Advising a Spouse to Be a Better Muslim

Answered by Dr. Bano Murtuja

Question: I have been married for 15 years.  My husband can’t read the Qur’an.  Now we have a Hafiz coming to our home to teach Quran to our kids,I asked my husband to sit with him and finish his Quran too. But he said to me, “I will have to answer Allah, not you”.

As a wife, I want good for him too in the hereafter. I am really giving up on him now, I don’t know how to approach him. Whenever I tell, him I think you should read Quran or pray salah, he gets really angry and turns towards me, saying you do it first and don’t tell me. Please help me, I need a solution to this, with a Hadith and Quran quotation so i can show this to him.


Answer: As salam alykum Dear Sister

I pray this finds you in the best of health and states.

Every adult Muslim is personally responsible for carrying out the commands of Allah and no one else is blamed where they fall short. Allah Most High says, “Whosoever goeth right, it is only for (the good of) his own soul that he goeth right, and whosoever erreth, erreth only to its hurt. No laden soul can bear another’s load. We never punish until We have sent a messenger.” (17:15)

Nonetheless, being of encouragement to your husband is important. The Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “The one who points to the good has the reward of the one acting upon it.” (Sahih Muslim)

It is often difficult for us to accept being told what we must do, especially if there is no prior connection to Allah and the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him. One of the best ways to bring people to Islam, and to it’s practice is by inculcating it within our own actions.

Often consistently telling people what Islam forbids them from doing or telling them to ‘do this and do that’ simply pushes them away from Islam rather than bringing them closer to it. Perhaps a better approach is to speak about the Love, Mercy and Gentleness of Allah, and that of his beloved, peace and blessings be upon him. With Allah’s Mercy His love will enter his heart inshaAllah. Once he begins to connect to, and love Allah, obedience to His commands will, inshaAllah be something he adopts himself with ease.

Ultimately it is important to remember that success is with Allah (Exalted be He) alone, and it is simply our duty to try with sincerity and complete faith in Him.

May Allah (Exalted be He) grant you and your husband ease and facilitation in your journey to Him inshaAllah.



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