Should I Stay with a Man That I Married in Haste?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I have married a man in haste that I hardly know. The same day he divorced his first wife, he called me and told me he was single. I had been doing istikhara for marrying him and I thought this was the answer. Later that day, he called an imam and two witnesses for us to make nikah over video call because he was in another country.

I was shocked by his behavior. When I told him that we need to talk, he didn’t answer me, so I said yes. I am not sure if it was the right thing to do. I find out shocking things about his past and we have communication problems. I am currently doing istikhara about leaving him. Please advise.

Answer

Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you are going through this difficult time with your husband and I pray that Allah makes the right decision clear to you.

Resources

Use the following resources to make your decision:

  1. Pray istikhara;
  2. Consult family members on both sides;
  3. Consult God-fearing friends and a local imam or elders;
  4. Try to use protection when being intimate until you decide;
  5. Most of all, ask yourself if you married him for his religion and if you picture this man being the father of your children;
  6. Search your soul as well, for the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), told us,  “Ask yourself for a decision, ask your heart for a decision (saying it three times). Righteousness is that with which the soul is tranquil and the heart is tranquil, but sin is that which rouses suspicion in the soul and is perplexing in the breast, even if people give you a decision in its favor.” [Ahmad; Darimi]

Please see these links for more details and use the resources suggested within:
How Can I Save My New Marriage?
How Do I Continue After Being Forced Into Marriage With a Despicable Man?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.