Posts

Struggling to Find a Spouse After a Divorce.

Answered by Shaykh Farid Dingle

Question: Assalamu alaykum

I have been divorced 5 years ago. Now I am struggling to find a spouse. I have prayed and tried everything. How do I make it better? How to get my peace back?

Answer: Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

You just have to keep making dua, and trying different suitors. Make sure you don’t get too picky yourself.

Ibn Ata Allah said, ‘May it lessen off you the pain of your affliction that fact that it is He (glorified beyond description) who is trying you with it.’

You have to see Allah before and after the difficulty. You have to look to how it can be improving you inwardly and what afflictions and problems He is saving you from.

Always look to those who are worst off than you. The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, ‘Look at those who are worse off than you and do not look at those who are better off, for this will keep you from belittling Allah’s favour to you.’ [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

Please also have a read of the following answer.

I pray this helps.

Wassalam,
[Shaykh] Farid Dingle

Shaykh Farid Dingle grew up in a convert family in Herefordshire, UK. In 2007, he moved to Jordan to pursue traditional studies. Shaykh Farid continues to live in Amman, Jordan with his wife and kids. In addition to continuing his studies he teaches Arabic and several of the Islamic sciences.

Shaykh Farid began his journey in sacred knowledge with intensives in the UK and Jordan (2004) in Shafi’i fiqh and Arabic. After years of studying Arabic grammar, Shafi’i fiqh, hadith, legal methodology (usul al-fiqh) and tafsir, Sh. Farid began specializing in Arabic language and literature. Sh. Farid studied Pre-Islamic poetry, Umayyad, Abbasid, Fatimid, and Andalusian literature. He holds a BA in Arabic Language and Literature and continues exploring the language of the Islamic tradition.

In addition to his interest in the Arabic language Shaykh Farid actively researches matters related to jurisprudence (fiqh) which he studied with Shaykh Hamza Karamali, Shaykh Ahmad Hasanat, and continues with Shaykh Amjad Rasheed.

Does Knowing a Potential Spouse’s Past Matter?

Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah

Question: Assalamu alaykum

Does knowing a potential spouse’s past matter when for the purpose of marriage?

Is it unrealistic to try to find a man who is as pious as myself?

Answer: Assalam ‘alaykum. I pray you’re well.

A potential spouse’s past is not important, and one should not ask or answer questions regarding past sins of any kind.

It is not unrealistic to find a pious and chaste spouse if one looks for the right things when seeking a marriage partner.

Asking about Another’s Past

The Prophet ﷺ said, ‘Modesty is a part of faith.’ [Sahih Muslim]

It is a grave mistake for brothers or sisters to ask a potential spouse about their past sins, particularly relationships. Not only is it a sin, but it also puts the other person in a situation where they may sin by speaking.

Furthermore, if the two people do not pursue the marriage interest, all they have gained from each other is knowledge of the other’s sin, while if they marry, the knowledge they have of past relationships wreaks havoc, engenders mistrust and jealousy, and eats away at the marriage from the onset. Given all this, one may ask, what is the benefit in asking the question in the first place?! The gain is nothing, while the damage is plenty.

Unfortunately, it seems many prospective husbands feel it is okay to talk about their past sins and, quite often, how they have abandoned the life of sin for the ‘holy’ life, perhaps believing it enhances their profile, adding an ‘edge’ and distinction to them! The sad thing is that if the prospective wife did the same, there is no merit afforded to her for turning her life around, just moral judgement and disdain.

The truth is, any person with genuine modesty and piety would not expose themselves out of sheer fear, regret, and embarrassment, let alone ask another person such a question directly.

The Sahaba used to weep and be heart-broken if they recollected their past mistakes, and that was for acts before Islam. There is a lesson in this.

The issue is with the men who are asking, not you. Don’t take the attitude of people, even if many, as a reason to doubt yourself or what is right. Similarly, even if other sisters feel it is okay to ask or know about these things, stay firm on what is proper and pleasing to God, and this way you will have kept your dignity.

You may find the following answers helpful also:

Informing a Prospective Spouse About Past Non-Marital Relationships

Finding a Pious Spouse

The Prophet ﷺ said, ‘A strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than a weak believer, though there is good in both’. [Sahih Muslim]

People are at different levels of faith and practice. Seek out a spouse who shows the hallmarks of genuine piety and modesty, not only in their worship, but in their everyday dealings, speech, and general nature and habits.

There are plenty of brothers and sisters like this. If one is sincere that they desire a spouse for the sake of Allah, and look for the right things in a spouse, insha’Allah Allah will send them the right person if it was meant to be.

Get your parents, family, local Imam and others to ask around. It is your right to ask about a potential spouse’s family and upbringing, and general conduct and religious practice.

Please also refer to the following:

Finding A Spouse Archives

Supplication for a Spouse

May Allah grant you every good wish.

Warmest salams,
[Shaykh] Jamir Meah

Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.

Etiquette of Marriage: A Comprehensive SeekersHub Reader

The etiquette of marriage form the 12th chapter of Imam Al-Ghazali’s seminal work, the Ihya, which is widely regarded as the greatest work on Islamic spirituality in the world.

 

Can My Spouse Give Her Zakat to My Parents?

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam

Question: Assalam alaykum

My spouse wants to give zakat to my parents who are poor. Can she?

Answer: Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

Yes, your spouse may give her zakat to your parents. The prohibition relates to giving zakat to your own parents, yet not to the parents of your spouse.

This is because, in the former case, there remains some semblance of returning benefit, and the basis in zakat is that there is a transfer of ownership without any form of benefit accruing to the giver.

Nonetheless, you can still aid them with your non-zakat charity, and in fact, this would be greater in reward than giving to others.

[‘Ayni, Minhat al-Suluk fi Sharh Tuhfat al-Muluk]

Please also see: Is Your Zakat Due? – A Reader and Resources on Giving Zakat

And Allah Most High alone knows best.

wassalam,
[Ustadh] Tabraze Azam

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Tabraze Azam holds a BSc in Computer Science from the University of Leicester, where he also served as the President of the Islamic Society. He memorised the entire Qur’an in his hometown of Ipswich at the tender age of sixteen, and has since studied the Islamic Sciences in traditional settings in the UK, Jordan and Turkey. He is currently pursuing advanced studies in Jordan, where he is presently based with his family.

Why Married Couples Struggle and How to Respond Successfully

Why Married Couples Struggle and How to Respond Successfully. A Muslim Perspective from Ustadha Shireen Ahmed & Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

The closest relationship a person will ever experience in their lifetime is with their spouse. In this SeekersHub seminar, we learn how to cultivate this union to the fullest, how to overcome common hurdles, and how to maintain a high degree of moral conduct and excellent character.

For more info and FREE registration for our upcoming seminars – wherever you are in the world, visit SeekersHub Toronto.

Cover photo by Azlan DuPree.

How To Manage Problems With In-Laws – Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

How To Manage Problems With In-Laws. A Muslim Perspective from Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

The closest relationship a person will ever experience in their lifetime is with their spouse. In this SeekersGuidance seminar, we learn how to cultivate this union to the fullest, how to overcome common hurdles, and how to maintain a high degree of moral conduct and excellent character.

For more info and FREE registration for our upcoming seminars – wherever you are in the world, visit SeekersGuidance Toronto.

Cover photo by Azlan DuPree.

What Is The Purpose Of Marriage? A Muslim Perspective from Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Muslim-Marriage-Couple-Nikah-CREDIT-AzlanDuPree

What Is The Purpose Of Marriage? A Muslim Perspective from Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

The closest relationship a person will ever experience in their lifetime is with their spouse. In this SeekersHub seminar, we learn how to cultivate this union to the fullest, how to overcome common hurdles, and how to maintain a high degree of moral conduct and excellent character.

For more info and FREE registration for our upcoming seminars – wherever you are in the world, visit SeekersHub Toronto.

Cover photo by Azlan DuPree.

Successful Marriage: Keys from the Prophet Muhammad’s Sunnah ﷺ, by Habib Hussein as-Saqqaf

This talk on marriage by Habib Hussein as-Saqqaf is probably one of the finest we have heard on the subject in a long, long time.

The closest relationship a person will ever experience in their lifetime is with their spouse. In this SeekersHub seminar, we learn how to cultivate this union to the fullest, how to overcome common hurdles, and how to maintain a high degree of moral conduct and excellent character.

For more info and FREE registration for our upcoming seminars – wherever you are in the world, visit SeekersHub Toronto.

Cover photo by Azlan DuPree.

My Prospective Spouse Avoids Me on Skype. What Should I Do?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: My family has arranged a marriage for me with a good muslim living abroad. His parents met me and like me very much. I haven’t met this man, but I spoke to him on the phone. I decided that I want to marry him. On the day we were meant to speak on Skype, he cancelled. I know that he is introverted, but I am now so upset and confused. What should I do?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah ease your confusion and grant you clarity.

Education

Although it is praiseworthy for you to want to please your family by agreeing to this arranged marriage, please ensure that you have done your due diligence before you say yes. A practising Muslim man is a good start, but not necessarily enough.

When registration re-opens, I urge you to complete Islamic Marriage: Guidance for Successful Marriage and Married Life. You must learn about the spirit and the law behind marriage before getting married.

Repentance

May Allah reward you for having the courage to end your sinful relationship. I pray that Allah accepts your repentance, transforms your bad deeds into good deeds, and rewards you with the blessing of a loving and righteous husband. Please guard yourself from falling into the same situation by surrounding yourself with good company and connecting your heart to acts which are beloved to Allah.

Istikhara

Dear sister, please perform the Prayer of Guidance up til seven times on whether or not to marry this man. You do not need to look for a dream, but you do need to observe how events unfold in your life. If he calls you back, arranges to meet you in person, and so on, then this is a sign to continue marriage discussions. If he continues to remain silent or make excuses about his personal affairs, then please let him go and move on with your life. You are already making yourself unwell from worry. A man who is keen to marry you won’t make excuses. He will sort himself out, and ask for your hand in marriage.

Surrender

As difficult as this is for you to hear, please let go of your worries, and give your affairs to Allah. There is no outrunning destiny. If this man is meant for you, then you will marry him. If he is not, then you won’t. Don’t exhaust yourself with anxiety and fear. Allah is looking after you, right now, in this very moment. He sustained you in your mother’s womb, and He sustains you now, from heartbeat to heartbeat.

Please take your time when it comes to deciding who to marry. Do your research, consult wise members of your family, and pray istikhara. You are still young, mashaAllah, and have your whole life ahead of you. Who you marry will have a tremendous impact on the trajectory of your dunya and your akhirah. Please choose wisely.

Please see:

A Reader on Patience and Reliance on Allah
Some Prophetic Supplications for Difficulty and Distress
When Love is Not Enough: Reassessing Marriage in the Muslim Community – Mental Health 4 Muslims Blog

Wassalam,
Raidah

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Four Keys to The Most Successful Marriage

What are the four main attributes of the marriage of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him) and Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her)? Ustadha Zaynab Ansari discusses them in these four part series for the Muslimah Media Series.

Engagement

Support

Eternal Love

Devoted Parents

Resources for seekers

Cover photo by Fahrurrazy Halil.