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How Do I Deal With Other’s Betrayal of Me?

Question: In every relation, whether it’s my parents, my siblings, my relatives, my friends, or my colleagues- they misuse my good qualities. Some of them betrayed me, some of them expect materialistic gain, some of them hurt me. Please guide me and pray for me.

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate

May Allah Most High ease your difficulty and bless you with the strength to persevere.

Life is a Test

In situations such as this, we must remind ourselves that this life and everything in it is a test. The nature of tests is difficult and often we fail to see the wisdom behind them.

Allah Most High says, “…and We made some of you a test for others. Will you then bear patiently? And your Lord is All-Seeing.” [Qur’an; 25:20]

The tests that we go through regarding those we are close to us require patience. To strive to uphold the outward and inward commandments of Allah Most High in difficult times is the essence of patience (sabr) and God-consciousness (taqwa).

As Allah Most High says, “…if you bear patiently and have taqwa, their plot will not harm you at all.” [Qur’an; 03:120]

Reward according to Difficultly

You should see your relationships with others as an opportunity to refine yourself and your character.  There are certain aspects of beautiful character that take an effort to adopt. And often, they can only be acquired in times of hardship.

The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Surely the extent of the reward is according to the extent of the test. And verily when Allah loves a people, He tests them. Thus whoever is pleased (i.e. with the decree of Allah) then for them is (Divine) contentment and whoever is angered, then for them is anger.” [Tirmidhi]

When Allah Most High tests someone He gives them opportunities to purify themselves and acquire Prophetic character. This opportunity is a sign of Allh’s love for that person.

As the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Should I not guide you to the noblest character of this world and the hereafter? Pardon those who wrong you, give to those who withhold from you, and join ties with those who cut you off.” [al-Bayhaqi; al-Sunan al-Kubra]

Being Cautious

With that being said, we must also be cautious not to allow others to step on us or take advantage of us. As the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The Believer is not bit from one hole twice.” [Muslim]

Thus, distancing yourself from those non-family members who harm you may be advisable. As for your family members, you should strive to uphold family ties although it is difficult.

Prayer of Need

You should try to pray each day, The Prayer of Need, as taught to us by the Prophet (may Allah bless him and give him peace) and ask Allah Most High for righteous companions.

See the following link:

How Does One Perform The Prayer Of Need (salat al-haja)?

May Allah ease your difficulty
Allahu A’alam

[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a graduate from Tarim; a student of Habib Umar and other luminaries; and authorized teachers of Qur’an and the Islamic sciences.

Chaos in My Life

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question: How to know if Allah is unhappy with me or if it is a trial? Life has been challenging throughout but right now I am in utter chaos. What should I do?

Answer: First, I thank you for reaching out to us in your time of need and I pray that things turn around for you, in all respects. That being said, there are important things to bear in mind.

It is not the job of the servant to figure out whether Allah is pleased or displeased with him. Nor is it his job to figure out why Allah has sent what he has sent upon him. Rather reflect on the hadith of the Prophet, Allah bless him and send him peace, “I am what my servant thinks of me, and I am with him whenever he mentions me….” Think of your Lord has merciful, kind, and compassionate and He will be that for you!

In terms of your difficulties in life, I recall one of my teachers saying that you should always compare yourself to one who is better than you in matters of religion (din), but always compare yourself to one who is worse off than you in this-worldly matters.

I believe you should do three things. First and foremost, be sure that you are applying your personally obligatory knowledge? Are you purifying and praying correctly? Fasting and paying zakat correctly? Do you guard your tongue against the enormities? Take a moment to assess this and feel free to take a free course at Seekersguidance to be sure that Allah is #1 for you and not #2 or #3 or further down the list.

Second, I would figure out some methods to de-stress. Some thoughts that come to mind are: exercise regularly, eat healthily, take your supplements, get enough sleep, and recite a daily invocation or devotional act (wird).

The last thing that comes to mind is time management. Building up a business takes time and effort. Have you done all the consulting necessary? Are you rushing into things or taking it a step at a time? Are you checking your work and details with excellence (Ihsan) or doing things haphazardly and expecting great results? Are you taking out enough time to study for the exam while working on the business? Which takes priority of your time?

Last of all, intend the pleasure and remembrance of Allah in your studies, your work, and in your worship and you will have success from whence you never expected it.

Wassalam,

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

How Can I Find Back the Sweetness of the Early Days in My Practice?

Answered by Ustadh Sharif Rosen

Question: Assalam alaykum

I’m in a terrible state. I no longer feel any peace in my heart when performing acts of worship. When I pray, my entire focus is on my pronunciation. I don’t even have time to memorize because all of my time is spent on repenting. I feel like I have no connection with Allah. How can I get back to normal again?

Answer: as-Salamu ‘alaykum.

Jazakum Allah khayran for your question. May Allah aid you with relief and freedom from the condition that has overcome you.

From the struggles you have outlined, it appears that some of your challenges — from lacking focus in worship to over-straining yourself in recitation — may stem from trying to study and apply the religion on your own, without teachers helping to guide your progress. Studying with qualified traditional scholars in the Islamic sciences should introduce you to the sound and balanced methods of applying sacred law. Moreover, they should inspire you to approach your worship anew with a heart imbued with life and vitality, rather than burden and fatigue.

As a starting point, I would recommend you prioritize finding such scholars in your region or local community as this knowledge is most powerfully conveyed in the direct presence of the living heirs to the Islamic tradition. If this is not possible, I strongly suggest you consider taking courses here on SeekersHub, particularly under the headings of Living Religion; Islamic Law; and Spirituality.

May Allah help you to reclaim the savor of faith, and nearness to Him in all of your moments.

wa-Salam,
[Ustadh] Sharif Rosen

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Sharif Rosen is the Muslim Chaplain at Williams College (in the Northeastern United States) where he works to enhance campus life through spiritual and pastoral care; advocacy and coalition building; and deepening mutual understanding within and between communities.  His formative Islamic studies, past and ongoing, have been at the hands of scholars connected via unbroken transmission to the Prophet Muhammad, upon him be peace and blessings.  Most of Sharif’s training occurred in Amman, Jordan from 2008 – 2013, with a focus on creed, ritual law, spirituality, Quranic recitation and exegesis and through which he has received permission to transmit his Islamic learning.  Sharif has a B.A. in History from Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles, and is now completing his graduate studies.  He completed the Classical Arabic program at the Qasid Arabic Institute in Amman, where he was also the Director of Student Life.  He currently serves as the Vice President for Educational Chaplaincy with the U.S.-based Association of Muslim Chaplains.

How Can I Stay Positive and Trust in Allah in Difficult Times? (Video)

Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Question: Assalamu alaykum

How can I stay positive and trust in Allah in difficult times?

Answer:  Wa’leykum Salam,

Here is a video answer by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani to this question:

Shaykh Faraz Rabbani is a scholar and researcher of Islamic law and Executive Director of SeekersHub Global After ten years overseas, Shaykh Faraz returned to Canada in the Summer of 2007. In May 2008 he founded SeekersHub Global to deal with the urgent need to spread Islamic knowledge—both online and on the ground—in a reliable, relevant, inspiring, and accessible manner. He has been repeatedly listed as one of the world’s 500 most influential Muslims (The Muslim500).

Photo: Hai Thinh

A Letter To A Friend During Difficult Times, by Mohammed Tayssir Safi

Sidi Mohammed Tayssir Safi was asked by a friend, “Where should we focus our energy today?” Here’s what he wrote in response.

As-salaamu ‘alaykum my dear friend,
I miss you! I pray you are well. I know these are difficult times. I saw your message and wanted to reply but I wasn’t sure how to put into words what I have learned from Allah and His Messenger through the teachings and actions of those who strive every day in their way. However, tonight during our weekly Hikam class I found the words of those with purified hearts that speak to such trying events. I’ll paraphrase some of it and put it in a sequence I feel best speaks to our situation:

God the exalted says in His Generous Book, “Do not be sad, for God is with us.” [9:40]

It is reported that God revealed to the Prophet David:

“O David, what I love for my creation is that they be spiritual beings. Spiritual beings are not distressed because they know that I am the lantern of their hearts. So don’t let concern darken your heart and decrease you from the sweetness you’ve inherited from spiritual beings.”

This is the crux of our existence. We struggle to realize, to know, and to witness that God exists, is present, and that He knows everything, nothing escapes Him. A person who knows God and witnesses Him is not distressed by the ever changing world. He knows that all other events in existence are in God’s firm grasp and are encompassed by His Gentleness and Mercy. The world has its ups and its downs but God is constant.
The famous scholar Shibly is narrated to have said,

“Whosoever truly knows God will never experience distress.”

This is best explained by the saying of Ibn Ata Allah Iskandari who said: “Bliss, even though its outward manifestations vary in form is ultimately based on witnessing God and being close to Him. As for punishment, it too varies in its manifestations but is ultimately based on being veiled from God and being distanced from Him. The real root cause of punishment is a veil between you and God and complete bliss is gazing upon His Generous Countenance.”
It is for this reason, dear friend, that the Knowers of God, the Friends of God, the Saints, they are never shaken. Although they are concerned for the world and for its inhabitants… particularly the oppressed and the overlooked, that does not cause them to lose sight of Who is in charge.
Their innermost hearts are not shaken by difficult times even if their concern for people is high. Their hearts are concentrated on the only constant, Allah. They can balance between being completely focused on God and serving creation. Their knowledge of God does not remove them from the station of serving the needy and the oppressed.
What I have mentioned is a lofty station that most of us struggle to understand, let alone achieve. I personally know how much I need these words because I often find my heart shaken by world events and by events in my day to day life.
Thankfully, those of us who have not reached the station mentioned still find benefit in difficult times. Such difficult trials put out the fire of the ego, purify the heart, remove from us greed, or love of worldly things. And for some of us it is an expiation of our sins and elevates us in ranks in the next life.
You asked what we should focus on, on THIS day… and I would say that we should focus on God, Exalted is He.
I leave you in God’s care,
Tayssir

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