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The Ruling on Women Visiting Graves and Etiquettes of Visiting

Answered by Ustadh Abdullah Anik Misra

Question: Assalamualaikum.  Recently my young sister passed away and my mom has been going to her grave from a distance while seated in the car and praying for her with duas and reading the Quran.  I would like to know the sunnah or the rulings that pertain to this situation, specifically women visiting the grave site, and the specific duas that should be read while at the grave site to ease the suffering of the those who have passed.

Answer: Wa alaikum salam,

I am sorry to hear about the passing of your sister.  May Allah Most High envelop her with His mercy, forgive her sins and join you all together again in His Paradise.

It is permitted for your mother to visit the grave itself.  Of course, this should be done observing proper Islamic dress, not mixing with strange men, nor doing any impermissible actions at the grave such as wailing out loud in grief or similar actions.

The visitation should not be to renew one’s sadness and reopen wounds of grief such that they cause one to lose self-control or weaken in acceptance of Allah’s decree.  Rather, it should be to pay one’s respects and reflect on one’s own condition and the reality of this life.  [Tahtawi, Hashiya Maraqi and Sarakhsi, al-Mabsut]

Our Muslim brethren who have passed away before us love to be visited by the living believers, and hear their salams and to have the Qur’an read to them.  One can read the 3 “Qul” surahs (Ikhlas, Falaq and Nas), Ayat al-Kursi, and especially Yasin, if possible, from the Qur’an.

Below are some links regarding doing good deeds on behalf of the deceased, some manners of visitation, and the supplication that the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) used to recite when entering the graveyard.

The Supplication for Visiting the Graves

Which Duas and Parts of the Qur’an Should be Read When Visiting a Graveyard?

How Do We Deal With the Death of a Loved One?

Donating Reward to the Dead: A Detailed Answer

Women Visiting Graveyards & Donating Reward to the Deceased

We ask Allah Most High to increase your family’s reward in bearing this loss patiently, and grant your loved one Paradise.

Wasalam,
Abdullah Anik Misra

Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani

Women Visiting Graveyards & Donating Reward to the Deceased

Answered by Sidi Salman Younas

Question: [1] Is it permissible under the Hanafi madhab for women to visit the graveyard? [2] Every year on my mothers death anniversary my dad makes some sweet food and he distributes it at our local mosque for people to eat and enjoy and to make dua for my mother. Is this ok? It’s not in any way a celebration but to remember my mother and make and receive duas.

Answer: assalamu `alaykum

I pray you are well.

[1] It is permitted for women to visit a graveyard, provided there is (a) no fear of fitna and (b) no wailing or excessive lamenting. [Ibn `Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar]

[2] There is nothing wrong with the practice you described. Rather, it is recommended by the vast majority of scholars to donate reward to the deceased as long as there are no blameworthy or prohibited aspects within the gathering itself.  [Ibn Humam, Fath al-Qadir; ibn `Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar]

Wasalam
Salman

Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani