How Can I Go On With This Abusive Mother?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

My mother’s backbiting and scandalizing my past is pushing me towards suicide. I have committed ill deeds in the past because of my parents which are impacting me greatly. I read that Allah covers one’s sins, but Allah never did for me. It has become extremely difficult for me to live. Allah willed evil things to happen in my life and I feel my existence is worthless. 

My life is not full of blessings and I don’t expect anything from Allah after what I have gone through. She calls me names, humiliates me, and brands me a hypocrite. She is going to an extreme to force me to commit a sin. All about her is gross! 

As a mother, is it true that she won’t be held accountable for her sins?

Answer

Thank you for your question. You are a brave and good soul and you have more blessings than you can count. You are a worthy believer and no one can take that away from you. 

Abuse

It is prohibited for your mother to abuse you in any way and it is obligatory for you to prevent this abuse however you can. She has no right to bring up your past, and all of her name-calling and exposure of your sins is sinful. She will be accountable for this. 

Can you stand up for yourself? Can you leave the room when she starts harassing you? Can you tell her that it’s difficult for you to be a good daughter when she causes you so much pain? I am not sure how old you are, but are you in a position where you can move out soon? Can you consider moving in with a relative to show her how serious you are about her abuse? 

Having a toxic mother is not easy, but I am certain that if you seek a solution through Allah, you will find a way out. See these tips as well:

My Mother Emotionally Abuses Us and Her Husband
Abusive, Toxic, and Mentally Ill Mother

A Way Out

Find solace in this Quranic verse and prophetic hadith:

“[…] And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).” [Quran, 65:2]

And the value of the dua of victims of abuse is in this prophetic hadith, “There are three whose supplication is not rejected: The fasting person when he breaks his fast, the just leader, and the supplication of the oppressed person; Allah raises it up above the clouds and opens the gates of heaven to it. And the Lord says: ‘By My might, I shall surely aid you, even if it should be after a while.’” [Tirmidhi]

Try these tips while you are stuck in this toxic household:

6 Ways To Deal With Emotionally Abusive Parents

Turn to Allah

Turn to Allah wholeheartedly with your brokenness and impoverishment during this difficult time. He is listening and loves to be asked! 

Please say the supplications linked below, pray on time, pray the Prayer of Need, read some Quran daily with the meaning, make Allah and His Messenger your refuge. Be sure to get fresh air, exercise, and take Vitamin D. Please make sure you speak to a professional or your doctor about your depression, and suicidal thoughts and don’t ignore them.

Remember that you don’t deserve to be treated this way and that Allah loves you. 

How Do I Calm My Worries?
Fighting Depression Through The Remembrance Of Allah
Prayer For Mental Well-Being
Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next and facilitate your matters for you.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad 
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.