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Is Someone Using Black Magic to Destroy My Marriage?

Answered by Shaykh Rami Nsour

Question: I hope this reaches you in the best of health and imaan. I got married a few months ago and everything was at first, but then my husband started arguing with me about petty things constantly. He’s gotten very ill, suffering from back, arm, knee, shoulder pain, headaches, lack of intimacy, lack of appetite, mood swings etc.

He acts harsh towards me and threatens me with divorce.  He says he doesn’t know why he is unhappy with me, because at other times he says I’m the perfect wife. The doctors don’t even know exactly what is wrong with him.

Recently I’ve been getting dreams of jinns trying to wrestle with me whilst I’m in bed etc, then I’ve woken up feeling shaken because it was so real. I even had another dream where I woke suddenly because I felt like there was some dark male figure hugging me whilst laying besides me on the left hand side of the bed. (I was not sharing a bed with my husband at the time) The figure was hot. I awoke feeling shaken again. Now I always read ayatul kursi and the 4 quls before going to bed.

I  had another dream where my mother had asked me who had given me these gifts she found in my room. I answered her and asked her why it was important? She said the gifts indicated that someone had ”done something to me”. I’m just frustrated, upset, confused now I was wondering if this relates to my marriage? I feel like someone is doing magic to interfere in our marriage. I’m not sure. Is there anyway of really finding out?

Please advise me about what I can do to find out if something is going on and what I can do in the meantime to protect our marriage and help my husband.

Answer: There is no exact way of finding out for sure what is going on. There is a chance that it could be related to something on the unseen realm, such as jinn or magic, and there is also the chance that it could be a mental health issue or emotional issue that he is dealing with.

What I would suggest is that you cover all the bases in trying to treat what is going on. Continue to do what you are doing in terms of Quran recitation and dhikr.

You should also increase the amount of whatever you are doing as long as it is within your capacity, as moderation is also prescribed. You should encourage your husband to increase his acts of worship and to be in the company of good people and shuyukh, as that has a healing effect.

Also remember that there is a lot of good found in seeking knowledge and a special protection granted to seekers of knowledge, so you and your husband should make a serious effort to seek knowledge. His emotions may be coming from ignorance of the deen and the cure for this is to study.

You should also seek outside help from both clinicians/therapists as well as people trained in spiritual matters. See if there are any therapists that can help you and your husband understand the possibilities of what might be going on. In terms of people versed in spiritual matters, you should only go to people who are knowledgeable of the Quran and Sunna and are know for following the tenets of the faith.

Beware of charlatans, people who are not qualified and those who seeking money for this type of work. Having a knowledgeable teacher locally or by phone will also be a help for you and your husband to work through issues that you are having as a couple or spiritual issues. They may also be able to identify signs of what might possibly be the cause of what your husband is experiencing.

And Allah knows best.

Rami

Related Answers:

How to Counteract the Effects of Black Magic

Advising a Spouse to Be a Better Muslim

Answered by Dr. Bano Murtuja

Question: I have been married for 15 years.  My husband can’t read the Qur’an.  Now we have a Hafiz coming to our home to teach Quran to our kids,I asked my husband to sit with him and finish his Quran too. But he said to me, “I will have to answer Allah, not you”.

As a wife, I want good for him too in the hereafter. I am really giving up on him now, I don’t know how to approach him. Whenever I tell, him I think you should read Quran or pray salah, he gets really angry and turns towards me, saying you do it first and don’t tell me. Please help me, I need a solution to this, with a Hadith and Quran quotation so i can show this to him.

 

Answer: As salam alykum Dear Sister

I pray this finds you in the best of health and states.

Every adult Muslim is personally responsible for carrying out the commands of Allah and no one else is blamed where they fall short. Allah Most High says, “Whosoever goeth right, it is only for (the good of) his own soul that he goeth right, and whosoever erreth, erreth only to its hurt. No laden soul can bear another’s load. We never punish until We have sent a messenger.” (17:15)

Nonetheless, being of encouragement to your husband is important. The Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “The one who points to the good has the reward of the one acting upon it.” (Sahih Muslim)

It is often difficult for us to accept being told what we must do, especially if there is no prior connection to Allah and the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him. One of the best ways to bring people to Islam, and to it’s practice is by inculcating it within our own actions.

Often consistently telling people what Islam forbids them from doing or telling them to ‘do this and do that’ simply pushes them away from Islam rather than bringing them closer to it. Perhaps a better approach is to speak about the Love, Mercy and Gentleness of Allah, and that of his beloved, peace and blessings be upon him. With Allah’s Mercy His love will enter his heart inshaAllah. Once he begins to connect to, and love Allah, obedience to His commands will, inshaAllah be something he adopts himself with ease.

Ultimately it is important to remember that success is with Allah (Exalted be He) alone, and it is simply our duty to try with sincerity and complete faith in Him.

May Allah (Exalted be He) grant you and your husband ease and facilitation in your journey to Him inshaAllah.

Ma’salam

Bano

Related Answers:

Should I Advise My Husband Islamically or Remain Silent?

My Husband Doesnt Pray: How Do I Advise Him?

Difficulty Getting Married Leading to Resentment and Depression

Answered by Dr. Bano Murtuja

Question: After many years of unsuccessfully trying very hard to get married, I became frustrated and started having negative thoughts.

I went off to medical school where I have been struggling with being happy by reminding myself that I came here because this is what Allah has made available to me and trying to focus on the positive things.

I keep thinking to myself what is so wrong with me that I cannot get married when everyone else around me is getting married or having kids. It makes me feel like I am never going to get married or have kids and then I do not want to live life anymore because all my future entails is dealing with difficulty and the burden of being single and constantly being reminded of it. I see how Allah is so generous with others, but I feel like I am struggling to be good now when it was easy before.  I repent from my bad thoughts, but then I relapse.

I feel that if I got married that would mean that Allah accepted my repentance, but the fact that I’m single and in this vicious cycle is a sign that Allah does not like me and maybe I am beyond hope. I feel like I am growing farther from Allah and no matter what I do I can never get back and that Allah maybe has given up on me and I have become one of those people who no matter what they do Allah will not guide them on the straight path.

Answer: Thank you for your email. May God make all of your trials easier to bear and grant you ease in all of your affairs inshaAllah.

I would like to begin by saying that often the trials we face can feel insurmountable, and can result in confusion and doubt. it is important that one does not let these very natural reactions define who one is.

The search for a marriage partner can often result in disappointment and the tendency to look at one’s life in terms of what is absent rather than what one has.

MashaAllah, from your email it is evident that you are trying not to get sucked in by the feelings of discontent that you have. The first step to dealing with a difficulty is acknowledging that it is there, and it is a blessing from Allah that you not only see your discontent for what it is, but are actively trying to combat it. I pray that you are granted success and ease in doing so.

There are a number of practical steps that you can take that may help you in a) becoming more content with the life that Allah has decreed for you and b) making you happier and more focused in what you are currently doing.

1] on a daily basis count the number of blessings Allah has bestowed upon you. This is a very positive exercise in making us realize that the blessings we do have are so many and yet we deserve so little. In doing this you will hopefully begin to combat the feelings of who deserves what, as it will help you realize we are all undeserving of even the smallest of blessings and yet in His infinite generosity Allah continues to bestow us with them. From the breathes that we take, to the ability to see, to the family that we have etc.

2] In blessings, know that they are not bestowed in accordance to one’s degree of worthiness, but in accordance to God’s wisdom. His infinite Knowledge encompasses what is best for us, regardless of what we may think we know.

3] Continue to make dua and make regular and consistent remembrance. God Most High says, “Truly it is in the remembrance of God that hearts find rest” (The Qur’an, 13:28). He also says, “And if My servants ask thee about Me – behold, I am near; I respond to the call of him who calls, whenever he calls unto Me: let them, then, respond unto Me, and believe in Me, so that they might follow the right way.”

4] Have a good opinion of God. Know that if He has inspired you to ask for forgiveness He will forgive. God loves those who ask for repentance, and tells us as much. To be loved by God is an incredible station. To be one who asks for repentance and joins that fold is a true blessing.

Some people are tested and bought closer to God through their marriage – they have difficult marriages, and horrible experiences but find that through them they are bought closer to the Divine. Others are tested and bought closer to God by staying single. In His infinite Knowledge God knows what is best for us.

5 times a day we ask God to guide us to the right path during the surah fatiha. That you are still turning to God, still seeking guidance, still striving to achieve contentment with Him shows you are on the path to Him, and so should not worry about guidance per se. God tells us to ask Him, and guarantees an answer to our prayers, but in the time and manner He knows is best for us and not the time and manner we choose. You can take comfort from all of this inshaAllah. There is always hope, because God is infinitely Merciful and has told us to never lose hope in him inshaAllah.

Although it is easier said than done, please try not to feel alone. God is always with you, and sends you love, friendship and strength in ways you never even realize.

May God grant you ease, success and facilitation in everything you do.

And Allah alone grants success.

Ma’salam

Bano

Dealing With an Ill-Tempered Mother in Law

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari

Question: I recently got married and I moved in with my husband and his parents. His mother has a bad temper. Now that Ramadan has come, I don’t feel Allah’s presence in this home because all day long she watches tv dramas and plays on the iPad while fasting. I usually stay in my room because I am trying to refrain from that in Ramadan, and then when I do come down at the time of iftar it seems like she’s in a bad mood because I haven’t come down all day. I’m not happy in this home, and I do not want to raise my future children insha’Allah in this home with his mother. There are no problems between me and my husband, but I feel his mother will tear us apart, or at least drive me away because I’m not strong and I won’t be able to handle it. Please advise.

Answer: Dear Sister,

Thank you for your question. I pray this message finds you well.

From the standpoint of Islamic law, newlyweds should have their own space in which they have privacy and can establish the rhythms of marital life. Joint living arrangements, while culturally sanctioned, are problematic from the perspective of the Shari’ah, especially when they entail the bride’s being in the presence of male in-laws, particularly brothers-in-law and cousins.

From a practical standpoint, a woman needs her space. If you want a strong foundation for your new marriage, you and your husband need to have your own space. You’re just figuring out who you are as adults and as a couple and it’s difficult to explore this new existence when you lack privacy and autonomy.

Now please don’t take this as an ode to Western individualism. As I stated, there is an Islamic basis for a newlywed couple’s maintaining their own residence while remaining courteous and solicitous toward their respective parents.

My advice is to come out of your room, be pleasant, help around the house, and make plans to move out .

May Allah Ta’ala make things easy,

Zaynab Ansari

Married Man Addicted to Boys

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari

Question: I’m an adult man with a wife and children.   Since a young age, I’ve liked both males and females.  I have sex with my wife regularly. However, I can’t resist when I see a good looking boy, and many times I have sex with boys.

I pray to Allah in vain to keep save me from this sin.  I don’t know what to do.  Otherwise i look completely straight and no one can ever make out this disease in me.

Please help me.

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Compassionate, the Merciful

Dear Brother,

Thank you for your question. I pray this message finds you well.

Due to the extreme seriousness of your situation, I urge you to seek professional help immediately. You should speak with a psychologist or a psychiatrist who specializes in sexual addiction. Furthermore, you should speak with a spiritual guide as the root of the problem is spiritual.

You should stop deceiving yourself. Straight men do not sleep with other men, let alone young boys. If you are, in any way, victimizing children, you owe it to yourself and them to get help. Depending on the age of these boys, you very well could be committing a crime on top of major sins (homosexuality and adultery).

And then there is the matter of your wife. Not only are you deceiving her by leading a double life, you are exposing her to a host of sexually-transmitted diseases, including HIV/AIDS.

I implore you to take a good look at yourself and your behavior. Is this how you want to meet Allah? You are hurting your wife, your child, the people with whom you are committing this major sin, and yourself.

Please repent to Allah and ask for divine assistance in curing yourself from this affliction.

Stay away from temptation and get professional help.

May Allah Ta’ala rectify you,

Zaynab Ansari

Committing Adultery in an Unhappy Marriage

Answered by Dr. Bano Murtuja

Question: I am all depressed and confused, I have been in an arranged marriage for many years now and I have a 7 year old child. For past few years I have been involved and in love with another man. I don’t have the courage to break from either of the relationships. I’ve miserable and confused. Please advise me.

 

Answer: As salam alykum,

I pray this funds you in the best of health and states.

It is often difficult to find the courage to do what one needs to in such situations. The courage to do what is right comes from knowing Allah (Exalted be He).

Scholars tell us there is a balance between fear and hope. Our fear of Allah and His punishment is what motivates us to do good deeds and take advantage of our time. But it should be balanced with the hope that we hold granted our knowledge of His endless mercy and forgiveness.

The more knowledge you have of Allah (Exalted be He), the easier it will become to do what is right. In your particular situation, it is important you end the adulterous relationship immediately, and make sincere repentance to Allah (Exalted be He).

[1] Adultery

Allah (Exalted be He) says “And do not even go close to Zina! Truly, it is a gross obscenity and an evil path (to go down).” [al-Quran, 17:32]

This verse is not just about prohibiting the act of zina (whether fornication for those unmarried or adultery for those who have been married), rather, we are told not even to go near it through anything that may lead or invite to it. However, if anyone has fallen into committing this act (and may Allah save us), know that Allah is All Merciful and He accepts the repentance of those who are truly remorseful and commit themselves not to repeat the act again. He, Most High, says:

And those who, after they had committed a gross obscenity [ie. zina], or wronged themselves [by what approaches it, such as kissing], remembered Allah, and then sought forgiveness for their sins – and who forgives sins except Allah? – and they did not continue in committing it, knowing fully-well [it was a sin]:

For those people, their recompense is a great forgiveness from their Lord! And gardens underneath which rivers flow! They will be in there forever! What a wonderful reward for those who act for Allah!

[al-Quran, 3:135-136, interpretation from Jalalayn and Tabari]]

The act of adultery impacts everybody within the family unit. In this case not just your self and your husband, but also your child. Although in the short term stepping away from the relationship may be difficult it is a necessary step to rectifying your relationship with Allah (Exalted be He).

Once you end this relationship, it is important that you both place a distance between yourself, especially considering that self-control becomes difficult the more emotional involvement there is.

[2] Repentance

There are 4 conditions of repentance, and one of these is to stay away from the act one is repenting from. Shyakh Faraz Rabbani has provided a detailed response on what is repentance here: What is Sincere Repentance?

One’s spiritual development is significantly impacted by continuously, knowingly and willfully committing acts one knows are reprehensible to Allah (Exalted be He). With this in mind, the first step for both yourself and the sister is to step away from your relationship and make genuine repentance.

[3] Marriage and being ‘in love’

Having taken the means to rectifying your actions, you should rely on Allah (Exalted be He). The prayer of istikara and the salat ul-hajat can be of great assistance in guiding you to the correct course of action and granting ease and facilitation in your affairs.

Your question does not provide any details of your marriage itself. However, if you feel there are aspects lacking in your marriage then it is important you take the necessary steps with your husband to rectify these or take the steps to end the marriage if you do not want to remain within it.

The belief that one is ‘in love’ can often result in crossing the bounds of acceptable behaviour as determined by God. If you and the brother you are in a relationship with are meant to be together than breaking of the relationship until you are both in a position to marry is simply temporary.

Purity of intention is demonstrated through the actions that follow. If you truly intend to marry one another then the requisite period of separation is simply short term.

May you be granted ease and facilitation, and may we all be guided to the actions most pleasing to Allah (Exalted be He).

Ma’salam

Bano

My Husband is Abusive, Irresponsible, and Doesn’t Practice Islam

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari

Question: I have been married for several years and have 2 children. Before marriage, my husband said he was somewhat regular in prayer and fasting and would be more so if he someone around him was regular with them also.  He still isn’t regular. Recently he has started becoming very irresponsible and spends little time with the children resulting in some behavior problems.  He spends most of his time watching tv or shopping.  When I bring up these issues, he gets angry and abusive.   Please tell me what i should do.

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Compassionate, the Merciful

Dear Sister,

Thank you for your question. I pray this message finds you well.

A cardinal rule of marriage is to never marry someone believing they will change. Someone who doesn’t pray or fast is not likely to change unless they are intrinsically motivated to change for the better. Sadly, despite what promises they might make to the contrary, they are not motivated to change for their spouse or children. This is particularly acute in the case of men who feel that the wife won’t go anywhere anyway so why bother to change?

Sister, you are an adult. Too many women become trapped in marriages, economically and psychologically dependent on men who don’t fear God. Not every man, sadly, is cut out to be a husband and a father and too many women realize this when they get married. Don’t be afraid to act in the best interests of you and your children. Allah will make a way for you if you seek Him.

You can try marriage counseling and being the best wife you can be. You can model the best behavior for your children. But you must also consider your and your children’s needs. Is this situation healthy for you and them?

May Allah Ta’ala make things easy,

Zaynab Ansari

Related Answers:

Should I Stay Married Even Though I Hate My Husband Because of His Bad Character and Irreligiousness?

How to Advise a Non-Practicing Muslim

My Family Doesn’t Get Along With My Spouse’s Family

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari

Question: My husband and I got married with our parents’ approval.

At our wedding there was a bitter exchange of words between our parents on trivial matters like wedding venue, clothes, food, etc. Three years later our parents still refuse to meet.

It started with the bitterness on the wedding, however things went out of hand when deaths happened in our families and our parents didn’t visit after the deaths.  This increased the bitterness.

We recently had a child and his parents traveled to see us and we met them every other day. I’m on good terms with his parents. However, neither parents exchanged congratulations or even met despite a grandchild coming in our marriage.

Some days, me and my husband feel really low and I wonder if this marriage will last. He has to deal with  our parents not meeting and my mom and dad who have now distanced themselves from him. I, however, have to carry the burden of my parents disliking him, my husband disliking them and the parents not meeting. Due to all this, I have not even enjoyed my own pregnancy and motherhood.

Now my parents live in the same country and insist on meeting us and our child. My husband wants to cut down the meetings drastically because he feels very hurt.

I feel all this has started to affect our married life. We are always fighting, arguing, tired of carrying these emotional burdens.

I need advice on how to find my happiness again. I want to love my husband without feeling angry at him for hating my parents and I want to love my parents without them hating my husband. I feel stuck in the middle, and don’t want my child growing up in this bitterness.

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Compassionate, the Merciful

Dear Sister,

Thank you for your question. I pray this message finds you well.

Given the high improbability that all concerned parties will agree to family counseling, you and your husband should focus on what you can control: your relationship and your behavior.

This is the sort of situation where you simply decide to LET IT GO. Just drop all of it for the sake of God. Holding on to this kind of bitterness, keeping score (who visited whom, ignored whom, criticized whom), and tallying up the affronts consumes a colossal amount of emotional energy and drains your spirits. Why be weighed down by this kind of negativity?

Focus on your baby and your marriage. Pray together. Make dhikr together. Keep the atmosphere in the home as tranquil and spiritually elevating as possible.

Organize family gatherings and remain cheerful and positive. Overlook people’s rudeness. Eventually, they will figure out that they can’t get to you and will, hopefully, desist from this foolishness.

Above all, ask Allah to reconcile hearts.

May Allah make things easy,

Zaynab Ansari

My Husband Mistreats Me and He Doesn’t Pray

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari

Question:I’m having some issues with my husband.  He leaves me alone at night with our infant child while he spends time with his friends.  Often he sleeps on the couch instead of in the bed with me.  I told him this hurts me but he doesn’t care.  I feel unwanted.

Also, he swears and calls me names when I try to talk to him to solve our problems.  He breaks many promises and I don’t trust him anymore.  Also, he doesn’t make his prayers. Should I remind him or not be intimate with him if he doesn’t pray?

My husband and I love each other, but I need advice about how to deal with these problems because I don’t want to get a divorce.

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Compassionate, the Merciful

Dear Sister,

Thank you for your question. I pray this message finds you well.

A man asked one of the pious predecessors for advice on choosing a husband for his daughter. The response was to find someone who fears God because if he loves his wife, he will honor her, and if he doesn’t love her, he will not abuse her.

Your situation is of concern because your husband does not appear to fit the above description. He is not carrying out his basic religious obligations and he abuses you. A God-fearing husband does not hang out with his friends all night, sleep on the sofa, and threaten to hit his wife.

These are all behaviors intended to diminish you. They are not the actions of someone who values his marriage. Furthermore, I suspect your husband is engaging in these behaviors because he does not want to deal with whatever is really bothering him, possibly the way his life has been turned upside down by a new baby. Having a baby causes a certain amount of stress for new parents and there are healthy ways to cope. He is not coping well.

I also suspect he may be depressed. However, his abandonment of prayer and avoiding being at home with you are not going to help.

My suggestion is that he needs to talk to a religious leader immediately and seek marriage counseling.

However, please understand that you’ve come to accept a situation that, on many levels, is not pleasing to Allah and is not healthy for you. Divorce, particularly when it means you are free of someone who abuses you and doesn’t obey Allah, can be a release, not a punishment.

May Allah Ta’ala make things easy for you,

Zaynab Ansari

Related Answers:

How Do I Deal With a Controlling Husband Who Seldom Lets Me Leave the House?

How Do I Support My Husband’s Plans When He is Having Problems Finding Work?

When Love is Not Enough: Reassessing Marriage in the Muslim Community

Dealing with In-Laws With a Different Islamic Perspective

Answered by Dr. Bano Murtuja

Question: I have been engaged for a year to a man who I really like. However, his father and stepmother have been a problem within our relationship. They truly dislike my family have accused us of following false Sheikhs, of engaging in Kufr because we do tasbih, or we say our dua’a out loud etc. They accuse of of bid’a and have negative opinions of Muslims unlike them. My fiance has defended us against them, but he seeks to please them and he doesn’t put his foot down hard enough. What should I do?

Answer
: Wa’laikum salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakathu,

I pray this finds you in the best of health and states.

May Allah (Exalted be He) bless your union with all that is good, and make it a means to gain closeness to the All Loving and His beloved (upon him be peace and blessings).

Relationships with in laws can often be difficult to navigate, particularly if their understanding of Islam is different from one’s own.

The best example we have for dealing with those who disagree with us is in the actions of the Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him). He (Peace and blessings be upon him) was unfailingly noble in his treatment of those who disagreed with him. He (Peace and blessings be upon him) would increase in excellent character the more he was subjected to bad character. This beautiful trait turned many hearts towards him.

It is not necessary for your future in laws to be in agreement with your approach. InshaAllah through you demonstrating good character, they will eventually come to accept and respect that this is simply a difference of opinion. As long as their opinion does not impact your ability to perform the obligatory, the best way to approach it is not to argue, rather, wherever possible remain silent and maintain the best of etiquette with them.

With regard to communicating with your future husband, it is important that there are boundaries set as to how you are treated. That said, asking him to do so in absolute terms may in the long term do more harm. If possible, explain to him how their opinion makes you feel and the course of action you feel is best, but at the same time be open and understanding of the fact that he knows his parents best and will be able to navigate that relationship with this understanding.

Your continued patience and good character will, inshaAllah, increase you in your relationship with your future husband.

May you be granted ease and facilitation in all of your affairs.

Ma’salam

Bano

Dr. Bano Murtuja is the Managing Director of SeekersHub Toronto, unique learning foundation that connects transformative knowledge and spirituality with actionable community service and social engagement. It is open and welcoming to individuals of all ages, religious beliefs and walks of life, with equally diverse programs and activities offered at no cost.