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Is Being Silent Around Disbelief an Approval of It?

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam

Question: Assalam alaykum

I was with my soccer team and the coach said to “keep putting the team first”. I do not know if what he said was disbelief. If someone remains silent in a situation like this but disapproves of it in his heart, is that sufficient? For example, is eating in a restaurant where there are Hindu statues disbelief?

Answer: Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

Thank you for your question. May Allah Most High reward you for having such deep concern regarding your religious affairs.

It is not disbelief (kufr) to recognise disbelief around you. Moreover, the Sacred Law (shari`ah) does not apply to non-Muslims, thus we don’t hold them accountable to our standards.

If a Muslim, however, utters something which appears to be clear disbelief, they should be gently reminded that such utterances are problematic and unbecoming of believers, if the conditions of commanding the good are fulfilled.

Generally, it is disbelief to deny and reject something necessarily known to be from the religion, such as the fact that Allah Most High is one, or the obligation to pray daily and the like.

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Whoever loves for the sake of Allah, hates for the sake of Allah, gives for the sake of Allah, and withholds for the sake of Allah has perfected faith.” [Abu Dawud, with a sound chain of narration]

[Nahlawi, al-Durar al-Mubaha fi al-Hazr wa al-Ibaha (205)]

Please also see: Reader on Disbelief and: The Criteria of Enjoining Good and Forbidding Evil

And Allah Most High alone knows best.

[Ustadh] Tabraze Azam

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Tabraze Azam holds a BSc in Computer Science from the University of Leicester, where he also served as the President of the Islamic Society. He memorised the entire Qur’an in his hometown of Ipswich at the tender age of sixteen, and has since studied the Islamic Sciences in traditional settings in the UK, Jordan and Turkey. He is currently pursuing advanced studies in Jordan, where he is presently based with his family.

I Saw My Husband Smoking Marijuana. What Should I Do?

Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah

Question: Assalamu alaykum

I saw my husband smoking Marijuana and he doesn’t know that I saw him. Now I’m not sure what to do. I need advice. If I confront him about it I’m scared that he’s just going to denied it and get into a argument with me. What should I do?

Answer: Wa’alaykum assalam. Thank you for your question. Such situations are sensitive, especially if you feel your husband will get angry.

​Steps to Take​

The first thing is to have good opinion (husn al dhan) and try to ascertain if he is smoking it for a valid reason, such as for medical purposes. You could do this by generally asking him about his health. Perhaps you yourself have noticed something about his behaviour or well-being?

If he shares with you some current problem, or you think that there is a reason behind it, such as stress at work or home etc., then speak to him about these things first, without mentioning the incident. Perhaps talking about things and thinking of solutions together will resolve any pent up tension that may tempt him to smoke.

If there doesn’t seem to be any significant reason, or he doesn’t share anything with you, then just wait a little and see if it happens again. It maybe that it was a one-off and he won’t return to it again.

If it does happen again, then you may just have to gently confront him and tell him that you saw him. Explain to him that you are concerned about him and want to help with anything troubling him. If he gets angry, or it turns out that he smokes it merely out of recreation, then you should tell him that you don’t like it and that it’s not appropriate for Muslims to smoke such things. He may get upset, but he should respect your religious principles and stance. Once you’ve said whatever you need to say, try to avoid further argumentation.

If the above is not possible, or the issue persists or escalates, you may need to consider support from a third party you both trust and are comfortable with.

Supplications

The following supplications, specifically for when someone is experiencing difficulties, may be helpful to you. You can recite them anytime, but ideally morning and evening, and even after each obligatory prayer.

اللَّهُمَّ لَا سَهْلَ إِلَّا مَا جَعَلْتَهُ سَهْلًا ، وَأَنْتَ تَجْعَلُ الْحَزْنَ إِذَا شِئْتَ سَهْلًا
‘O Allah, there is no ease except in that which You have made easy, and You make difficulties if You wish, easy.’
[Ibn Hibban]
​​

اللَّهُمَّ رَحْمَتَكَ أَرْجُو فَلَا تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ وَأَصْلِحْ شَأْنِي كُلَّهُ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أَنْتَ
‘O Allah, I hope for Your mercy, do not leave me, even for a blink of an eye, and correct my condition. Besides You, there is none worthy of worship.’
[Hisnul Hasin]

حَسْبُنَا اللَّهُ وَنِعْمَ الْوَكِيلُ
‘Allah is sufficient for us and He is the Best Guardian.’
[al Imran]

May Allah grant you both ease in every difficult situation.

Warmest salams,
[Shaykh] Jamir Meah

Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.

My Husband Is No Longer Praying After a Knee Injury. How Should I React?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: I married a few months ago and in my second month of marriage, my husband had an operation on his knee. Since then he has stopped praying.

Are my relations with him are still permissible?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. Dear sister, may Allah grant you patience and lift this trial from you.

Prayer

It is still obligatory for your husband to pray. He must take whatever means are necessary for him to pray, such as sitting on a chair.

Marital relations

Please rest assured that your marital relations are still halal. He is still Muslim, and your marriage contract remains valid.

Solutions

It was narrated from Ibn ‘Umar that the Messenger of Allah (upon him be blessings and peace) said: “The believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and does not put up with their annoyance.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]

Please perform the Prayer of Need in the last third of the night and beg Allah to guide your husband back to establishing prayer. Do not lose hope in Allah’s Mercy, and have patience with His Decree. This is a test of your patience, your good character, and your trust in Allah.

You are the best judge of your husband’s character. Ask yourself what would help encourage him to prayer. Does he respond to being told what to do? Or does he respond better by watching you establish prayer? Use wisdom, tact, and gentleness when you give him advice.

Do what you can to bring barakah to your home. Ensure that you establish the prayer, read Qur’an, give in zakat, and other acts of worship. By being steadfast on your acts of worship, you are already part of the solution.

Please read this inspiring answer by Ustadh Abdullah Anik Misra and see how you can apply it in your own life – My Husband Doesnt Pray: How Do I Advise Him?
Please refer to these following links:

Guiding One’s Family Towards the Good: Advice & Tips
Positive Spiritual Thinking: Choosing Mindfulness (taqwa) and Embracing Trust (tawakkul) by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Wassalam,
Raidah

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Photo: Anthony Crider

My Father Watches Pornography, What Shall I Do?

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam
Question: Assalaam Alaykum,
My father watches porn very often. Watching porn is like committing zina, right? I can’t take him anymore as my father. Our family is in a bad situation now. Are we in badluck now because of porn being watched in our house? Will my prayers be accepted in our house knowing that zina always happens at our house?
Answer: Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray that you are in the best of health and faith, insha’Allah.
You are not responsible for the actions of your father, but you should try to help him as best you can, without being disrespectful, nor causing him hurt. [see: The Criteria of Enjoining Good and Forbidding Evil]
Consider bringing gatherings of remembrance and circles of knowledge to your house, and likewise sessions to recite the Qur’an. All of this will be a means of the descent of mercy and blessings, and perhaps a means of changing his heart against disobedience and ugliness. And bring a scholar to your house and have him speak on the topic, indirectly.
Continue praying for him and his right guidance. [see: Struggling to Have Children: Ten Key Etiquettes of Du’a] And pray the Prayer of Need (salat al-hajah). [see: How Does One Perform The Prayer Of Need (salat al-haja)?]
See also: A Reader on Pornography and Masturbation
And Allah alone gives success.
Tabraze Azam
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.

A Reader on Calling to Allah, Giving Advice, and Commanding the Good

Guiding One’s Family Towards the Good: Advice & Tips

Changing Those Around One: Attaching One’s Self to Allah & the Prophetic Sunna

Attracting the Youth to the Religion

Calling People of Other Beliefs to Islam

How Do I Motivate Someone to Perform the Good?

Guiding One’s Family Towards the Good: Advice & Tips

Changing Those Around One: Attaching One’s Self to Allah & the Prophetic Sunna

My Husband Doesnt Pray: How Do I Advise Him?

How Do I Motivate Someone to Perform the Good?

Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Question: How do I motivate someone who doesn’t perform the solat or one who is inconsistent in doing it? Do I tell them to work their way up slowly e.g. praying one prayer a day and then slowly increase the number to all the obligatory prayers? What if they don’t know the dhikr to be recited too including all the obligatory ones? Should I get them to memorize those first or go through the motions and recite any dhikr they know?

Answer: Wa alaykum Assalam wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuhu,

In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful & Compassionate

I pray that this finds you well, and in the best of health and spirits. May Allah grant you all good and success in this life and the next.

Your question relates to three key Islamic principles:

(1) commanding the good;

(2) sincere counsel (nasiha);

(3) calling to Allah.

We have to remember that the sunna of the Beloved Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) regarding action is two-fold:

a. That we take the best, most positive, and most effective means (both outward and inward) that we are able to;

b. With this, we realize that everything is under the absolute disposal of Allah Most High.

It is generally unwise to  constantly advise  those who are not practicing: this usually has little benefit, and can make people more disinclined towards the good they are being called to.

Rather, what we see in the example of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) is that we should strive to encourage people in a positive and indirect manner.

Related Links:

My Husband Is Not Practicing: What Can I Do To Make Him A Better Muslim?

Attracting the Youth to the Religion

Wassalam

Faraz Rabbani

Guiding One’s Family Towards the Good: Advice & Tips

Answered by Sidi Abdullah Anik Misra

Question: I am an American-Muslim and have been Muslim all my life. My practice of Islam has been up and down throughout the years. My offences have been not acquriing Islamic knowledge, not praying, breaking fast, not dressing modestly etc. Since college I have been trying to improve my Islam by listening to scholars, watching less tv, praying consistently and making up fasts, etc. But unfortunately my family has not grown with me. My dad loves music, my sister don’t cover properly my niece watches tv and wants to be an actress an singer. I feel like I am doing the bare minumum to improve my Islam and am no where near perfect but what about my family? What can I do for them? And how can I correct them when I did many of the same things myself in recent history or still slip on these things myself?

Answer: Wa alaikum as salaam,

Thank you for your question. One of the most beautiful things to hear about is a Muslim who, through the confusions and tests of life, slightly goes off track, then realizes her mistake and is guided back to Allah Most High. It is indeed a great mercy from Allah Most High because He could have left us to spiral downward had He wanted; instead though, He wrapped us in His divine concern, lifted us up, and mended our broken souls.

This shows us that He is lovingly watching over us even while we are heedless, and He is ready to forgive us, if only we sincerely return to Him.

It is true that you should advise your family to the best, and your concern is commendable.  However, the conditions to enjoining good and forbidding evil as a duty are:

1. that one has sound knowledge of what they are exhorting to,

2. that your advice will not cause a greater harm, such as a person becoming stubborn and spurning the religion altogether and

3. that you feel reasonably sure they will heed your advice at that time.  This requires a lot of wisdom and patience as well, since people do not like to be “preached” to. [Bajuri, Sharh Jawhara]

Remember to be gradual and gentle with your family members, as you said you were just doing the same thing some time ago. The same way you would not like harsh or pushy advice, don’t be the one to do it. It’s ok that you’re still struggling; your advice will then go to help you and them- but only when they are ready to hear it. Tread carefully but surely, for you walk on people’s feelings; even the most disobedient of Muslims is a person of Paradise insha Allah and thus worthy of immense respect.

Try to encourage the hearts towards Allah Most High first and give people hope to establish a relationship with Him. This bond, then prayer, will wean them [and us all!] off of their bad habits. When they are ready to cut things out of their lives, it will become apparent, perhaps without your even saying anything further. Judge and take account of yourself according to the standards of the Sacred Law, but look to others with the greater reality in mind- that they are simply playing out what Allah has destined for them, till and if He chooses to guide them back to Him. Perhaps Allah Most High has in store for them such a returning and repentance, that they become the most pleasing of people to Him. And make dua’ for them. Addressing my own self first,

Wasallam,

Abdullah Anik Misra

Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani

Changing Those Around One: Attaching One’s Self to Allah & the Prophetic Sunna

Answered by Sidi Salman Younas

Question: I live in an environment full of Muslims. Although many of them can be either stubborn proud or just arrogant, I noticed that a number of my Muslim sisters do not pray right. Being one of the youngest I do not feel it my place to bring up this issue to discussion. If I did then everyone would have something “smart” to say back, even though I am telling them something for their own benefit. We do not exactly have a shaikh at the Masjid; what we do have is an inexperienced hot head learning to be a shaikh. My question is being in this situation how do I get other people, as well as myself, to be more informed of our religion? That is besides the pamphlets and the giving out papers that no one bothers with them.

Answer: assalamu `alaykum

I pray you are well.

The way one changes others is by changing his or her self. All of us need to be an embodiment of the sunna of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) who was sent as a mercy to all of mankind. We need to understand the precarious nature of the times we live in and take the most effective means possible to change things for the better.

Allah Most High states, “Call to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good admonition.” [16: 125] I

Ibn `Ajibah, one of the great Maliki scholars of Islamic spirituality, stated in his commentary of the Qur’an, “Calling with wisdom is calling through high aspiration (himma) and spiritual state… and calling with good admonition is calling through words that awaken good desires and cause yearning.” [Bahr al-Madid]

Looking down on others is contrary to the message of Allah and His Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace), regardless of how ignorant the other may be. Often times, in our desire to correct others, which no doubt is praiseworthy, we forget that the bigger sins and mistakes are not necessarily those that relate to the outward but rather those that relate to the inner-self; diseases such as frustration, arrogance, and not being free of rancor. These are all spiritual ailments that we need to recognize and rectify.

My advice to you is:

(a) Attach your heart to Allah Most High and work on purifying your own self, your intentions, and your worship.
(b) Be someone of good character: smile, be gentle in speech, and give everyone their rights as a Muslim.
(c) Turn your gaze away from the flaws of creation and look at them through the lens of mercy, compassion, good opinion, and love. You do not know their state with Allah so humble yourself and consider all of them better than you.
(d) Leave that which does not concern you. The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) stated, “From the excellence of a man’s Islam is to leave that which does not concern him.” [Tirmidhi] Mulla `Ali al-Qari commented on this by stating that one should leave that which is not important or befitting “in speech, actions, or thought.” What people do and say is largely inconsequential to one and one’s next life, so do not concern yourself with it.
(e) Commanding the good and forbidding the wrong is only obligatory when you believe you will be listened to. However, if it can potentially lead to a worsening of the situation it should be avoided.
(f) Realize that none of us control anything. Allah does. So turn to Him for all of your needs and sincerely supplicate for this ummah,

And Allah knows best

Wassalam
Salman

Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani

My Husband Doesnt Pray: How Do I Advise Him?

Answered by Sidi Abdullah Anik Misra

Question: What should I do to make my husband perform his prayers? I really want to but he doesnt care about it. Everytime I tell him, he says that I am bothering him. He is a nice person and does drink or smoke or anything, but he just doesnt pray. What should I do?

Answer: Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Thank you for your question.  Your concern for your husband’s not praying is commendable and entirely correct.  Sometimes, people know that praying is a duty in Islam, however, out of laziness, they delay praying until the time has passed.  These people may even be, in general, good-hearted Muslims who stay within the other limits of Halal and Haram, but they just need some positive encouragement and inspiration to break their laziness.  However, no Muslim can be devout or righteous if they are not observant of their prayers on its proper times.

Whereas in times passed, one could ostracize the one who leaves the prayer, or scold them and refuse to interact with them as a means of applying pressure on them so that they feel shame and return to their religious duties, it is generally understood that in these times when there are so many alternative lifestyles calling and a lack of a righteous influence from society as a whole, forcing someone is no longer the most effective method.

People who imply that wives of husbands who do not pray should simply lay down “marital sanctions” and essentially boycott their husbands may be exacerbating the current problem and creating new ones where they didn’t exist before.  Corrective measures should only be taken when they are expected to achieve the desired outcome, and when they are wholesome.  Allah Ta’ala tells our Final Prophet (peace be upon him) regarding how his Companions supported him so closely and listened to his orders:

“And by the Mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently. And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you; so pass over (their faults), and ask (Allah’s) forgiveness for them; and consult them in the affair…” (al-Quran, 3:159)

You hit the nail on the head when you asked for a duaa’ (supplication), because you understand that asking Allah Ta’ala should be the first resort of the Muslim, especially since anyone’s guidance is not in human hands.  I haven’t heard of any transmitted dua’s on this topic.  You should simply raise your hands and beg Allah Ta’ala in your own language and words to guide your husband.  Sincere, heartfelt duas, especially at special times of acceptance such as the last part of the night, along with two extra raka’ats and tears of pleading, are amazing means to take for this.

You should not forget, as well, that you have a duty to enjoin what is right on your husband verbally, with wisdom and kindness.  Remember that even to someone as evil as Firawn, Musa (peace be upon him) was commanded by Allah to speak to him with gentle words, as they are more effective on the heart (al-Quran, 20:44).  Your spouse has both the virtue of being a Muslim, and being your husband, that merit him being treated with the utmost of respect. Allah Ta’ala says in al-Quran:

“Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching, and reason with them in ways that are best…” (al-Quran, 16:125)

Some things are to keep in mind are:

1) You mentioned that your husband watches television a lot.  This produces nothing but laziness and unproductiveness.  Try to encourage your husband to do other things, outside of visual media (including the computer), such as taking walks, reading to each other or visiting sights in your city.  Simply returning to a more natural lifestyle can help us to reconnect with our own natures, which naturally want to reconnect with our Creator, Allah Most High.

2) Try to think about what else could be stopping him.  Are there any bad experiences he has had in his life around learning how to pray, or any time that he felt let down?  Does he know how to pray properly in the first place?  It may be good, when your minds are undistracted and calm, to read a nice book together speaking about the mercies of Allah, because as one gets closer to Allah, the heart feels like praying without any pushing.  Later, you can read (or listen to a good lecture) on the virtues of prayer.

3) Establish family-friendships with couples who pray, yet are moderate, easy-going and good natured.  Encouraging good company by inviting or being invited to good Muslims’ homes is a good way of eliminating negative influences, without forcing him to make friends with someone.  This should be done very subtley.

4) Ask to attend the masjid with your husband for some of the congregational prayers.  Friday prayers, or if this is a workday for him, then ‘Isha prayers on the weekends, may help to introduce him to the routine of praying.  Attend lectures, conferences and functions which have a positive Islamic message.  Have a meal or coffee out after the masjid to turn the outing into a weekly bonding event.

5) Improve your relationship with your husband, do things that will warm his heart towards you, and fulfill your duties towards him, such that a feeling of gratefulness and trust increases in him for you.  Then, when you say things gently and lovingly, out of genuine concern and appealing logic, it will more effect, though if he already feels that you are nagging or bothering him, it may be best to let you actions do the speaking for some time.

6) Finally, increase your own level of devotion to Allah, and do not act differently from what you are calling others to.  This means observing all of His other commandments.  This means cutting out the contradictions in our own lives that are against His good pleasure.

Cook and eat only what is pure; guard your eyes, ears and tongue similarly.  Recite the Qur’an and have it play as you go throughout your day in a way that doesn’t disturb anyone else, or listen to uplifting nasheeds once in a while or leave the good books that you read on the table for your husband to pick up when you’re not there.  A home filled with baraka and light is more likely to encourage obedience to Allah than a house full of dunya and distractions.

Wasalam,

Abdullah

Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani