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My Brother Refuses to Support his Parents

Answered by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Question: Assalamu alaykum

Can you advise me with regards to a situation and the Islamic perspective please? My brother has migrated into another country and keeps refusing to support his parents but seeks their assistance whenever it suits his motives.

I believe they were quite supportive of him and feel all the burdens on my shoulders. How can I approach this problem, it’s not even the physical needs of my parents but the emotional ones that bothers the most.

Answer: Wa ‘alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.

I pray you are well.

You’re in a very difficult situation. There’s nothing you can do to make your brother help, nor should you try to be forceful in your approach. Helping in a time of need is something which stems from care and concern, but life and relationships are sometimes very complicated.

Don’t Expect Anything

You know your brother, and you know what to expect from him. If he hasn’t helped in the past, the chances are that he will probably stay that way. For your own peace of mind, don’t expect to receive anything from him.

If he does want to get involved, then, by all means, let him. You should not expect anything from him. Doing so will save you from the feeling of being let down when he doesn’t turn up.

Is this fair on you? Probably not. But if he’s not getting involved then you can’t really force him to. Sometimes, Allah makes other people a test for us in our lives to see our reaction. “We have made some of you a difficult tribulation for others of you. Will you be patient?” (Qur’an; 25:20)

Whatever you endure, you’ll be rewarded and compensated fro many times over. Allah is too generous not to reward you abundantly.

Have Empathy

Look at your brother. I don’t know the exact situation, but I’m guessing that there is some experience which has affected him some way. How was his relationship with your family members growing you? How was he with your father?

Many a time, our experiences affect our behaviours. Perhaps he went through something which is making it difficult to engage with your family now. Allah knows.

Give him the benefit of the doubt. If he has a legitimate excuse, Allah knows it. Otherwise, you’ll be gaining from what is literally a windfall. Your service of you father may just end up the means which guarantees you Paradise without any prior punishment of judgement. Would that not be worth it?

Communicate with Him

I think you should try and speak to your bother. Not about his conduct, but about why he feels he needs to be distant. Express what you feel, and how it is affecting you. Listen to how he feels, and how being involved would affect him.

Perhaps you will see each others perspectives, and that may become a bride to clearing matters for you all.

May Allah unite your heats in the best of ways.

Wassalam,
[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 to study and sit at the feet of some of the most erudite scholars of our time.

Over the following eighteen months he studied a traditional curriculum, studying with scholars such as Shaykh Adnan Darwish, Shaykh Abdurrahman Arjan, Shaykh Hussain Darwish and Shaykh Muhammad Darwish.

In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years, in Fiqh, Usul al-Fiqh, Theology, Hadith Methodology and Commentary, Shama’il, and Logic with teachers such as Dr Ashraf Muneeb, Dr Salah Abu’l-Hajj, Dr Hamza al-Bakri, Shaykh Ahmad Hasanat, Dr Mansur Abu Zina amongst others. He was also given two licences of mastery in the science of Qur’anic recital by Shakh Samir Jabr and Shaykh Yahya Qandil.

His true passion, however, arose in the presence of Shaykh Ali Hani, considered by many to be one of the foremost tafsir scholars of our time who provided him with the keys to the vast knowledge of the Quran. With Shaykh Ali, he was able to study an extensive curriculum of Qur’anic Sciences, Tafsir, Arabic Grammar, and Rhetoric.

When he finally left Jordan for the UK in 2014, Shaykh Ali gave him his distinct blessing and still recommends students in the UK to seek out Shaykh Abdul-Rahim for Quranic studies. Since his return he has trained as a therapist and has helped a number of people overcome emotional and psychosomatic issues. He is a keen promoter of emotional and mental health.

Touching a Younger Brother

Answered by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Question: Assalamu alaykum

I have a younger brother. He kisses and sucks my breast, and I kiss his belly
and suck his nipple as sign of caress. Is it permissible?

Answer: Wa ‘alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.

I pray you are well.

While it may not be sinful in the manner you described it, it would be better to disengage this practice.

The ‘Awra of a Lady Before Siblings

The Jurists have stated that it is permissible for a lady to show her neck and chest to her mahrams, and what is permissible to look at would also be permissible to touch. For example, it is permissible for a brother to hold his sisters hand in the absence of anything inappropriate.

The issue here is that, in all Muslims cultures, a lady’s chest is not generally shown to the siblings, and people would go to great lengths to avoid this. Mere legal permissibility does not mean approval. There Shari’a recognises valid cultural practices which support – not contradict – its principles.

Here, the promotion of modesty would be the underlying cultural impetus. Also, mere legal permissibility does not mean promotion and approval.

(Marghinani, al Hidaya; Ibn ‘Abidin, Nashr al ‘Urf)

I hope that helps.

May Allah grant you the best of both worlds.

Wassalam,
[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 to study and sit at the feet of some of the most erudite scholars of our time.

Over the following eighteen months he studied a traditional curriculum, studying with scholars such as Shaykh Adnan Darwish, Shaykh Abdurrahman Arjan, Shaykh Hussain Darwish and Shaykh Muhammad Darwish.

In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years, in Fiqh, Usul al-Fiqh, Theology, Hadith Methodology and Commentary, Shama’il, and Logic with teachers such as Dr Ashraf Muneeb, Dr Salah Abu’l-Hajj, Dr Hamza al-Bakri, Shaykh Ahmad Hasanat, Dr Mansur Abu Zina amongst others. He was also given two licences of mastery in the science of Qur’anic recital by Shakh Samir Jabr and Shaykh Yahya Qandil.

His true passion, however, arose in the presence of Shaykh Ali Hani, considered by many to be one of the foremost tafsir scholars of our time who provided him with the keys to the vast knowledge of the Quran. With Shaykh Ali, he was able to study an extensive curriculum of Qur’anic Sciences, Tafsir, Arabic Grammar, and Rhetoric.

When he finally left Jordan for the UK in 2014, Shaykh Ali gave him his distinct blessing and still recommends students in the UK to seek out Shaykh Abdul-Rahim for Quranic studies. Since his return he has trained as a therapist and has helped a number of people overcome emotional and psychosomatic issues. He is a keen promoter of emotional and mental health.

Can a Muslim Call a Non-Muslim ‘Brother’?

Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah

Question: Assalamu alaykum

Can a Muslim call a non-Muslim ‘Brother’?

Answer: Assalam ‘alaykum. I hope you’re well insha’Allah.

Yes, it would be permissible to refer to or respond to a non-Muslim as a ‘brother’ referring to the common brotherhood of humanity.

According to some scholars, it would also be permissible to greet a non-Muslim with ‘Assalam ‘alaykum’ and respond to their greeting with ‘Wa’alaykum assalam’. The permission is more desirable if one hopes for their Islam. And Allah knows best.

[Sharh Sahih Muslim]

Warmest salams,
[Shaykh] Jamir Meah

Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.

My Father Doesn’t Want Me to Marry My Best Friend’s Brother. What Do I Do?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Assalam alaykum,

I want to marry my best friend’s brother, but my father is not happy with this. His family approve of me, but my father doesn’t want anything to do with this. I am already in love with him. What do I do?

Answer: Assalam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.

Wisdom

This is a delicate situation. I encourage you to be patient, and to use wisdom and tact while dealing with your father. He is your wali (guardian), and you need his blessings.

Marriage is so much more than two people in love. It is the joining of two families. Your family will be your rock as you navigate the early chapter of your marriage. It is far, far better to marry with the love, blessings and support from both your families, instead of just your future husband’s.

Father

What are your father’s fears? Many fathers feel that no man is good enough for their daughters. Does he know something about your best friend’s brother? Or did he have someone else in mind for you?

Can your mother speak to your father and understand his perspective? It can be very difficult to communicate to our parents about difficult topics, but please try your best to keep the lines of communication open.

Emotional regulation

You need to work on keeping yourself calm, grounded, and receptive to what your father has to say. I encourage you to read more Qur’an, learn how to meditate, make more dhikr, and other ways of finding your center.

When you learn how to better manage your emotions, then you will feel better about surrendering to the will of Allah. You will also be better ta communicating with your family.

Consultation

Is there a compassionate local scholar or elder who can speak to your father? He or she could help to mediate discussions with your family.

Education

When registration reopens, please enroll in and complete Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages. I encourage your prospective husband to do the same.

I pray that Allah grants you what is best in this life and the next.

Wassalam,

[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.

What Are the Signs of True Love for the Sake of Allah Between Brethren?

Answered by Habib Umar bin Hafidh

Question: Assalam alaikum

What are the signs of true love for the sake of Allah between brethren in Islam?

Answer:Assalam’aleykum,

Signs of true love

Signs of true love for the sake of Allah between brethren in Islam are:

-Cooperation in obeying Allah
-Competing with each other to please Allah
-Adhering to the Prophetic way in worship and gatherings and
-Exhibiting pure and noble character

Thus, every love that is not based on the cooperation in obeying Allah, is not for the sake of Allah.

Love for other motives

And every love that is motivated by other than seeking the pleasure of Allah, such that it is mixed with other motives – large or small – the loss of which leads to a weakening of that love, then that is a sign that it is not for the sake of Allah, the Blessed and Exalted.

The sign that the love is for the sake of Allah, is to be elevated above ulterior motives and lowly aims and to be based on cooperation in obeying Allah, the Blessed and Exalted, and to gain nearness to Him.

Translated by Lama Saud AlKhathlan

Habib Umar bin Hafidh is a descendant of the Prophet (upon him be Allah’s peace and blessings). Born into a family of scholars, Habib Umar, pursued the sacred sciences from a young age, including Quran, Hadith, Fiqh, ‘Aqeedah, Arabic, and Spirituality. In 1994, he established Dar al-Mustafa, an educational institute in Tarim, Yemem.

ما هي علامات صدق المحبة في الله بين الأخوة في الله؟

علامات صدق الحبة في الله بين الإخوة في الله :تعاونهم على طاعة الله وتسابقهم إلى مرضاة الله، والتزامهم في صِلاتهم ولقاءاتهم بالآداب النبوية ، والأخلاق الشريفة الطاهرة ، فكل محبة لا تقوم على أساس التعاون على طاعة الله فما هي في لله ، وكل محبة يكون الدافع إليها غير إرادة وجه الله تبارك وتعالى بأن يحب المرء لا يحبه إلا لله فينتصب له غرض يصغر أو يكبر، عند فقده يحس بفقد المحبة أو ضعفها فذلك دليل على أنها ليست في الله ولا لله تبارك وتعالى ، وعلامة أنها لله أن تتنزه عن حيازة الأغراض والمقاصد الدنيئة وأن تقوم على أساس الطاعة للحق تبارك وتعالى والتقرب إليه .