Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I am a young Muslim, I pray and fast and go to the masjid. I feel like a bad Muslim because of my mental health. I have severe ADHD, which means I can’t really focus in school. I have bad grades, and my mother is really mad at me for this. She treats me like a slave, she can’t think of me like a human, and that has made me have massive anger issues. My brother always hurts me, as he slaps me, and when I tell my mother, she doesn’t do anything, she just screams, but when it’s me she is angry at, she slaps me. My father is good to me. I get angry outbursts because of this, and I cannot control myself when I am angry. Will Allah forgive me for my anger because of my mental issues, as I’m angry at my family often because I can’t bear it?
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration, and I pray that you find a way to better communicate with your parents.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “(Real) patience is at the first stroke of a calamity.” [Bukhari] Concerning this hadith, we can see that true patience appears at the very first stroke of a problem. Your first reaction is that of anger, disrespect, and lack of control. I hope that you develop yourself and work on eliminating your impatience and getting anger management so that you don’t cause irreparable problems in your relationships.
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.” [Bukhari]
All praise to Allah that you feel regret and remorse. Now, repent, repent, repent. The key is to overcome your anger through worship and increasing your knowledge and practice. Pray on time, give charity regularly, read the Quran daily, and avoid the haram. Make lots of dua for transformation. Take a course with us on Islamic character, and make a sincere intention to change. I empathize with your suffering, and it is true that your family is wrong to treat you like this. They should not hit you, insult, or demean you. Unfortunately, bad behavior begets bad behavior, so someone in your house must break the cycle.
Your Dua Is Answered
The Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “There are three whose supplication is not rejected: The fasting person when he breaks his fast, the just leader, and the supplication of the oppressed person; Allah raises it up above the clouds and opens the gates of heaven to it. And the Lord says: ‘By My might, I shall surely aid you, even if it should be after a while.’” [Tirmidhi]
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Have taqwa (fear) of Allah wherever you may be, and follow up an evil deed with a good deed which will wipe it out, and behave well towards the people.“ [Tirmidhi]
Please see these links, apply the tips within, and memorize the duas.
- How Do I Deal With Anger?
- How Can I Control My Anger?
- Is Anger Sinful?
- How Should I Behave in the Face of My Parents’ Abuse toward Me?
- How Can I Help My Abusive Mother and Help Myself?
- How Can I Go On With This Abusive Mother?
- How Do I Deal with Emotional Abuse from My Mother?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.