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How to Deal With a Wife Revealing an Illicit Sexual Relationship Before the Marriage?

Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah

Question: Assalamu alaykum

What should a husband do when his wife reveals that, before he married her, she had a ‘physical relationship’ (direct quote) outside a marriage, which she is ‘ashamed of’?

Answer: Assalam ‘alaykum. Jazakum Allah khayr for reaching out to us.

In any situations where the details become overwhelmingly complex, it is useful to strip down the scenario to its core issues and focus on the practical solutions available.

From what I can gather from your detailed explanation is that the real issues lie in whether the husband can now remain married without the issue of previous relationships haunting him and surfacing time to time, and whether the couple can resolve their marital intimacy concerns.

Previous physical relationships and ‘marriages’

Given what has been said, the wife’s insistence on honesty and her final response that there was no previous nikah, this suffices for the marriage to be valid if the husband believes her to be telling the truth.

If he does not believe her, then the usual process would be to establish the facts through a legal court, which involves the wife swearing an oath to such an affect, or questioning the guardian and witnesses etc. [‘Iyanat al Talibin]

It seems what has happened is that the wife obviously made a mistake in telling the husband about past relationships, albeit to explain the medical issue, then tried to make amends by putting the past relationship into a ‘lawful’ context to avoid being judged, and then finally wanted to clear the air and be honest in that a physical relationship had previously taken place outside of marriage. She has said she has made her repentance and regrets what happened, so on her side, it does not seem that there is anything left for her to do or say.

The real issue here is how the husband is going to move on. He has to be honest and ask himself whether he can truly move on from this and not let what he knows to eat away at the marriage, and not become a source of misery for them both. If he feels resentment and jealousy and that he may use this to remind his wife of her past and cause her hurt, then he must consider whether it is fair to continue in the marriage. If they both agree to not mention the past and are able to move on, then all they have to focus on is their own intimacy issues.

Sexual Abuse

Despite any natural feelings he may have as a husband, he should do his best to be gentle and considerate to the wife, no matter the outcome to the marriage. Most of us will never know the torment, guilt, helplessness, and confusion that a victim of sexual abuse will experience, especially if it happens at such a tender age. Though certainly not always, it is not unusual for sexual abuse victims to be involved in physical relationships later on in life, or equally, avoid sexual situations all together. Trust and honesty in relationships, on many levels, is also a key issue for victims of abuse.

The fact that the wife turned to the religion for guidance, comfort and hope is a great blessing and a sign that Allah wanted good for her, so this should be treated carefully. If they choose to continue in the marriage, then the husband should take great care not to use what he knows as a reason to inflict subtle forms of abuse on her.

Medical Care

If they both decide to continue in the marriage, then I highly recommend that the wife seeks natural medical treatments for her condition, especially given that she was sexually abused, as holistic therapies take into account the emotional-psychological aetiology of symptoms as well as the physical manifestations. From a holistic medical perspective, it seems an obvious assumption that the vaginismus is directly related to the wife’s past experiences and trauma, but of course, this would need proper medical assessment.

I suggest the couple seek out a qualified and experienced homeopath or trauma therapist. This may be coupled with general marriage counselling.

I pray that Allah Most High brings ease and clarity to their situation, and peace to their hearts and lives.

Warmest salams,
[Shaykh] Jamir Meah

Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.

My Friend Is in Love With a Married Man. What Can She Do?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Assalam aleykum,

I know someone who loves a married man, who is highly interested in her too. Her conscience keeps calling her to repent, but he does not want to leave her. What should she do?

Answer: Assalam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.

Advice

Abu Hurairah reported the Prophet, upon him be blessings and peace, as saying: “Every child of Adam has his share in adultery. He then narrated the rest of the tradition. This version goes “And the hands commit adultery, their adultery is grasping; and the legs commit adultery, their adultery is walking; and the mouth commits adultery—its adultery is kissing.” [Sunan Abi Dawud]

Dear sister, your friend is in a sinful pre-marital relationship. Please encourage her to end it. Appeal to her conscience, which is telling her to do what is pleasing to Allah.

It sounds like the man she is involved with is unhappy in his marriage, and is seeking emotional fulfillment elsewhere. This is a very toxic situation, and I pray that Allah grants her the means and the strength to remove herself from his influence.

If she is not careful, then this relationship could very easily fall into the realm of physical intimacy. She could be left to raise an illegitimate child on her own.

Please refer her to these resources:

Advice to Single Sisters Entangled with Married Men – Ustadha Hosai MojaddidiCheater’s Cascade

Marriage

When registration reopens on June 5th, please encourage your friend to enroll in this course: Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages.

I pray that this course will teach her the true spirit and law behind a successful Muslim marriage.

Your friend is not simply this man’s shameful secret. She is a Muslimah, and her well-being and dignity matter to Allah. She is better off being single, than being used like this.

Support

Please encourage her to seek out the help of an online Muslimah life coach. I pray that the right one will help to teach her how to empower herself.

Please see:

A Reader on Tawba (Repentance)
Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered

Wassalam,

[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.

I Am Divorced but Sinned With Another Man. Did I Commit Adultery?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Assalam aleykum,

I had great difficulty in securing a divorce because I had an arranged marriage overseas and did not want to face him in court. Two years later, I am now legally divorced, but have been in a physical relationship with another man. Have I commited adultery? If so, how do I repent?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.

Repentance

Abu Huraira reported Allah’s Messenger (upon him be blessings and peace) as saying: “Allah fixed the very portion of adultery which a man will indulge in. There would be no escape from it. The adultery of the eye is the lustful look and the adultery of the ears is listening to voluptuous (song or talk) and the adultery of the tongue is licentious speech and the adultery of the hand is the lustful grip (embrace) and the adultery of the feet is to walk (to the place) where he intends to commit adultery and the heart yearns and desires which he may or may not put into effect.” [Sahih Muslim]

Dear sister, you have commited a portion of adultery. I urge you to make a complete repentance by taking the following steps:

1. Leaving the sin;
2. Remorse over having committed the sin;
3. Resolve never to return to the sin;
4. (If it relates to the rights of another person, then to) Return the rights or property one wrongly took. [al-Bariqa fi Sharh al-Tariqa; Riyad al-Salihin]

(excerpt from What is Sincere Repentance?)

In practical terms, this means ending your relationship with his man. Even if you wish to marry him, it is better for you to keep your distance until your actual nikah. I pray that Allah grants you the courage to be steadfast in your repentance.

Marriage

As you are legally divorced, you are free to marry this man with whom you are in a relationship. Please choose wisely.

I encourage you to complete this course Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages before deciding to marry this man.

I pray that Allah grants you clarity, wisdom, and the ability to choose what is better for your Akhirah.

Please see:

Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
A Reader on Tawba (Repentance)

Wassalam,
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.

Porn Is Big Business and Muslims Are Becoming Customers – Ustadh Amjad Tarsin

Porn is big business and Muslims are far from immune to it. Ustadh Amjad Tarsin, Muslim Chaplain at the University of Toronto and teacher at SeekersHub Toronto, spends ten minutes reflecting on how he helps young people deal with it.

Resources for seekers

Cover photo by Johan Larsson. Our thanks to Quran Speaks for making this video available.

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"I’m Married To A Sex Addict" – 5 Tips on Moving Forward

In this guest column for SeekersHub, Danielle Adams from Lifestar Therapy offers advice to couples dealing with pornography and sex addiction.

Pornography and sexual addiction is a complicated issue, especially if you’re married to someone who is struggling with this fixation. You’ve probably felt shocked, angered, depressed, and resentful over your spouse’s problem. That’s normal. However, there are things you can do to help yourself move past the hurt and into a better place emotionally.
Follow these five tips to learn how you can improve your relationship, move toward forgiveness, and start feeling more love for yourself and your marriage.
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1. Acknowledge the Addiction

When secrets are kept and problems aren’t acknowledged, distrust and fear will develop within a relationship. Before the healing process can begin, you and your spouse both need to recognize and admit that (a) there is an addiction, and (b) that relational distress is one of the many consequences of that addiction.

2. Get Help

Addiction isn’t something your spouse can just “get over.” Seek answers to your questions and get the support you need from a professional marriage therapist, a spiritual leader or trusted friend, and a support group. They can help you more fully understand how and why sex addiction starts, help you through your emotional trauma, and get you and your spouse on the path to recovery.

3. Invest in Yourself

Resist the urge to dwell on the unfortunate circumstances you now find yourself in. Instead, take this time to invest more fully into yourself. Write down some recovery or spiritual goals to work toward, serve others who are in need of help or support, enjoy healthy eating and exercising, and distract yourself with a new, fun hobby.
By focusing on your own goals, you’ll be distracted from your difficult situation and will give yourself some much-needed, much-deserved positive attention. By having more love for yourself, it’ll be easier to have more love for your spouse.

4. Support One Another

One of the most important things you can do to support one another during this trying time is to have full and open communication. Talk non-aggressively about feelings and struggles, trials and triumphs. Listen with an open heart and allow yourself to feel love and empathy.
You may also want to set clear physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual boundaries regarding your spouse’s behaviors and actions that might make you feel uncomfortable. By setting and keeping these boundaries, your spouse will be able to start earning your trust once again and you will have some control over how the situation affects you and your family.

5. Look Forward

There’s no need to continually dwell on the actions and mistakes of the past. It’s an ugly trap that you don’t want to find yourself residing in, keeping you miserable. By looking forward, together, each day will get a little easier. Recommit to rebuild trust, improve communication, and focus on the bright future of your marriage. Some days will be more difficult than others, but with time and patience, healing can be achieved and you will once again feel whole.

Resources for seekers

Cover photo by Johan Larsson

Shaykh Hamza Yusuf on Gay Muslims; Scholars Issue Statement

“We, as American Muslims, follow the openhearted and inclusive Islam of Muhammad Ali and completely reject the hatred, provincialism, and intolerance of those who trample upon the rights of others, besmirching and defiling the name of Islam.”

On June 13, 2016, Muslim leaders across North America signed the Orlando Statement. Signatories include, Shaykh Hamza Yusuf, Shaykh Abdullah Bin Bayyah, and Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.
You can read the statement, in full, at the Orlando Statement website.

Shaykh Hamza Yusuf gave a brief interview addressing several difficult issues. We reproduce it below with thanks to CNN.

Q: There have been many statements from Muslims condemning terrorism. Why issue another one?
A: Muslims are constantly being accused of not condemning these types of attacks, even though I don’t have any control over what other people do, and they don’t represent me or my faith. Nobody associates all Seventh-day Adventists with David Koresh, who belonged to a splinter sect, or all of Judaism with Meir Kahane. But when these things happen, the whole religion of Islam is besmirched. We’re trapped in this constant cycle of: events, condemnation; events, condemnation. And then people still say, “Why don’t Muslims condemn these things?”
Q: What do you make of Donald Trump’s speech about Islam and terrorism on Monday?
A: He’s playing a dangerous game, and a lot of lives are threatened by that type of saber-rattling. We’re in an extremely volatile situation and social media has introduced an unprecedented element that we don’t fully understand.
Q: Trump and President Obama are arguing over whether to label attacks like the Orlando shooting “radical Islam.”
A: When a man wrote a political screed against the IRS and flew into its building, he was deemed mentally ill, even though it was clearly a political act. There’s a double standard, which is: If his name is Muhammad, it’s automatically terrorism. This man (Omar Mateen) wasn’t a radical Islamist. To drink or go to gay bars, or any kind of bar, is prohibited in Islam. He seemed to be a nominal Muslim. He went to mosques on occasion but I don’t see a lot of devotion there.
Q: What about the gay community and gay Muslims who may feel ostracized from mainstream Islam?
A: As we say in the Orlando statement, we are committed to Abrahamic morality, but it should not to be imposed on others. America is about choices, including those to live certain lifestyles. There’s a statement in the Quran: There should be “absolutely no compulsion in religion.”
Q: What about gay Muslims, though?
A: Look, I don’t have the power to issue papal decrees. We don’t have that type of structure in our tradition. But I have studied the tradition, and the vast majority of Muslims would never accept the lawfulness of an active homosexual lifestyle. I don’t see that happening. But there is also no authority in the tradition for any individual to take things into his own hands and impose their version of the religion on someone else.
Q: Why can’t Muslim teachings on homosexuality change? Is it because the Quran, which is considered the inerrant word of God, condemns it?
A: The Quran is pretty explicit in its condemnation of the act, and we have a long tradition of jurisprudence that defines it as unlawful. But there were also fatwas permitting people who had those attractions to relieve themselves so they wouldn’t fall into active engagement. There’s an awareness that this is a real human urge. I definitely have sympathy for people who are struggling. I’ve met with young Muslims who have told me about their struggles. But I’m not sure they want our sympathies; they want full recognition of their lifestyle, and my religion tells me that I can’t accept that. But I can’t — and won’t — impose my beliefs on others, either verbally or otherwise. I’m not going to judge people.
Q: What do you say when gay Muslims tell you about their struggles?
A: I say that I’m not going to deny your experience but my recommendation is not to actively engage in behavior outside of what is permitted in the religion. I know that people can live celibate lives, I did it myself for many years.
Q: The punishment for homosexuality in some schools of Islamic jurisprudence can be quite harsh.
A: There’s no specific punishment in the books of fiqh (Islamic laws) that relate to homosexuality per se. They apply to any illicit sexual relations, including prohibited heterosexual acts like adultery. And the punishments are strong, but they are legal fictions because they are impossible to prove. You need four witnesses to say they witnessed (sexual) penetration. In what circumstances are you going to find someone to testify to that?
Q: A lot of Muslims have lamented that the feelings of goodwill after Muhammad Ali’s funeral quickly dissipated after the Orlando shooting. You were at Ali’s memorial. What was that like?
A: Dr. Sherman Jackson said it best: Muhammad Ali put an end to the idea that you can’t be an American and a Muslim. We were all feeling that last week. The memorial was all planned by Muhammad Ali himself, and I was impressed by how much his faith was highlighted, even by people of other traditions. The spirit of love that embodied the city of Louisville for two days was overwhelming. Everyone was smiling and hugging. It felt like such a breakthrough for our community … and then, Orlando. We went from the incredible pathos of joy to the bathos of despair. It’s one step forward, two steps back.
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My Friend Committed Fornication in the Past, and Wants to Tell Her Prospective Husband About It. Is This a Good Idea?

Important clarification: This page previously featured a photograph of a groom at his wedding, taken from Flickr Creative Commons. The image was used as a stock photograph. SeekersHub confirms that the individual featured in the photograph and his family bear no relation whatsoever to the subject matter addressed here. Our sincere apologies for the confusion and upset caused.

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: One of my friends committed fornication with someone. Now her family is searching for a groom for her. She wants to tell her future husband that she has committed fornication because she feels that it is wrong to live a lie. What should she do?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for having sincere concern for your friend.

Exposing sin

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (upon him be blessings and peace) said, “Every one of my followers will be forgiven except those who expose (openly) their wrongdoings. An example of this is that of a man who commits a sin at night which Allah has covered for him, and in the morning, he would say (to people): “I committed such and such sin last night,’ while Allah had kept it a secret. During the night Allah has covered it up but in the morning he tears up the cover provided by Allah Himself.” [Bukhari and Muslim].

It is impermissible for your friend to expose her past sins to anyone. Alhamdulilah, her sincere repentance wipes her slate clean. She is not living a lie because the woman her future husband knows has been forgiven by Allah. She is not condemned because of her past mistakes. Shaytan wants us to despair in Allah’s Mercy.

Reality

Please tell her to not say anything to her future husband. This concept of ‘telling all’ goes against what Islam teaches us. Allah knows His creation. If she does confess her sin to her future husband, then she would run the risk of losing his trust.

Her feelings of guilt are a good sign, but exposing her sin will not relieve her heart. The conditions of a valid repentance are:

1. Leaving the sin;
2. Remorse over having committed the sin;
3. Resolve never to return to the sin;
4. (If it relates to the rights of another person, then to) Return the rights or property one wrongly took. [al-Bariqa fi Sharh al-Tariqa; Riyad al-Salihin]

[Excerpt from What is Sincere Repentance? By Shaykh Faraz Rabbani]

Moving forward

Salman reported that Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said: “Verily, Allah created on the same very day when He created the heavens and the earth, one hundred parts of mercy. Every part of mercy is coextensive with the space between the heaven. and the earth, and He, out of this mercy endowed one part to the earth; and it is because of this that the mother shows affection to her child, and even the beasts and birds show kindness to one another, and when there would be the Day of Resurrection, Allah would make full (use of Mercy)”. [Muslim]

Alhamdulilah for the Mercy of our Loving Creator, who forgives us when we return to Him.

Encourage your friend to guard her prayers, make continual istighfar, salawat upon the Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace), give in charity, and make continual shukr that Allah has blessed her with a second chance. Ask her to perform the Prayer of Need in the last third of the night and beg Allah to ease her heart and bless her with a beautiful marriage. This restlessness in her heart can only be cured by Allah, the Turner of hearts.

Please refer to the following link:
Informing a Prospective Spouse About Past Non-Marital Relationships
Can We Deny Having Committed Sins After We’ve Repented From Them?
A Reader on Repentance
What Are Some Prophetic Supplications That Can Help Me Deal With Trials in My Life?

Wassalam,
Raidah

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

I Cannot Stop Drinking Alcohol and Committing Adultery. What Do I Do?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: I feel lost in my sins, and am desperately trying to crawl out from under them. I have committed a number of sins such as drinking alcohol and committing adultery. I always fall back into these patterns. What can I do to overcome my weakness?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for wanting to seek help.

Support

Allah Most High says: “Say: My servants who have wronged yourselves, never despair of God’s mercy. God forgives all sins: He is truly the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.” [Qur’an, 39.53]

Dear questioner, it sounds like you need better support in overcoming your trials. I strongly encourage that you sign up to Purify Your Gaze. This is a safe space for Muslims who are struggling with various forms of sex addiction. You are not alone.

Moving forward

Observe the patterns of your behaviour. What triggers your episodes of drinking and adultery? Ask yourself what you can do to protect yourself from future relapses.

What company do you keep? Are you guarding your prayers? Do you attend regular circles of knowledge? You must increase the light of obedience to Allah in your life, to protect you from the darkness of sin.

Please perform The Prayer of Need and beg Allah to help you make a complete repentance.

Persist on daily istighfar. Please read and implement the following: A Reader on Tawba (Repentance).

Marriage

When registration reopens, please complete this course Islamic Marriage: Guidance for Successful Marriage and Married Life.

I encourage you and your wife to attend marriage counselling. For the sake of your wife’s health, please get a blood test to ensure that you are not harming her.

Please refer to the following links:

Committing Adultery in an Unhappy Marriage
What Are Some Prophetic Supplications That Can Help Me Deal With Trials in My Life?

Wassalam,
Raidah

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Photo: urbandispute

My Muslim Partner Does Not Want Me to Introduce Our Daughter to His Family. What Should I Do?

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari & Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: I have a daughter who is almost two years old. I have been with my partner for several years, but he is Muslim and I’m not. I have begged him to tell his family about his daughter but he always seems to have an excuse. I know we had a child out of wedlock, but why should our daughter be punished for our mistakes?

Answer by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari:

In the Name of Allah, the Compassionate, the Merciful

Dear Sister,

Thank you for writing to us with your question.

It’s best to approach this situation with the utmost delicacy.

Given that your (Muslim) partner is loathe to introduce your daughter to his family, you have to consider other options:

-Either accept that your daughter will likely not have a relationship with her father’s family, unless she chooses to seek them out when she is an adult.

-Or–and this is what I would probably do–write a letter to them introducing yourself and your daughter. Acknowledge in the letter that they will likely be uncomfortable with the situation, but that this is your reality. You can say that you don’t want your daughter to miss out on getting to know her father’s family, but you will let them dictate those terms. If they respond positively, set up a brief meeting in a neutral setting and bring small gifts for them. If they don’t respond positively, still thank them for the consideration and pray that Allah opens their hearts to the possibility of meeting this innocent child in the near future. If they don’t respond at all, then don’t despair. The important thing is that you tried.

-In the meantime, it sounds like you’ve been in a long-term relationship with this man. You have a daughter together. Why not make your relationship licit by getting married? If he values his Islam at all, he ought to honor you (and himself and your daughter) by marrying you.

I pray this has been helpful.

Regards,

Zaynab Ansari

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Answer by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil:

Dear Questioner,

I hope this finds you well. Thank you for reaching out to us, and please forgive me for the delay.

I am so sorry to hear that your partner has hidden your daughter from his family. She is innocent, and no less worthy of love and belonging.

Implications

Look carefully at your options. Are you willing to jeopardise your relationship with your partner by reaching out to his family against his wishes? He is likely to respond negatively. This decision can only be made by you.

Before you reach out to them, ask yourself what are you hoping to achieve. Hope for the best outcome, but be prepared for the worst.

I pray that his family will respond to your daughter with love and compassion. If they don’t, then perhaps the passage of time will help them come around. Children have a way of softening hearts. However, If your partner’s family ends up causing more harm than benefit, then please remove your daughter from their influence.

Whatever you decide, please seek out a culturally-aware local counsellor to help you cope.

Please refer to the following link:

Can I Claim a Child from an Illicit Relationship?

Raidah

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Photo: Harsha K R

I Committed Sexual Misdeeds: What Must I Do to Repent?

Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Question: I committed some sexual indiscretions due to some errors in judgment with respect to some company that I had begun to keep. I realize that it was a mistake, but what do I need to do to repent? I feel ashamed, guilty, and fear falling into despair.

Answer: Walaikum assalam,

I pray this finds you in the best of health and spirits. Be grateful that the way of the Beloved Messenger of Allah (peace & blessings be upon him & his folk)—Allah’s gift to all creation—is a way of absolute Mercy.

As such, sincere repentance wipes away all sin and all traces of the sin and all its harmful effects are wiped away by busying oneself with good, keeping good company, and learning from past errors or events.

Allah Most High says: “Say: My servants who have wronged yourselves, never despair of God’s mercy. God forgives all sins: He is truly the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.” [Qur’an, 39.53]

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) advised, “Be mindful of Allah wherever you may be. Follow any bad deed with a good deed, and it will wipe it out. And deal with people through good character.” [Related by Tirmidhi]

Read in full: Reader on Repentance (tawba): A Reader on Tawba (Repentance)

If you have further questions, we’re at your service,

wassalam,
Faraz Rabbani