Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel
I have been married for two and a half years now, with two years of me being away from my husband, who was in a different country. My question is, am I sinful for not consummating my marriage? This was an arranged marriage, and when I met him, we didn’t get on very well, and he sexually abused me during our limited time together.
He claimed it was his right, and ever since, we have never got on. I am suffering from depression because of how he treated me. He also showed his mental capacity to be very low because he displayed signs of extreme vulnerability, an inability to understand simple points, and a tendency to repeat things.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
I pray you are in good faith and health. Thank you for seeking guidance. Allah Most High removes all your difficulty and gives you ease, amin.
You are in a difficult situation, and you have taken a step in the right direction in seeking advice. I have a few things I can share and ask you: Have you spoken to him or considered having a family meeting about your marriage and where it is going? Have you been working on trying to make the marriage work in some way? Act in your own best interests before having children. Don’t put it off any longer. Allah will make way for you if you seek Him.
Sometimes a relationship may not work, and it seems you have tried, and he has also remained with you. However, it seems the relationship is very fragile and affecting you.
Going forward and trying to keep the respect of each other are two long term situations. Either you both agree to work on your marriage and come to a plan and settled agreement or depart amicably, without any bitter outcome.
When Allah Most High tells us about divorce, He directs us that a wife should be retained with honor or separated with grace.
“The divorce that can be returned from may be pronounced up to two times, then either honorably retaining her, or kindly letting her go.” [Quran, 2:229]
Story of Wife of Qays ibn Shammas
Ibn ‘Abbas said, “The wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas came to the Messenger of Allah, may (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, ‘Messenger of Allah, I do not criticize Thabit in his religion or his character, but I fear ingratitude.’ The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, ‘Will you return his garden (mahr) to him?’ ‘Yes,’ she said. She returned it to him, and he ordered him to part from her.” [Bukhari]
Duas and Prayer of Need
Perform the Prayer of Need every day and ask Allah Most High for guidance and direction.
I would advise you to contact and meet with reliable local scholars, both male and female, as well as qualified Muslim marriage counselors who can guide you through the entire family situation.
May Allah facilitate all ease and good for you both, amin.
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I pray this helps with your question.
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Mawlana Ilyas Patel is a traditionally-trained scholar who has studied in the UK, India, Pakistan, Syria, Jordan, and Turkey. He started his early education in the UK. He went on to complete the hifz of the Quran in India, then enrolled in an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied the secular and ‘Aalimiyya sciences. He then traveled to Karachi, Pakistan. He has been an Imam in Rep of Ireland for several years. He has taught hifz of the Quran, Tajwid, Fiqh, and many other Islamic sciences to children and adults onsite and online extensively in the UK and Ireland. He taught at a local Islamic seminary for 12 years in the UK, where he was a librarian and a teacher of Islamic sciences. He currently resides in the UK with his wife. His interest is a love of books and gardening.