Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
I have a disease which makes it difficult to get married. I was engaged to be married to a woman, and we had the blessings of our families. They broke off our engagement 6 months later. In an enraged state, I swore by Allah that I would not forgive them. Not long after, I regretted my outburst and silently forgave them.
1. What is the ruling for the actions she and her family took, seeing as there was an established agreement between the two families?
2. What is the ruling on my swearing by Allah never to forgive them for their actions but making a decision to forgive days after?
3. What should I do to help assuage my anger and sadness?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us. Please forgive for my delay.
Breaking engagements is permissible in Islam. However, if handled poorly and without sensitivity, like in your case, then it can be sinful.
There are steps that need to be taken because you broke your oath. Please refer to this article: Expiation for a Broken Oath. Excerpt from the article:
It is obligatory to perform expiation (kaffara) upon breaking an oath by:
1. Providing decent clothing for ten poor people
2. or feeding ten poor people two full meals each.
3. Free a slave (not possible in our times)
One can choose to do either of the two options above and give the appropriate money in cash instead of doing it in kind.
Anger and sadness
Please give yourself time to heal. I encourage you to perform the Prayer of Need as much as you can, and as consistently as you can. Ask Allah to heal your broken heart, and to replace what you have lost with far better. Find comfort in daily recitation of the Qur’an. Reflect on the meanings of Surah Yusuf, and how much your patience through this trial will be rewarded. Nothing is lost with Allah.
I encourage you to consult websites like Emotional First Aid and practice their mindfulness and somatic healing strategies.
Please trust that if Allah has ordained marriage for you, then it will happen, regardless of your disease. If He has not, then I pray that you come to peace with that too. Make constant dua for contentment, because only Allah can place that peace in our heart.
I pray that Allah grants you ease, clarity, and comfort during your troubling times.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.