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I Want to Marry Someone Willing to Revert

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil is asked for advice from a sister who wants to marry someone with a bad past who is willing to revert to Islam.

Question:

Assalam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh.

I am 20 years old and want to get married to a young man, but he is non-Muslim. He says he is ready to become Muslim, pray 5 times a day, and even go on Hajj. I do not think my parents will agree, as he has a bad past. How do I know if he is meant for me? What should I do?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh.

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.

Islam

“And Allah shall love you and forgive you your sins. Allah is Most-Forgiving, Very-Merciful.” (Sura Aal Imran 3:31)

Please encourage this young man to embrace Islam as soon as possible. I pray that Allah helps him make good on his Islam, whether or not you get married to him. With sincere practice of the din, please know that all of his past sins are forgiven.

Marriage

In short, once he is Muslim, then your marriage contract to him will be valid. However, because you are young and have not been married before, I strongly suggest that you marry him only with the blessings of your parents. Young marriages are often better able to thrive with family support.

Please speak to your parents about how you want to get married to this young man, after he becomes Muslim. You are right – most parents would be unhappy about their daughter wanting to marry someone with a bad past. However, once he becomes Muslim, then Allah forgives all his bad deeds. The question is whether or not your parents can. In fact, it is obligatory for you and for him to hide his past sin, unless there is some kind of outstanding debt which he needs to pay.

Istikhara

Please perform the Prayer of Guidance as many times as you need to, until you get clarity about how to move forward. Your parents softening towards him could be a positive sign, whereas your parents being firm on refusing his proposal could be a negative sign for you.

Preparation

I encourage you to read Before You Tie The Knot and complete the Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages course.

Please know that love is insufficient for a marriage to work. Marriage thrives when it is within a bedrock of shared values and a commitment to treat each other well, for Allah’s sake.

Sensitive topic

Please forgive me for my bluntness, but if this young man has had previous sexual relationships, then I suggest that he get a blood test done to ensure that he does not have any sexually-transmitted diseases.

May Allah facilitate what is best for you and this young man, in this world and the next.

Please see: Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered.

Raidah

Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.


Do I Have to Live with My Parents?

Ustadh Tabraze Azam is asked if a Muslim child is obliged to live with their parents and if not, how to conduct oneself toward them in the best of ways.

Question:

Assalam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh.

I am 23 years old and live with my parents. I am the only son in the family. As a Muslim do I have to live with my parents? I don’t like to live with my parents.

Throughout my teenage years I had to live with my aunts and grandparents since my parents used to live in another country to make a living. My mother is not a Muslim and doesn’t always allow me to practice Islam to the fullest.

My father started praying couple years ago, but he has more of a communist mentality. Is it obligatory upon me to live with my parents?

Jazak Allah Khayr.

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh.

No, you aren’t obligated to live with your parents. Rather, the expectation is to be good to them (birr al walidayn).

If you feel that living away from them will be more beneficial for your religious practice, then take some time to consider the positives and negatives of such a decision, consult with an upright elder or scholar and pray the Prayer of Seeking Guidance (salat al istikhara) before any next steps.

I’m not sure what you’re referring to when you state that your mother doesn’t let you practice Islam to the fullest. Take gradual steps. Ensure that you’re eating what is halal, avoiding what is unlawful, and praying on time. And ask Allah Most High to increase you by His Grace.

Please read: When May Parents Be Disobeyed and How. Consider also taking this course: Excellence With Parents: Muhammad Mawlud’s Birr al Walidayn Explained: Your Parents’ Rights and How to Fulfill Them.

And Allah Most High knows best.


Can I Perform the Istikhara Prayer About a Matter Regarding Which I Have Already Performed It?

Answered by Shaykh Shuaib Ally

Question: Assalam alaykum,

A few years ago I performed the Istikhara prayer for a marriage proposal. Before praying I made a promise to Allah, that I will do whatever the result was. After the prayer my heart turned away from the proposal. So I kept my promise. Now, due to lack of suitable proposals, I am told to reconsider the earlier proposal. Can I perform istikhara again?

Answer: Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

Generally speaking, the Istikhara prayer is to ask for divine assistance in facilitating one’s affairs, and for the best of this life and the next.
If one finds that a decision is facilitated for them after performing the prayer, they should place their trust in Allah and consign the matter to Him.

If you feel that time has passed, and your general circumstances have changed, you can reconsider the proposal by performing the Istikhara prayer again. Doing so would, God willing, not be breaking your promise to Allah.

Please see this explanation of the Istikhara prayer, by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani:

Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance

Shuaib Ally

Is It Permitted to Pray the Istikhara Prayer for Another?

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam

Question:As salaamu alaykum,

Is it permitted to pray the istikhara prayer for another?

Answer: Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

I pray that this message finds you well, insha’Allah.

It is permitted to pray the istikhara prayer for another because it is essentially a supplication, though it is better and from the sunna to pray it oneself.

The answer will often be in the unfolding of events themselves and any subsequent difficulty or hardship.

Please also see: The Reality of Istikhara

And Allah alone knows best.

wassalam,

Tabraze Azam

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani