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Father-in-Law Kissed Daughter-in-Law

Ustadh Salman Younas gives general advice on a case of a father-in-law kissing the daughter-in-law by mistake and how one should act in such cases.

Question:

Assalam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh.

A case has arisen in our town that a father in law suddenly and unexpectedly kissed his daughter in law. This all happened in seconds. After that he is shameful and saying that he didn’t do this intentionally and lustfully and there is no erection or ejaculation, and he is ready to swore on the Qur’an that she is like my daughter and I have not done this intentionally.

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh.

I pray you are well.

My assumption is that you are asking about hurmat al-musahara, which is the non-marriageable kinship (mahramiya) created between a person and the relatives of his spouse as a result of marriage and valid intercourse. Thus, a man who marries a woman and consummates the marriage is not permitted to marry her mother or any daughters she has from a previous marriage. Similarly, a person cannot marry the wife of his father. The Qur’anic verse affirming the basic idea of hurmat al-musahara is, “Do not marry those [women] whom your fathers married.” (Sura al-Nisa 4:22)

Outside of a marriage context, however, the scholars differ on whether hurmat al-musahara is ever established. In other words, does adultery–fornication or touching–kissing outside of a marriage relationship establish this hurma? The Hanafis say it does (adding specific conditions when it comes to touching/kissing), while the Malikis and Shafi‘is say it does not. In other words, if a father-in-law touched his daughter-in-law directly with lust, the marriage between the former’s son and the daughter-in-law would be broken according to Hanafis but not so according to the Malikis or Shafi‘is. (Ibn Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar; al-Shirbini, Mughni al-Muhtaj; al-Dasuqi, Hashiya)

Given the sensitivity of the situation you describe and the scarcity of details you offer, I cannot offer a specific ruling for this case but only the following general advice:

1. In the specific scenario you mention, people must avoid rushing to judge someone’s marriage as invalidated on account of this act even if it has been clearly shown to have taken place. This is because (i) there is established difference of opinion on the matter, and (ii) annulling someone’s marriage, in this case the daughter-in-law and her husband (the father’s son), on account of someone else’s independent and unsolicited action seems highly unjust and problematic.

2. People must take care to avoid making insinuations against the father-in-law, the daughter-in-law, and other family members, or spreading gossip, hearsay, and the like.

3. If the father-in-law is known to be an otherwise upright person and there is no reason to suspect that something is amiss, people should leave things be, accept him at his word, and let him and the family manage the issue.

4. If there are reasonable signs and indications to suspect something unsavory and wrong taking place on the part of the father-in-law (e.g. abuse), this should be referred to the proper authorities. However, one should tread carefully before suspecting any such thing.

Because of the sensitivity of this situation, I would advise you to consult local scholars – people who are reliable, pious, have wisdom, and who have an understanding of family and community dynamics.

Salman

Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.


What Is the Best Way to Kiss My Parents?

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam

Question: Assalam alaykum

What is the sunnah/Islamic way of kissing parents? Is it on the palm of the hand, the cheeks, the forehead?

Answer: Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

It is permissible to kiss your parents, and praiseworthy if it will bring happiness into their hearts.

All of the forms of doing this which you have mentioned [hand/cheek/forehead] are acceptable. It is also established that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) kissed Ja‘far between the eyes when he returned from Habasha. [Abu Dawud]

[Nahlawi, al-Durar al-Mubaha fi al-Hazr wa al-Ibaha (63)]

Consider also taking this free course.

And Allah Most High knows best.

wassalam,
[Ustadh] Tabraze Azam

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Tabraze Azam holds a BSc in Computer Science from the University of Leicester, where he also served as the President of the Islamic Society. He memorised the entire Qur’an in his hometown of Ipswich at the tender age of sixteen, and has since studied the Islamic Sciences in traditional settings in the UK, Jordan and Turkey. He is currently pursuing advanced studies in Jordan, where he is presently based with his family.

Can a Nephew See and Touch the Neck and Breast of His Aunt?

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam

Question: Assalam ‘aleykum.

1. Can a nephew see and touch the neck and breast of his aunt?

2. Can an aunt kiss her nephew on his chest as a sign of affection?

Answer: Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah,

I pray that this message finds you well, insha’Allah.

What you have mentioned would go against the dictates of modesty and appropriateness because such interaction, whilst permitted, needs to be restrained, dignified and proper.

In general, both are in and of themselves permitted as the neck and breast are not from the nakedness (`awra) with respect to him, and neither is his chest with respect to her.

However, there would be at least impropriety in this, particularly in our times. If there is desire from either side, this would obviously be impermissible.

Please also see: Who is Mahram and: A Detailed Exposition of the Fiqh of Covering One’s Nakedness (awra)

And Allah alone knows best.

Wassalam,

Tabraze Azam

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Passionate Kissing While Fasting

Answered by Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam

Question: Does passionate kissing invalidate the fast? What about the hadith wherein the Prophet (Allah bless him) would kiss his wife passionately while fasting?

Answer: In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

Indeed it is reported from the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) that he would kiss his wife and our mother Sayyida A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) passionately (by sucking on her tongue) whilst in the state of fasting. (Sunan Abu Dawud, no: 2378)

However, when I quoted this Hadith in the answer titled “Passionate kissing is also the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace)” I stated that please refer to the Fiqh of kissing during a fast. The reason being is that, according to the Fuqaha, the exchange of saliva through kissing will invalidate one’s fast.

The Hanafi jurists (fuqaha) state that non-sexual affectionate kissing, from which there is no fear of leading to intercourse or ejaculation, is allowed and not disliked. But, if one fears that kissing will lead to ejaculation or intercourse, then it will be disliked to kiss. However, one’s fast remains valid as long as kissing does not lead to actual sexual intercourse or does not result in ejaculation. If kissing resulted in ejaculation, one’s fast would become invalid and hence will have to be made up (qadha), without having to expiate for it (kaffara). (See: al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya, 1/200 & 1/204)

With regards to passionate or French kissing when saliva is exchanged, it is stated in Maraqi al-Falah:

“And from the acts than invalidate one’s fast and also necessitate an expiation (kaffara) is the swallowing of the saliva of one’s spouse or friend, for one feels passion in it.” (Tahtawi ala Maraqi al-Falah, P: 667)

It is stated in al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya:

“If one swallows the saliva of another, one’s fast will be invalidated without expiation (kaffara) being necessary, unless the saliva is of one’s friend (or spouse), for that will also necessitate expiation.” (1/203)

Thus, swallowing the saliva of another in a sexual manner with desire and passion invalidates one’s fast, with a make up (qadha) and expiation (kaffara) both becoming necessary. Passionate kissing or sucking on the tongue of one’s spouse would inevitably result in an exchange of saliva, and then that saliva being swallowed. As such, it would result in the invalidation of one’s fast. This is the position of the Hanafi Fuqaha and also the Fuqaha of some other Schools.

Now, the question arises as to how would the Hadith of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace), wherein he is reported to have kissed passionately whilst fasting (quoted above), be explained?

Imam Hafidh Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani (Allah have mercy on him) states:

“There is a narration that has been recorded by only Imam Abu Dawud from Sayyida A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) that the “Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) would kiss her passionately (during a fast)” but the chain of this Hadith is weak. If it is proven to be authentic, then it refers to when there is no exchange of saliva, hence not swallowing one’s spouse’s saliva.” (Fath al-Bari, 4/195)

The great scholar of Hadith of the Indian Subcontinent, Shaykh Khalil Ahmad Saharanpuri (Allah have mercy on him) states in his commentary of Sunan Abi Dawud, Bazl al-Majhud, that this Hadith where it is reported that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) would kiss Sayyida A’isha passionately whilst fasting to the point that he would suck on her tongue goes against what the Fuqaha have stated that swallowing the saliva of another invalidates one’s fast.

One explanation is that the chain of transmission for this Hadith is weak. The narrators Muhammad ibn Dinar and Sa’d ibn Aws are considered to be weak, and neither is there another authentic Hadith wherein “sucking on the tongue” is mentioned.

Secondly (if the Hadith is proven to be authentic), passionate kissing and sucking on the tongue is not connected to fasting. Hence, the meaning of the Hadith is that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) would kiss Sayyida A’isha whilst he was fasting, and normally when he kissed her, he would kiss her passionately (but not necessarily whilst fasting).

Thirdly, Even if the passionate kissing took place in the state of fast, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) would ensure not to swallow her saliva. The sucking on the tongue was very subtle and not to the point where saliva was exchanged and swallowed. (See: Bazl al-Majhud fi Hal Abi Dawud)

In Conclusion, passionate kissing is the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him) as mentioned in the Hadith of Sunan Abi Dawud, although some have considered the chain of this Hadith to be weak. However, it would not be allowed to kiss passionately whilst in the state of fasting, for the exchange of saliva and the resulting swallowing will invalidate one’s fast.

And Allah knows best

Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

Darul Iftaa

Leicester, UK