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Is It Permissible for a Muslim Woman to Marry Without Parental Consent?

Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch

Question: Is it permissible for a Muslim girl to marry without parental consent if she fears to commit fornication (Zina)?

Answer: In The Name of Allah, Most Merciful and Compassionate

May Allah bless you for your question and we ask Allah to ease your difficulty

It Being Valid Doesn’t Make It Right

If one fears committing fornication and is certain that there is no way to refrain from it except through marriage it is then obligatory for such a person to marry. (al-Durr al-Mukhtar) However, you should not take the matter into your own hands and get married without parental approval. Even though the marriage of a mature free Muslim woman without consent from her guardian is valid [al-Durr al-Mukhtar], it is not advisable.

In such a situation, you need to be very candid with your parents. Explain to them the difficulty which you find yourself in and your need to get married.

Lack of Familial Support

Even though you may see quickly getting married as a solution to your difficulty, marrying without parental consent may have life long repercussions that you may regret later. Marriage is not just a union between two individuals, rather it is a union of families. To have familial support throughout your marriage is central to having a happy household; this is especially true when children are involved.

The Prayer of Need

Whenever we find our selves in difficulty, we should train ourselves to turn to Allah, Most High for help. The prayer of need is a prayer that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) taught us. See the below link for the details.

https: How Does One Perform The Prayer Of Need (salat al-haja)?

Prevention

In the meantime, you should try to find and refrain from anything or situation which will increase any sexual desires. Refrain from places that exacerbate your feelings. Try to keep away from looking at anything that will increase your desires. If you find using the computer or the phone stirs up your desires then you should limit their usage and only use them in public spheres. The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Whoever seeks chastity, Allah will grant it to them.” [al-Bukhari]

Speak to your parents and beseech Allah to help you. We pray that Allah blesses you with a righteous spouse and eases all your difficulties.

Ameen

Allah A’alam

[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a graduate from Tarim; a student of Habib Umar and other luminaries; and authorized teachers of the Qur’an and the Islamic sciences.

Is It Permissible for a Woman to Travel Accompanied by Her Young Son?

Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch

Question: Is it permissible for a woman to travel accompanied by her young son?

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate

Conditions of a Chaperone

It is permissible for you to travel with your 12-year-old son. A woman must travel either with her spouse or non-marriageable kin (mahram) who is trustworthy, mature (i.e. reached puberty), and of sound intellect. The pre-pubescent child is allowed as well, like the mature. [al-Hadiyah al-Alaiyah]

The Age of a Pre-Pubescent Child

A male child is considered pre-pubescent (murahiq) when he reaches 12 years of age. This is because 12 is the earliest age that a boy can reach puberty. [al-Hadiyah al-Alaiyah]

Hope this helps
Allahu A’alam

[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a graduate from Tarim; student of Habib Umar and other luminaries; and authorized teachers of Qur’an and the Islamic sciences.

Dealing Problems With Abusive Father

Answered by Shaykh 

Question: I’m a woman who lives with both parents and siblings home. My dad has sexually abused me for 13 long years without my mom knowing. Do I have any right to leave my parents’ home and never speak to my dad again?

Answer: Wa ‘alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh

Dear sister, I pray Allah gives you a quick release from these difficulties you have endured. The difficulty of the situation and the burden of the secret must have been unbearable.

You have every right to leave your parents’ home; in fact, you must. You need to take all the steps to get yourself out of harm’s way, as living in such an environment is clearly very harmful to you.

Allah Hates Oppression

The Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and give him peace, quoted Allah Almighty Himself to have said, “Truly, I have made it forbidden on myself to wrong anyone; and I have made it severely forbidden for you! So do not oppress each other!“ (Muslim)

Allah hates oppression, and it is necessary for you to end this cycle by moving away to your new school. This will prevent the continuation of this problem.

When you are ready, you need to discuss this matter with your mother. Do not break ties with her due to your father’s actions. She must know, as there are legal ramifications to this situation too. Also, if he has been secretly doing this to you all these years, it is very likely that there have been other victims.

If he’s managed to keep it a secret from your mother, it’s possible that you could have kept other similarly vile acts a secret. Even if there aren’t any other females he has access to, it needs to be brought up: some younger males could be in danger too.

Distance Yourself

At this point, you need to get out of harm’s way and focus on healing. I don’t advise you to go near your father again for the foreseeable future. The scars you have will take a long time to heal. You will need a lot of therapy and a supportive company to move beyond this.

This is a safeguarding issue, and it should be reported to the authorities. Usually, it is the silence of the victims that emboldens people like this to prey on others. This may even be in his own interests to prevent him from further harm to others.

Supplication

Keep supplicating to Allah for a way out, healing, and for you and your loved ones to stay safe. In the Qur’an, Allah commands us to be excellent to our parents (Qur’an, 17:23). The wording indicates that they deserve this just for being the means of entering this world.

Putting up with harm, and restraining yourself from a bad response are both forms of excellence. If things do get out don’t you yourself think that you are being bad, and don’t let anyone else convince you of that either. I’d say you’ve shown plenty of excellence through these all these years, to both of your parents.

Find Support

Find someone who can support you through this and take the necessary steps. Don’t think about cutting ties or anything right now. The priority is to get away and heal. Things may get worse before they get better.

You don’t have to go near him, nor do you have to speak to him at this point. In fact, it’s better you don’t.

As a closing thought, I’d say that such tests are not given to everyone. They are very hard, and the pain may seem unbearable, but the gifts Allah has in store for you will be infinite and unimaginable great. Have a daily dose of reminders on patience and fortitude, and this seminar may be useful on your journey to healing. Get professional help.

May Allah take very special care of you. Amin.

[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 where, for 18 months, he studied with erudite scholars such as Shaykh Adnan Darwish, Shaykh Abdurrahman Arjan, Shaykh Hussain Darwish, and Shaykh Muhammad Darwish. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic with teachers such as Dr. Ashraf Muneeb, Dr. Salah Abu’l-Hajj, Dr. Hamza al-Bakri, Shaykh Ahmad Hasanat, Dr. Mansur Abu Zina, and others. He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Qur’anic recital by Shakh Samir Jabir and Shaykh Yahya Qandil. With Shaykh Ali, he was able to study an extensive curriculum of Qur’anic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence.

Doubts About Marriage

Answered by Ustadh Farid Dingle

Question: I want to marry a man and he wants to marry me. The problem is that his mother wants him to marry someone else. What can we do?

Answer: Bismillahi al-Rahman al-Rahim.

Your suitor should make a wise decision based on advice from outside his family and the guidelines of the Sacred Law. Whoever he sees fit, he should marry. His mother is not his guardian, and he has to make decisions for himself.

Obeying One’s Parents

Our moral debt to our parents, and especially our mothers is something great indeed, and seldom we do really grasp what respect, reverence, and gratitude are due to them.

Allah Most High says:

‘And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.’ (Qur’an, 31: 14)

That said, respect and reverence, and care and financial support do not entail allowing them to ruin one’s life. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, ‘Let there be no harm or any harming back.’ (Malik, al-Muwatta)

So as long as there is no harm, he should obey his mother. For more detail please from the Hanafi school, please see: When May Parents Be Disobeyed, and How?

In the Shafi’i school, it would not be obligatory to obey one’s mother or father in such a request. (Bulqini, al-Fatawa)

A wise and grateful son would navigate his way through such a problem taking both positions into consideration, and being respectful, loving, and polite to his mother. But he would not marry someone he knows he cannot ever live with.

Please also see: Obeying Parents in Matters of Marriage 

Mama’s Boy

Many modern scholars of different schools of thought have warned of the over-involvement and control of parents, and particularly mothers, in their sons’ marriages. Sometimes, there is an all too close attachment between mother and son that is really not healthy. At a certain point, people have to realize that the married couple area new and independent family, and that the son is no longer a baby sitting on his mother’s lap filling her eyes with joy: he has moved on and has a life of his own.

Mothers may not take well to this realization, and it can sometimes require the son/husband to take the initiative and distance himself from his mother in order for the relationships to assume their proper mold.

Conclusion

Your husband-to-be should make his independent decision while being polite, caring, and respectful. He should also look at which of the two brides-to-be have the best character and religious practice.

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid DingleFarid

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to crafts lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language.

We Created You In Pairs Meaning

Answered by Ustadh Farid Dingle

Question: So the concept of everyone being created in pairs, how does it apply to modern day life/ this generation? Many divorces/ separations/ men having more than one wife. So how does the concept of Allah creating us all in pairs work?

Answer: Assalamu alaykumwa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Regarding the verse of the Quran ‘And of everything single things we have created in pairs.’ [51: 49], Imam al-Alusi says,

‘This means two types that are different and distinguishable from its other, such as the male and the female, the sky and the earth … light and darkness, white and black … salvation and damnation … all of which indicate that all created beings are composite, and that they need a creator and that He alone is the One … As has been explained by Al-Kharraz (Allah sanctify his soul) that the meaning of Allah’s godhood and oneness is that He creates things in combinations, and less all singularity to Himself.’

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to crafts lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language.

Heartbreak and Looking for a Blessed Marriage

Answered by Ustadh Farid Dingle

Question: I fell in love with someone married and we work in the same company. I don’t know what to do. Every time I see him with his wife it kills me inside. I have become depressed and I keep having mental break downs. Please advise me. Should I marry him? Should I leave him?

Answer: Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Practical steps

If I were in your shoes, I would just cut relations with him, and try my best to work in another company. You would not be doing anything haram, but it would make the heartbreak much easier if you just distanced yourself as much as possible.

It doesn’t sound like being a second wife will work out.

Please see: Can the Man I Love Take Me as a Second Wife Despite His Mother’s Disapproval? 

Building on love

We all know the adage ‘Love is blind.’ We all have to direct our deep feelings of love, adoration and obsession to the wider plain of being that it belongs to: Allah Mighty and Majestic.

The is a Persian maxim that goes: Fake love without real love is pointless, yet real love without fake love is pretty difficult. It means that loving this world or its creatures is a fake love that does not mean anything and is just worldliness. However, it is very hard to love Allah and worship Him fully if you have never tasted love, and usually, heartbreak.

Try and make a habit of reciting Surah ‘Qul huwa Allahu ahad’ and focus on Allah as the One to which your heart really turns to and needs.

I would also advise getting the book Reclaim Your Heart by Yasmin Mogahed.

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to crafts lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language.

Ramadan 2020 Reminders | Episode 9: Never Lose Hope | Shaykh Edris Khamissa

Ustadth Edris Khamissa reminds us that we should never lose hope in the mercy and blessings of Allah. However, if we wish to be recipients of Allah’s mercy and bounties, we need to ensure that we are manifesting mercy to our fellow human beings. Let us take the opportunity this Ramadan to strengthen our bonds with family, friends and strangers.

SeekersGuidance: The Global Islamic Seminary offers structured learning and inspiring religious guidance, completely free. We also offer over a dozen classes with scholars from around the world streamed live this Ramadan. View the full schedule and tune in daily at https://www.seekersguidance.org/live.

We offer FREE courses, with clear learning streams for Islamic studies, Youth Islamic Studies, and Learning Arabic as well as a range of topics. To Register Visit https://www.seekersguidance.org/courses.

During this current crisis, we need your help in spreading clarity in these confusing times. We are in a time when scholars and students are left without support due to the closing of religious institutions and we can’t afford to let this hurt people’s faith. Help us to raise $1 million with your zakat and charity and support the Islamic Scholars Fund.

You can also assist SeekersGuidance in spreading the light of guidance through our at https://www.seekersguidance.org/donate

Can a Husband Prevent His Wife From Working?

Shaykh Farid Dingle responds to the question if husbands can prevent their wives from working.

 

Question:

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah

Does a husband having the final say over the rights of the home mean that he has the right to refuse his wife to work at any time during the marriage? Is it okay for him to know and consent to her working part time before they get married and change his mind later and is she accountable before Allah swt in obeying him? What about if he doesn’t wish her to but she’s consulting and doing istikhara and feels that Allah swt is guiding her towards it (and her teachers advise it as well)? Do the rights of her husband trump it, or does it depend on the situation?

JazakumAllahu khayran

 

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Marital hierarchy

In Islam, there is a hierarchy in the family. Men are in charge of women.

Allah Most High has said, ‘Men are in charge because Allah has give more to some than others, and because  they of what they spend  from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband’s] absence what Allah would have them guard.’ [4: 34]

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, ‘Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of a people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them. The servant of a man is a guardian of the property of his master and he is responsible for it. No doubt, every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.’ [Bukhari and Muslim]

So in Islam, the husband is the head of the house, and his wife and children following and support him.

 

The rights of the Husband

The husband has the right to prevent his wife from work that involves leaving the house, or that takes time away from fulfilling his rights as a husband or the children’s rights as dependents upon her.

He may change his mind at any point regarding her permission to do such work, just as she may change her mind regarding any right that she deserves but has chosen not to avail herself of.

 

Women as financially independent

A man’s wife is financially independent of him: her wealth is hers, and her financial transactions have nothing to do with him. He does not have the right to be privy to her accounts or make decisions with her wealth or property. Similarly, he does not have to pay for her debts or support her dependents, such as her children from a previous marriage or her elderly parents.

Besides work that does affect her ability to fulfill his rights, he does not have the right to meddle in any financial transaction she may get involved in including employment.

For example, if she wants to buy and sell, or work online in a way that does not impede her fulfilling her role as wife and mother, and does not involve him interacting with men (or women) that he does not approve of, it is not his prerogative to say whether or not she engages in such work.

The decision as to whether the work impedes her fulfilling her role as wife and mother returns to the husband’s discretion, as he is in charge. If he seems unreasonable, they should resort to a court decision or arbitration with a qualified scholar.

I pray this helps.

Farid

 

Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.


 

Forgiveness in Light of Being With The People, by Ustadh Amjad Tarsin

Forgiveness in Light of Being With The People, by Ustadh Amjad Tarsin

Capturing the Spirit of Ramadan
Mercy, Forgiveness and Salvation

Every night our Ramadan scholars will explore one of the three key spiritual goals of Ramadan. Each talk will conclude with a dynamic conversation as we explore mercy, forgiveness and salvation deeply and see how we can attain these divine gifts practically. These talks will enliven and inspire us as we begin our nightly ‘isha and tarawih prayers.

Let’s #GiveLight to Millions More

We envision a world in which no one is cut off from the beauty, mercy and light of the Prophetic ﷺ example. A world where the dark ideology of a few is dwarfed by radiant example of the many who follow the way of the Prophet ﷺ. But we can’t do it alone. We need your support. This Ramadan, we need you to help us #GiveLight to millions more. Here’s how.

Art by Tom Gowanlock

Christian Woman in Love with Muslim Man

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat responds to a Christian woman asking for advice about marrying a Muslim man.

I am a non-Muslim woman who is falling in love with a Muslim man I work with. I believe in God and my family are non-practicing Christians.

The man I care for has all the qualities I longed for a partner to have but never found until now.

He has rekindled my own faith and makes me want to be better. He has told me he is fond of me also but I am aware that we can not have any physical contact etc. He has also expressed that I would need to be Muslim to be with him (Marry). He does not want me to convert to be with him but because I truly believe in Islam.

I love listening to him telling me about Islam and have begun to read the (translated) Qur’an to try to understand Islam better. I feel a pull towards it as I naturally seem to possess qualities that closely align with Islam but I am confused and torn between Islam and Christianity.

I believe Islamically the man could still marry me if I am Christian and I would support him in raising any children we may have Muslim, but he wants me to be Muslim too.

I don’t believe we would have met and shared mutual fondness for each other if it was not blessed by God as both of us before knowing the other was interested tried to ignore it and prayed for guidance and were still lead to each other in odd “coincidences.” We have done our best to keep our relationship/interaction halal as this is important to him and to me as I can not bear to be the cause of him to sin.

What should I do?

Hello.

I pray you are well.

Thank you for reaching out to us. I pray that God facilitates that which is best for you both, in this, and the next life.

It’s a huge blessing from God that He presented this opportunity to you. The person you refer to sounds like an excellent individual, and your open-mindedness has allowed his qualities to shine through.

He is right. You should look into Islam with an open mind and heart. God has opened up an opportunity to learn about Islam, and put you in a position to learn about its beauty and see it embodied in an upstanding individual.

Our ‘Why Islam is True‘ podcast is an excellent place to start.

Belief

The heart of the matter here is that we, as Muslims, are convinced of Islam’s being the the final, and truest set of beliefs and practices revealed to humanity by the Creator. It is the natural progression of what the other Abrahamic faiths lead to, and the perfect balance of a righteous worldly life, the devotion to divine that spirit yearns for, and cognizance of the ever-lasting life that is certain to come to us all after death.

This truth is based on sound, rational proofs, among other things, such as thousands of documented miracles – the greatest of them being the Qur’an itself. A believer in this truth feels completely at ease once it settles in a his heart. The mind can easily accept it. It feels natural for the body to submit to its dictates. And the soul thrives in its light.

It is commendable that this individual asked you to accept this based on personal conviction. As Muslims, we are not a recruitment drive. There are no targets to hit; no agenda to serve. Rather, the Messenger of God told us that “No one truly believes until they love for their brother what they would love for themselves.” The brotherhood  referred to here is that which binds humanity as they are all the children of Adam.

We want perpetual, permanent, Paradisal bliss for ourselves and everyone else on the planet. Everyone makes their own choice though.

Marrying a Non-Muslim Lady

Islam does allow a Muslim man to marry a Jewish or Christian lady, but would anyone want his beloved wife to come to any harm? Rejecting God and His Messengers has consequences. This is clearly why he wants you to learn about and accept Islam on your own accord.

There is also the matter of the children. Would they not be confused as to why each parent has a different religion – especially when religions talk about eternal fates? What about other matters, such as important questions each religion answers differently, or points of practice?

The Messenger of Allah

God sent us Messengers to convey to us His will, and to instruct us. The greatest of them is Muhammad, God’s final Messenger, Allah bless him and give him peace. I urge you to learn about his qualities, teachings, and his life. Never has there been a more beautiful, caring, loving, generous, forgiving, gentle, beloved, reliable, courageous, and strong human being. You’ll see the truth of this when you look into his life yourself.

Allah sent His final message at the hands of the most extra-ordinary human being. Every who learns about him with a fair mind and open heart, falls in love with him. You can learn more about him here and here.

The Qur’an

The Qur’an is Allah’s final message. Read it, reflect on it, and – as with everything else about Islam – ask those qualified to answer if you have any questions at all. The Qur’an is an Arabic book, and some aspects of it need explanation. I recommend taking out course The Qurʾan: What it is, How it was Preserved, and Why it is True.

Christianity

Religion is supposed to be something which answers all the questions the soul demands answers for. Islam’s worldview provides soul-nourishing answers which satisfy the mind to boot. Issues like the purpose of existence, suffering and the ‘Problem’ of Evil, the reality of the Trinity, and others, which Christians have struggled to answer, have simple and profound answers in Islam. It makes more sense to the mind, and better answers the questions of the soul.

Christianity has many internal contradictions, which Christians themselves are forced to recognize. How can such a religion have divine origins? God doesn’t make mistakes.

Look into the works of Bart Erhman, an ex-Christian scholar of Christianity. They are sufficient to show this if Muslim sources are not enough. Dr Ali Ataie’s free course is also a great place to start.

Accepting Islam is the best possible choice you could make. Many people who embrace Islam after having been Christians actually feel closer to Jesus once they become Muslims. This is the account of one of the greatest scholars of the day.

Ask Allah For Guidance

At this time, one of the best prayers you can make to God is, “O God, let me see the truth as the truth – and give me the ability to wholeheartedly follow it. And show the falsehood as falsehood – and give me the ability to completely shun it.”

If you have any further questions or matters you wish to discuss please don’t hesitate to contact us. We are here for you.

I leave you with the promise of Allah spoken with the Royal “We” to show that just as He is truly majestic, His promise will certainly be fulfilled:

Whoever, male or female, does good deeds and is a believer [in God’s religion] We will make them live a truly amazing, fulfilling, beautiful life, and We will reward them according to the standard of the best they used to do. (Sura al-Naml 16:97)

May Allah grant you the best of both worlds.

Abdul-Rahim

Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.