How Do I Overcome My Engagement Ending?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am 26 years old and knew a Muslim guy from work who lives and works in Canada. I was not interested in a haram relationship, so within a few days, his parents asked for my hand. Initially, his parents needed time to think, but finally, we got engaged. Every marriage ritual was decided, too.
Then, my mom started having negative feelings about his family and me moving to Canada. She started worrying and meanwhile I got very attached to his parents and started calling them Mummy and Pappa. I was also in love with my fiance. All of sudden my mom called it off. I am in so much pain. I am unable to love my mom as I used to and unable to forget him and his parents. I can’t move on.
Both sets of parents are looking for new matches for us. I am so disheartened and cry. Why did this happen? What should I understand from this?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you had to go through this heartbreak regarding your engagement. It seems that this whole situation has come to a close and there is no going back.
Suffering
People go through different trials and tests in this world. The nature of this world is difficult, tedious, tiresome, and stressful. The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Lo! Indeed the world is cursed. What is in it is cursed, except for the remembrance of Allah, what is conducive to that, the knowledgeable person, and the learning person.“ [Tirmidhi] One can expect absolute perfection, comfort, and happiness in Paradise, but not here. Now, the key to dealing with suffering or pain is how you react to it. This can make you into a better person with gained wisdom or bitter person who dwells on the past.
Channel your pain
Channel your pain into du`a and worship. Allah is the one who sent the pain and He is the one who can remove it. Recite some of these du`as every day and try to memorize them.
Ask Allah to heal you and help you, especially at night during tahajjud time, pray the Prayer of Need.
Nothing is more healing than worshipping your Lord with full attentiveness and awe. Establish regular prayers and pay zakat on time. Contribute to charity and learn your personally obligatory knowledge. Intend to increase your worship by one regular devotional act every year.
Distraction
Distract yourself with things that are good for you. Eat healthily, exercise every day in the fresh air, take up a beneficial hobby, and most importantly, spend time with good religious friends whom you can relax with.
Continue to be kind to your mother and communicate to her that you are in pain but you will still love her and respect her. If you are in pain, I guarantee you that she is in pain too. May Allah help you through this and send you the perfect suitor that will leave no doubt in anyone’s mind.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
