How Do I Address Deeply Rooted Negative Beliefs About Myself?
Answered by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Question
I am looking for guidance from a scholar experienced in the purification of the soul (tazkiyat al-nafs), particularly in understanding the heart and addressing deeply rooted negative beliefs. For a long time, I have carried thoughts such as: I am not good enough, I cannot express myself clearly, I am not capable of succeeding, and other people will judge me. Some of these are connected to past failures and earlier experiences of being socially withdrawn. My circumstances and behavior have improved, but these old beliefs still feel true emotionally. I want to address them properly rather than merely repeating positive statements to myself.
They affect how I communicate, my confidence around other people, and my willingness to start things I want to improve. I overthink, procrastinate, and feel that my time passes without enough meaningful progress. I also experience periods of emotional heaviness and a tight or heavy sensation when reflecting on myself. I want to understand this without automatically assuming that everything is a spiritual problem or that every difficulty has the same cause.
Summary Answer
There is no sin in these thoughts, and Allah does not hold you to account for them. They feel true because they are old, not because they are. So test them against your life as it is today. Keep up your dhikr and dua, take small steps every day, and do not do this on your own. A teacher and a counselor will help, and please let a doctor check that tight, heavy feeling.
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,
May Allah open your chest, give your heart rest, and bless the progress you have already made.
There is nothing wrong, religiously, with these thoughts showing up, and Allah will not take you to account for them.
A Thought Is Not a Verdict
Imam Ghazali (Allah have mercy on him) makes a distinction that helps here. A passing thought, he says, is not something you are held to account for, “because it does not fall under choice.” Belief is different; it is the heart passing judgment. [Ghazali, Ihyaʾ ʿUlum al-Din] So “I am not capable” shows up as a thought, and it only turns into a belief if your heart agrees with it. When one of these comes, ask: is that really true of me today? Take the one that says you cannot express yourself clearly. You wrote us a clear, careful question. That settles it.
Once you have looked at a thought and seen that it is false, let it go. Imam Ibn Hajar al-Haytami (Allah have mercy on him) says that when a person does not pay attention to such whispers, they do not stick; they fade after a little while. [Ibn Hajar al-Haytami, al-Fatawa al-Fiqhiyya al-Kubra]
Answer the Old Voice with Remembrance
You are right not to rely on repeating positive statements. Those try to argue the soul into feeling confident, and the soul usually argues back. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) gave us something better: words that are true whether you feel confident or not. He said, “Be eager for what benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not feel helpless.” [Muslim]
On heavy days, say his supplication: “O Allah, I seek refuge in You from worry and grief, from incapacity and laziness.” [Bukhari] Allah tells us, “Surely in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find comfort.” [Quran 13:28; Khattab, The Clear Quran]
Small Steps and Real Help
Confidence does not come first. It comes from doing the thing, over and over, until, as Imam Ghazali says, “it becomes his nature and grows easy for him.” [Ghazali, Ihyaʾ ʿUlum al-Din] Small is fine. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The most beloved of deeds to Allah are the most constant, even if small.” [Bukhari; Muslim]
You are also wise not to assume everything is spiritual. In our Shafiʿi school, seeking treatment is a recommended Sunna. [Nawawi, Minhaj al-Talibin] A qualified Muslim counselor can go through these beliefs with you one at a time. Please also have a doctor check that tight, heavy feeling.
Practical Steps
One. Write the old beliefs down. Actually write them, on paper. Beside each one, answer it honestly: is this true of me today? Then write down what is.
Two. The dua against worry and helplessness: say it in the morning, and again in the evening.
Three. There is probably one thing you keep meaning to start. Give it a few minutes a day, even on the days you do not feel like it.
Four. Find a teacher, and keep at least one righteous friend near you. If you do not know where to begin, SeekersGuidance runs free courses on purifying the heart, and the teachers there answer students’ questions.
Five. Do not leave this one for later. Within the month, see a Muslim counselor, and see your doctor too.
If you want to read more, the answers linked below deal with negative thoughts, confidence, and self-acceptance.
And Allah knows best.
Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Related Answers
One. How Can I Overcome My Negative Thoughts? — Ustadha Shazia Ahmad: Ignoring looping thoughts of guilt, turning to remembrance, and changing the narrative in one’s mind.
Two. How Do I Manage My Reserved Personality, Loneliness, and Negative Thoughts? — Ustadha Shazia Ahmad: Stopping negative thoughts in their tracks and seeing oneself as a believer with much to offer.
Three. Balancing Confidence and Humility and the Wisdom of Trials from Allah — Shaykh Rami Nsour: How Islam views self-esteem, dignity and humility, and whether affirmations have a place.
Four. How Do I Get Over My Difficult Upbringing to Become a Self-Confident Person With a Fulfilling Life? — Ustadha Zaynab Ansari: Counsel for someone whose childhood humiliation left him withdrawn and without confidence.
Five. Should I Love and Accept Myself or Only Rely on Allah? — Ustadha Shazia Ahmad: Balancing healthy self-acceptance with reliance on Allah, alongside a counselor’s help.
النصوص · Source-Texts
[الغزالي، إحياء علوم الدين، كتاب شرح عجائب القلب]
«فههنا أربع أحوال للقلب قبل العمل بالجارحة: الخاطر وهو حديث النفس، ثم الميل، ثم الاعتقاد، ثم الهم. فنقول: أما الخاطر فلا يؤاخذ به لأنه لا يدخل تحت الاختيار … والثالث حكم القلب بأن هذا ينبغي أن يفعل … ويسمى هذا اعتقادًا»
[ابن حجر الهيتمي، الفتاوى الفقهية الكبرى]
«لَهُ دَوَاءٌ نَافِعٌ وَهُوَ الْإِعْرَاضُ عَنْهَا جُمْلَةً كَافِيَةً، وَإِنْ كَانَ فِي النَّفْسِ مِنْ التَّرَدُّدِ مَا كَانَ، فَإِنَّهُ مَتَى لَمْ يَلْتَفِتْ لِذَلِكَ لَمْ يَثْبُتْ بَلْ يَذْهَبُ بَعْدَ زَمَنٍ قَلِيلٍ»
[الغزالي، إحياء علوم الدين، كتاب رياضة النفس]
«فَلَا يَزَالُ يُطَالِبُ نَفْسَهُ وَيُوَاظِبُ عَلَيْهِ تَكَلُّفًا مُجَاهِدًا نَفْسَهُ فِيهِ حَتَّى يَصِيرَ ذَلِكَ طَبْعًا لَهُ وَيَتَيَسَّرَ عَلَيْهِ»
[النووي، منهاج الطالبين، كتاب الجنائز]
«ويسن التداوي»
Shaykh Irshaad Sedick was raised in South Africa in a traditional Muslim family. He graduated from Dar al-Ulum al-Arabiyyah al-Islamiyyah in Strand, Western Cape, under the guidance of the late world-renowned scholar Shaykh Taha Karaan. Shaykh Irshaad received Ijaza from many luminaries of the Islamic world, including Shaykh Taha Karaan, Mawlana Yusuf Karaan, and Mawlana Abdul Hafeez Makki, among others. He is the author of the text “The Musnad of Ahmad ibn Hanbal: A Hujjah or not?” He has served as the Director of the Discover Islam Centre and Al Jeem Foundation. For the last five years till present, he has served as the Khatib of Masjid Ar-Rashideen, Mowbray, Cape Town. Shaykh Irshaad has thirteen years of teaching experience at some of the leading Islamic institutes in Cape Town. He is currently building an Islamic online learning and media platform called ‘Isnad Academy’ and has completed his Master’s degree in the study of Islam at the University of Johannesburg. He has a keen interest in healthy living and fitness.
