How Can I Deal With Living With My Brother's Drug Problem?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Assalam aleykum,

My father does not pray and indulges in forbidden activities. Can I give him spending money even if I know he will spend it on drugs?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.

Father

Dear questioner, I am sorry that your father is in such a difficult state. Please make dua for your parents, especially him, after every obligatory prayer.

Make sincere dua during the last third of the night, even if it’s 15 minutes before the entry of Fajr. Don’t underestimate the power of your dua. Allah can turn all hearts, and heal even your father’s.

Please remember to treat your father with respect and compassion, even if he is being extremely difficult. I encourage you to enrol in and complete Excellence with Parents: How to Fulfill the Rights of Your Parents.

In the meantime, please listen to podcasts such as Content of Character.

Oppression

Narrated Anas: Allah’s Messenger (upon him be blessings and peace) said, “Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one. People asked, “O Allah’s Messenger (upon him be blessings and peace)! It is all right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?” The Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace) said, “By preventing him from oppressing others.” [Bukhari]

As I am not sure about the details of your situation, then I can only offer you general advice.

If your father cannot be trusted with money, then I urge you to manage his financial affairs. It is better for you to buy him his groceries, pay his electricity bills, and so on. Perhaps you can give him a very small stipend so that he can feel some measure of independence, but please ensure that it is a minimal amount, and not enough for him to purchase drugs.

Support

Please accompany your father and seek out medical and psychological help. Addiction of any kind requires professional support.

I pray that Allah grants your father and your entire family a complete healing.

Please see:

How Can I Help My Brother Who Is Addicted to Drugs?

Wassalam,
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.

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"Whoever guides someone to goodness will have a similar reward"-- The Prophet (Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him)