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Are Libido Lowering Drugs Permissible?

Answered by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Question: Assalamu alaykum

Since last summer, my libido has been extremely high for some reason. So much so, that I feel this is very abnormal for a female. I have tried everything. I remain very busy in order to keep myself distracted from it. I have tried since last summer to find a marriage spouse which has been very difficult thus far as I am finding that less and less people are pious these days. I am now considering asking my family physician for a referral to a gynecologist so that I can explain my situation and request medication that lowers libido. Can I do that?

Answer: Wa ‘alaykum as-salam

I pray you are well.

Yes, it is permissible to use libido lowering drugs or other means to fulfil this purpose as long as the procedure reversible, and not permanent. Using something which will render the libido defunct permanently is impermissibile (al-Mawsu’a al-Kuwaitiyya).

Perspective

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said to ʿAbdullah b. ʿAbbas, ‘Know that whatever hits you was never meant to miss, and what misses you was never meant to hit’ (Tirmidhi). The word ‘aṣāba’, translated here as ‘hit’, is used in Arabic to describe an arrow hitting the exact target. What we can learn from this is that every test we face is just right for us, and ‘tailor-made’ for our situation.

What’s more is that Allah, out of His kindness, makes everything that happens to us the best possible thing for us, and the greatest of rewards are granted through the most difficult of trials. Ask Allah for help, take the means to deal with your problems and be happy about the great good which will come to you through this trial.

Optimism regarding Allah

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us that Allah has said, ‘I shall be to my servant as he thinks I will be’ (Bukhari). Have a good opinion of Allah. Be confident that He will take care of you in the best of ways, and that He will give you a righteous spouse. Express you needs to Allah through du’a and the prayer of need (salat al-Hāja).

May Allah grant you the best of both worlds.

Wassalam,
[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 to study and sit at the feet of some of the most erudite scholars of our time.

Over the following eighteen months he studied a traditional curriculum, studying with scholars such as Shaykh Adnan Darwish, Shaykh Abdurrahman Arjan, Shaykh Hussain Darwish and Shaykh Muhammad Darwish.

In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years, in Fiqh, Usul al-Fiqh, Theology, Hadith Methodology and Commentary, Shama’il, and Logic with teachers such as Dr Ashraf Muneeb, Dr Salah Abu’l-Hajj, Dr Hamza al-Bakri, Shaykh Ahmad Hasanat, Dr Mansur Abu Zina amongst others. He was also given two licences of mastery in the science of Qur’anic recital by Shakh Samir Jabr and Shaykh Yahya Qandil.

His true passion, however, arose in the presence of Shaykh Ali Hani, considered by many to be one of the foremost tafsir scholars of our time who provided him with the keys to the vast knowledge of the Quran. With Shaykh Ali, he was able to study an extensive curriculum of Qur’anic Sciences, Tafsir, Arabic Grammar, and Rhetoric.

When he finally left Jordan for the UK in 2014, Shaykh Ali gave him his distinct blessing and still recommends students in the UK to seek out Shaykh Abdul-Rahim for Quranic studies. Since his return he has trained as a therapist and has helped a number of people overcome emotional and psychosomatic issues. He is a keen promoter of emotional and mental health.

How Can I Deal With Living With My Brother’s Drug Problem?

Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah

Question: Assalamu alaykum

My brother was a drug addict and when he did get high he was agressive. I have 2 children and we share the same house. He acts as he is mentally ill but I think he is abusing me and our parents by playing more crazy than he is.

I am thinking of moving and leaving behind my parents to take the fight alone.

What should I do?

Answer: Wa’alaykum assalam. Jazakum Allah for reaching out to us. May Allah make things easy for all of you.

Your situation is a very difficult one and whatever course of action is taken needs to be done with care and wisdom. There’s a lot to consider; your brother’s state and whether he will deteriorate, your parents and leaving them alone in the situation and without the grandchildren, and the welfare of your own wife and children. It is clear that no decision is going to be an easy one.

However, it does seem very clear that you and your family do need to move out. Your wife and children should not and do not need to deal with your brother’s behaviour. Perhaps having distance from your brother will also allow you to be more helpful to him rather constantly being in each other’s company. However, your parent’s situation still needs to be considered.

For this reason, consider the following options:

1. If it is possible, and with your parents’ permission, consider splitting the house so you and your family have a separate apartment.

2. Alternatively, but more difficult, consider building in a smaller house on your family’s land, further out. At least this way you haven’t ‘moved out’ as such and you parents are free to drop by.

3. If none of the above are possible, then the situation will be very difficult, as the only option will be to move out of the land altogether, which means leaving your parents to deal with your brother. The only middle ground I can see here is that you try to get a place near-by and you visit them and have them over often. At least this way they know you are near to help. Discuss this with your parents before making any decision and see what they say.

4. Do not forget to pray Istikhara whatever your decision, and remember Allah much.

Whatever you do, keep contact with your brother and be there for him in whatever scope you can, while at the same time protecting yourself and your family. I cannot comment on his behaviour, but it is obvious that he needs support and help, regardless if he is suffering from the consequences of drug abuse or he is merely acting up. Quite often young people turn to drugs because it offers them an escape and a high from something deep inside they have not dealt with, or it provides them with a temporary fulfilment for something they feel they are lacking in. Victim or abuser, at the end of the day, they all need help.

If you can encourage him to continue to see the doctor or other therapists, then do so. You may also want to consider other forms of medicine, such as homeopathy or herbal medicine. Keep him in your du’as and pray that one day he will return to his previous state before the abuse.

Du’a

Repeat the following du’a often, and if you can, get your brother to recite it often too,

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي عَبْدُكَ ابْنُ عَبْدِكَ ابْنُ أَمَتِكَ نَاصِيَتِي بِيَدِكَ ، مَاضٍ فِيَّ حُكْمُكَ ، عَدْلٌ فِيَّ قَضَاءُكَ أَسْأَلُكَ بِكُلِّ اسْمٍ هُوَ لَكَ سَمَّيْتَ بِهِ نَفْسَكَ أَوْ أَنْزَلْتَهُ فِي كِتَابِكَ ، أَوْ عَلَّمْتَهُ أَحَدًا مِنْ خَلْقِكَ أَوِ اسْتَأْثَرْتَ بِهِ فِي عِلْمِ الْغَيْبِ عِنْدَكَ ، أَنْ تَجْعَلَ الْقُرْآنَ رَبِيعَ قَلْبِي ، وَنُورَ صَدْرِي ، وَجَلاءَ حُزْنِي ، وذَهَابَ هَمِّي

O Allah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your handmaid, my forelock is in Your hand (i.e. You have total mastery over me), Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just.” I ask You by every name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’an the life of my heart and the light of my bosom, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety [Ahmad, Ibn Hibban]

I pray that Allah brings peace to all your lives and that you find a solution to all your worries.

Warmest salams,
[Shaykh] Jamir Meah

Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.

Can I Give Money to My Father, Knowing That He Will Spend It on Drugs?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Assalam aleykum,

My father does not pray and indulges in forbidden activities. Can I give him spending money even if I know he will spend it on drugs?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.

Father

Dear questioner, I am sorry that your father is in such a difficult state. Please make dua for your parents, especially him, after every obligatory prayer.

Make sincere dua during the last third of the night, even if it’s 15 minutes before the entry of Fajr. Don’t underestimate the power of your dua. Allah can turn all hearts, and heal even your father’s.

Please remember to treat your father with respect and compassion, even if he is being extremely difficult. I encourage you to enrol in and complete Excellence with Parents: How to Fulfill the Rights of Your Parents.

In the meantime, please listen to podcasts such as Content of Character.

Oppression

Narrated Anas: Allah’s Messenger (upon him be blessings and peace) said, “Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one. People asked, “O Allah’s Messenger (upon him be blessings and peace)! It is all right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?” The Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace) said, “By preventing him from oppressing others.” [Bukhari]

As I am not sure about the details of your situation, then I can only offer you general advice.

If your father cannot be trusted with money, then I urge you to manage his financial affairs. It is better for you to buy him his groceries, pay his electricity bills, and so on. Perhaps you can give him a very small stipend so that he can feel some measure of independence, but please ensure that it is a minimal amount, and not enough for him to purchase drugs.

Support

Please accompany your father and seek out medical and psychological help. Addiction of any kind requires professional support.

I pray that Allah grants your father and your entire family a complete healing.

Please see:

How Can I Help My Brother Who Is Addicted to Drugs?

Wassalam,
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.

How Can I Help My Brother Who Is Addicted to Drugs?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: My brother doesn’t pray, fast, and he is highly addicted to drugs. We are trying to help him but we can’t as he hides his addiction and lies.

I tried to reach one of his good best friends to help out, and he is trying. My family is trying to help as much as we can, but we see no results. I keep thinking about these concerns and can’t do anything. What can I do?

Answer: Assalam alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah ease this heavy burden from your family.

Drug Addiction

Please seek help. Drug addiction is something that requires professional intervention. Please do your research and look for a suitable rehabilitation center where you can send your brother. Many Muslim families are so ashamed of the thought of placing their adult son or daughter into rehab, because of what people will say. Anyone who speaks ill of your brother is part of the problem, and not part of the solution. Getting him the help he needs will help not only him, but it will help all of you.

What to Do If Your Adult Friend or Loved One Has a Problem with Drugs
Helping A Family Member or Friend

Compassion

Even though it may look like your brother is deliberately acting up, please do your best to view his addiction as an illness. The drugs he is taking have altered his brain, and his primary drive in life is to get his next hit. He isn’t trying to hurt you or your family on purpose. That being said, please get the right support so you will know how to help him, instead of enable his addiction.

Patience

“And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient,”
[Qur’an, 2:155]

Even though your brother’s recovery might seem impossible right now, trust that anything is possible through Allah’s help. There are many Muslim men and women who have recovered from drug addiction, and who are now living productive and fulfilling lives. Have hope in Allah’s ability to heal your brother.

Once his addiction is under control, then insha Allah your brother will be well enough to make his repentance and pay back his missed prayers and fasts. Please don’t give up on him. Right now, the priority is his physical health and safety. Help him get the right support. Look after your own needs in this time. You can’t be of any help to him if you wear yourself out from worry.

Support

Please reach out for support from strong, trustworthy family and community members. You and your family cannot do this alone. Choose who you confide in wisely. If you come across any individuals who try to lecture and/or shame you, your brother or your family, politely give them salams and refrain from giving them further information.

If you struggle to find Muslim families you can confide in, then know that there are many non-Muslim families who struggle with the same thing.

In addition, I strongly encourage you and your family members to attend family counseling.

Please see:
Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long

Wassalam,
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi‘i fiqh, Arabic, Sirah, Aqidah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajwid. She continues to study with her Teachers through Qibla Academy and SeekersHub Global. She also graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales.

My Brother Has Started Doing Hard Drugs: What Do I Do?

Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Question: We are a practicing, loving family. My brother prays, fasts, and is active in the community. However, he has—strangely and inexplicably—started doing hard drugs. We don’t understand why he is doing drugs and he won’t listen to us. What can we do?

Answer: Walaikum assalam,

I pray this finds you in the best of health and spirits. May Allah grant you, your brother, and family the best of this life and the next. May He grant you patience, forbearance, assistance, and facilitation in assisting your brother in this delicate and dangerous matter.

Treat this like any sickness or ailment:

(1) Act Out of Loving, Caring Concern for your brother—the sunna of sincere counsel (nasiha) is rooted in love, mercy, and sincere concern for creation, and is a condition for the perfection of our faith (iman) itself. Allah Most High describes true believes as being, “Deeply caring for each other.” [Qur’an, 48.29] The Messenger of Allah (peace & blessings be upon him) said, “None of you truly believes until they love for others what they love for themselves.” [Bukhari and Muslim]

(2) Do No Harm. Keep in mind the golden principle established by the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should say the good or remain silent.” [Bukhari and Muslim]. Thus, don’t argue with him; don’t nag, don’t discuss just for the sake of discussing—and, especially, don’t get angry nor threaten him. Rather, consider your words carefully, and only discuss in ways likely to be of benefit.

(3) Understand the Root Causes. Carefully understand the root cause(s) for the ailment, and address these causes—for they’re the true ailment, and the sin (here, doing drugs) is merely its manifestation. In this, keep three things in mind: (a) respect his privacy and do not spy; (b) spend time with him, lovingly, seeking to understand ‘where he’s at’ emotionally and in life, and what he is struggling with, or what may be stirring him towards harmful choices; and (c) encourage trustworthy friend close to him to assist, likewise—sharing with them the above advice.

(4) Consult Experts. Don’t hesitate to consult qualified counsellors, particularly if unsure of the way forward, on how to help your brother. If needed, don’t hesitate to caringly convince your brother to seek counselling, and facilitate that for him.

(5) If You Seek, Seek From Allah—and If You Rely, Rely On Allah. Turn to Allah after every prayer that Allah heal him from this, and facilitate the above for you and your family The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) advised Ibn Abbas (Allah be pleased with him), “If you ask, ask Allah; and if you rely, rely on Allah.” [Tirmidhi, and others] This entails that, while we take all worldly means, we have absolute faith (iman), conviction, and certitude (yaqin) that the One who benefits is Allah; the One who gives is Allah; the one who facilitates is Allah; the One who tests is Allah—and that if we seek, with sincerity and true trust, all trials and tests will be for our ultimate good, and are expressions of Divine Mercy.

Keep in mind the Prophetic promise: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Were you to rely on Allah as He deserves to be relied upon, He would provide for you as He provides for birds. They leave home hungry in the early morning, and return home full in the evening.” [Ahmad, Tirmidhi, Nasa’i, and Ibn Maja, on the authority of Umar (Allah be well pleased with him)]

And Allah’s promise in the Qur’an, 65.2-3: “Whoever places their trust in Allah, Allah is their sufficiency.”

Please see: Positive Spiritual Thinking: Choosing Mindfulness (taqwa) and Embracing Trust (tawakkul)

And Allah is the giver of success and facilitation.

wassalam,

Faraz Rabbani

Photo: richiec