Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I’ve been engaged to the best man I’ve ever known for two months now. He is very religious. He prays, pays zakat, and fasts all year long, and is very kind and lovable to whoever meets him. We should be married, in sha’ Allah, next year.
Our problem started with some inappropriate touching and talking over the phone. When we stop, we ask Allah for forgiveness and repent and put rules to follow, which we end up breaking again after some days. We tried everything to stop we even tried not to talk or see each other until the wedding, which seemed impossible. I don’t know what to do. I love him, and he loves me we need advice to keep our relationship halal.
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your lack of control, and I pray that the following words can motivate you to stop and be patient.
Touching the Opposite Gender
Ma‘qil ibn Yasar reported: The Messenger of Allah, (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “For a nail of iron to be driven in the head of one of you would be better for him than to touch a woman who is not lawful for him.” [Sahih Albani]
Abu Huraira reported Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) as saying, “Allah fixed the very portion of adultery which a man will indulge in. There would be no escape from it. The adultery of the eye is the lustful look and the adultery of the ears is listening to voluptuous (song or talk) and the adultery of the tongue is licentious speech and the adultery of the hand is the lustful grip (embrace) and the adultery of the feet is to walk (to the place) where he intends to commit adultery and the heart yearns and desires which he may or may not put into effect. [Muslim]
The only solution I see for you is to have a nikah as soon as possible. Convince your parents and ask them to do a small one in the mosque. The reception and celebration can be next year, in sha’ Allah. If they don’t agree, be patient and imagine how you will answer Allah on the Day of Judgment when He asks why you committed this crime.
Please see these links as well:
- Is Physical Intimacy Allowed if You Are Engaged?
- Living With My Fiancé
- Telling Fiancee You Love Her
- Is It Permissible for Me to Whatsapp My Fiancé?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.