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Is My Marriage Valid If My Husband Doubted the Truth of Islam?

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Question:
Assalamalikum. What is the ruling if a spouse in a marriage expresses doubt in faith (like not being completely sure or fully confident that the Qur’an is the book of God)? Later, he realized his mistake and repented. Is this marriage valid? If there is a difference of opinion among the scholars, what is the ruling according to Shafi Madhab?

Answer:

Wa alaykum al-salam

Thank you for writing to us.

 

Disbelief or Satanic Whispers?

It is important to distinguish between thoughts of disbelief and satanic whispers, on the one hand, and doubt, on the other. If a person doubts whether the Qur’an is the word of Allah, he is neither confirming nor rejecting this. As he has not accepted the word of Allah, he is not considered a Muslim.

A person who has thoughts of disbelief or experiences satanic whispers, while believing in his heart that the Qur’an is the word of Allah, has not left the fold of Islam. [Nawawi, Kitab al-Adhkar]

The Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Certainly, Allah has overlooked for my ummah what arises in their minds as long as they do act it out or vocalize it.” [Bukhari and Muslim]

 

Has He Left the Fold of Islam?

Accordingly, one must determine whether the spouse doubted in the above-mentioned sense, or whether he or she merely had thoughts of disbelief or experienced satanic whispers. In the former case, the spouse has left the fold of Islam. In the latter case, he or she has not.

 

The Status of the Marriage

In the case where a spouse, whether husband or wife, has left the fold of Islam, the spouses must be separated immediately, and the marriage will continue to exist pending the expiration of the woman’s iddah. If the iddah expires while one of the spouses is an apostate, the marriage is dissolved. If the apostate spouse accepts Islam at a later stage, the marriage will have to be performed afresh. However, if the apostate spouse returns to Islam during the iddah, the marriage continues to exist. [Nawawi, Minhaj al-Talibin]

And Allah knows best.

[Shaykh] Abdurragmaan Khan

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdurragmaan received ijazah ’ammah from various luminaries, including but not restricted to: Habib Umar ibn Hafiz—a personality who affected him greatly and who has changed his relationship with Allah, Maulana Yusuf Karaan—the former Mufti of Cape Town; Habib ‘Ali al-Mashhur—the current Mufti of Tarim; Habib ‘Umar al-Jaylani—the Shafi‘i Mufti of Makkah; Sayyid Ahmad bin Abi Bakr al-Hibshi; Habib Kadhim as-Saqqaf; Shaykh Mahmud Sa’id Mamduh; Maulana Abdul Hafiz al-Makki; Shaykh Ala ad-Din al-Afghani; Maulana Fazlur Rahman al-Azami and Shaykh Yahya al-Gawthani amongst others.

Should I Let My Husband’s Lack of Interest in Sex Destroy Our Marriage?

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Question: 

My husband and I have been married for 16 years, and we have intimacy problems that he does not want to discuss. What should I do? He is just not interested in sex. He says I need to decide if I will let this one thing destroy our marriage.

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you are having so much trouble in this department, and you should know that you are not alone. Men and women are not what they were a thousand years ago with the advent of images, desensitization, hormones in food, pollution in water and air, ill health, and lack of knowledge. All of these factors usually end up affecting intimacy, and it is up to a couple to work really hard to improve it. All this said, he certainly has taken away your rights and he will be accountable to Allah for this.

 

Resources

The best advice that I can give you is here: please read it and apply the tips given:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/what-advice-can-you-give-for-a-woman-whose-husband-does-not-want-to-be-intimate-with-her/

Destroying a marriage because of this problem is not your first option. The first option is to exhaust every means to find a solution. This will take patience, communication, change, innovation, research, trials, and maybe even therapy.

Read “The Five Love Languages” and “John Gottman’s Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work.” Also, take the free marriage courses here at Seekers with your husband and learn your rights and responsibilities. If you strive to fulfill your duties, perhaps this will encourage him to fulfill his.

 

Turn to Allah

Turn to Allah with your problem and channel your pain into supplication and prayer. Give charity, learn your religion correctly, and fear Allah as much as you can. Try to be the best wife you can be; this can spark barakah (blessings) that will resonate all throughout your marriage.

 

Last Resort

As for ending a marriage, you would have valid grounds for divorce, but you have absolutely no guarantee that you will a) be able to marry again or b) find a new husband who does not have the same problem. Such a decision is never taken lightly. Try looking at this book: “Celibate wives: Breaking the Silence.” You might find some benefit from it. May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

How Did the Prophet Deal with His Wives?

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Question:

How it is possible that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) was intimate with Aisha, a girl that too young to have sexual relations?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your important question.

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) never acted upon selfish motives and never did anything to physically or psychologically damage his wives. He was a source of comfort and security for all those around him. The Qur’an describes him as a “mercy to all realms of being.” [Qur’an 21: 7]

If we fully understand this, what age Aisha (Allah be well pleased with her) was when she was first intimate with her husband, being sexual intercourse itself or anything else, is irrelevant.

 

For a detailed answer, please see:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CxuLW8wN-Q
https://yaqeeninstitute.org/faraz-malik/the-age-of-aisha-ra-rejecting-historical-revisionism-and-modernist-presumptions
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gDTh-6X9vo

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language.

Why Do People Encourage the Marriage of Young People When They Are Not Mature Enough?

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Question:

Why is marrying off a child halal just after they hit puberty?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I believe that there is no right answer to this question, and I know for a fact that many a young person is ready for marriage while many an older person is not.

 

Halal To Marry Young

It is permissible for a pubescent person to marry because it would not be fair to tell a teenager that he is not allowed to marry when sexual desires come with puberty. Allah has decreed an outlet for the way that He created us; this is the very core of justice and wisdom. A young person is certainly not forced to marry, but if a young girl’s father was to do so, it is because Allah gave him the right for a good reason. I am sure you can fathom many good reasons for a man to want his daughter taken care of, reasons that span all times and places.

 

Science

Islam does not reject science for the advances and explanations that it gives us, but it certainly does not base its rulings on it. Rulings are based on primary texts; Qur’an and Hadith. The job of the mujtahid imams was to take these into consideration, along with ‘urf, the customs of the land, to best summarize how our Creator and His messenger, Allah bless him and grant him peace, wanted us to live. We know from the Qu’ran that our religion is complete and perfect, and we must trust in this and believe it even if we don’t fully understand it.

Allah, Most High, says, “Today I have perfected your religion for you, completed My blessing upon you, and chosen as your religion Islam: [total devotion to God]“ [Qu’ran, 5:3]

Please see this link as well:
https://seekersguidance.org/show/80-how-do-we-view-science-in-light-of-the-quran-islam-faq-shaykh-faraz-rabbani/

 

Customs

As for deciding what is the right age for marriage, it is not possible. Everyone is created differently, each one of us from a different era, culture, family, and upbringing. I have seen ten-year-olds in the East that know how to fully run a home and work in their parent’s shop all day, while I have seen other ten-year-olds who know nothing but how to rot in front of a screen.

The permissibility of marriage at a young age is a mercy, not a mistake. However, I encourage all people, old and young, to learn their religion, get a good education or skill set that will help them in the world, fulfill their obligations towards others, purify their hearts, and refine their character, with which they can serve the Ummah of Muhammad, Allah bless him and grant him peace. May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

What Can I Do If My Parents Will Not Let Me Marry My Brother-in-Law’s Brother?

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Question: 

What should I do if my parents will not let me marry my brother-in-law’s brother?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you are going through this frustration with your parents. It is heartbreaking, but I assure you that you will get through this, by the grace of Allah, Most High.

 

Appeal

Appeal to your parents’ wishes for you to be happy and communicate with them gently and politely. Give them time if they need it. Get your sister involved to help convince them, and if they listen to no one, get an elder or imam to talk to them. Also, perhaps the young man can come over and officially propose. This will force them to reconsider and finalize how they feel. You will need to procure their permission in order to marry him, so do not try to rush it or be rude in the process. Your father is essentially trying to protect you and wishes for the best for you.

 

Istikhara

Pray istikhara, and see if this man is really the best for you. Have you picked him based on his religion, or is it simply lust? Six years is a long time to plan to marry someone without telling your parents. If there was an illicit relationship, you will need to repent for it and then submit to what Allah has planned for you. Tell your suitor to pray istikhara as well, and if it is positive, you will both have to convince your parents. Please remember that you can only push them so far, and if you cannot, you must part ways.

 

Ease After Difficulty

Remember that after every difficulty there is ease, as Allah, Most High, has told us in His book, and that no matter what pain and hardship you go through now, it will just make you stronger and better. Always beware of your emotions because the Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “Your love for a thing causes blindness and deafness.“ [Abu Dawud] May Allah give you the best of this world and the next bless your union with whomever it may be.

 

Please See:

https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/obeying-parents-in-matters-of-marriage/

https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/marriage-dealing-with-parents/

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Is It Sinful To Avoid Marrying a Westerner Because I Do Not Want To Live in the West?

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Question:

I have received marriage proposals from men in the US and Canada, but I am not keen on moving to these countries as I have been brought up in a Muslim country and practice shar’i hijab. The common things in these countries such as open LGBTQ make me feel depressed to think of moving there. My iman remains at its best when I am in an Islamic environment. Am I sinful for omitting these countries in my search for a pious spouse? Should I not limit myself?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for wanting, first, what is best for your religion and making that your priority. If everyone did this before they marry, there would be much fewer problems in the world.

It is absolutely not sinful for you to only consider suitors who want to stay in the East. Having lived in the East myself I can agree that it is wonderful for one’s faith and that you will find certain aspects of the Islamic lifestyle that just cannot be found in the West. That being said, I also respect and understand those Muslims who say that their faith and identity is stronger in the West because of da’wah (calling others to Islam), etc.

You should get in the habit to pray istikhara about any serious suitor and if Allah really wants you to live in the West, he will make it plain to you, through whichever means He chooses. The most important thing is that you submit to what comes your way and accept what is written for you. May Allah give you the best of this world and the next and bless your union with whomever it may be.

https://islamqa.org/hanafi/askimam/29360

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

Is It Permissible To Meet a Potential Suitor in a Public Place Without a Chaperone?

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Question:

Would it be permissible to meet a potential spouse in a public place to find out compatibility, of course without any touching, flirting, or inappropriate behavior?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for being concerned about your religion and for fearing Allah in this important matter.

It is permissible for a couple to meet in a public place to discuss marriage, and the most important criteria here is ‘urf, the custom of the land.  It may be seen as inappropriate for a young man and woman to meet outside if they come from a conservative family that is very traditional, while it would be seen as perfectly fine for, say, two working professionals who are in their thirties or even divorced, to meet and talk in a public place.

I recommend that any young suitor or maiden in this position use their discretion and good judgment and get the permission of the girl’s father in any case. Keep in mind that if a couple wants to discuss things alone, there are many ways to do it. A couple may sit in the living room, while the parents converse in the kitchen, or the couple may sit in the backyard, while the family remains inside. Please see the following link and may Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

https://seekersguidance.org/answers/marriage/meeting-with-a-potential-suitor-in-public/

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

How Do I Clear Things Up With a Previous Prospective Spouse?

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Question:

How do I clear things up with a previous prospective spouse?

Answer:

Wa ‘alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.

I pray you are well.

You can simply send a short, clear message apologizing for any actions or words on your part you feel was inappropriate. After that, you can leave the matter.

People disagree all the time, and it takes a lot to admit when you have been wrong. Hopefully, this person will see this and be inspired to forgive you if you did anything wrong.

Ask Allah to grant you and him spouses who are good for your deen, dunya, and akhira, and then move one. Dwelling on the matter will not help.

May Allah facilitate all matters for you.

[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim Reasat

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic. He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Quranic recital and he was able to study an extensive curriculum of Quranic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence.

Should I Still Get Married Despite Not Being Inclined To?

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Question:
Should I still get married despite not being inclined to?
Answer:
Dear questioner,
May Allah, Most High bring clarity to your heart and keep you firm on the straight path.
In general, Spending multiple years trying to get married to someone is highly discouraged. Having a relationship with someone of the opposite gender for a long period of time will eventually lead to a situation that will displease Allah, Most High. Here is what I recommend:
Repentance
You and the sister should immediately repent to Allah, Most High for being intimate outside of marriage, even if it was not adultery. Repentance attracts the Mercy of Allah, Most High, and is a means for guidance in difficult times.
Istikhara
After repentance, you should perform the prayer of seeking guidance with the intention that Allah, Most High places the right choice in your heart. A choice that will benefit you and the sister in the world and the hereafter.
Steps
You should never feel forced to marry anyone despite what previous actions you may have committed. A marriage done superficially will not last and the bond of love cannot be built.
The fact that you have been with this sister for 6+ years is a sign that you get along, even if you may argue every now and then.
If she is a person of religion, good character, and has an interest in marrying you, then you should consider this a good sign.
The fact that both your parents are also on board with the prospect of marriage is a good sign.
You should create a list of why you believe this relationship is “toxic,” and share this with your potential spouse. If she feels the same way, then you both can agree to mutually end things.
If you feel confident that this marriage will lead to future problems in religion, health, or even divorce, then do not continue in this pursuit. Seek forgiveness from the sister, her parents, and your parents.
Remember to learn from these past 6 years. Honor and Chastity are principles of Islam, and they are not meant to be played with.
Finally, please consult with local scholars on this issue.
Given the considerations in such cases, we urge you to please consult reliable local scholars or counselors about the specifics of the situation. Jazakum Allah khayr. May Allah facilitate all ease and good for you.
And Allah knows best,
[Ustadh] Omar Popal
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Is a Man Permitted To Keep His Wife Cooped Up at Home?

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Question:
Why does the wife need the husband’s permission to go out?
Answer:Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. When one is uncertain of something in the Shari’a, it is very good to ask, and I encourage you to always ask in order to remove baseless misgivings.

 

A Necessity

Leaving the house is a basic human need and a woman has a right to leave her house, as explained beautifully here: https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/can-woman-leave-house/

 

A Husband’s Governance

One must understand that a marriage is a team, and every team has a leader. In this instance, the husband is the leader, and he may direct his team (wife and children) to prioritize things as he sees fit, because he is responsible for protecting and supporting them.

At the same time, every man has been commanded by the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, to be good to his wife, and he will be accountable if he is not. This is why it is of the utmost importance to choose a pious man for marriage who fears Allah and has good character.

 

Excerpt

Shaykh Abdur-Rahim Reasat clearly explains the hadith about a woman needing a husband’s permission to go out, at this link, and I have pasted the relevant excerpt below for you. Please read the article in full.
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/im-fearful-islam-causing-depression-can/

 

Leaving the House

Another related point is the narration you mentioned which suggests that if a woman was to leave her home without the permission of her husband, the angels all curse her. As far as the standards of hadith criticism go, this narration is so weak that it cannot be relied upon for rulings. [al-Targhib wa al-Tarhib, ed, al-Karmi] According to some scholars it is fabricated narration.

Does a woman need the permission of her husband to go out of the house? It depends on the reason. The scholars of Islam have laid down scenarios where the wife would need permission – which some scholars considered to be the husband’s knowledge of it without his objection [Fatḥ al-Bari, Ibn Rajab] – based on some narrations from the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace). There are various reasons for this, but most return to her safety. The husband is responsible for the safety of his wife, and for her to leave home with no way of him knowing where she is, or if she is safe, then he has fallen short of his responsibility.

The situations which do allow her to leave home are well documented in the books of Law, such as if she needed to learn her religion and he was unable to teach her, or if she had a genuine need. Being in constant contact with people all day is a very recent phenomenon, therefore, laws reflect the majority of cases. Also, this is not a right that is used as a whip to subdue someone; rather the spirit of Islam calls for everything to be “wrapped up in goodness.”

To the modern mind, this may seem strange, but relative safety is not something that has always been around. These matters change from time and place. Twenty years ago, for a parent to leave an eight-year-old in the car while she goes into a supermarket to buy some milk may have been acceptable, but now, in many places, it is not. Therefore, those charged with responsibility for others are also granted the use of certain measures, within reason, to ensure that their function is properly performed. There are other factors too, such as matters which could lead to the detriment of the marriage, so the husband is responsible for ensuring things remain smooth.

But if we go and ask most Muslim women, the chances are that there is no exhaustive list stuck on the fridge, stipulating when she can and cannot leave the house. These are matters which are best dealt with the principle of dealings being “wrapped up in goodness” depending on the situation. Having said this, many righteous women do request permission from their husbands as an act of obedience to Allah, so they do not contradict the literal wording of some of the statements of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace).

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next. Do not hesitate to follow up if you have any more concerns or questions.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.