Question: After marriage, I learned that my husband is a weed addict and does not practice the deen. My question is that how to bear with him and handle this Islamically? I also fear that I am harsh to him when we fight which might anger Allah.
Answer: Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you sister for your question. This is a tremendously difficult situation and I pray that Allah rewards you for your hard work and patience. Allah, Most High, says, “And whoever relies on Allah completely – He is more than enough for him.” [Qur`an, 65:3]
Your situation is not sustainable but at the same time leaving your husband may not be the correct thing while your child is young. You must pray Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance and ask Allah to guide you to the right way. Pray it for at least 21 nights during tahajjud time and How Does One Perform The Prayer Of Need (salat al-haja)? as well. Plead for His help and guidance and follow what you feel Allah puts in your heart.
In the meantime
While you make your decision, do your best to be patient with him and make life comfortable for him. This is an approach from “Fascinating Womanhood”. This book speaks about treating your husband kindly, cheerfully, and being very feminine in order to bring out his masculine and responsible nature, bringing a better balance to the marriage.
Keep away while he is intoxicated
You are doing the right thing to stay away while he is intoxicated. You could stay in your room with the door locked, or you could go out with your baby somewhere while he is at home intoxicated. If you don’t have a driver’s license, please take the steps to get one right away. If you eventually do end up leaving him, you will need these skills to live on your own. You should also consider acquiring a skill or degree while you are married to him in case you need to support yourself afterward.
This 12 step recovery program has proven to help marijuana addicts recover from their addiction. You can find it here: https://marijuana-anonymous.org/ See the website and encourage your husband to join it. I have seen more than one successful marriage where a lady is patient throughout her husband’s addiction and he recovers. I pray that this happens for you sooner than later. Ultimately, the decision is yours.
Take care of yourself
Don’t forget to take care of yourself through these hard times. Pray your prayers on time, pay zakat, fast Ramadan, and learn your personally obligatory knowledge. Also, learn your rights and responsibilities as a wife. These courses are all available on Seekers. Focus on your child, your house, and your self-growth and learning. Take time for exercise, fresh air, eat healthily, take supplements, and get enough rest. Find religious friends that help you and support you emotionally. “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out”. [Winchell, Walter]
Rely on Allah, trust in His plan. A great good may come out of this. These are some Dua´s that will be useful inshaAllah. Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long
The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “Strange is the affair of a believer for there is good in every affair of his and this is not the case with anyone else except the believer. If he has an occasion to feel delighted, he thanks (Allah), thus there is a good for him in it, and if he is harmed, he endures it patiently, thus there is a good for him in it.“
May Allah help your husband recover and unite your hearts in happiness and Allah’s good pleasure.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.