Grave Visits

Answered by Ustadh Salman Younas

Question: My husband offers only Friday prayers and their family belongs to a sect. They visit shrines. Is my marriage valid?

Answer: assalamu alaykum

Yes, your marriage is certainly valid.

Missing prayer is sinful but a person does not become a non-Muslim due to it. You should gently encourage your family to perform their obligatory prayers when the right moment presents itself for presenting such advice.

Similarly, visiting shrines is permissible. It is no different from visiting any other grave.

Marriage is only invalidated through divorce, annulment, a khul’, or the apostasy of one of the spouses. The latter case has a very high threshold. We do not rule Muslims as disbelievers unless there is decisive and clear evidence in that regard. The issues you mention do not relate to belief/disbelief.

[Ustadh] Salman Younas

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Salman Younas was born and raised in New York and graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Political Science and Religious Studies. After studying the Islamic sciences online and with local scholars in New York, Ustadh Salman moved to Amman. There he studies Islamic law, legal methodology, belief, hadith methodology, logic, Arabic, and tafsir. Ustadh Salman’s personal interests include research into the fields of law/legal methodology, hadith, theology, as well as political theory, government, media, and ethics. He is also an avid traveler and book collector. He currently resides in Amman with his wife.

Speaking Harshly

Answered by Ustadh Salman Younas

Question: Today after jummah prayer was over I was looking for a women who I had told I would give her money, so I was looking for her and a man came and asked me for money and he claims that he’s the person I “promised”, so he basically lied. I got angered and spoke harshly to him. Am I sinful for speaking to the man harshly?

Answer: assalamu alaykum

The answer to this question would depend on the nature of your harshness and what exactly you stated.

Anger is not only a natural human emotion but a necessary one for essential human functioning. However, because it is so easy for a person’s anger to become a “swelling ocean” and exceed the bounds, our religion has placed great emphasis on controlling and moderating one’s anger. Thus, the Prophet (blessings upon him) counselled his companions not to become angry. [Bukhari], and many great scholars when asked to summarise good character said it was to leave aside anger. [al-Ghazali, Ihya Ulum al-Din]

Imam al-Ghazali mentions that anger is acceptable only:

i. at the right time,
ii. in the right place,
iii. for the right reasons, and
iv. with the right intensity.

Falling short in any of these points will lead to imbalance and a type of anger the Prophet warned against – one that is not entailed by religion nor the intellect. This imbalanced and blameworthy anger is dangerous because of what it leads to: mockery, insults, demeaning and abusing others, envy, hatred, backbiting etc.

If your anger involved any of this, it should be considered sinful and you should repent. However, if it was merely an expression of firmness and frustration at this person’s act of lying that did not exceed the bounds, it would not be sinful.

But it is often superior to hold back and put up with people in the type of situation you describe and to still seek the forgiveness of God. Imam Ahmad stated, “Good character is to not get angry or enraged. Good character is to patiently endure what comes from people.” [Ibn Rajab, Jami al-Ulum wa’l-Hikam] The spiritual masters of Islam advise people to resist the impulses of their self (nafs) as a form of training it. In other words, when it gets angry, a person should strive to conquer it through good moral character and a display of gentleness. [al-Qushayri, al-Risala]

[Ustadh] Salman Younas

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Salman Younas was born and raised in New York, graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Political Science and Religious Studies. After studying the Islamic sciences online and with local scholars in New York, Ustadh Salman moved to Amman. There he studies Islamic law, legal methodology, belief, hadith methodology, logic, Arabic, and tafsir. Ustadh Salman’s personal interests include research into the fields of law/legal methodology, hadith, theology, as well as political theory, government, media, and ethics. He is also an avid traveler and book collector. He currently resides in Amman with his wife.

We Created You In Pairs Meaning

Answered by Ustadh Farid Dingle

Question: So the concept of everyone being created in pairs, how does it apply to modern day life/ this generation? Many divorces/ separations/ men having more than one wife. So how does the concept of Allah creating us all in pairs work?

Answer: Assalamu alaykumwa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Regarding the verse of the Quran ‘And of everything single things we have created in pairs.’ [51: 49], Imam al-Alusi says,

‘This means two types that are different and distinguishable from its other, such as the male and the female, the sky and the earth … light and darkness, white and black … salvation and damnation … all of which indicate that all created beings are composite, and that they need a creator and that He alone is the One … As has been explained by Al-Kharraz (Allah sanctify his soul) that the meaning of Allah’s godhood and oneness is that He creates things in combinations, and less all singularity to Himself.’

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to crafts lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language.

Heartbreak and Looking for a Blessed Marriage

Answered by Ustadh Farid Dingle

Question: I fell in love with someone married and we work in the same company. I don’t know what to do. Every time I see him with his wife it kills me inside. I have become depressed and I keep having mental break downs. Please advise me. Should I marry him? Should I leave him?

Answer: Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Practical steps

If I were in your shoes, I would just cut relations with him, and try my best to work in another company. You would not be doing anything haram, but it would make the heartbreak much easier if you just distanced yourself as much as possible.

It doesn’t sound like being a second wife will work out.

Please see: Can the Man I Love Take Me as a Second Wife Despite His Mother’s Disapproval? 

Building on love

We all know the adage ‘Love is blind.’ We all have to direct our deep feelings of love, adoration and obsession to the wider plain of being that it belongs to: Allah Mighty and Majestic.

The is a Persian maxim that goes: Fake love without real love is pointless, yet real love without fake love is pretty difficult. It means that loving this world or its creatures is a fake love that does not mean anything and is just worldliness. However, it is very hard to love Allah and worship Him fully if you have never tasted love, and usually, heartbreak.

Try and make a habit of reciting Surah ‘Qul huwa Allahu ahad’ and focus on Allah as the One to which your heart really turns to and needs.

I would also advise getting the book Reclaim Your Heart by Yasmin Mogahed.

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to crafts lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language.

Problems With Sickness And Purification

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam

Question: Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu

I suffer from hemorrhoids that are external and possibly internal as well. If I am excused also do I check for the mucus and if it´s there clean it with a tissue and then do wudu or just ignore it and do wudu? Or can I just dab it until I can see no more even though it is Still impure? And if so, how long can I do this for? Only until they are not hurting anymore or can I do it all the time? Sometimes it happens only once a day, would I still be able to clean with toilet paper in that case or would I have to wash it?

Answer: Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

May Allah Most High grant you a complete cure by His grace.

A few points to keep in mind:

(1) Filth which remains on the point of exit is a sunna to remove. Hence, if there is difficulty in cleaning the area, you may leave it, perform the ritual ablution (wudu) and pray.

(2) External hemorrhoids may be treated like any other injured area of the body. Accordingly, if cleaning fully or in-depth will cause pain or soreness, you may do the best you can without causing harm, and nothing more.

(3) Similarly, filth on the rest of your body or clothing which is less than approximately 3-4cm in diameter would be considered excused. Hence, if you find difficulty in changing and cleaning regularly, you may leave it.

(4) Cleaning the private parts may be done with something dry, such as tissue paper, alone and without the usage of water.

Please also see: A Reader on Waswasa (Baseless Misgivings) and How to Pray and Stay Pure With Discharge From Private Parts

And Allah Most High knows best.

Wassalam,

[Ustadh] Tabraze Azam

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Tabraze Azam holds a BSc in Computer Science from the University of Leicester, where he also served as the President of the Islamic Society. He memorised the entire Qur’an in his hometown of Ipswich at the tender age of sixteen, and has since studied the Islamic Sciences in traditional settings in the UK, Jordan and Turkey. He is currently pursuing advanced studies in Jordan, where he is presently based with his family.

Bad Dreams After Fajr

Answer by Shaykh Jamir Meah

Question: Assalam’alaikum

I wanted to ask a question: I find that when I go back to sleep after praying Fajr, I get very bad dreams. Is there anything I could do to prevent this from happening?

Answer: Wa’alaykum assalam, I pray you’re well insha’Allah.

There is no harm in sleeping after fajr if one needs to. Perhaps the following will prevent the bad dreams:
Things to avoid before going to sleep (at night or after Fajr):

Looking at screens

-Watching or reading very vivid, engrossing, disturbing things

-Eating just before sleep

-Going to bed too late

-Avoid too much entertainment in general

Lifestyle changes:

-Exercise regularly, with a mix of strength, cardio, and stretching

-Limit junk food and eat wholesome foods

-Seek out lawful food only, avoid doubtful or unlawful foods

-Keep away from any sins

-If you have stresses in your life, find practical ways to alleviate this. Seek help if necessary.

Things to do when going back to sleep after Fajr:

-After Fajr, recite Quran, even if a little

-After Fajr, have a light amount of dhikr that you do

-Stay on Wudu when sleeping if possible

-When you get back into bed, spend a couple of minutes in ‘meditation’ with controlled breathing, through the nose and using your diaphragm and stomach. Close your eyes and imagine your day going exactly the way you want it to go: that you’re going to have a refreshing sleep now, that you will have pleasant, warm dreams, that you’re going to wake up refreshed and ready to get the day started, that you have a pleasant journey to work, you have a successful day of work and relationships … until the end of the day. Alternatively, or additionally, close your eyes and imagine a warm light running from the top of your head down to your spine, gently passing and enveloping each vertebrae, one by one, as it goes all the way down to the bottom of your spine.

-Seek refuge from the devil in Allah, say the Quls and Ayatul Kursi, send salutations on the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), recite the sunna supplications before sleeping, and blow on yourself three times, and lie down.

-As you’re going back to sleep, breathe through the nose as above, relaxing at each exhalation.

-If it helps, listen to the Quran with earphones on, and the sound low, as you go back to sleep.

Insha’Allah, the above steps will help you sleep better and not be disturbed by bad dreams. It may take a week or so to take effect. If however, the bad dreams continue, then I would encourage you to seek help from a natural therapist. Homeopathy is particularly adept in treating any subconscious reasons and fears that may underlie such conditions.

Warmest salams,

[Shaykh] Jamir Meah

Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.

Reading Qur’an For A Deceased

Answered by Ustadh Farid Dingle

Question: As-Salaamu ‘Alaykum,

A few years ago I signed up to read a juz of the Quran as part of a khatm sign up sheet for someone’s passing.. I had forgotten about that for a while and now I don’t even remember what juz number I signed up for.. I feel very worried. What should I do? Do I read the whole Quran with the intention of all of it being towards that same khatm? JazakAllah Khair.

Answer: Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

The moral weight of promises

Allah Most High has said:

Righteousness is not that you turn your faces toward the east or the west, but [true] righteousness is [in] one who believes in Allah, the Last Day, the angels, the Book, and the prophets and gives wealth, in spite of love for it, to relatives, orphans, the needy, the traveler, those who ask [for help], and for freeing slaves; [and who] establishes prayer and gives zakah; [those who] fulfill their promise when they promise; and [those who] are patient in poverty and hardship and during battle. Those are the ones who have been true, and it is those who are the righteous. [2: 177]

And the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, ‘The signs of a hypocrite are three, even if he fasts and prays and claims to be a Muslim: when he speaks he lies, when he gives a promise he breaks it, and when he is trusted he is treacherous.’ [Bukhari and Muslim]

We can learn from these divine teachings that fulfilling one’s promise is of the perfection of faith, and breaking one’s promise is of the signs of hypocrisy.

The believer vs. the hypocrite

That said, there is a big difference between making a genuine promise with full intent to fullfil, and just lying to someone’s face. The latter is what is meant by the hadith.

So, if one makes a promise, one must keep it, but if you unable to or you just happen to forget this is not a sin: ‘Indeed Allah has overlooked for my the mistakes of my nation does, and that which they do forgetfully or under compulsion.’ [al-Bayhaqi and Ibn Majah]

This means that if you generally meant to fulfill the promise but then forgot, you are not sinful, and the hadith of the signs of hypocrisy does not apply to you.

It is however a deficiency in one’s faith, even if it is not sin, to forget about something that you are supposed to do. May Allah forgive us all?

What to do now?

InshaAllah, you are not sinful for forgetting to recite then portion of the Quran you had promised to do, but this is a wake-up call from Allah to raise you to a higher level of trustworthiness with Him and His creation.

What you should do is, this month, when you are reciting Quran intend that the whole khatm is dedicated to whatever the original cause was and when you finish each day make a special dua to Allah to make you a trustworthy slave. Please make that dua for me too, if you remember.

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to crafts lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language.

Prayer At Work

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam

Question: Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu

I am looking for an intership or a job in a accounting firm. I was told it was very difficult to pray in such firm. 
I would like some advice to pray on time in such environement. Should I ask at the job interview that I want to pray? Or is it better to looking for a job in an another company and leaving accounting firm?

Answer: Wa ‘alaykum as-Salam wa rahmatuLlah,

No, if this is a job which you need or would like, work on getting the job in the interview. Once you have the job, you can raise the issue of prayer. Everybody takes breaks during the work day, and breaking for the prayer is no different. Ask Allah Most High to facilitate your affairs, and to strengthen you.

Please see the following answers which answer your question in detail: How Can I Pray on Time With My Very Busy Job and Very Long Hours? 

And Allah Most High knows best.

Wassalam,

[Ustadh] Tabraze Azam

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Tabraze Azam holds a BSc in Computer Science from the University of Leicester, where he also served as the President of the Islamic Society. He memorised the entire Qur’an in his hometown of Ipswich at the tender age of sixteen, and has since studied the Islamic Sciences in traditional settings in the UK, Jordan and Turkey. He is currently pursuing advanced studies in Jordan, where he is presently based with his family.

What is the Etiquette in Warning Others from Slandering?

Shaykh Farid Dingle outlines the approach and etiquette that one should adopt when advising others to stop slandering.

 

Question:

As-salaam alaikum,

If someone is being slandered by someone else and I defend them saying that what the person who’s slandering is saying is wrong by way of insulting the words that they used to refer to the person slandered. Does that mean I slandered that person by insulting what they said?

 

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

An even keel

The believer sees the world and other people from a certain vista that prevents him from lowering his standards to harsh words or insults.

Allah Most High has described his slaves:

‘And the servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk lightly upon the earth, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they say, ‘Peace!’ ‘ [25: 63]

And the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, ‘The believer  neither curses, nor backstabs, nor is he immoral in words, nor foul.’ [Tirmidhi and Hakim]

In light of this, the believer does not respond in an insulting, demeaning, or pontifical way to anyone, be they on the right or wrong. The believers hatred to directly solely to the actions or words that are being done or said, no the person who is saying or doing them.

The case at hand

If one were to hear, for example, some say, ‘Zayd is an idiot.’ and then you defended him by saying, for example, ‘No, you are the idiot,’ that would be verbal abuse and it would not be halal. If you were to say, ‘These are stupid words,’ or ‘That is a stupid thing to say,’ you are attacking the action (the initial insult), and what you are saying is true.

If what you said was clearly condescending or vulgar, then it would be a different kettle of fish.

I pray this helps,
Farid

Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.

How Should We Treat Wild Animals?

Shaykh Jamir Meah advises on how we should treat wild animals such as lions and tigers.

 

Question:

As-salaam alaikum,

We know that our prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) loved cats, and thus we as Muslims are to treat cats with kindness and respect. Does this apply to larger cats like lions and tigers? To what extent?

Thank you

 

Answer:

Wa’alaykum assalam, 

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) showed mercy to all of God’s creation and encouraged others to follow example. This extended to animals, plants and trees, and the earth in general. As such, it is unlawful to abuse, hurt, or mistreat, animals, plants, other organisms, or earthly resources without a valid excuse sanctioned by the shariah.

An example of the Prophet’s concern for animals is when he (peace and blessings be upon him) saw a camel which was burdened with a huge load, and he said, ‘Fear Allah when you deal with these beasts of burden.’ [Abu Dawud]

Cats were not particularly singled out, rather they are treated with the same compassion and respect as other created beings with souls, though the companion Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) did have a personal fondness of cats.

Warmest salams,
Jamir

 

Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.