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I Am a Young, Unmarried Woman in a Chaotic Family Home. Is It Permissible for Me to Move Out?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: I have brothers who have moved out and have children. Whenever they come and visit my parents and me they behave in an impolite and reckless way. I am financially supporting my parents, they are not. Is it permissible for me to buy my own home in order to avoid the resulting emotional anxiety and regular confrontations?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. Dear sister, may Allah make a clear way out for you and grant you the tranquility which you seek.

Young adult versus mature adult

There is a difference between being a young adult, and a mature adult. Depending on the norms of your society or customs, it could be after 18 or after completing college.

Moving out

It is permitted for a mature adult woman to move out of home, but please do so with consideration and tact. When you are already frustrated with your family, it is tempting to pack up and leave without clearing the air. The short-term solution of moving out can cause problems in the long-run.

Please perform the Prayer of Need for Allah to lift this tribulation from you, and please perform the Prayer of Guidance up to seven times about whether to move out or not. If Allah makes it easy for you to leave, then that is an answer for you. If He makes it difficult, then that is an answer for you.

Is there a compassionate local scholar whom you can speak to and ask for advice?

Parents

If you do decide to move out, please do your best to allay your parent’s concerns. Your parents worry for you and want what is good for you, even if they struggle to express it. You may not always agree with what they do or say, but you must always treat them with respect and compassion.

Finances

If you move out, are you still able to support your parents, while taking care of the expenses in your own home? Please plan this carefully to save yourself heartache and stress.

If you are only able to support yourself, then it sounds like you will need to ask your brothers to take up the responsibility of financially providing for your parents. I pray that your brothers will learn to support your parents in a way which pleases Allah.

Patience

The people closest to us are often the biggest tests of our character. Even if your situation feels unjust, trust that nothing is lost with Allah. If your intentions are in the right place, inshaAllah you will be tremendously rewarded for supporting your parents, while keeping patient with your brothers.

That being said, your emotional well-being is important. If repeated interactions with your parents and brothers is bringing you down, is there a family or community elder who can help advocate for you?

Also, please consider seeing a psychologist or counsellor to help you cope with your emotional distress.

Please refer to the following links:

VIDEO: http://seekershub.org/toronto/2015/04/11/video-how-to-develop-meaningful-relationships-with-parents/

Wassalam,
Raidah

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Photo: Sean O’Flaherty aka Seano1

How Can a Single Woman Attain the Reward a Married Woman Does? Being Content & Making Most of Life

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari Abdul-Razacq

Question: How can a single woman attempt to achieve the level of reward as a married woman who mothers children?  The mother receives paradise by going through the pains of labor and raising her children properly. She has the added reward of receiving good deeds after she dies through the righteous acts of her children. What can a single woman who will not receive this barakah [(piritual blessing) do to improve her afterlife (get the same amount/more reward in her life)?

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. May the peace and blessings of Allah descend on the Prophet Muhammad, his family, his companions, and their followers.

Dear Sister,

Assalamu alaikum,

Thank you for your question. I pray you are in good health and strong faith.

Your question is very important.

I want to clarify this matter for you. You should not view yourself in competition with women who are married and have children.

Motherhood is not an automatic ticket to Paradise. If a woman has a husband and children, yet does not fulfill her responsibility to them, and is ungrateful to Allah for these blessings, she very well may be jeopardizing the great reward promised to mothers in so many Prophetic traditions.

Allah Most High would not decree that a woman remain single or childless and then decrease her reward in comparison to mothers.

Hazrat Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, did not have children. Instead, she raised an Ummah and was a teacher of teachers.

The path to Paradise is in being content with Allah’s decree and making the best of your portion in life. There is so much you can do that a woman with children simply cannot dream of. So make the most of your free time!

May Allah reward you,
Zaynab Ansari Abdul-Razacq

July 25, 2010/Sha’ban 13, 1431

Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Zaynab Ansari Abdul-Razacq is a wife and mother residing in the southeastern United States. She graduated from Abu Nour University’s precollege program in 2000 and has remained active in teaching and studying sacred knowledge through SunniPath and SeekersGuidance. She holds undergraduate degrees in history and Middle Eastern Studies and is a certified public speaker.