Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
My husband of one month is jobless. I’m working and earning. I am financially supporting myself, him, and his family. He often plays games on his phone, and watches and laughs at funny videos. He only comes to me to fulfill his physical needs, otherwise, he doesn’t come to me when I tell him my needs and wants. He scolds me for no reason and reminds me of my duties. He asked me to plan and save for a future baby, but I have zero support from him. And when I complain, he gets angry. How should I treat my husband and react in this ongoing situation what does Islam say about this kind of marital situation?
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your pain and frustration, and I pray that you can come to a compromise with him where both of your needs and wants are fulfilled and both feel respected and loved.
This is what Islam says about a man spending on his wife:
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “It is shockingly wicked for a person to withhold from those he is to provide for.” [Muslim]
“O Allah, bear witness that I have issued a warning concerning (failure to fulfill) the rights of the two weak ones: Orphans and women.” [Ibn Maja]
“No man earns anything better than that which he earns with his own hands, and what a man spends on himself, his wife, his child, and his servant, then it is charity.” [Ibn Maja]
Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “You will be rewarded for whatever you spend for Allah’s sake, even if it were a morsel which you put in your wife’s mouth.” [Bukhari]
Your husband is unemployed at the moment, so your spending on him is charity. It’s not obligatory on you to do this, though. Do you think that he will be fine after getting a job? Can you get someone to talk to him? Is he trying to find work? His habits seem juvenile and annoying, but I urge you to try and find solutions before looking at all your options. Consider that you don’t have children yet. Make du`a and make sure that you are being dutiful to Allah in your obligations when you ask Him to solve your problems.
Please try these resources to help understand each other and communicate better:
- Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage
- Making Love Last: Prophetic Principles for a Successful Marriage
- Istikhara Prayer
- Prayer of Need (Salat al-Haja)
- Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
- Should My Husband Spend Less Money on Me?
- Is It Obligatory To Support My Husband To Repay His Debts and Not Spend on My Needs?
- Who Is Supposed to Carry the Burden of Financial Responsibility within a Family?
- Chapman, G: Five Love Languages Revised Edition
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
- Handbook of a Healthy Muslim Marriage
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.