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Husband in Conflict with In-Laws

Ustadh Farid Dingle gives advice on how to heal relations between a husband and his in-laws, improve communication, and how the Fatiha is an excellent dua.

Question:

Assalam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh.

I have been married for 7 yrs. Masha Allah everything has been fine but suddenly my husband’s behavior towards my family changed. He thinks all my family members are selfish. An incident occurred a year ago, but the fault lies on both sides. Now he has broken all the relationship with my family. Please help me and suggest some dua for mending our relationship.

 

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh.

Dear questioner,

Communication is the key. Have your husband explain very clearly and openly why he is cutting ties. Try to have him sit down with one of your family members and explain what he disapproves of. Maybe there is some valid reason?

At the end of the day, if you can still see your family, as long as he doesn’t say anything bad about them and is not disrespectful to them, he doesn’t have to visit them or be close to them.

Also try to see if this has anything to do with your own relationship. Is he saying this to get back at something you did? Try to get him to open up.

The Fatiha is an excellent dua. We say it at least 17 times a day, but we don’t really mean it. Focus on meaning what you say.

I pray this helps.

Farid

 

Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.


Alternative Dispute Resolution: Arbitration & Mediation in non-Muslim Regions – Tabah Foundation

Alternative Dispute Resolution: Arbitration & Mediation in non-Muslim Regions – Tabah Foundation

Shari‘ah-based personal dispute resolution for Muslims living in non-Muslim regions.

Dispute resolution remains a difficult issue for Muslims living in non-Muslim regions. While Muslims within Muslim regions do usually have access to Shari‘ah-based personal dispute resolution through settlement in court by an appointed judge (qāḍī) whose judgments are binding and enforceable, the absence of such judges in non-Muslim regions leaves Muslims residing in such lands without this option. The problem is augmented by the widespread belief that an Islamic state’s courts are the only acceptable means by which to obtain binding dispute resolution for Muslim litigants. The current state of affairs is particularly harmful to Muslim wives in abusive marriages, since it leaves them no means within the Shari‘ah to rectify their situation.

This Analytic Brief will show that the classical schools of Islamic Law provide other options relevant to the current situation. The first part of this Brief will introduce the various models for personal dispute resolution which are covered in classical Islamic law. The second part of this Brief will then discuss the applicability of each model and present a possible strategy for their application in a manner that respects and is harmonious with both the Shari‘ah and the legal environment of Muslims living in non-Muslim regions. The Brief will close by demonstrating how these models might be applied to the problem of Muslim wives caught in abusive marriages.

My Parents Tend to Fight Very Often: What Should I Do?

Answered by Ustadha Sulma Badrudduja

Question: My parents tend to fight very often. What should I do?

Answer: Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah,

I hope you are and your family are in the best of states inshaAllah.

The essential role that good character holds in one’s faith and practice, in general, and a priori towards family, is clear from the words of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace: “There is nothing heavier in the believer’s scale on the day of Judgement than good character.” [Tirmidhi]

Thus, at the level of one’s personal religious obligations, in addition to the level of family and interpersonal relation, allowing one’s marriage to continue in a tense and argumentative fashion is unacceptable.

You are in a difficult position because, as the child, you may not have much direct influence over your parents’ behavior, and they may not be likely to want your interference. Nevertheless, if you think they may listen to how you are feeling about the situation and benefit from your input, then you should try speaking to them. Professional help should be seriously considered. You, or another close individual to the family, should suggest this to your parents. In addition to this, there remains some important steps you can take:

(1) Make continuous supplication that Allah turns their relationship into a healthy one. Your du`a is special, as you are in need and you are supplicating for your parents.

(2) Do not allow the negativity from your parents’ relationship to affect your relationship with each of them or to cause you to feel like the source of their problems. This is a common feeling that children will face. They will blame themselves for their parent’s marital problems. It is important that they realize they are not the problem, even if the parents are fighting over matter related to the children. The parents’ inability to reach an amiable compromise in an amiable manner is from their own shortcomings.

(3) Initiate healthy and joyful family activities. If you put in the extra effort to make one night in the week special, for example, you may find that your concern and input into the family’s happiness reminds your parents that they are the ones who should be working towards creating a harmonious family environment.

Allah places each one of us in the situations that we are in for a specific wisdom. Strive to do what you believe is right and you will find relief inshaAllah.

Allah knows best, and success is with Him alone.

Wassalam,
Sulma

Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani