How to Advise Young Muslims Who Are Living Unislamically

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam
Question: Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah,

I recently got acquainted with Muslim college freshman. My friend knows him well. In my conversations with my friend and with this college freshman, I gathered that he is quite removed from Islam. He and those around him commit many major sins. My friend said the last time he tried talking to him about these issues, they had a huge fight, so he is hesitant to bring it up now.
I knew of a good Islamic lecture that I thought would be good for him.  I offered to give him a ride, but when my friend and I reached his apartment to pick him up, he was drunk and smoking, with loud music playing, and he had a girl with him.  
How can one deal with such youth? I am really looking forward to some advice. I make du’a that he is guided to the straight path.
I am quite worried because this could perhaps be just one such case that I am aware of among countless high school and college going Muslims. Equally worrying is the fact that if I get married and have kids, I may be tested by Allah with something like this because of my inaction.
Please, give me some advice and pray for us.

Answer: Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray that you are in the best of health and faith, insha’Allah.
The best thing that you can do for them is to pray for them.
Your worry and concern for them is enough of a proof in your favor. Yet the truth of such concern would be manifest in assisting them when you are reasonably able to do so.
Use tact, wisdom, and mercy to bring them closer to religion. Sounding preachy may put them off, particularly if they are seemingly “distant.” And let them be. People need time to change. In reality, it is Allah who will change their hearts, not you or I. Consult local reliable scholars of knowledge and wisdom about the specifics of what you can do to assist them. But with that, be careful not to project your personal religious positions or understanding and culture onto them. This religion is vast, despite what some may have us believe.
Knowledge is key, as is righteous company.
Allah Most High says, “And whoever places their trust in Allah, then Allah is their sufficiency.” [65.3]
Please see: A Reader on Patience and Reliance on Allah
And Allah alone gives success.
Tabraze Azam
Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani

Advising a Spouse to Be a Better Muslim

Answered by Dr. Bano Murtuja

Question: I have been married for 15 years.  My husband can’t read the Qur’an.  Now we have a Hafiz coming to our home to teach Quran to our kids,I asked my husband to sit with him and finish his Quran too. But he said to me, “I will have to answer Allah, not you”.

As a wife, I want good for him too in the hereafter. I am really giving up on him now, I don’t know how to approach him. Whenever I tell, him I think you should read Quran or pray salah, he gets really angry and turns towards me, saying you do it first and don’t tell me. Please help me, I need a solution to this, with a Hadith and Quran quotation so i can show this to him.


Answer: As salam alykum Dear Sister

I pray this finds you in the best of health and states.

Every adult Muslim is personally responsible for carrying out the commands of Allah and no one else is blamed where they fall short. Allah Most High says, “Whosoever goeth right, it is only for (the good of) his own soul that he goeth right, and whosoever erreth, erreth only to its hurt. No laden soul can bear another’s load. We never punish until We have sent a messenger.” (17:15)

Nonetheless, being of encouragement to your husband is important. The Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “The one who points to the good has the reward of the one acting upon it.” (Sahih Muslim)

It is often difficult for us to accept being told what we must do, especially if there is no prior connection to Allah and the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him. One of the best ways to bring people to Islam, and to it’s practice is by inculcating it within our own actions.

Often consistently telling people what Islam forbids them from doing or telling them to ‘do this and do that’ simply pushes them away from Islam rather than bringing them closer to it. Perhaps a better approach is to speak about the Love, Mercy and Gentleness of Allah, and that of his beloved, peace and blessings be upon him. With Allah’s Mercy His love will enter his heart inshaAllah. Once he begins to connect to, and love Allah, obedience to His commands will, inshaAllah be something he adopts himself with ease.

Ultimately it is important to remember that success is with Allah (Exalted be He) alone, and it is simply our duty to try with sincerity and complete faith in Him.

May Allah (Exalted be He) grant you and your husband ease and facilitation in your journey to Him inshaAllah.



Related Answers:

Should I Advise My Husband Islamically or Remain Silent?

My Husband Doesnt Pray: How Do I Advise Him?

How to Advise a Non-Practicing Muslim

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari

Question: As salaamu alaykum

A co-worker of mine who claims to be Muslim but does not practice has taken very ill. I want to talk to her about returning to Islam and perhaps Allah will rekindle iman in her heart, inshaAllah. When I’ve tried in the past to speak of this I feel awkward because it doesn’t appear as if she welcomes such talks, although she doesn’t reject them. She likes for me to come to visit. What should I do/say while visiting that would be beneficial to her?

Shukran for any help you can offer me in this matter.

Answer:In the Name of God, the Gracious, the Merciful

Dear Sister,

I pray this message finds you well.

Thank you for writing to SeekersGuidance; your question is very important to us.

I apologize for the delay in responding and pray your co-worker’s health has improved. When someone lets it be known that he or she is a non-practicing Muslim, lapsed Muslim, or former Muslim, one has to tread very carefully. Often, some type of hurt is involved, whether at the hands of a (former) Muslim spouse or parents. In many cases, the person may have experienced a serious spiritual crisis that led to them abandoning their faith. Remember: Allah is in charge of guiding whom He wills. My advice is to reach out to your co-worker in the spirit of friendship and concern and manifest the graciousness of the Sunna. If she seems receptive, you can talk to her about what you love about Islam, but be careful not to push the issue if she seems to shut herself off.

May Allah Most High open her heart,

Zaynab Ansari
April 5, 2012
Jumada I 13, 1433