Answered by Ustadh Abdullah Anik Misra
Question: Assalamualaikum. Recently my young sister passed away and my mom has been going to her grave from a distance while seated in the car and praying for her with duas and reading the Quran. I would like to know the sunnah or the rulings that pertain to this situation, specifically women visiting the grave site, and the specific duas that should be read while at the grave site to ease the suffering of the those who have passed.
Answer: Wa alaikum salam,
I am sorry to hear about the passing of your sister. May Allah Most High envelop her with His mercy, forgive her sins and join you all together again in His Paradise.
It is permitted for your mother to visit the grave itself. Of course, this should be done observing proper Islamic dress, not mixing with strange men, nor doing any impermissible actions at the grave such as wailing out loud in grief or similar actions.
The visitation should not be to renew one’s sadness and reopen wounds of grief such that they cause one to lose self-control or weaken in acceptance of Allah’s decree. Rather, it should be to pay one’s respects and reflect on one’s own condition and the reality of this life. [Tahtawi, Hashiya Maraqi and Sarakhsi, al-Mabsut]
Our Muslim brethren who have passed away before us love to be visited by the living believers, and hear their salams and to have the Qur’an read to them. One can read the 3 “Qul” surahs (Ikhlas, Falaq and Nas), Ayat al-Kursi, and especially Yasin, if possible, from the Qur’an.
Below are some links regarding doing good deeds on behalf of the deceased, some manners of visitation, and the supplication that the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) used to recite when entering the graveyard.
The Supplication for Visiting the Graves
We ask Allah Most High to increase your family’s reward in bearing this loss patiently, and grant your loved one Paradise.
Abdullah Anik Misra
Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani