Intimate Conversations on the Phone Before Marriage.

Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Question: Recently I spoke to a brother with the intention to get married, but after a while the conversion turned sexual and he would talk about sex acts he would perform on me. He would ejaculate and I would have an orgasm. I know this is wrong and I shouldn’t speak to him, but I enjoy myself. Would phone sex be permitted between husband and wife?

Answer: Wa alaykum assalam,

In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful & Compassionate

Any intimate contact or conversation is impermissible (haram) before marriage, as clearly established by the Quran, the Sunna and the consensus of the scholars of Community of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace).

Not only would the actual intimate contact (such as the sexual phone talk) be impermissible, but the means that lead to the starting of such talk would also be impermissible, because of the decisively established principle that, “The means to the impermissible are themselves impermissible.” [Ibn Abd al-Salam, al-Qawa`id al-Kubra]

Thus, you have to be very wary of such phone conversations: they are absolutely impermissible. It is only permitted to talk to someone of the opposite sex who is unrelated if it is done within the limits of dignity and propriety–within limits of need or benefit.

When you find yourself slipping, remember Allah and the Last Day: If you died this very moment, is this a state you would want to die in?

Faraz Rabbani

Is Physical Intimacy Allowed if You Are Engaged?

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari

Question: Are engaged people allowed to make out? If they are are they allowed to do it in public?

Answer: In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Dear Sister,

Assalamu alaikum,

I pray you are well.

If by “engaged,” you are referring to the Arab practice of katb al-kitab, then it is lawful for the couple to engage in intimate contact because they are, technically, married. However, cultural convention holds that the couple should not consummate the marriage until they have the walimah (zafaf) and send-off and this is something that young people should respect.

My advice would be to hasten the walimah so that you may enjoy the benefits of marriage completely.

However, please be aware that certain behavior is only appropriate indoors and “making out” is one of them.

Culturally speaking, in the Muslim world, such behavior is simply not appropriate outdoors and, from the standpoint of Islamic decorum, husbands and wives should be reserved about showing affection in public. Holding hands is appropriate in most societies, and married couples should stop here when in public.

Finally, if the couple has not signed the marriage contract, then they are not lawful for each other and should refrain from all physical contact.


Zaynab Ansari