we should want to be pure in every way for these occasions.

2. Make sure you have warm water available.

3. Have a bathroom heater fitted and have a heater in your room turned on at those times.

4. While generally it is disliked to wipe away the water from wudu on one’s limbs (because of suggestion 1), if you need to due to the cold, then have a towel on hand to dry yourself as soon as you finish wudu, or even after each limb washed.

5. Consider wearing khuffs which will save you washing your feet in wudu.

6. If you need to, you may restrict your washes to the minimum one wash for each limb and not perform the sunna of three washes.

7. If you really feel you may miss prayers due to this issue, then you may consider praying two prayers closer together, for example, you pray Dhur closer to the entrance of Asr (while ensuring there is ample time to pray Dhur on time) and Asr at it’s earliest time etc. However, this should only be resorted to out of real necessity and fear of missing prayers, and one should be reasonably confident that they will remember to pray the prayer at the later time (Dhur in our example). Generally, it is always best to pray prayers at their earliest times when possible.

8. Pray to Allah to keep laziness away using this supplication:

اَللّهُمَّ إِنِّيْ أَعُوْذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْعِجْزِ ، وَالْكَسْلِ، وَالْجُبْنِ ، وَالْهَرَمِ ، وَالْبُخْلِ ، وَأَعُوْذُ بِكَ مِنْ عَذَابِ الْقَبْرِ، وَأَعُوْذُ بِكَ مِنْ فِتْنَةِ الْمَحْيَا وَالْمَمَاتِ

‘O Allah, I seek refuge in You from weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, anxiety and sorrow, and I seek refuge in You from the torments of grave, and I seek refuge in You from the trials and tribulations of life and death’. [Sahih Muslim]

I hope the above is of use.

Warmest salams,
[Shaykh] Jamir Meah

Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath. 

Should I Get Back to A Cold Husband?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Assalam aleykum,

I married a good man, but due to our emotional distance, we have not been intimate for a year. We have separated, but he wants me back. What do I do?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.

Marriage

I encourage you to enrol in and complete Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages. Please reflect on the sanctity of your marriage, and do your best to save it. You describe your husband as being a good man: he is on the same spiritual page as you, loves you, is generous to you, and helps out at home. Individually, each quality is a blessing, let alone collectively.

I encourage you to perform the Prayer of Guidance up til 7 times before making any final decisions. Watch what Allah unfolds for you. If your heart softens towards your husband, then consider that a sign to stay in your marriage. If your heart reminds closed off despite your best efforts, then that is a sign for you to leave.

Growth Mindset

I encourage you to view your marriage through the lens of a growth mindset, and not a fixed mindset.

We live in a global culture that is fixated on Hollywood ideas of romance. There is this pervasive myth that love is something that needs to happen instantaneously. The reality is that love can and does grow after marriage, but it takes effort, patience, and continual dua.

Please refer to these invaluable resources:

Walking Side-by-Side – How to Keep Perfect Pace with Your Partner
Does Your Marriage Need A Rebrand? – Six Simple Ways to Prioritize Your Spouse

Communication

If your husband is motivated enough, then he can learn to be a better listener and communicator. Perhaps this skill comes easily to you, but it sounds like he struggles with it. It sounds like he is keen to have you return home, but the question is – are you?

Placing the blame entirely on him or on you does not help. Both of you are contributing to your marital unhappiness, and both of you need to work together to help your marriage thrive.

You can choose to lower your expectations, and accept the good in him. He can choose to try harder to listen to you, and express himself better. Guide him along, in the spirit of having sincere concern for him.

Intimacy

Emotional intimacy can grow in a marriage, but only if you give yourself and your husband permission to try.

Wives do need emotional connection before feeling ready for marital intimacy. Husbands, on the other hand, feel connected through marital intimacy. If both husband and wife are unwilling to compromise, then the end result is a stalemate, and nobody benefits.

Turning On Your Crockpot
Great Microwave Meals

Reality check

Perhaps there is a part of you that feels that Mr Right is out there, somewhere. Perhaps you imagine that when you find him, everything

Dear sister, I encourage you to look at Mr Right In Front Of You – your husband.

Show up in your marriage. Be present. Make a serious commitment. Aim to be of service to your him, for the sake of Allah and allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised.

Divorce

It was narrated from ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar that the Messenger of Allah said: “The most hated of permissible things to Allah is divorce.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]

Please see divorce as an absolute last option for you. Unfortunately, there is a terrible double standard that exists in our community. Divorced men are looked upon more favourably than divorced women. Single mothers are at the very bottom of the marital barrel, when they are the most selfless women who can make incredible wives.

That being said, some people need to go through divorce to appreciate the good in their spouses. Marriage and divorce are halal. If you truly exhaust all options and cannot see your marriage working, then it is better for you to let him go, and make dua that Allah grants you both better spouses.

I pray that Allah grants you the wisdom to choose that which pleases Him.

Please see:

Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered

Wassalam,

[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.